500 Useless Facts And Trivia!

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Warning! This is a long tedious post that is full of useless facts and trivia. The contents below, including the graphics used were provided by Stephanie G. of Houston Texas. She is a long time provider to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog and a fantastic member of The Scorpion Army. Unfortunately, the source of her information is not been provided at the time this post was created. Just enjoy the damn thing and praise the origins of the contents. That is all, now just get reading.

1) A dog has elbows.

2) At top speed, a dolphin can travel thirty-five miles in one hour.

3) 98% of Japanese are cremated.

4) Concrete is not as strong as a a human thigh bone. Human tooth enamel is stronger than both.

5) A recent medical development will include a small amount of nitroglycerin in the tip of a new Durex condom to stimulate erection during intercourse. The CSD500 condom contains a chemical in its teat, called glyceryl trinitrate (GTN), which is absorbed by the skin and causes blood vessels to dilate.

6) A 6 pound sea-hare can lay 40,000 eggs in a single minute.

7) A colony of moles is known as a labor, in spite of the fact that they’re practically blind.

8) Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down – hence the expression To get fired.

9) Butte Montana has more days each year where the temperature drops below freezing (223 days) than any other city in the lower 48 states in the USA.

10) A Strawberry is not a Fruit.

11) All babies are color blind when they are born.

12) Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

13) 1 in every 4 Americans has been on TV.

14) Ants gather on sidewalks because of the heat and bounty of dropped food.

15) A zebra is naturally white with black stripes.

16) According to an old English system of time units, a moment is one and a half minutes.

17) About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually.

18) Approximately one-third of the population can’t snap their fingers.

19) A jellyfish is 95 percent water.

20) 300 people report to emergency rooms across the country every day due to rollerblading accidents.

21) Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren’t added to it.

22) A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

23) Charles Dickens kept the head of his bed aligned with the North Pole, believing the earth’s magnetic field would pass longitudinal through his body and ensure him a good night sleep.

24) Canadian researchers have found that Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal.

25) 1 in 5 of the world’s doctors is a Russian.

26) A woodchuck breathes only 10 times during hibernation.

27) A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

28) A Snail takes 33 hours to crawl 1 mile.

29) At one time, Australia had a population of 17,800,000 people compared to 162,774,000 sheep [9.25 : 1 ], and New Zealand had 3,400,000 people compared to 57,000,000 sheep [16.75 : 1].

30) Ants will almost never walk through baby powder.

31) About 40% of the world’s varieties of freshwater fish and more than half of the 8,600 species of birds in the world are in the Amazon River basin area.

32) 13% of Americans actually believe that some parts of the moon are made of cheese.

33) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

34) Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

35) Chinese Bird’s Nest soup has one active ingredient: saliva.

36) A crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.

37) Arnold Schwarzenegger began his transition from Austrian bodybuilder into an American film star when he made his screen debut in 1970 under the name Arnold Strong” in Hercules Goes Bananas.”

38) After spending hours working at a computer display, look at a blank piece of white paper. It will probably appear to be pink in color.

39) As anyone who’s seen Fight Club knows, the original method of making soap was by boiling fat and mixing it with lye.

40) 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.

41) About 70% of all living organisms in the world are bacteria.

42) Based on a new study, the loch ness monster couldn’t be any larger than a 6th grade student if it exists. Using sonar, scientists have guestimated that there’s only enough fish in the lake to sustain a 67 pound creature. Nessie, a cold-blooded creature (if the beast existed), would have to consume 3 times the weight of its body per year to live.

43) A Flemish artist is responsible for one of the smallest paintings in history. It is a picture of a miller and his mill, and it was painted on to a grain of corn.

44) A giraffe’s neck contains the same number of vertebrae as a human.

45) A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein.

46) Americans eat something like 24 million hotdogs every day.

47) A person suffering from polythelia has 3 nipples.

48) Billy goats urinate on their own heads to smell more attractive to females.

49) Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.

50) According to a market research survey done some time ago, 68% of consumers receiving junk mail actually open the envelopes.

51) A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

52) Captain Cook was the first man to set foot on all continents except Antarctica.

53) Chances are, if a cat is squeezing its eyes shut, it is either happy or experiencing pleasure.

54) Artificial Christmas trees have outsold real ones every year since 1991.

55) According to the bible, the egg came after the chicken. (Genesis 1:20-22).

56) A human cough has been known to explode from the mouth at sixty miles per hour due to the reflex mechanism.

57) Bruce Springstein’s Born in the USA album was the first compact disc to be pressed in the United States.

58) As a ration in their weekly diet, kids in English hospitals during the 17th century were allowed 2 gallons of beer.

59) Betsy Ross, Jackie Onassis, JFK, and Daniel Boone have all appeared on Pez dispensers.

60) Cancer claims forty victims an hour in America.

61) Camels are born without humps.

62) Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards.

63) At the deepest point, an iron ball would take more than an hour to sink to the ocean floor.

64) Bananas contain a natural chemical which can make a person happy. This same chemical is also found in Prozac.

65) A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.

66) A hedgehog’s heart beats 300 times a minute on average.

67) Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.

68) A fingerprint is also known as a dactylogram.

69) Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon.

70) California consumes more bottled water than any other product.

71) A pound of houseflies contains more protein than a pound of beef.

72) A recent innovation in bandage material has been made that has significantly improved clotting ability compared to gauze bandages. These new bandages contain a mixture of ground shrimp shells and vinegar, a mixture that has been found to clot blood almost instantly. The chitosan in the shrimp shells has a positive charge, while the cells present in blood have negative charges. The negative charge of the cell is attracted to the positive charge of the chitosan. As soon as they touch, the cells fuse to the chitosan and form a clot. Bandages of this type are already in use by the US Military in Afghanistan and Iraq.

73) A flush toilet exists that dates back to 2000 BC.

74) Bulgarians are known to be the biggest yogurt eaters in the world.

75) 35 out of 100 people who take out dating personal ads are either a husband or wife already.

76) Alcohol is added to soap to make it clear.

77) A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.

78) Caligula, the Roman emperor, officially elected his horse to a senatorial position.

79) Canada ( 9 970 610 sq km) is larger than China ( 9 596 961 sq km) which is larger than the USA (9 363 130 sq km).

80) An elephant’s tooth can weigh as much as 12 pounds.

81) A quidnunc is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

82) Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.

83) Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

84) $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.

85) 80% of 10 year old girls in the U.S. go on a diet.

86) A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

87) Apples are more efficient than caffeine in waking you up in the morning.

88) About twenty-five percent of the population sneezes when they are exposed to light.

89) Cher’s last name was Sarkissian. She changed it because no one could pronounce it.

90) Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.

91) Bananas grow pointing upwards.

92) Barnacles on ships are not plants, but animals.

93) A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

94) A snail can sleep for 3 years.

95) A woman’s orgasm releases strong endorphins, making it a powerful pain reliever (no more using a bad headache as an excuse not to have sex).

96) A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee.

97) Broccoli and cauliflower were derived from cabbage.

98) By the time you’re 70 you will have lost half your taste buds.

99) An Elephant has the world’s largest penis, weighing about 27 kg.

100) At the Great Exhibition in 1851, the ‘Crystal Palace’ contained 57.7 square miles of glass.

101) A Czech flight attendant once fell 33,316 feet and survived.

102) Blue whales can produce sounds of more than 185 decibels, which is nearly twice as loud as a jumbo jet at takeoff.

103) Certain species of dinosaurs swallowed rocks to assist in digestion.

104) Ammonia is the active ingredient in smelling salts.

105) Almonds are a member of the peach family.

106) 85% of the guys who die while having sex are cheating on their wives.

107) Before Wilma met Fred Flintstone, her last name was Slaghoople. Before Betty met Barney Rubble, her last name was McBicker.

108) All polar bears are left-handed.

109) An adult giraffe’s tongue is 17 inches long.

110) All coffee is grown within 1,000 miles of the equator.

111) At the foothills of Mt. Fiji in Japan–an area known as the Aokigahara Jukai (The Sea of Trees)–a tourist can visit the number one suicide place in Japan. At last count, 78 bodies had been found there (their ghosts are said to haunt the area, forever cursed). Officials have actually placed signs there warning of the illegality of committing suicide in the forest.

112) An electric eel produces an average of 400 volts.

113) 75% of the chemical energy contained in petrol is wasted by a combustion engine.

114) Americans spend over $272 million every day ordering products through mail order.

115) After publishing his famous dictionary, Noah Webster rewrote the bible, replacing all the words he considered were naughty”.

116) A group of frogs is called an army.

117) Average wait in the waiting room of a doctor’s office: 20 minutes.

118) Chameleons can move their eyes in two directions at the same time.

119) A day on Jupiter is about 9 hours, 50 minutes, 30 seconds at the equator.

120) After snails mate, they both lay eggs.

121) About 55% of all movies are rated R.

122) Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.

123) An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

124) A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.

125) By subtracting any side of a die from seven, you get the number on the exact opposite side.

126) A headless cockroach can survive 9 days before starving to death.

127) Between 1931 and 1969 Walt Disney collected thirty-five Oscars.

128) Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

129) A decoction of dandelion roots and leaves is an old remedy for dissolving urinary stones and gravel.

130) Buckingham Palace in England has over six hundred rooms.

131) Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That’s more than sharks.

