Below y’all will be able to read the new and improved updated Agreement For Entry to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog (T.S.O.T.S.B.). A permanent version, minus this introductory paragraph, can be found using the link at the top left of this page or by clicking the titled picture to the right. This information is for your benefit and for y’all to reference in case questions should arise. It has come to my attention once again that people are confused and need guidance. Also, there have been updates made to T.S.O.T.S.B. Disclaimer page as well as the Guide To T.S.O.T.S.B. page. A person who reviews all three pages should have a great understanding of what goes on here and why. This same person will soon realize that I use the word fuck often, so if the world fuck or any variation of the word fuck is offensive to you the The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog probably isn’t for you.
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Fall is in the air, and that means, once again, it’s that time of year when nothing is fucking safe from being pumpkinized. This year, the endless flurry of pumpkin-spice-flavored goods and seems to have gotten way the fuck out of hand. The popularity of Starbucks’ autumnally emblematic Pumpkin Spice Latte has ushered in an anything-goes mentality among marketing strategists, leaving grocery stores, restaurants, and retailers no choice but to pollute shelves and menus with pumpkin spiced bullshit that is truly boggling to the imagination.
But whether you like pumpkin or you’re simply addicted to corn syrup and pumpkin pie spice seems beside the point; there are certain things that are just better off free from the pumpkin tyranny. Seemingly everything gets sprinkled with a dose of the mysterious fall spice concoction so that it tastes just like a melted Yankee candle. Here is a collection of some of the stranger manifestations of the pumpkin craze being seen this season. Stock up while these last, because it’s only a matter of time before all the candy canes and “holiday spice” products take over.
01. Chobani Pumpkin Spice Yogurt
02. Planter’s Pumpkin Spice Almonds
03. Thomas’ Pumpkin Spice English Muffins
04. Green Mountain Coffee Pumpkin Spice K-Cups
05. Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms
06. Wrigley’s Extra Pumpkin spice gum
07. Lifeway Pumpkin Spice Kefir
08. Hershey’s Pumpkin Spice Kisses
09. Nonni’s Pumpkin Spice Biscotti
10. Eggo Pumpkin Spice Waffles
11. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Spice Milano cookies
12. Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar
13. Pumpkin Spice Quaker Instant Oatmeal
14. Ghirardelli Pumpkin Spice Caramel Squares
15. Nestlé Toll House Pumpkin Spice Morsels
16. Philadelphia Pumpkin Spice Cream Cheese
17. Pumpkin Spice Kahlua
18. Bailey’s Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer
19. Jet-Puffed Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows
20. Blue Diamond Pumpkin Spice Almonds
21. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread
22. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
23. Williams-Sonoma Spiced Pumpkin Seed Brittle
24. Republic of Tea Pumpkin Spice Black Tea
25. Siggi’s Pumpkin & Spice Skyr
26. Kashi Crunchy Pumpkin Spice Flax Granola Bars
27. Thomas’s Pumpkin Spice Bagels
28. Coffee-Mate Pumpkin Spice Creamer
29. Cedar’s Pumpkin Spice Hummus
30. So Delicious Dairy Free Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk
31. Keebler Pumpkin Spice Fudge Stripes Cookies
32. Cosmos Creations Pumpkin Spice Popcorn
33. Pillsbury Pumpkin Spice Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls
34. Hostess Pumpkin Spice Cup Cakes
35. Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats
36. JIF Pumpkin Pie Spice Peanut Butter Whipped Spread
37. Pumpkin Spice Peeps
38. Boom Chicka Pop Pumpkin Spice Kettle Corn
39. Nestle Toll House Pumpkin Spice Cookie Dough
40. Pumpkin Spice Pringles
41. Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding
42. Pumpkin Spice Four Loko
43. Pumpkin Spice Country Crock Butter
44. Burnett’s Pumpkin Spice Vodka
45. Corsair Pumpkin Spice Moonshine
46. Silk Pumpkin Spice Soy Milk
47. Belvita Pumpkin Spice Cookies
48. Nature’s Promise Pumpkin Spice Chicken Sausage
49. Creative Snacks Co. Pumpkin Spice Yogurt Pretzels
50. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte
As y’all can see y’all are some fucked up individuals if anything on this list looks appetizing. If y’all haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not a fan of pumpkin spiced anything! Use to be that I couldn’t wait for homemade pumpkin pie, but now the fucking smell gives me the dry heaves, thanks pumpkin spiced crazy ass motherfuckers for ruining a very fond childhood memory. Let this be just one additional reason I really hate fucking Starbucks! Those of y’all thinking this is a big list haven’t even seen the worst of this shit because I didn’t even include restaurant menu items or other retail goods. In the end, fuck pumpkin spice and all of you crazy motherfuckers who crave it like little crack addicts.
