I Do Really Hate Getting Caught

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I do really hate getting caught, especially when what I was doing wasn’t actually wrong or Illegal. But, as it stands, last night I got caught getting my tips from the club last week ready to go to the bank so I could pay some bills today or tomorrow. I will explain the money part of that in a bit because I know someone is going to ask about it. So, yesterday evening all the kids were gone, dinner was on the grill, and I remembered I needed to go to the bank. Now, I don’t keep secrets about money from my wife, she knows I make a decent amount in tips bartending. She knows I also get a paycheck, she knows I’m a 10-99 employee as well which means we save 20% of my earnings to pay Uncle Sam in January. What she has yet to figure out is why a bartender in a full nude strip club is paid what I get paid. But, the money is the reason I am there. I can’t help it I am able to negotiate what my time and services are worth. A while back, when I started back, I agreed to work Wednesday and Thursday nights, roughly 30 hours between the two days, for $1200.00 since I knew I would be paying my own taxes.

Plus, as bartender I keep ALL of my tips, but I also get 5% of the tips to the waitresses, and 1% of the tips from the dancers. Doesn’t sound like much does it? The stack of money on the table represents my tips plus the additional tip outs from the dancers and waitresses. The bundles are $100.00 if you are counting. Since I report and pay taxes on this as well, it all stays well documented. Which, is what I was doing last night when my wife came strolling into the dining room, home early from work. She had a surprised look on her face, like I just showed her a sasquatch body laying on the table after varmint hunting. Needless to say, she wasn’t ever aware that at anytime during the week there is a similar amount of money tucked away in the safe. Then the conversation got ugly. Supposedly I am hiding it from her because she has been unaware. I tried to explain it all goes to our joint checking account, minus what goes to a separate joint savings account for taxes. Still not believing me I had to get my tablet so we could explore the last few months of Wells Fargo deposits. A new bit of information came to light that I was unaware of, she doesn’t pay attention to the account balances. How the hell not? Well, seems that since I have always been the monthly bill payer that I would let her know if there is a problem so she never worried about it.

Yet, I am the one being told I’m hiding money from her. I still can’t wrap my head around it because it seems like a bizarre way of thinking. Then, this morning it hits me, its because I am the man and she is the woman, therefore I am automatically wrong. But, I have a frugal wife, she is not a spend-o-holic, she believes, as I do, that we will want to take trips, pay for college, and still one day retire. So, I have no complaints in that department. No other department either really, perhaps the jumping to conclusions part, but we argue and communicate very well with each other. In the end, we spent a few hours in the hot tub drinking margaritas and not talking about work, money, or our worries. We just sat there butt-ass naked enjoying each other’s company under the partly cloudy sky listening to the hum of the margarita machine churning out the next batch. All and all, after dinner, the hot tub, and the excellent margaritas, we went to bed with smiles on our faces. She mentioned this morning that I’m still an asshole but she still loves me.

Just Playing With My Pachinko Balls

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Say it, pachinko, say it real slow so it just rolls off your tongue, pachinko. Now your asking, what’s pachinko (パチンコ) and why am I saying it? The overly simple description pachinko is that it’s a Japanese vertical pinball game. The rules are simple, shiny silver balls are fired from the top before cascading down through series of pins tumbling downward, most balls would disappear while a few may got into special holes that activates slot machines. The goal of the game is to gain more balls which can be exchanged for prizes. The operation of the game is actually really mechanical leaving the player with very little to do except defining the speed and rate the balls are fired upwards into play. It truly is a game of luck.

What does any of this have to do with me personally? Good question. I’m very glad you asked. Before I lived in Japan I had never seen a pachinko machine or pachinko parlor. Unless you count the pachinko game they would play on occasion on The Price Is Right way back when. However, the exterior of the pachinko parlors around where I lived reminded me of times I had visited Reno and Las Vegas which meant one of two things, casino or strip club. I had driven by a few pachinko parlors for the first year or so of living in northern Japan and never had an interest in finding out what was really going on inside these always packed 24/7 buildings. Biggest reason was money, we were poor and didn’t have spare money to go and gamble away.

One day that all changed, I had been out walking around an area called Green Pole Road which was basically an array of small shops, restaurants, and open farmers market. It had a mix of many things depending on what mood you were in. It was also host to most of the festivals and parades that came through Misawa. Anyway, I heard the noise of the pachinko parlor around the corner ahead of where I was walking. So, I decided to poke my head in and check out what pachinko was. The very first thing that alarms one’s senses is that it is freaking unbelievably loud. I can’t even dream up a way to describe how loud it was, just very loud, trust me I listen to heavy metal cranked up to the max, I know loud. No time to stand in the door tho, I was brushed ahead and seated immediately, seems I was blocking traffic while I was looking for the 4 seconds I stopped.