132) Abraham Lincoln’s ghost is said to haunt the White House.

133) A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

134) Buckingham Palace has 602 rooms.

135) A moth has no stomach.

136) 0.3% of all road accidents in Canada involve a Moose.

137) Dalmatians are born without spots.

138) Between the time of death and the onset of rigor mortis in a human body, the contraction of the muscles can cause the body to turn over on its side.

139) A housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.

140) A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

141) An average human drinks about 16,000 gallons of water in a lifetime.

142) About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.

143) By the numbers, twenty-three million cats will reside in United States this year.

144) A chameleon’s tongue is twice the length of its body.

145) Americans use over 16,000 tons of aspirin a year.

146) A Czech man, Jan Honza Zampa, holds the record for drinking one liter of beer in 4.11 seconds.

147) 96% of a cucumber is water.

148) Children grow faster in the springtime.

149) A coat hanger is 3ft. 4 inches long when unraveled.

150) An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

151) A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

152) A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

153) A clock that loses a half an hour per day will show the correct time again in 24 days.

154) Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.

155) 40% of McDonald’s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

156) Americans favorite smell is the scent of banana.

157) All of the significant major pyramids were built over a time period of about 200 years. A new one was well underway before the previous one was completed. It amounted to keeping a more or less constant work force busy the year around for the 200 years.

158) A python is capable of devouring a pig whole.

159) A pound of sugar weighs more at the bottom of a water tower than at the top. A year at the bottom of the tower is also longer than a year at the top. Thank you Einstein.

160) At the age of 12, Martin Luther King became so depressed he tried committing suicide twice, by jumping out of his bedroom window.

161) 130 million cups of coffee are consumed every day in the United States alone.

162) About 10% of Jewish households have Christmas Trees.

163) Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world’s garbage annually.

164) A total of 382 kg of rock samples were returned to the Earth by the Apollo and Luna programs.

165) Atilla the Hun is thought to have been a dwarf.

166) Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.

167) Blonde facial hair grows faster than darker hair.

168) C-4 is a very stable product, well known for its durability and reliability. It will not explode even if hit by a bullet, punched, cut, or thrown into a fire (in Vietnam, soldiers actually burned C-4 as an improvised cooking fire). The only reliable method for detonation is via a detonator or blasting cap.

169) Alexander Graham Bell, who invented the telephone, also set a world water-speed record of over seventy miles an hour at the age of seventy two.

170) At the age of 33, Richard II (king of England from 1377-1399) died from harsh imprisonment and was placed in a tomb with a hole in the left side so that people could touch his head. In 1776, 376 years after his death, his jawbone was stolen.

171) A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

172) Actress Sarah Bernhardt played the part of Juliet (13 years old) when she was 70 years old.

173) A large meteorite fell in Leicestershire on 24 December 1965. Weighing over 100 pounds it is probably the largest to have fallen in Britain in modern times.

174) Conception occurs more in December than any other month.

175) Celery actually contains less calories than those expended eating and digesting it.

176) Coffee is second only to petrol in largest trade volumes on the planet.

177) Burt Reynolds is a Cherokee Indian.

178) A house in the United States catches on fire every 45 seconds.

179) About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

180) A man will ejaculate approximately 18 quarts of semen in his lifetime.

181) Coffins which are due for cremation are usually made with plastic handles.

182) Anyone in England who reaches the age of 105 will receive a telegram from the Queen or King on every birthday.

183) Beijing boasts the world’s largest Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant.

184) A pound of potato chips costs 200 times more than a pound of potatoes.

185) An apple, potato, and onion all taste the same if you eat them with your nose plugged.

186) Bulls can run faster uphill than they can (or want to) downhill, because of the bone structure of their legs.

187) 3.9% of women don’t wear underwear.

188) About 96% of all American children can recognize Ronald McDonald. Far less can point out the president in a photo.

189) All the kings in a deck of cards have moustaches except for the king of hearts.

190) Cats see so well in the dark because their eyes actually REFLECT light. Light goes in their eyes, and is reflected back out; their eyes actually work as built-in flashlights.

191) A hippopotamus can open its mouth large enough to accommodate a four foot tall child.

192) 4% of what you spend on any given product goes to pay for the packaging.

193) A shark must keep moving forward to stay alive.

194) By age 60, most people have lost half of their taste buds.

195) A human sheds a complete layer of skin every 4 weeks.

196) Cast iron skillets used to be the leading source of iron in the American diet.

197) California has issued 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.

198) Cats cannot taste sweet things.

199) Bob Dylan’s real name is Robert Zimmerman.

200) A typical person uses the bathroom six times per day.

201) An average person laughs about 15 times a day.

202) Acne is not uncommon among Chinese Crested canines.

203) Cherrapunji, India is the wettest place on the planet.

204) According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the largest alcoholism rate in the United States is in Reno, Nevada. The lowest is in Provo, Utah. Utah has the lowest rate by state, while North Dakota has the highest. France leads the world in highest by country, Luxemburg for beer alone.

205) China is as far away as a person can get from any ocean.

206) A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 70 km/h in 2 seconds.

207) As per a 1845 British statute, trying to kill oneself was a supreme offense, punishable by hanging.

208) 59 tons of the Berlin wall have been shipped to the U.S. since November 1989 by a company from St. Louis.

209) 15 million blood cells are produced and destroyed in the human body every second.

210) Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

211) An animal epidemic is called a epizootic.

212) Chocolate chip cookies represent one-fourth of all cookies made in the U.S.

213) 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 dictionary were misspelled.

214) Anne Boleyn, Queen Elizabeth I’s mother, had six fingers on one hand.

215) A roman numeral’s value is increased a thousand times by placing a line above it.

216) C3PO is the first character to speak in Star Wars.

217) An active mole can dig a tunnel spanning 300 feet in only one evening.

218) America’s first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.

219) A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.

220) A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

221) A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

222) Barbara Millicent Roberts? A.K.A. Barbie (as in Ken and Barbie).

223) Betsy Ross was born with a fully formed set of teeth.

224) A mayfly has a life span of 24 hours.

225) An elephant can be pregnant for two years.

226) By the numbers, 437 questions are asked by a 4-year-old per day.

227) Barbie’s full name is Babara Millicent Roberts.

228) Although George Washington selected the site for the White house, he was the only president who never lived there. It was first occupied in 1800 by John Adams.

229) A standard deck of cards contains 87 diamonds and 42 eyes.

230) 99% of the solar systems mass is concentrated in the sun.

231) Cats’ urine glows under a black light.

232) 33 percent of the news stories that you read quote an unnamed source.

233) Americans eat over 250,000 pounds of lobster each and every day.

234) Cats were a sacred animal in Ancient Egypt, and when they died, people shaved off their eyebrows as a sign of respect.

235) An eighteenth century woman used only lard to wash her face and hands and lived to the age of 116 .

236) A mosquito has 47 teeth.

237) Cats have no facility for tasting sugar.

238) 25% of a human’s bones are in its feet.

239) Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.

240) Canada is the only country not to win a gold medal in the summer Olympic games while hosting.

241) Adolf Hitler was Time’s man of the year in 1938.

242) Camels chew in a figure 8 pattern.

243) All the sturgeon (the fish from which we get caviar) caught in British waters are property of the Queen.

244) Chimneys used to be cleaned by dropping live chickens down them.

245) 1,200 college students streaked at the same time in Boulder, CO in 1974.

246) A person would have been hard-pressed to find a single pony in the old Pony Express; they were all horses.

247) 90% of the Vitamin C present in Brussels sprouts is lost in cooking.

248) Although it’s only 2% of our body weight, the brain uses 20% of all oxygen we breathe, 20% of the calories we take in, and 15% of the body’s blood supply.

249) Between plane crashes and donkeys, the latter claim more lives annually.

250) 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.

(You’re halfway there if you’re needing a restroom break or cigarette.)

251) 17th president Andrew Johnson was the only president to sew his own clothes.

252) A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

253) A large whale needs more than 2 tons of food a day.

254) A blue whales heart only beats nine times per minute.

255) Alektorophobia, the fear of chickens, would be strange, if not for the fact that they are the closest living descendants of tyrannasaurus rex.

256) Butterflies taste with their feet.

257) A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, while a dime has 118.

258) Beneath the dome on Monticello (Thomas Jefferson’s mountaintop Virginia home) lurks a billiards room, which was illegal in Virginia in Jefferson’s day.

259) A new McDonald’s restaurant opens ever six hours in the world.

260) A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers first flight.

261) Cuba is the only island in the Caribbean to have a railroad.

262) Charlie Brown’s father was a barber.

263) Actor Val Kilmer grew up on Roy Rogers’ ranch.

264) A dog’s sense of smell is one of the keenest in nature. If a pot of stew was cooking on a stove, a human would smell the stew, while the dog could smell the beef, carrots, peas, potatoes, spices, and all the other individual ingredients in the stew. In fact, if you unfolded and laid out the delicate membranes from inside a dog’s nose, the membranes would be larger than the dog itself.

265) Christopher Columbus was a blond.

266) 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.

267) A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.

268) Approximately 1 out of 25 people suffers from asthma.

269) A convenience store is robbed every fifteen minutes in the United States.

270) A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a palindrome”.

271) Ants do not sleep.

272) 13,000 Coca-Cola beverages are consumed per second worldwide.