In pursuit of wanting to have her story looked over and possibly shared here on The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog, a long time silent follower decided her experience this past weekend just might spark the interests of me but also all of the regular readers. I will give you a background on Eve and then let her story begin. Eve is a very shy young lady, at the age of 22 she is an off and on college student, as the funds permit, and once she left being an unhappy employee at a well known and popular coffee shop she found herself working the overnight shift at an adult clothing boutique. She was in charge of placing new displays and keeping the window as appealing as possible to the passing public. After five months of working there she was feeling as if she had found a home. She was having fun, the work wasn’t bad, and she always got to meet some truly interesting people nightly. Which is where her story begins and I shut up.
I check out your blog a couple times a week, reading when I have the time, and realized I just had what might qualify in your terms as a Magic Weekend. I guess we’ll see how much you like it if I see it posted or not. Either way, here goes.
I had just finished up the new displays in the front window when things got kinda strange for me. This older gentleman came into the store after thoroughly checking out my new displays, he wandered around a bit, not really looking at anything, but I noticed he kept looking in my direction. Soon enough he slowly approached the check out counter where I asked him if I could help him decide on anything special. His face lit up, he took a deep breath, and then he asked if employees modeled the outfits for their customers. I played off the question but in my head I’m wondering if this fucking man has lost his mind or something. If I can, let take a break from the story and myself to you because I really consider myself to be highly average in my body type and looks. I’m 5’7″, around 130 pounds, toned but not muscular, and living in the midwest I have a moderate fake and bake tan, natural dark dirty blonde hair, and measure up at 34C-25-33 body. I wear jeans and t-shirts to work, don’t wear makeup, and 99% of the time my hair is pulled back in a tight pony tail. As I said, I find myself looking average. He went ahead and asked me again if I could model an outfit for him since I have basically the same body as his girlfriend and about the same age of her as well. He looks to be in his late forties, pushing fifty if I had to guess. Now I’m a bit embarrassed because he is being so polite about it and I feel bad saying no.
Playing his game a bit, I asked him what he had in mind and after a few moments of thought he points to the outfit in the window. He wants to see what the barista uniform looks like on a living breathing female. Seeing in my face I wasn’t going to do it he offers me $500 for a quick show. I’m trying to figure this out, he will pay me $500 to try on a $69 outfit. I tell him I’m not for sale. He shot straight back with a $1000 offer. Being a smart ass I ask, “cash up front and before”? He laid ten $100 bills on the counter. I asked what he wants in return and he says he wants to watch me change, he wants a ten minute parade which needs to include bending over, stretching up high, walking around, and squatting down. He only asks for one picture that I can choose for him and he will take pictures only using my personal cell phone. Seems like an interesting proposal with minimal effort on my part. Plus, I have a really old phone so they will be crappy pictures anyhow. I tell him if he is truly serious about all this to come back in 30 minutes and I will have an answer for him. He complied, leaving the money in my care. The money would come in very handy is all I can think about. So, before he returned I got the outfit out in my size.
