Kick The Tires & Light The Fires

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I would like to say that I’ve been itching to get back here to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog, but there would only be about 3% truth in that statement, and I would like for everyone to know that my year or so vacation has been just that, without one single withdrawal symptom to count. I know some of y’all are asking how could I not miss blogging about whatever crossed my mind at a given moment of a given day, and I would say it was actually easier to walk away from than I first thought because I was pretty addicted to doing as I pleased how I wanted to and when I wanted to. So, with that being said let’s kick the tires and light the fires. Yes, I will probably still misspell words, use improper grammar, cuss allot, and give my unwanted opinions. And no, I will not be announcing any kind of fucking format changes, I like the fringe too much to charge ahead changing shit that doesn’t need changing. I do, however, want to thank everyone for visiting over the past months, when I was posting I averaged 1200+ visitors a day and when I stopped that dropped to an average of 800+ visitors. Come to find out older material was still being re-blogged and commented on, people were still using links from other blogs and searching the world-wide web to find this blog. I would have to guess that 90% or better of the searched terms landed y’all here by accident because I tag the shit out of my posts and have something like 30,000+ tags in the cloud. Before I get started I would like to reach out to thank everyone who has continued to email me, text me, comment here, or just flat-out call me. It has been a constant reminder that I have left y’all hanging, that I abandoned my blog along with friends and followers, and that even though I may have been finished with one part that I wasn’t even close to being done yet.

Which is where we begin, deciding whether one is finished or one is done. I see your face already, giving me the looks of a disappointed parent before even giving me a chance to explain. But some of y’all already know the difference, some of y’all even use it on a daily basis, but the rest of y’all may think you’re learning something new, only to find out that it has a purpose in life. Most things I teach my children are lessons taught to me over the years, of course I’ve had the luxury of picking and choosing what works for me, but I have a nice collection of “tools” in this weathered shed that have come in handy over the years. The best example of all of this nonsense we call living out our lives is knowing without fail if I am finished or if I am done. While i find it super simple, I will explain. Imagine if you will, for those who can, that you picked up a great book to read, a thick book with many chapters, a book which will probably take weeks if not months to get to the end. You’ve set aside a few hours to read and decide at the end of the first chapter that you need a break. Now ask yourself, are you finished or are you done. For those playing along, you are merely finished for the time being. To be done one needs to make it to the end, signifying being done. Being finished or done applies to everything, yes I said everything, from conversations and conflicts, from getting dressed to showering, from going on a trip to doing your daily routine, it applies everywhere. Just think how much simpler life would be if everyone on the planet applied being finished or being done to everything they do. It simplifies my life to say the very least.

Is is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that it really has been an entire year. A year without blogging? A year without any social media? My calendar says it’s true, so it must be true, right? Getting back into gear has proven to be rather challenging to say the very least about the matter. Anyway, I think the vacation has done me well, as well as well can be, it’s been a crazy busy year with many twisted turns, some expected and some real surprises.

Before I get into the past year let’s look at the present, today is a great day to discuss. So, it appears my blogcatalog account is still up but I can’t get into because I don’t have the password so I’m trying to get it resolved or reset. Same goes for Twitter and Google+, I can see the pages but can’t get logged in. As far as Facebook and the Facebook fan page, same scenario, with the exception that they want me to update my information with proof of photo identification to show I’m a real human or something to that extent. Personally, I say piss on it all because in reality it was the chore up updating social media which was one of my biggest problems, leaving me very out of focus doing my blog. For what I ask? To promote something that nobody cares about, that’s the answer we’re going for. I knew since day one that this blog was merely one in billions or more. So, my decision has been made, if I’m to give this shit a go again then it’s going to be on my terms alone. I’m taking it back to basics, taking it back to my boring ass life and lifestyle, and writing about the shit that matters to me personally and what might be in or around my life.

Now, as I mentioned above, many people have continued to email and text me and for some reason it has convinced me to try again. I know, I’m trying to figure out what it is that they or y’all are missing, but thanks for the encouragement and the poking and prodding and general enthusiasm, I really do appreciate it, so we can see how it goes. I guess the next thing to do is bring everyone up to speed and then I will get into some really deep shit in coming posts.