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I had some Yen so I decided what could it hurt. I was shown how to play and away we went. I was sitting only a matter of 10 minutes when lights, bells, whistles, and a cascade of balls made a noise so deafening that it made my whole body vibrate. Immediately an attendant came by with small plastic tray to be used to fill up with the balls. This went on for a few minutes and then as fast as it began it was over, except I had over 70 plastic trays packed full with shiny chrome balls. Now what? Exactly what I was thinking. Soon enough another attendant pushed through and began stacking the trays of balls into a flatbed dolly. He pulls my arm and was telling me something I couldn’t even hear. So, I just followed him to the cashier. The dumped all of my winnings into a counter, not unlike a machine that will count/sort change, and when it was all done it spit out a ticket with the quantity of balls. How many was it, don’t know exactly, but is was an assload of them for sure.

Then one guy, resembling the way an auctioneer would move his hands fast and talk fast, started showing me everything I could trade my winnings for. Start with a cheap plastic lighter and work your way up to some high dollar houses with every appliance, car, food, drink, tobacco product, known to man up for grabs. I guess I had a look on my face that I was interested in any of the exchange prizes so I was handed my ticket and walked out the front door. Before I could even begin to wonder what just happened another man leads me to the building next door. The reality of it is we went down the alley and stopped at a very nondescript door where we waited for a few moments before the small window opened. The receipt was taken from my hand and handed to someone I could not see, then the window closed. After a few minutes the window opened and the hand shoved out a plastic bag in my direction. The guy outside takes the bag and shoves it inside my jacket and points for me to go.

When I looked in the bag I saw it was full of money, allot of money. How much? Well, when I went to the credit union and did the currency exchange I was given just shy of $6500.00. Oddly enough I had only spent under $25.00 playing the game. After some checking I found out while there was all the cloak and dagger secrecy, gambling for cash is illegal in Japan. But, gambling for prizes is not, nor is selling your receipt (for a cut I found out). That would the first and last time I went to a pachinko parlor to gamble. However, when my parents came over for their visit I did take my dad, he won as well, but only a couple of hundred dollars. Oddly enough I don’t like gambling, I can think of a zillion different things I “should” be doing with my money, like paying bills. So, there you go, a little deeper into my life in Japan. I have many tales to tell about Japan, it was a very fascinating place to live, work, and raise a family.

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What You Never Knew About These Drugs

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The nature of the human beast is to explore and experiment. So, growing up most of us are taught that drugs can and will do many scary things to the human brain and body. We have all seen that these effects can be blown out of proportion, making it seem like a few tokes at a party can send you spiralling into addiction,  and then leading to a life of crime. The drugs listed below are worse than anything you were ever warned about. These drugs can and will fuck your life up beyond repair. Anybody that has been around me a bit knows that I don’t judge what a person does in their life. Well, that is not exactly true, if you are fucktard I will judge you. So let’s look at ten (10) really fucked up drugs and explore why you may not want to have them enter your body by any means.

Zolpidem

  • A drug with potential side effects like sleep-walking, sleep-driving and occasionally sleep-spewing.
  • Zolpidem, more commonly known as “Ambien” is a sleeping pill that was developed as an alternative to Valium. And most of the time, it works pretty well. You can take one, fall asleep, and then wake up in the morning without further incident.
  • For some people though, Zolpidem can cause people to do all kinds of crazy shit while asleep. There are many cases of people on Zolpidem crashing cars and claiming to be asleep, and that’s just the warm up.
  • Do a little research about all the side effects which are being hidden from the public but are public record.

Scopolamines

  • The drug criminals blow into your face.
  • Scopolamines ability to cause amnesia suggestibility has been exploited by Colombian criminals.
  • Criminals in Colombia have been blowing powder into the faces of victims, who then happily empty their bank accounts or assist in the robbing of their own house. The morning after, the victim has no idea what has happened.
  • Scopolamine is a drug that causes amnesia and suggestibility. The really scary thing about this drug is how easy it is to administer.
  • There have been rumors of people being drugged in the United States through touching business cards soaked in scopolamine.

Nutmeg

  • Despite a wholesome reputation, is in fact a hallucinogenic.
  • The same stuff that’s probably sitting in your kitchen cupboard right now is one hell of a crazy drug.
  • High doses of nutmeg can induce hallucinations; which has led many people strapped for cash or wanting a legal alternative to the more famous hallucinogens to throw back massive doses of a kitchen spice.
  • These trips are normally unpleasant and more closely resemble psychotic detachment from reality as opposed to the psychedelic sixties.
  • Accompanying the hallucinations is severe anxiety, and a sense of impending doom.
  • The physical effects are also pretty harsh with rapid heart rate and palpitations, dry mouth, nausea and urinary retention all being reported.

Human Growth Hormone (HGH)

  • Human growth hormone or HGH is, as you would expect, a hormone found in humans that is necessary for growth.
  • Athletes have been known to inject HGH because they believe it will help with recovery after training.
  • There can be some very nasty side effects. The most intense one is a condition called acromegaly.
  • Acromegaly causes skin to get thicker, the hands and feet to swell and the jaw line to become more pronounced causing gaps between the teeth.
  • The early days of HGH use were even scarier, as it was sourced from dead bodies.
  • This practice led to many cases of Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease, a brain disorder similar to mad cow disease.