In precisely 30 minutes he returned and asked what I decided. Decided? Well, in reality I haven’t fully decided yet. This is all still kind of fucked up if you ask me. Screw it, if he is willing to drop a grand for ten minutes of costume modeling then I’m game. I dug my phone out of my back pocket, switched on the camera, and handed it to him. I decided to just do this entire thing at the register counter. With one final deep breath I began kicking off my shoes, peeling my socks off, I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down while I faced away from him. It was at this point I here the camera making it’s fake clicking noise so I slowly lift my shirt over my head and then remove my bra as well. There I stood naked for this guy to fucking see. I don’t know what he expected now but I started putting on the costume. When I squatted down to get the costume I could see through the glass counter that his rock hard dick was poking through his dress slacks. I won’t lie, it was impressive, and it made me blush a bit because it was all because of me, except I wasn’t really doing anything except flirting around a bit. I got dressed slowly, it was a bit challenging because I didn’t have a mirror to look into, closest thing I had was a reflection in the glass. Fortunately for me I keep an eye on his huge erection. The costume didn’t cover very well at all anywhere, which I guess is the point, and I started getting into this performance much more. I walked around slowly in the store, bending and squatting often, and he just followed me, watching me, and taking pictures.
He kept track of time as well, he told me my ten minutes were up, it could have been 30 minutes for all I knew. But I wasn’t done playing yet, I walked over, turned my back to him, and began rubbing my as on this man’s erection, it feels good sliding between my cheeks, I pressed hard against it, at this point I wanted that big dick right now. But wait, snap the fuck out of it right now, you are not fucking this guy, not now, not never. But I need to see it so I unzip his pants and hold it firmly in my hand, it was hot and throbbing, looking like it could just explode at any moment. I needed to be done tho, so I politely kiss the tip of this throbbing meat and walked away slowly. Behind the counter again I went ahead and changed back into my clothes. When I bent down to gather the costume I noticed that the panties were all but soaked, I was a little horny I think. Asking him what he thinks he tells me it was perfectly executed, very nicely done, and he will buy the one I was wearing as a souvenir of his visit. When he pays he leaves his business card, telling me if I ever wanted to model for him again he would be right over, just give him a call. I hated seeing him go, I wasn’t actually done with him yet, but he walked out as quietly as he walked in.
The rest of my night was quiet, not another customer came in. The shit part is that when I went in to work the next night I was terminated for “gross inappropriate behavior with a customer”. Seems the hidden cameras in the store caught it all on tape. The owner wasn’t real happy with me, but he is a fucking sleaze anyway, he never tried anything, but he just creeped me out in general. On the plus side, I got my final paycheck which includes my commission in that last sale. I’m thinking about calling Robert tonight, see if he wants to help me celebrate my recent unemployment.
Interesting story, it fits right in to the parameters of The Magic Weekend because it was sexual without the sex and money because of it. I don’t know, I’ll just let y’all, the readers, be the judge. So, what about the rest of y’all? What did your Magic Weekend involve? Don’t be shy, send your story in today!
First of all I would like to thank every single person who submitted a caption or ten in the last captioning contest. As everyone saw with that one, a real living, breathing person came up with a truly unique caption and won the grand prize. Thank you Jayme for being our latest winner!
What is the prize for the winning caption you ask? It’s nothing, there is no actual prize for you to hold in your hands. However, the winning caption will be put on the picture shown here, then a winning post will be created here displaying your name, your blog’s name, and a link to your blog. What do you have to do to play? Simply leave your caption and your and a way to contact you if you are the winner in the comments below. The winning caption will be chosen next Friday morning, 02 October 2015.
Please visit Jayme @ Jayme Art
Okay, I will be the first to admit that y’all made it rough picking only one winning caption this time. But, the favorite caption submitted out of 256 submissions had to go to Jayme because it was spot on. I want to thank each and every one of y’all for playing. I really look forward to posting the next winning caption to here for another one of those odd pictures that just beg to be captioned. Thanks to everyone who viewed and participated from my blog, WordPress, Blogcatalog, Facebook, Google+, and Twitter, everyone made this one super fun!