Well, I recall mentioning that I became a “minister” so I could fulfill the request of my oldest daughter to officiate her wedding up in South Dakota. And, last summer I did exactly that. In all, the ceremony was easy, it was the whole marrying off my daughter that proved to be the challenge. It was an eventful trip to say the very least, but that will be the next post, because we had the wedding, but we also had a very life altering medical emergency with my wife as well. Just know everyone is well now. So, speaking of marriage ceremonies, something I figured I would not be doing again until probably my son’s marriage if that would be what they wanted, but I found out that plan had quite a few holes in it as it would happen. Therefore, to date, not counting my daughter’s wedding, I’ve officiated 6 other marriages and 3 same sex marriages (female to female). Not that the kinds of marriage ceremonies actually matter, but there are still a few of y’all out there that have the idea that I’m anti-gay, a racist, anti-religion, and against so much other shit. All I can say is live your life as you see fit. Anyway, all the weddings mentioned approached me personally through word of mouth. This is not why i was ordained, but I considered everything and moved forward. Let’s just say I was given the opportunity to witness the other sides of people as they prepared for the big day. We’ll discuss more later in regards to weddings, trust me.

So, a quick review. I’m still married, just celebrated 18 years last month. I’m still working at the same place doing the same thing on the same shift, more to come on that topic too. I’ve just started parent taught driver’s education with my soon to be 16 y/o son. We, as a family, as a whole, are just living life one day at a time. In one of the next posts I will elaborate on my medical health.

But I think for now this can end as a post since I actually do know how boring I really am. So, I guess this is my way of saying that upon my return I don’t really care if the haters have their big girl panties on or not. My opinions have not changed much, if any, there are still too many fucktards out roaming around out of control that I come in to contact with more often than not. With that being said, remember boys and girls to eat it every day.

Now That I Have Your Attention

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Did this post title grab your attention? Good, because that’s what this post is going to be about, getting the attention of the reader or visitor of your blog. Oddly enough, I get many compliments on my blog, how it is laid out, it’s flow, and it’s overall vibe. I’m very intentional when it comes to what is seen, there are no accidents here, it all has one very direct purpose, I want readers to be visually stimulated long enough to make them inquisitive. I have 8 seconds or less to do this, 8 seconds to either make an impact or to bore y’all to tears. Now, I get asked repeatedly how I figure out what I want my blog to look like, to feel like, and what reaction I shoot for. So, finally I let myself get talked into sharing my secrets and my model. Remember, this is how I do it personally, it’s not going to work for everyone.

In today’s technology-fueled and fast paced world, there are distractions in every direction. Our ever shrinking attention span makes it extremely challenging for bloggers to reach their potential visitors. Getting our virtual message across quickly becomes critical. Think of it like a billboard along a highway, a vehicle speeding along @ 70mph has 2-4 seconds to take in the information. With digital information at our fingertips, communicating to visitors is no different; you have just seconds to make that all important everlasting impression.

Depending on the generation y’all are directing your information to, the average attention span can vary wildly. Younger visitors, for example, are especially difficult to grab the attention of, having grown-up with the internet at their fingertips, their attention span is relatively short. Boomers on the other hand, may take a few extra seconds to consider the information being presented. On average, you have roughly 8 seconds to make that all important lasting impression, good or bad.

So how do you do it? Here are a few of my personal ways I’ve learned over the years on getting my message noticed.

State what you want to communicate immediately. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t get cute or clever, just tell them what you want or how they can benefit from it. They’ll either be interested or they won’t, end of story.

Use unique imagery. As George Carlin said, “If you put two things together that has never been put together before, someone will buy it from you.” Combining images to create something that jars the imagination can stop someone in their tracks long enough to arouse curiosity.

Ask a question. Questions gets the mind thinking and humans are problem solvers by nature. When a question is put in front of us, our subconscious mind begins to work on it. When it comes to your blogging message, get the visitors thinking of how it will better them for reading until the end.

Add a little mystery. This technique is completely opposite of tip 1, however, if used effectively, it can stop someone dead in their tracks. Wrap your post in such a way that the visitors wants to find out more, thus creating a desire or passion for your message.