273) Australian soldiers used the song We’re Off to See the Wizard” as a marching song in WWII.

274) American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

275) Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.

276) Among the many firsts by the Chinese, was the use of toilet paper.

277) Czechs are the biggest consumers of beer per male in the world.

278) China is the second largest fast food market. United States is, of course, first.

279) Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

280) A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.

281) 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

282) According to Harper’s Index – the average adult has one nightmare a year.

283) Albert Einstein was thought to be suffering from dyslexia, as he couldn’t speak properly until he was 9 years old.

284) A car travelling at 80 km/h uses half its fuel to overcome wind resistance.

285) Crocodiles and dogs are color blind.

286) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

287) After the sun, Proxima Centauri is the closest star to Earth that we know of. By close, this means 4.2 light years.

288) Certain fireflies emit a light so penetrating that it can pass through flesh and wood.

289) Acorns on oak trees don’t come out until the tree is 50 years old.

290) After cats eat, they always immediately bathe themselves. This is because their instinct tells them to get the food scent off them so that predators will not smell the food and come after them.

291) Archimedes was killed because of pi.

292) A caterpillar has more muscles in its body than a human.

293) 26 (easily visible, there may be more) states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the old US $5 bill.

294) Andorra, a tiny country between France & Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years.

295) Bicycle tires will always go flat if gone unused long enough.

296) Because the earth is slowing down, each day is 0.00000002 seconds longer than the one before.

297) Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

298) A 2 by 4 is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.

299) Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones were roommates in Harvard.

300) A group of kangaroos is called a mob.

301) All the pet hamsters in the world are descended from a single wild golden Hamster found in Syria in 1930.

302) Before the arrival of Columbus, none of the following existed outside of America: potatos, chocolate, vanilla, pumpkin, tomatoes, peanuts, peppers, corn, sunflowers, tobacco, zucchini, and squash.

303) 1,800 cigarettes are smoked per person each year in China.

304) A firm in Britain sold fall-out shelters for pets.

305) Between 50 billion and 70 billion cells die each day due to apoptosis(a genetically determined process of cell self-destruction) in the average human adult. In a year, this amounts to the proliferation and subsequent destruction of a mass of cells equal to an individual’s body weight.

306) A building in Belgium was taxed if there was a street light on it…unless a statue of the Virgin Mary was placed above it. Hence, there are no buildings in the city without a statue of the Virgin Mary.

307) Ancient drinkers warded off the devil by clinking their cups.

308) Because he chose not to wear pants, comics starring Donald Duck were outlawed in Finland.

309) A cubic mile of ordinary fog contains less than a gallon of water.

310) An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

311) About 50 ant farms are sold an hour.

312) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

313) Attics were invented in Attica.

314) 33 million Hershey Kisses are made each day.

315) Bees have 5 eyes.

316) African elephants cannot be domesticated.

317) A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.

318) By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

319) Chocolate kills dogs. Chocolate affects a dog’s heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

320) Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.

321) A coffee tree yields about one pound of coffee in a year.

322) About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money.

323) A hardboiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.

324) Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.

325) Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup wasn’t always one of Campbell’s most popular soups, and it didn’t start out as Chicken Noodle soup either. Introduced in 1934, it was originally called Chicken with Noodles and enjoyed only moderate success. Later that same year an innocent misstatement on the Amos ‘n’ Andy radio program caused sales to sky-rocket. Amos misread his copy and accidentally called the product Chicken Noodle soup. Suddenly the soup company started receiving large orders for their new product. The soup was formally renamed Chicken Noodle after the erroneous turn of phrase caused high demand for the soup. Today, Campbell’s uses nearly a million miles of noodles in the production of their Chicken Noodle soup every year. That is enough noodles to circle the equator over 40 times.

326) A perfect game in baseball is one in which the same player pitches the entire game without allowing any player of the opposite team to reach first base by any means.

327) A fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

328) Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland’s daughter, Ruth, not the baseball player.

329) Both of a cat’s ears combined contain 64 muscles (32 each).

330) Baboons were once used as waiters in old Egypt.

331) According to U.S. laws, a beer commercial can never show a person actually drinking beer.

332) A lightning strike in the Democratic Republic of Congo killed all 11 members of one soccer team while leaving the opposing team in the match untouched, leading to accusations of witchcraft by the survivors.

333) Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.

334) Cesar Ducornet, an 1800s artist, was known for drawing with his feet; he didn’t have arms.

335) An early Islam historian asserts that chess was first developed and used in Persia and India for entertainment and war strategies, as a primitive math calculator, as a gambling venue and in the study of the stars.

336) A newborn human is born with 300 bones, but only has 206 in adulthood.

337) Americans will spend more on cat food this year than baby food.

338) Bees have to gather nectar from more than two million flowers to create just a half kilogram of honey.

339) According to National Geographic, scientists have settled the old dispute over which came first — the chicken or the egg. They say that reptiles were laying eggs thousands of years before chickens appeared, and the first chicken came from an egg laid by a bird that was not quite a chicken.

340) A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.

341) Almost 18 million pounds of medical trash is generated each day in the U.S.

342) Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.

343) A kangaroo cannot jump if its tail is off the ground.

344) A guy by the name of Ernest Vincent Wright once wrote a 50,000-word book without using the letter e.

345) A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off.

346) According to old historical opinion, Valentine’s Day is a good day to prepare eels for the purposes of magic. It was once believed that eating an eel’s heart would give sight of the future.

347) A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

348) All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

349) A lion’s roar can be heard from five miles away.

350) At one time, turquoise went by the name of turkey stone.

351) As if dentists didn’t already have a bad reputation, they can be blamed for the electric chair too; it was invented by one of them.

352) A skunk’s smell can be detected by a human a mile away.

353) Congo is the world leader in cobalt mining, producing two-thirds of the world’s cobalt.

354) 60% of all US potato products originate in Idaho.

355) A cat’s jaw cannot move sideways.

356) A U.S. House subcommittee determined that the chances your doctor is a phony are 1 in 50.

357) An American aircraft in Vietnam shot itself down with one of its own missiles.

358) By the law of averages you are more likely to be killed by a flying champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

359) A common bra choice for Max Klinger from television’s M.A.S.H show was a 36B Miss Highrise.

360) A common housefly only lives for two weeks. They also prefer to breed in the center of a room.

361) An Elephant’s trunk can hold over 5 liters of water.

362) About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States.

363) Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

364) Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never phoned his wife or his mother, they were both deaf.

365) Antarctica is the only continent that does not have land areas below sea level.

366) 82% of the workers on the Panama Canal suffered from malaria.

367) Curad bandages glow in the dark from the static electricity caused during opening.

368) A lion in the wild usually makes no more than 20 kills a year.

369) China has more English speakers than the United States.

370) A sloth can move twice as fast in water as it can on land.

371) An American urologist bought Napoleon’s penis for $40,000.

372) At one feeding, a mosquito can absorb one and a half times its own weight in blood.

373) Chinese Crested dogs can get acne.

374) A ten-gallon hat holds three-quarters of a gallon.

375) 99% of all life forms to exist on Earth are now extinct.

376) According to German researchers, the risk of heart attack is higher on Monday than any other day of the week.

377) 47 elephants and dancing bears survived the sinking of the Titanic and got jobs in New York thereafter.

378) An average human loses about 200 head hairs per day.

379) A normal housecat has 32 muscles per ear.

380) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

381) A Boeing 707 uses four thousand gallons of petrol in its take-off climb.

382) A normal human will blink their eyes over 10 million times per year.

383) A hamburger at McDonalds cost 15 cents in 1963,

384) Approximately one set of quadruplets appear out of 490,000 childbirths.

385) Chewing gum can live up to 9,000 years; that’s how old the oldest piece on record is.

386) Camel’s milk does not curdle.

387) America once issued a 5-cent bill.

388) Cats have over 100 vocal sounds; dogs only have 10.

389) $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.

390) Australian termites have been known to build mounds twenty feet high and at least 100 feet wide.

391) Black was the only colour that Ford produced the Model T. It was the only paint available which would dry fast enough to keep up with the fast pace of the assembly line.

392) Because they had no proper rubbish disposal system, the streets of ancient Mesopotamia became literally knee-deep in rubbish.

393) An average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.

394) Butte County, South Dakota is the geographical center of the U.S.

395) Cars were first started with ignition keys in 1949.

396) A prima donna is the leader female singer in an opera.

397) A silicon chip a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.

398) 40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.

399) 72 degrees is the temperature at which most humans are comfortable.

400) Chances are, if a person has high cholesterol, they’ve had a sphygmomanometer used on them: the simple device that tabulates blood pressure.

401) Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.

402) Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats.

403) An Anencephalous organism thinks, but has no brain.

404) Dairy products make up 29% of all food consumed in the United States.

405) Chop-suey is not a native Chinese dish, it was created in California by Chinese immigrants.

406) Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

407) Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.

408) An Olympic gold medal must contain 92.5 percent silver.

409) A South African monkey was once awarded a medal and promoted to the rank of corporal during World War I.

410) By the numbers, a human breathes approximately 23,000 times per day.

411) A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

412) Before Mickey Mouse, Felix the Cat was the most popular cartoon character.

413) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321.

414) A fetus or little person gets fingerprints at about 3 months old.

415) A crocodile might be able to regrow its teeth, but it can’t stick out its tongue.