Bromo-Dragonfly

  • Acts like a super-charged version of LSD, with trips lasting up to 3 days.
  • Bromo-dragonfly is a drug that is named because its molecular structure looks like a dragonfly.
  • Bromo-dragonfly is sometimes sold as LSD, because it’s active at low enough doses to be put on a tab.
  • While an LSD trip usually lasts a few hours, Bromo-dragonfly can be active for up to 3 days, and can have a range of nasty side effects.
  • These include seizures, spasms in your veins and blood vessel constriction. Amputation of limbs is required in severe cases.
  • The trips have been described as being “dragged to hell and back again”.

Rimonadant

  • Rimonadant, the anti-pot, can cure munchies but cause depression.
  • Getting the munchies is one of the most well known symptoms of marijuana smoking. Scientists figured that if they made a drug that had the opposite effect on the body, they could make people less hungry.
  • Rimonabant was born, a drug that works in the same places in the brain as cannabis but has exactly the opposite effect.
  • This strategy worked and the drug was approved for weight loss. Rimonabant was also found to have opposite effects to weed in other areas too. It increases sperm motility, and improves short-term memory in animals.
  • Rimonabant has the opposite effect of pot and was withdrawn from the market pretty quickly after it was revealed it was making people depressed and suicidal.

Etorphine

  • This “Super-Heroin” is 5000 times stronger than heroin, and can overdose a human simply through skin contact.
  • Heroin has caused untold levels of despair, suffering and bad PSAs. So you might be surprised to learn that scientists sat down and developed a drug 5000 times as strong.
  • Etorphine is a drug that works in the same way as heroin and morphine, but never really took off on the streets because it’s too potent to do anything besides instantly kill humans.
  • Its only use is to sedate large animals, and 1/100th of a gram can knock out a 6614 lb. elephant.
  • Contact with skin can be enough to cause an overdose in humans, so whenever the drug is used an assistant with an antidote has to be ready to Pulp Fiction you in case of an accident.

2,4-Dinitrophenol or DNP

  • DNP burns fat in humans so well, it raised body temperatures and cooks the user from the inside.
  • 2,4-Dinitrophenol or DNP is a drug that screws up the way your body uses energy.
  • Normally the food you eat is turned into energy to keep your heart beating and let your muscles move and if you eat too much energy, the excess is stored as fat.
  • DNP is a drug that was used for weight loss in the 1930s, because it totally screwed with the way your body used energy so that energy is used up without any effort on your part.
  • While this may sound like the best invention ever, there’s a drawback. The drug was discontinued in 1938 because people were literally cooking from the inside, with massively raised body temperature, heart rate and sweating that was often fatal.
  • Amazingly, the drug is available through online pharmacies and people are still taking it, and it’s still killing them.

Dimethylheptylpyran “DMHP”

  • Dimethylheptylpyran, the super powerful synthetic marijuana.
  • Dimethylheptylpyran is a US military designed marijuana so potent that a 1mg dose can leave soldiers unable to perform their duties for up to 3 days.
  • From the 1950s to the 1970s the US military had a fun little side project at the Edgewood Arsenal. They would give soldiers various drugs and chemical agents to see what happened. One of these was a super potent version of marijuana called ‘dimethylheptylpyran’ or DMHP.
  • However, rather than a couple of joints, 0.0002 g is all the DMHP the person needed.
  • At 1mg doses soldiers were completely unable to perform their duties for up to 3 days.
  • The fucktards over at Edgewood thought they had stumbled across the ideal non-lethal incapacitating agent. One could just spray the enemy base with DMHP and walk in an hour later with no resistance.
  • By the late 1970s more effective chemical warfare agents had been weaponized, and the research was stopped.

Krokodil

  • Krokodil is a cheaply produced drug that has similar effects to heroin, but with side effects that include literally eating away at the flesh of the user.
  • A series of reactions with over the counter painkillers and easily available chemicals can create a drug called desomorphine that has similar effects to heroin.
  • Cooking up painkillers, lighter fluid, and cleaning oils in a kitchen doesn’t result in a pure product. A brown gunk called Krokodil is produced.
  • The mixture was named for its tendency to turn the skin of users scaly and reptilian as the toxic by-products eat away at the flesh. Heavy use leaves flesh grey and dead, sometimes rotting away to the bone.

Okay boys, girls, and the usual fucktard, this information was not provided so y’all could increase your stash it was done to increase your repertoire of knowledge. I know, since I am not stupid (all the time), that there are those of you who are thinking it is pretty cool that all of these fabulous drugs can still be found on the market today. This should not be the time that y’all take an opportunity to call your hook up to see if they can get you things off of your new shopping list. In my twisted way this is to serve as an educational tool and provide a little humor on behalf of all the dumb bastards that had to show society that they are indeed not super-human. As much as I enjoyed reading all about these drugs and as much as I enjoyed writing about them, there comes a time when a post has to come to an end. This is that time. Now, go find something useful to do with yourselves, just keep your hands on top of the table where everyone can see them because I know where some of your minds go sometimes.