Originally Posted 04 Febuary 2013
Guest Author: R. U. Trembling
Blog/Website: Withheld by request
The Mail Order Bride
Two years ago I was searching for a companion. My work schedule had me driving the delivery truck 6 nights a week and leaves little time for courtship. A co-worker of mine recommended I look into different on-line dating sites. After much debate I did sign up but could never get anything to work out in a way that was beneficial to both parties. I began to think there was no hope for myself or anyone like me. The days turned into months and all began to blur. One night while I ate breakfast at one of those all night greasy diners I noticed someone left behind a travel magazine. Maybe that’s what I need, maybe that is where I will make a meaningful connection, I needed a vacation. A vacation is either going to get my mind off the fact that I am an unmarried 40 year old make who wanders thru life with hopeless desire. I began flipping thru this well used magazine, searching for my destination. I have never been to Hawaii or Fiji, that might be nice. Only one hold back, I have never been attracted to really exotic island women. So, I keep looking, I keep searching, and I keep finding reasons not to go somewhere, never once am I finding myself actually liking everything about a place in particular.
Then it dawned on me, maybe I need to go on a single’s getaway and do my companion shopping that way. Do people find everlasting love on a girlfriend swapping vacation or is it all just for the sex. Sex would be nice, sex would be real nice. I really need to stop going to the 25¢ theaters since they all know me by first name. I get tired of waiting in line anyway. I could have bought a nice car by now I think. Who am I kidding, there isn’t love out there for someone like me. Its hopeless. Maybe I am gay, my mother thought so before she passed, maybe its true, a mother is the only one who knows the real you. In the very back of the magazine I found the answer. How come I never thought of this before. But wait, it can’t be as easy as the advertisement states, nothing is that easy. I tore out the advertisement from the magazine, I didn’t see the harm in it, I didn’t need the whole magazine, I just needed the advertisement. I got back into my truck and used a piece of my gum to stick the torn advertisement to my dashboard, I don’t want to lose my answer to all my problems. As I drove around I couldn’t wait to get home and make a phone call. The night just dragged on, why wont it be over already, hurry. Finally, time to go home, time to make a very special call.
I sat in front of my phone, reading the advertisement as I sipped my coffee. What was the catch. Was there a catch. Maybe I am missing something, where is the small print. It must be legit, there is no small print. I was very nervy, like a schoolyard boy who has the girl of his dreams punch him in the arm, like love at first site. Any boy will tell you this is how it happens and I was getting those butterflies all over again. But why.why at my age would I be nervous calling a total stranger to arrange a meeting. Because its more than a meeting, it is more than a chance encounter, it could be the last time I ever had to wonder if their was a girl out their for me. Here I go, slowly dialing the number to make sure I do it right, its ringing. I hope it isn’t an automated system, those aren’t very personal. At last, the voice of an angel is heard, she immediately fills my entire body with peace and happiness. The entire time she is talking I can only imagine what she must look like and if, as we go through the menu, everyone there is the exact same way. Why isn’t everybody calling this number, why do people do this the hard way. Well, not me, never again, this is it, very soon I will be very happy, the angel voice promises I will not be disappointed with love any longer, she promises.
In just a few short weeks I am just getting home, got my shoes kicked off, I am ready for a well deserved shower. I hear a knock at the the door. Who can it be so early in the morning, this better be good, I am very tired. I peek out the window to see a young man in his 20s standing outside the door, dressed very nice, dark sunglasses, nice tan, what could he possibly want this early in the morning. I open the door, we introduce ourselves, he follows me in to the kitchen where we discuss concerns and questions before I sign a release on his clipboard. I am very anxious for him to leave and finally I shut the door behind him. It is time. It is the the moment I have been waiting for, she is finally here, finally she is waiting for me in just the other room. I peek around the corner and I am not dreaming, she awaits me in the kitchen. She is beautiful, flawless, and exactly what I have been needing. Our first meeting was very quiet, she is very shy and not very outspoken. But I know the language barrier will not be a problem and will not ever be an issue. I helped her to a seat on the couch where we just looked into each others eyes. She has piercing eyes, honest eyes.
I am impressed how well we are getting along. We may not ever go out but she is a sight for sore eyes in the morning. So far she has fulfilled every dream and desire I could have about someone. She is the best. It was fate I saw that advertisement for information on how to get an exotic mail order bride. Understand that I know we could never really be married, but she is my secret bride, she is the perfect woman for me. I never knew that my silicone bride would bring me happiness to this extent. She has been the perfect companion for me and I for her. I am thinking, however, that when her 24 month warranty expires about letting her retire. I wonder quietly, wondering what my second mail order bride will look like.