416) 1 kg of lemons contains more sugar than 1 kg of strawberries.

417) Charles Dickens was an insomniac, who believed his best chance of sleeping was in the centre of a bed facing directly north.

418) A speed limit takes effect exactly where the sign is planted.

419) Based on an average life span of 11 years, the cost of owning a dog is $13,350.

420) A woodpeckers tongue is long enough to wrap it around his head 2 times.

421) Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

422) After man, the dolphin is the most intelligent creature on Earth.

423) Comfrey (herb) baths were popular before the wedding night to attempt to repair the hymen and thereby apparently restore virginity.

424) Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies.

425) 100 years before either moon of Mars (Deimos and Phobos) was discovered, Jonathan Swift in Gulliver’s Travels accurately described them, citing their precise rotating speeds and sizes.

426) Bell bottoms are worn by sailors because they fit easily over boots, can be easily rolled up, can be used as floatation devices, and can be taken off easier than regular pants.

427) Aby whales grow at an average rate of 10lbs per hour.

428) About 39,000 gallons of water are used to produce the average car.

429) As early as 700 AD, Chinese people utilized fingerprints to identify people.

430) Alabama was the first state to recognize Christmas as an official holiday.

431) Catgut comes from sheep not cats.

432) Camptown Races is the favorite song of Foghorn Leghorn.

433) Budweiser beer is named after a town in Czechoslovakia.

434) A cat uses its whiskers to determine if a space is too small to squeeze through.

435) 200 million years ago Earth contained 1 land mass called Pangaea.

436) An elephant can sniff water up to 3 miles away, while a dog can sniff out the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of water with a tablespoon of salt in it.

437) A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon.

438) 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.

439) Crocodiles don’t carry their offspring in pouches like the kangaroo; they use their mouths.

440) At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.

441) Animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by a lightning strike.

442) 11% of the world is left-handed.

443) Approximately every 15 seconds in the United States, a head injury occurs. (5,760 per day, 2,102,400 per year).

444) A man’s beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.

445) 14% of Americans have skinny-dipped with a member of the opposite sex at least once.

446) Approximately $25 million is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas.

447) An Armageddon meteor came within 280,000 miles of the Earth on May 21, 1996.

448) According to Genesis 7:2, God told Noah to take 14 of each kind of ‘clean’ animal into the ark.

449) Coca-Cola’s brand name comes from the leaves of the coca plant and the nuts of the kola employed for distinctive flavoring. The beverage’s maker, John Pemberton, switched the ‘K’ of kola to ‘C’ for marketing purposes.

450) A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet (91 m) long in just one night.

451) A census in 1920 revealed that fewer than one Eskimo in 46 has ever seen an igloo.

452) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

453) A dog first went to space, while a sheep, a rooster and a duck caught their ride in a hot air balloon.

454) Composer Ludwig van Beethoven was once arrested for vagrancy.

455) 14% of all facts and statistics are made up and 27% of people know that fact.

456) A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

457) Cephalacaudal recapitulation is the reason our extremities develop faster than the rest of us.

458) At their closest point, Russia and North America are less than two and a half miles (4km) away.

459) Carolyn Shoemaker has discovered 32 comets and approximately 800 asteroids.

460) Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins.

461) Apples are actually part of the rose family.

462) A suicide is committed every thirty seconds. Of those, most are always men in the United States.

463) A frog tossed into boiling water will leap right out. A frog placed into cold water that is heated gradually, however, will slowly boil the frog to death.

464) Bilbo and Frodo Baggins were both born September 22.

465) An air bag in a car that goes off will hit the driver in the face at 200 miles an hour. That’s not counting the forward thrust of the driver.

466) A jiffy is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.

467) 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.

468) A salt enema used to be given to children to rid them of threadworms.

469) Bulls and cows are not just names for cattle, but dolphins too.

470) Admiral means lord of the sea in Arabic. It comes from the phrase amir al bahr.

471) Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

472) A drop of liquor spilled on a scorpion will send it into a frenzy of trying to sting itself. Gasoline on a snake will produce the same result, making it squiggle uncontrollably, even after death.

473) A pig’s snout is called a gruntle.

474) Arizona was the last of the 48 adjoining continental states to enter the Union.

475) Between the two world wars, the French were controlled by forty separate governments.

476) Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot.

477) Boston Common has been around longer than any other public park in the U.S.

478) A shadow of a four-dimensional object would have three dimensions.

479) Clarence Darrow, the inventor of the Monopoly game, tried to sell it to Parker Bros but was shot down because of 52 supposed ‘fundamental playing errors’. After going out on his own and becoming an instant hit, Parker Bros quickly came around.

480) Chocolate bunnies at Easter were invented for the sole purpose of boosting chocolate sales between St. Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day.

481) Absolutely nothing happens to the used razor blades that are thrown down the used razor blade slots in hotels. They accumulate between the studs of the walls to collect dust forever.

482) Bambi, the story of the deer, was first printed in German in 1929. It had a sequel named Bambi’s Children.

483) A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation.

484) Ahh, the albatross bird. . .(1) glides for 90% of its existence; (2) can glide for hours and hours without a single flap of its wings; (3) drinks seawater and eats mostly squid; (4) comes on land only to breed, and only in colonies on secluded ocean islands; (5) has wing spans up to eleven feet across; (6) lives longer than almost all birds; (7) revered by seamen as mystical creatures capable of cursing those who kill them.

485) Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command go hang yourself.”

486) Chairman Mao also loved to chain-smoke English cigarettes, when his doctor asked him to cut down, he explained that smoking is also a form of deep-breathing exercise, don’t you think?”

487) By traveling to sixty degrees latitude, a person can sail completely around the earth without bumping into anything.

488) Canada is an Indian word meaning Big Village.

489) Actor Mark Wahlberg has a third nipple.

490) Aspirin was created by an English chemist named Wright. Eleven days later, he created heroin. Bayer actively sold both, even advertised them both in the same ad, encouraging buyers to order their supply from their jobber).

491) Adolf Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

492) Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

493) A single cup of gasoline, when ignited, has the same explosive power as five sticks of dynamite.

494) An office chair with wheels travels 8 miles a year.

495) By the time you turn 70, your heart will have beat some two and a half billion times.

496) A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.

497) Based on various cosmological techniques the universe is estimated at 10 – 18 gigayears old (1 gigayear = 1 000 000 000 000 years).

498) Crocodiles swallow stones to help them dive deeper.

499) A nepheligenous is someone filling a room with tobacco smoke.

500) A raisin placed in champagne will sink and float from bottom to top over and over.

Unfortunately this post of 500 useless facts and trivia is now at it’s end. However, the fun doesn’t need to stop here, you too can email me with anything you want. Just put “The Scorpion Army” in the subject line and I will eventually find it. Hopefully you have more useless shit on your mind now then you ever new was possible.

Picture Of The Day: Fact Or Bullshit

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Even though heathen Hollywood has always been a cesspool of depravity run by Satanic Zionists, it certainly was much less corrupt back in its early days. For back then women were still expected to act like ladies and remain mostly covered up, and the men were more or less masculine and not just flaming homoqueers like the actors of today.

That is why Taylor Swift flashing her shameful titty in this throwback photo is completely out of place, and is clearly a pathetic attempt to rewrite movie history. You better believe if John Wayne would have seen Taylor Swift prancing around with her boobies hanging out like this he would have punched her right in the cunt, and told her to holster her milk wagons before he slapped them off of her chest. Though it is hard for us to imagine nowadays some people in Hollywood use to have a sense of decency.

The above picture and paragraphs were sent to me via email by R.J., a proud supporting member of The Scorpion Army. She wanted to know if I could post it soon to see if my readers thought it was fact or bullshit. Personally I don’t care, what I found funny as fuck was how the short little story was written because absolutely nobody ever uses the Duke as a reference any more. So yes, being a fan of John Wayne (The Duke), I will post this to my blog, fact or bullshit it’s still funny, at least to me. On a very personal note, I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift’s music, so I’m not a follower of hers. But, if she ever wants to cross over to the dark side of metal then that could be a different story altogether, my luck she would suck at that too. Again, just my thoughts, feelings, and opinions on her music, its really just not my shot of tequila.

The actual original origins of the picture or the two paragraphs are still, at the time of posting, unknown to me personally. So, if any of this shit belongs to you, kudos to you because you made me smile and hopefully you won’t mind me posting it without express permission.

A Brief History Of Three Great Words

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As always, members of The Scorpion Army are up early finding things which normally would go unseen or unread. Today’s presentation briefly delves deep into the history of Fuck, Shit, and Cunt, three of my favorite four-letter words that have an intriguing and very fascinating history. Rather than being written in manuscripts by monks, we find them used by normal people and preserved in surprising places like place names, personal names, and animal names and they reveal more about our medieval past than just attitudes towards sex and body parts.

Fuck

Fuck isn’t thought to have existed in English before the fifteenth century and possibly arrived later from German or Dutch. In fact, the Oxford English Dictionary says it wasn’t used until 1500. Using place names though, we can trace it back a bit earlier.

Many early instances of fuck were actually used to mean “to strike” rather than being anything to do with actual fucking. The more common Middle English word for sex wasswive, which has developed nicely into the Modern English word swivel, as in: go swivel on it. Some of the earliest instances of fuck then, turn out to mean “hitting” or “striking,” such as Simon Fuckebotere (recorded in 1290), who was disappointingly probably in the milk industry, hitting butter rather than doing anything else with it, or Henry Fuckebeggar (1286/7) who may have, unfortunately, hit the poor.

The earliest examples of fuck in English appear in place names. The first is found near Sherwood in 1287: Ric Wyndfuk and Ric Wyndfuck de Wodehous. These both feature a kestrel known as the Windfucker which, we must assume, went at the wind. The next definite example comes from Bristol 1373 in Fockynggroue, which may have been named for a grove where couples went for some quiet alone time.

Shit

Like fuckshit has a rich history, being used across the Germanic and Scandinavian languages, making it one of our oldest words. It originally had a technical usage, meaning diarrhoea in cattle, and it crops up in lots of place names from a time when people were herding cattle and naming things, such as Schitebroc—now Skidbrook—which literally means “shit-stream,” found in the Domesday Book for Lincolnshire.

Shit did not just happen in the countryside though. Street-names, for example, reflect the grotty state of urban living in graphic detail. Schiteburne Lane—now Sherbourn Lane in London—means “shit-stream lane,” and Schiteburg Lane in Romford uses borough in the middle, meaning a fortress, to paint a vivid picture of a privy, standing proud as a mockery of a palace in the middle of town.

Cunt

This too is an old word, appearing across the Germanic and Scandinavian languages, although any connection to the Latin cunnusis unlikely, despite the apparent similarity. Originally, rather than being a taboo word, it was the general descriptive term for the vagina. Cunt is, etymologically, more feminist than vagina, which is dependent on the penis for its definition, coming from the Latin for “sword sheath.”

Records of cunt start comparatively early. There’s a runic inscription which reads ‘kunt,’ but that was probably a spelling mistake. Nearly all of the early evidence comes from place names and even personal names—pity, or perhaps applaud, Bele Wydecunthe in 1328, for example.

The most famous of the place names is Gropecunt Lane which at one point appeared in twenty places, generally describing—with pleasing matter-of-factness—a red light district. These have all since been lost, or have been changed to Grape Lane, but all are still easily traced.

But other place names are no less revealing.

Shavecuntewelle in Kent in 1275, for example, could describe a nearby valley with a narrow wooded area—a literal lady-garden, if you will—or it could be a site where women were punished. Cuntewellewang in Lincolnshire (1317) seems to describe a similar type of landscape.

And the thirteenth-century Hardecunt? Who knows, it’s just a great name.

Perhaps the most glorious example of cunt in a place name is Hungery Cunt, found in a 1750 military map of Kinross-shire, Scotland. Disappointingly, though, this is probably just a mistake: a misreading of Hungeremout.

These early instances of now heavily taboo words open up the world of normal people in medieval England and a different—and more vibrant—picture of the history of our language. They allow us to meet a very literal and pragmatic people with a healthy sense of humour about their bodies and their environment.

A Special Halloween Treat

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Over the years The Scorpion Army has grown significantly and continues to exceed my own imagination. The very first person to announce she was going to start a “fan club” for me is still my strongest supporter, sharing all kinds of things for me to use over the years. Typically, she sends me pictures she knows I won’t post because she likes to poke fun at my so-called PG rating I have tried to maintain here @ T.S.O.T.S.B. over the years. However, this year she changed her game up a bit and for the my favorite time of year she has finally sent me a picture I can post. Although, she does remind me, once again, “that a little naughty never killed anyone”. I suppose she’s right, so here y’all go, finally I can display a picture of her. Halloween is a time of year when a little sexy can be seen when you least expect it. I would like to thank her as well as all of The Scorpion Army for all of their fantastic hard work and every single contribution they share. Have a very Happy Halloween everyone and don’t be afraid to get a little naughty this year.

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My Special Message To The Haters

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Here @ The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog there is only one person who makes the choice on what to or not to approve to post, that person is me and only me. At the very least this blog and my other two blogs are here only for the enjoyment of the person who created, posts to, and maintains them, me. I can appreciate the concerns of a handful of people who have expressed to me, on more than one occasion, that I’m heading straight to hell if I don’t change my very misguided ways. Misguided I ask? How so I ask? The answer is always the distinct sound of crickets on a humid summer’s night. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it hundreds of times, I simply don’t give two flying fucks. Now I’m done with the haters, y’all can suck it, choke on it, and spit up chunks, I will continue to post as I fucking please.

Now, for everyone else, I appreciate y’all visiting, browsing, and commenting. Many of y’all have joined the call to arms by becoming a part of and supporting The Scorpion Army throughout the years and y’all pack my email with loads of fantastic information and pictures, something I will always be in debt to y’all for. There have been changes here and there are more on the horizon as I write this post today.

This blog isn’t for fucking everybody, especially is the word fuck bothers you, especially if you don’t like knowing the other things people do in their lives, and especially if you find this blog beneath your standards of quality. Hopefully, at the very least, y’all get a little entertainment each time you visit. Just sit back, loosen the top button, relax, and start clicking, there is much to see at The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog.

Scraping The Bottom Of The Barrel

Man oh fucking man where do I even begin to describe what has been happening? There has been a major influx of ranting and raving about something I made up supposedly but never actually made up except to have some fun. I won’t self gratify in front of others by posting links to past posts which are referenced to quite a bit in these messages from people with allot of butthurt recently. It would seem that many who read the posts here on this blog have got the wrong impression. I have written my fair share posts about religion here on this blog, that’s a true statement, and the reader is always left to assume what my true motive of doing so really is, also a true statement. But, make one single fucking reference to the Church of Scorpion, and it was a single one time small reference, along with joining The Scorpion Army (fan club), and all of a sudden I am the leader of a non-existent cult religion that needs to be overthrown by all the government recognized religions. When did this fucking happen. Yes, I made a sign on the computer at a sign generator web site in the likeness of a very recognizable kind of sign, a sign not too different from the marquee signs seen out in front of many churches which are filled with upcoming events and even quoted scripture. But never, not even once have I said I started a religion or this is the actual marquee for the building we would worship in.

But, like always, lets take it to the next level, lets take it to the extreme, lets make things into something they are not to fit your pathetic needs. Is the fact that I discuss religion in the light that I do a threat to who you believe in or how you choose to believe? The answer you seek is no, don’t be such a butthurt dumb fuck. As you will read, and fans of this blog will need to brace yourselves, because you are being attacked and called names as well. True readers of this blog know I post about many topics, from A to Z, but seriously, how can someone ever gather I have started my very own religion. I post the picture again for the purpose of reminding you what was posted originally. I assure y’all it was done in sarcastic humor, there isn’t a secret underground church somewhere in my backyard or even in my dark, twisted imagination. Below you will see/read a few of the emails I received lately, they remain untitled and anonymous for a reason. They are unedited and unfiltered, so make sure you are wearing your rose colored glasses. If you make it to the end of this post you will be able to read some follow up which might just help you make sense of it all, or not, your choice.

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You are the most sick, fucked up, twisted, inbreed, stupid son of a fucking whore bitch I have ever seen in my entire life. You need to seek mental help. I think you have smoked to much crack and done to much acid. Although you do have a right to start a new religion, BUT, your religion is not recognized by the government simply because it is purely fucking stupid. You will burn in fucking hell the rest of your god damn life you piece of shit fucking inbreed fuck!

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I’m ont going to go all ape shit on you because I’m a firm beliver of people chosing their own religions or lack of one. HOWEVER I do find if ofencive when you make a mockery of other religions, be it christianity, buddhism, judaism, etc. so I think it fair that you respect other people’s belifes and not posting material that INTENTIONALY offends other people,

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What exactly do you think you are going to prove? it’s just disrespectful to other human being’s faiths and beliefs, and I’m sure all people should know u can’t put any sense into say a devout christian. Honestly, what your doing is the equivalant of making a rude, sarcastic joke to a child that doesn’t understand humor. u cant tell a christian thats been raised from birth to believe that there’s a magic man in the clouds that he’s wrong. you’ll just get what uve been getting, hate mail, and death threats. God is the equivalant of santa exept the child is never told he isn’t real until it’s to late. and u think your doing a good thing by making up this church of scorpion crap to prove how absurd the idea of god is. what i don’t think u understand is that u cant argue with idiots about this stuff as most christians are dont know a thing about science. (I apoligize to all respectable christian scientists). As an athiest, im disgusted what youre doing. (yes ive read your blog). Really, did it ever, or does it ever occur to you that these people are actually human being’s with family’s and feeling’s, and just because they think the world was created  differantly than you, you have to mock them,  that’s kind of a dick move you asshole. Your being no better than they are (religious people) by making fun of and disrespecting other people just ’cause they think differantly than you. What do you worship, satan himself? Which means I have the right to ridicule you on how stupid your dumb-fucking religion is and don’t deny that you worship the all mighty satan king, because your the leader of the church of scorpion. With the true words of your religion written cryptically throughout your blog. It’s ironic that you, by trying to prove how bad religion is, go about it by you yourself inbodying everything that is wrong with human beliefs. You are everything that is wrong with religion. You go around acting all superior and pompus, like you know better than everyone else and tell them why there wrong mockingly. The world would be a better place if you took all your “followers” (scorpion minions) got on a pirate ship and ate scorpion shit until you all died of overeating. Have you ever heard the term live and let live? I love it how  you post all the hate mail you get on your page to be ridiculed by your cronies ( who by the way need to get off the internet and do something productive). Yes we the the bible huggars are gonna say dumb stuff because they’re uneducated. But that doesn’t mean you have to be immature and make fun of their faults so just lay the fuck off. Even though this message sounds hostile just know I agree with what your’e trying to do (i think) educating people, I just wholly disagree with how you are going about it.

My personal response was as follows: It’s not my intention to mock or offend anyone. But I realize people sometimes feel mocked or offended and I’m okay with that fully. It might be fair to say that I am disrespectful.  I would agree that I don’t respect the notion that religion should sit on a pedestal.  I don’t think that because an action is explained in the context of religion it is exempt from the scrutiny it otherwise would have been subjected to.  Religion is not a free pass for crazy fucking fairy tale ideas and crazy actions. I would agree that it’s not my place to pass judgment on those who see the world through a lens of religion.  But neither is it my place to ignore when personal belief becomes public action.  I can accept that some choose to teach their kids the earth is only 6000 years old and that dinosaurs are a myth.  But if they push for those ideas to be taught in our schools, it’s no longer a question of respecting personal belief. The idea that rational minded people must be anti-religion is a wrong one, I think. If we must draw a line to divide ourselves, I’d prefer the line be positioned between reasonable and unreasonable people, rather than religious and non-religious people. It’s one thing to see the world through a lens, and another thing to act as if it’s the only lens that can exist.

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I spent a while thinking of a good reply, in general in concern of your blog, without sounding like some sort of inbred hick or perhaps maybe to get your attention. However, I realize that there pretty much is no way for that to happen, if you put this in your hate-mail section, I’ll probably be mocked just as much as the next guy who chooses to criticize your new religion. I’m OK with that, I just wish people will actually think about what I have to say rather then ignorantly mocking what I believe personally. Whatever may happen, I don’t really mind, except that I cannot bring myself to be silent on this issue.

I am a Christian, whatever you may think about me, or absurd assumptions you may have about what I look like, think like, or speak like, realize this, I think all beliefs should be treated with equality. Atheism, Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Agonist, Voodoo, The Church of Scorpion, whatever, I don’t care, if you believe that you are correct, then you have every right in the world to believe that with all your heart, and nobody should force you to believe what they believe. Now I also believe in open criticism of any of these religions, meaning your Church of Scorpion view that openly mocks religion. However, it is also my right to criticize the criticism, meaning though while I believe it is your right to mock, harass, and generally make religious persons miserable, I don’t believe it is morally right.

Atheism is a belief just as much as Christianity. Say whatever you want about facts and how religion is stupid and all those who practice it are all idiots, but it still comes down to the fundamental truth that you must believe this to be more true over the other option. I am again, completely fine with that, and that is why I love America so much, because we CAN believe differently then one another, and still live peacefully (to a degree) together. However, mocking is not the right way to go about arguing your belief.

    By the way, here is the definition of mocking:

1. Tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner.

2. Make (something) seem laughably unreal or impossible.

To laugh at someone else’s belief that they dedicate their lives to is not funny or humorous, but I believe is rather childish and immature. This is the main reason why I would much rather sit down calmly with someone and have a rational discussion about each other’s beliefs, instead of smacking them in the face with a bible, and shouting how they are going to hell for not believing the undeniable truth that is the bible, or worse, calling their belief idiotic and getting my group of friends together and laughing and pointing in his face.

Of course there are people that do this, hence, you, and there will always be people like you. My job is try to convince you to be rational and discuss each others view points. I could never put myself in your mindset and read this the same way through your eyes. To you, I just look like another idiot who took this too seriously and decided to write a concerned letter and waste his time trying to teach you to be respectful, but the truth is, writing this helps me put my thoughts in order anyways. If you do have one ounce of thought for my beliefs, at least view this email with respect, and try to think about what I am thinking.

What I am thinking is that the joke has gone too far. Of course this email asks for intelligent discussion, and that seems to have never existed on your blog, so before I go, let my put it into a language you might understand.

Fuck you, and lay off religion asshole.

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You are a sick twisted motherfucker and you are an absolute fraud to the highest degree. It’s obvious to me that you don’t give a shit about you’re so-called religion. I am not even that christian but this blog makes me sick. You have no right to start a religion or should I say cult.  People need to think for themselves they don’t need to listen to your bullshit nonsense. I am not even that christian but at least they are trying to help people. What are you trying to do, make money and fill your church with alcohol and with full nude strippers? Do you charge a cover to get it? What is the price, what remains of their souls? That is the most stupid thing I ever heard. I hope the government shuts you down and takes you’re money. Suck it jackass motherfucker cult bitch.

My response was simple. I stated I have started nothing and never claimed to start anything. Nothing has made the grand total of zero dollars because nothing exists because it was a fucking figure of speech giving an example.

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You sicken me with the fact that you now have my best friend believing in your stupid, sick, blasphemous crap you call a religion! I can tell you what it really is, BLASPHEMOUS, MADE DURING A DRUG BINGE, IDOLATRY THAT WILL HAVE YOU BURNING IN HELL OR ON THE TABLE AFTER THE LAST WAR!!!! I am furious about the fact that there is a religion DEVOTED to SIN OF ALL THINGS! If you don’t change you and all your followers will be in a special place in hell just for IDOL WORSHIPPING, SIN LOVERS LIKE YOURSELF!!! You disgust me and I hope you see the truth before it’s too late.

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While I am not of your “religion”. I will not trash your blog like the majority of the blundering baboons around here, instead I am here to support not your religion, but your attempt to keep religion honest. The constitution gives the people not only of freedom of religion but freedom from it.

I am a Hindu and have an open mind to virtually all religions. I know that this religion is not a real religion; but an attempt to show the errors and flaws of most organized religion and those who support it’s full integration into state affairs. I support your attempt to show how religion has become very commercial and corrupt in its mere existence. The majority of people ranting on your blog are not venting against the concept of religion, but against your satire and blatant disrespect of their religion.

Yet, I must warn you not to take this to far. It might push some maniac over the edge and cause them to grab a gun and go after you. This has happened in the past throughout history. Thus, I propose that you put somewhere on your front page of the blog that this is not an actual religion but an attempt to keep religion honest from corruption. That is all, thank you.

My response: I take issue with the idea of so calledreal religion, as if such a thing can be defined and agreed upon.  I’ve said it in the past and I still believe strongly that there is no classification of religion without agenda.  I don’t expect mainstream religion (or a government influenced by mainstream religion) to see my words to be anything more than a joke, a way to get them to look at the reality behind their beliefs. As always, my blog will be seen in terms that serve their purpose and not my own. I comment the way I do because I am rational and reasonable and I’m not driven by any particular dogmatic thinking.  I’m an individual who rejects the concept of faith-over-reason, or indoctrination. Why does humor invalidate your beliefs?  I see this argument all the time and don’t understand it. Not everyone gets it, but again, that is the point. I tend to reject the lowest common denominators about organized and commercial religions in favor of common sense thinking. Is it just that mainstream religion is so utterly humorless?  Most religious people I know have a great sense of humor but I think they would agree that the institution of religion is rigid and stifling.  There are obvious areas where it’s not ok to make a joke.  One of the creepiest things I find about religion is that feeling that everyone is trying to act very serious. While I understand that not everyone will get what I’m doing here and why I do it, it’s not my intention to offend, but everyone takes offense so easily, it’s you’re and their choice.

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I saw your blog and it just amazes me how delusional you are, you are trying to create a delusion around the world. A sick joke gone wrong really, its really sad that you are so completely obsessed with brainwashing. This whole religion is of hate and defies all logic, rational thought, and it shatters common sense completely. You’re lousy evidence doesn’t cut it either. Its not even slightly sane that you write what you write. I bet if a Scientologist and a mutated Christian extremist had sex, the offspring would be a YOU.

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I can appreciate a good joke as much as any other guy.  But there’s a difference between making a joke and insulting other people.  When you begin to bring in specific religious practice or condemnations for not doing as the religion “requires,” that becomes an insult.  Think of it this way: your blog is actually great, but what’s the point of bashing on religions?  It directly says to others that if you don’t believe what I tell you, you’re wrong. Yes, I’m a Christian, no I don’t believe most of the things in the church’s past were okay.  I simply choose to believe that there is a God, and if anybody has any questions about my faith, I’ll be happy to answer and guide them if that’s what they want.  If they believe otherwise, I’ll allow them to stay that way, because there’s nothing I can do to force their belief.  All I’m really saying is, think about what purpose each thing you say serves, and whether it’s taking it a step too far, which I think you have personally.

So, I replied with saying the point of this blog is not to offend, but understand it is bound to happen.  I’m really not anti-religion and many readers here are active members in mainstream religions. Part of what I do here is question ideas considered rude to question. I think it’s a dangerous situation for institutions and ideas to be above scrutiny.  Christians often threaten nonbelievers with THEIR hell-place for various sins or sinful lifestyles – either explicitly, or indirectly, or in a judging veiled-friendliness sort of way.  But nonbelievers DON’T BELIEVE IN YOUR HELL.  Aside from the fact that I find it offensive the idea that I need a rulebook to define my morality, it is a strange proposition to be invited to believe in scripture in order to be saved from a consequence of it.  So, understand that around here there is an effort not to offend people, but at the same take a hard look at the strange business of religion.

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I saw your retarded fuck of a bastard blog and asked myself “why?” but then, there are a lot of crackheads in the world, and you seem to be one of the more insane ones. This is a joke blog, right? Can you honestly tell yourself that you truly believe in this load of shit you spew regularly? For your own health, I ask you to stop whatever the fuck you’re smoking.

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Wow, what a scam you have used to set yourself up with money and Im guessing fame and all the stupid bimbos and other trappings it all brings. Just remember, since there is no god or religion there is nothing wrong with killing some low life, “educated” or not (or any other act). As an exemplar of life without a God, there is nothing keeping people from acting out against others in any capacity other than the relatively obscure chance of being caught. I personally believe in God. I like to think that I am held responsible at a higher level than what man does. I do like to think there’s more. I hope you pay for your actions sooner or later in life. I’m sure you will at some point.

So, I replied….    The majority of Christians who email understand general purpose here and the purpose is not to mock them as individuals. Most Christians who I’ve talked to see problems with organized religion and the abuses and fraud that get tied up with faith and power. For the most part I think I do a good job of turning down the volume of what I really think, and I think that’s a healthy thing. Just as Christians have a few members who will be riled enough to write nasty emails to me, there will times I get riled enough to respond in kind. But the majority of the time I’m pretty reasonable and rational.

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This is the most fucking pathetic excuse for a blog I think I’ve ever encountered. Why do you have to make fun of my religion, and others? Seriously, stop making fun of other religions. Okay, you are the most twisted, racist fucking bastard on the planet. Why, do you have to make fun of other religions? Probably because you want to just kick back and laugh at other people, and bash them. That’s why. Your version of heaven sucks huge fucking dicks. I don’t want strippers in heaven because they are all nasty as fuck. You aren’t even trying, and your version of Hell is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard of. When you’re already DEAD it doesn’t FUCKING MATTER. Fuck you sir, don’t be suprised when you die if you burn in Hell, because I am a solid Christian and I am praying for you, and I really hate that you have to MOCK other religions. You are very sick, and I hope that you burn in Hell. Don’t be suprised if you get sued for being such a TWISTED FUCKING DOUCHEBAG!

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It is disheartening at least and sickening at worst that you sought to make a blog solely to promote your foolish beliefs, serious or not. Let’s see your lack of deity save your soul and work miracles. I am sincerely concerned for your sanity, but I don’t give a damn if God strikes you dead. How dare you mock the Father in such a manner? To be atheistic is expected, as humans have little faith for what cannot be seen. But to mock the religions of others? That is to stoop lower, into the depths of Hell itself. You are hardly worthy of being Satan’s pet pig. Swine. Nothing more than something to be sneered at for smelliness. You and your so-called followers sicken me.

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After reading some of the posts on your blog, I have come to the conclusion that you aren’t so concerned with the question of why you are here but rather in proving that your existence is without meaning and therefore does not qualify itself to be questioned. Congratulations! You are meaningless. So what do we do now that we’ve settled that little philosophical debate? Are you up for a drinks and strippers or should we just stand still still until the next random event pushes us in some direction?

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You poke fun at God and are a disgrace to him and religion. You need to repent and ask for his forgiveness. You should be ashamed of the trash you write and your completely unfunny sarcasm. God has reserved a special place for people like you and it is in a very warm climate, and you will be on vacation for eternity. You will have allot of company with you and that is your so called fans. May God have mercy on all of your souls !

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And here is where I make the choice to end it all, well not all, but this small sampling is the fun shit that has been emailed or sent as comments to different posts I have presented over the last few weeks. There are 196 more that generally all say the same thing, these just stood out in their originality so I decided to share. Such a small percentage of posts here are religion related but those are the ones that people get butthurt about. As far as my so called religion or my so called church, I don’t get how idiots can get that idea in the first place. My writing is, at most, pretty fucking sarcastic, I just write about my opinions, and bullshit like this makes me question my own motives as well as the motives of the people who read this blog. Perhaps we should try reading the non religious themed posts to get a better idea of what I really think. This blog is an illusional mirror of life, not just mine, but yours too. All I’m saying is we all make choices, some people come here with the intent to complain and others come here to see what they know I offer, which isn’t much, but at times can be very revealing, no pun intended. So, my message to the haters is to lighten up or piss up a rope in a south wind.

And for the final time, I have formed NO religion, NO cult, and NO church. You have misinformed your self looking through life with that single lens. I don’t hate your religion, I just want to be a part of your religion and I want it to be outside of my life in general. But, by all means, twist that around as well, because that is what I’ve come to expect. If you made it to this part of the post, thanks for hanging in there, I hope you didn’t choke on anything on your way down to the bottom here. Until next time, be safe and be kind. Or, just do whatever it is you fucking do.

Encounters Of A Dreamer

I will always welcome stories from anyone who is willing to take the time to sit and write a story. I say that very collectively, y’all have seen what gets posted here on this blog and y’all know what I don’t personally post. Yet, the field of opportunities for what gets posted is as vast as the Great Plains of The United States of America, which coincidentally, is where this story comes from, all the way from the outskirts of a little town called Gettysburg, a little place located in the central region of South Dakota. Why is the location of this particular submitter important you ask? It’s simple, for me at least, as I would think people would be less inclined to do allot on the internet in a very rural town of just over eleven hundred people. When she graduated GHS in 2014, she was one of 20 some odd graduates. Seems small to me, I graduated in a class of 667 seniors. I’m just saying. Into the now, now, she is a student here in Texas attending Texas A&M in hopes of attaining her Biomedical Sciences degree. So, in my humble opinion, she has one hell of a brain to be in Texas A&M to begin with, and as y’all will soon see, what her mind sees and how it sees is amazing as well. How did she come across me? Oddly enough she was doing some surfing looking for the big city papers in South Dakota to read some local news, and multiple entries lead her here. Again, I will stress the importance of tagging blog entries. Now, at first she didn’t really want to start reading my blog, but said she was drawn in by many of my stories, she reluctantly admitted “binge reading” all night not too long ago and found herself inspired to “share” a dream she had recently with me and hopefully with the 3 people who read my blog pretty regularly. She expressed that I have a new fan and a new member of the mysterious Scorpion Army. Also, I just want to mention that she also let me know she has a few nice tattoos that I might like and she wouldn’t “mind” seeing them in the tattoo section or as a post here. Interesting, very interesting indeed. And, per her request, I will keep her identity my little secret, so for the express purpose of this post she will carry the alias of LabRat. The picture is credited to her friend who took it for her and has given The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog permission to use it at will. Without further introduction I give y’all the story she has sent me, she explained to me it was a very vivid dream she had and has yet to begin to understand.

Mr. Scorpion Sting ~

First of all I just want to tell you that, eventhough I found your blog by accident, I don’t regret a single moment I have spent there reading and looking at everything it has to offer readers. I never thought I would be writing my dream down for anybody else to read. But I am now, because I think it will help me better be able to explain it’s meaning afterwards. I’m open to the opinions of you and your readers if you care to share. By the way, I hope you don’t mind, I’m now a follower of your blog as well as have requesting to be a part of The Scorpion Army. My dream felt and seemed real, as if the memory I have is of something I actually did. I had to look into dreams and what they actually are, the simple answer is that dreams are a series of sensations, images, and deep thoughts that happen in a person’s mind during sleep. The question I fail, repeatedly, in answering is why I had the dream I did in the first place.

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The first thing I remember is sitting at the edge of my bed, stretching, feeling the coolness of the air in the room as it touches my body. As I wander around a house I don’t know I see myself moving quietly in the nude, as if I’m trying not to wake someone. I began to run a hot bath, the steam was billowing out like that of an old steam engine train, I could feel the heat and moisture of the steam but when I stepped into the water I could feel nothing. I continued to stand there under the water, letting it pour across my body like it was rinsing off what I did the night before. I bent down to turn off the water, letting the remaining water drip from my hair, as it ran down my back I could feel a coolness on my skin. After drying myself off I wrapped my hair up with the towel and walked back down the really long hallway back to the room with the bed. The curtains on the windows were pulled back now, lighting the room up with vibrant colors from outside. As I listened to the birds courting in the trees I sat in front of my mirror and put on my make-up, I dried and styled my hair, painted my toenails and fingernails a blazing red, misted myself with a sweet perfume, and when I was done I pushed in the chair and left the room. I watched myself walk, from a corner in the hallway, stalking myself, watching the way I moved, and could feel everything I touched, every step of my bare feet, every breath inhaled and exhaled, and even the smells of fresh squeezed orange juice as they passed along my path.

Soon enough I was walking out the door, still nude, still bare, but as if that didn’t matter, as if it was meant to be, and as if this was the way it was supposed to be. As I passed through the front yard I looked back to see the house I just left fade into the distance, as if the yard was a great distance, but then I am at the streets edge, there are other people walking by, or jogging, and even walking their dogs, none of which paid me any attention. I even kneeled down to pet this man’s small dog, I spoke to him but he didn’t answer, and then he continues to walk away from me. I felt his shirt in my hand being pulled away as I tried to stop him, I screamed “look at me asshole” as loud as I possibly could, yet he pulled away. I chased him, I ran as fast as I could, while he walked he soon disappeared into the distance ahead of me. I found my self at the intersection of a very busy street, waiting with others at a bus stop, I listened as they spoke around me, but never to me. Out of bravery or out of ignorance, I reached out to this woman standing there, busy looking at something on her phone, and I knocked her phone out of her hand with a violent slap. Nothing, she merely has a look of disgust on her face as she picks up her now shattered phone. The other people around her began asking what happened and her only reply was that she must have just lost her grip and dropped it. Ahh, too bad I said to her. She looks right through me to smile at the man behind me who had passed on his condolences for her now dead phone. Wait, what in the fuck is going on! Why cant people see me? Why cant people feel me? Why cant people hear me?

On the bus I sat next to a man doing a crossword puzzle in the paper, when he didn’t know the word he would cheat by looking it up on his phone. I never liked cheaters. I took his bottle of water out of the seat, opened it, and began pouring it all over his paper and his lap, but what people saw was him pouring the water everywhere, very casually, and without thinking twice about it. What is going on? Who are these people around me but so far removed from me. I recognize some of the faces, this is my route, this isn’t my first time on this bus taking this trip. I will see where it leads, I will see where to get off when I know where to get off. But how will I know? I don’t even know where I’m going or why I’m going there. When the bus stops it is in front of a very large and tall building, it blocks the bright sunshine seen around me, everyone exits the bus, most of them heading inside the big building, passing through the doors, until I was all alone on what seemed like a deserted street corner. I feel very alone, scared, emotionless, and decide to go into the ominous building myself. When I get to the doors there is a man standing there in a guard’s uniform, I watched as he opened the doors for each of the people that had come before me but he was standing there like a statue before me, motionless, expressionless, seems very unhappy. I walked up to him, inches away from him, until I was pressed up against him, until I pushed myself closer, I began kissing him on his neck, caressing his chest with my hands, I let my hands slip to his zipper which I undid, holding his very limp member in my hand. I squeezed him, I dug my nails into his flesh, and he had not a single reaction. Then I feel myself being pushed forward by him, he is leaning in to pull the door open for yet another person, one which I snuck inside right behind. The marble floor was extremely cold on the bottoms of my feet, I needed to be someplace else.

I stood in the line where the people waited to walk through metal detectors, have their bagged searched, and a wand passed across them, as if to give the appearance that they really do care. My turn at the gate, nothing to put in the basket, no bag to be dug through, nothing to declare, and no magic badge to identify myself to the guards. As I passed through the metal detector it went off, there was a man 10 feet in front of me and a woman about the same distance behind me, but this thing’s sirens and lights are going nuts. The people around, to include the guards are bewildered, they are talking that the equipment has malfunctioned. No dumbasses, it didn’t malfunction, I don’t think at least, come get me, I’m right here, I feel you touching me as you come closer, but you don’t feel me, see me, smell me, or hear me, your fucking loss, I’m going in. Going in? Going in where? Follow the herd, they are all going somewhere inside this building, just follow the herd. I get on an elevator, packed so tight it was like being in a grinder at a meat market, the smells of 20 people all melting together to make one very bad smelling elevator. So much heavy breathing, it was like listening to an orgy in progress, bodies grinding, rubbing, moving, and the “ding” sounds the start of the mass separation, I’m forced out with a large number of the herd, so I just go with the flow. The moved like ants, all following the scent trail to their destination, one by one they dropped off into offices and cubicles leaving me out, I was standing there looking at people work, looking at people surfing porn on their phones, and even one woman I had followed to the bathroom because she looked suspicious, who sat in a stall, alone with her tiny little vibrator that she put to quick work. She had to bite into the flesh of her arm to contain her moans from her coworkers, faster and faster she went until she almost collapses. She wipes down the still dripping vibrator, slips into her purse, wipes herself down too, then it is over, as fast as it started, without washing her hands she touches up her make-up, tusses her hair a bit, and away she goes.

Bored with this floor I catch a ride on the executive elevator, we’re going all the way to the top floor. These men and women quickly load into a boardroom, get their coffee, muffins, and waters as they all try to find the best seat. When the big cheese enters they all stand, as if to show respect, but only thinking about their chair pushing away as they sit and making an ass out of themselves in front of the boss. Why else would they cling to their chairs? Fear? Speed? When they sit and he begins to speak I find myself on the long table, walking back and forth, looking at the view of the city out of the window. I found it fun to fuck with people’s hair, a little messing up of the different heads here and there never hurt. Then one man, as he brushed his hair back into place touched my hand, he looked right at me as if I had just been caught, stared into my eyes for a moment and then it was over. Did he know I was there? Did he know I was squatted down on the table in front of him, so close I could feel his breath on my stomach? Could he really feel me touch him? Did he really just touch my hand and feel it? Answer me motherfucker! Out of frustration I licked the side of his face, starting at the chin and ending at his forehead, he tasted like a woman. I wonder if that was the taste of his wife. Or was it his mistress? Or is he a sick pedophile fuck? Who are these people anyways? Why am I here? Needing a break I excused myself from the meeting and found myself in the office of one of the kings of this corporation. He’s living large, his office is huge, decorated with some very fine things from around the world. Probably all tax loopholes of some sort. His giant antique leather chair was very chilling to my flesh when I first sat in it, soon after I began to feel the wetness of my legs and ass on the leather, I was perspiring as I sat here, it was very warm, it was making me very sleepy. I cleared a space on this big desk to lay on it, I curled up and fell asleep right there. When I woke, it was dark in the office, dark outside, dark everywhere. I needed to get out. I find he has an elevator which goes straight to the parking garage, how convenient, so I took another ride.

The parking lot was empty, I walked around looking for a way out, then I see a car, a very nice car, with the lights on, as I approached the car I could hear it was running. When I peaked inside I see nobody, the door was open, and I got in. I put it in drive and just stepped as hard as I could on the gas pedal, I was going very fast in a short amount of time. I found the exit of the garage and headed towards it, the gate opens slowly and the guard looks at me in the car but cannot see me because the windows are tinted very dark. Then I just started driving, I drove all around the city, a place which is very different after dark, there are different people out, people who see the world in a different way. I started thinking, wondering about my day, this bizarre day which has also been fantastic. I drove that car fast, the speedometer stopped at 220mph but I kept going faster, every light on the street was green, I just kept going like there was no end, before long the blur of the city lights were far behind me, but I just keep driving. Everything comes to a dead stop, the car is halted by something, I am thrown forward through the windshield of the car, thrown so far I cant even see the car. It’s very dark, I’m very cold as I lay motionless, laid in a shallow puddle of water, face down, only hearing the sounds of the wind and rain. I wasn’t able to move or didn’t want to mover a very long time. I could feel the heat of the sun that came up in the morning, the sting of the sun as it blazed down on my back mid-day, and how I could feel relief as the sun would set again. I the final night I felt this for the last time.

The first thing I remember is sitting at the edge of my bed, stretching, feeling the coolness of the air in the room as it touches my body. As I wander around a house I don’t know I see myself moving quietly in the nude, as if I’m trying not to wake someone. I began to run a hot bath, the steam was billowing out like that of an old steam engine train, I could feel the heat and moisture of the steam but when I stepped into the water I could feel nothing. I continued to stand there under the water, letting it pour across my body like it was rinsing off what I did the night before. I bent down to turn off the water, letting the remaining water drip from my hair, as it ran down my back. I began walking, passing the room I didn’t know, walking wet, walking somewhere, walking anywhere. I went outside, sitting on the stairs of the porch, looking at the car that had been crushed into the giant tree in the front yard. I began walking towards this mangled car, remembering a car similar to this one from somewhere in time, there was blood everywhere, the interior was bathed in blood, the windshield laid a distance away from the front of the car, blood pooled on the hood and ground. I walked forward, seeing something in the distance, something glistening in the light rain, there was a nude girl’s body laid face down in a shallow puddle of blood and water. She looks peaceful, she looks as if she is part of the land, I kneel down, whipping the hair from her bloody face when she opens her eyes, looking into mine. She smiles at me, she whispers to me to that I am feeling no pain, I’m suffering no longer, she takes my hand into hers, pulls me closer until we lay together, together in peace, together forever.

When I woke up in the morning following this dream I remembered as if it happened. The girl was me, I watched myself during the entire dream. I, too, sat at the edge of my small bed, dripping in sweat, wondering what in the hell just happened. My friend and room-mate explained to me that she was woke up by me during the night when apparently I had the bath running at about 3 in the morning. As she watched me walk around the house naked she says she stopped me at the front door because I was trying to go out side for some reason. She took my hand and led me back to bed, where I was tucked in and watched for the remainder of the night. When I saw her when I first woke up she had a very scared look on her face, it reminded me of my mother’s face when she told me my grandmother I was vey closed to had passed away. I told my room-mate about my dream, it freaked her out a little, but she was there for me, held me, and brought me hot tea while I took a very hot bath to soak my aching body. She remained at my side, helping me scrub my back, then drying my hair for me, and eventually we just went down stairs, curled up on the couch and watched movies the rest of the day, old movies from the fifties, seemed like that was all that is on at that time of day. After we talked about my dream that first morning it has never been discussed again. I want to talk to her about it again, I want her to read this thing after it is written on your blog. I appreciate your willingness to share my dream with your audience. Maybe, just maybe someone out there has an explanation. Thanks again, yours truly LabRat.