Tease them. Similar to creating a mystery, teasing arouses curiosity by providing just enough information to get their attention. Teaser ads are often used in print and sometimes outdoor. When using this strategy, timing, punch, and impact is everything. Make sure the time span between the teaser and the actual message is short enough that the visitor doesn’t forget about the teaser to begin with. As the old saying goes… “Always leave them begging for more.”

Use humor. A light-hearted image, a clever statement, or a quick joke or pun is a good method on getting someone’s attention. We all enjoy a good laugh or something that makes us smile.

Keep it simple stupid. Like a billboard, the fewer the words the better. This is sometimes challenging to accomplish, but a shorter message is actually easier to remember and makes the longer impression.

Know your target audience. Even the finest crafted message can miss the mark if aimed at the wrong crowd. Know what you want to achieve and who you need to achieve it. Then customize your message to fit the demographics.

Animate it. Where media dictates, use motion to grab the person’s eye. Colorful, fast moving images are immediate attention getters… just be careful not to over do it… then it just becomes obnoxious.

These tips just cover a few of my basics. Use your creativity to come up with new ways to grab (and hold) the attention of your visitors. I hope I held your attention long enough for you to complete this article. If so, mission accomplished. I don’t typically like doing posts like this, but because the are the basic tools in my box I figured it really couldn’t hurt. The internet is a great and vast place, y’all too will find your niche and make it work. I’m no expert, just a simple man with a blog that I have fun with. Remember that word, fun.

Trolling My Facebook Wall

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It never surprises me when trolling my own Facebook Wall that I will see some things which surprise me. With that being said I found these pictures from Rexi @ the McRex Resort of one of her sweet cats checking out my latest blog post. Rexi always plays when I ask of pictures of my blog on your computer as seen by y’all. And then again, like today, she just does it out of the blue for fun.

So lets go ahead and start another round of my blog from your view. Just email me the picture(s) or post them on Facebook and tag me in the photo(s). I will find them one way or another. Then I will post them here and credit you and your blog. And since I have three blogs to choose from y’all have more selections. Please remember my other two are not suitable, in general, for minors, work, or for people with sticks up their asses. Also keep that in mind if posting to Facebook, don’t need anyone getting in trouble for posting NSFW on Facebook. So, let’s see what y’all got, y’all already know I’ll post it here so give me your best shot(s).

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Since The Dust Has Settled

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After some time of reflection, after some time “away” from blogging, after some time to get my collective shit together, I have seen and reviewed some interesting opinions with some interesting points of view, being somewhat responsible for me even doing a written post today, I had no intention, but here we are again. I will begin by saying I do not owe a single motherfucker an apology, as I will not apologize because my opinions differ from someone else. If that were the damn case, then I would be sitting here, in silence and protest, waiting for many apologies. But I’m not, I support your will and right to have opinions which doesn’t mean they won’t differ from my own or mean I like them, but they are yours, and mine are mine. When does passion for something, anything really, get lost in “translation”? When does a simple speech turn into a sermon?

Y’all are probably thinking I will be taking about more emails in this post, but I’m not going to mention the good, the bad, or even the ugly ones. Not today, not this time, not that they actually matter anyway. This post here is merely an observational exploration into what I can statically know, which means it is truly like starting from the first floor, I would say, under the basement, but all is not lost and I’m not actually starting over since the close to 3000 posts are still available to view or read. However, fans, followers, passers by, casual readers, and yes of course, even the haters have made an overall impact on my blog statistics. Meaning that my blog went from an average of 3500 visitors per day, not views, but unique visitors, to an average of 7 per day. Quite a drop, on average, in one week’s time, if you’re to be asking me, I’m just saying. Unfortunately, having an unpopular opinion has led be back to where I once started. Which, in all actuality, is where it was nice for me. I would write, post pictures, criticize shit I don’t like, validate who I do like, and worried only about one critic, me. But, here I sit another day, still breathing, still with a will and want to post whatever in the fuck I want to post, saying whatever in the fuck I want, and not giving in to anyone except myself. If this means getting blocked or shutdown on social media like Twitter, Facebook, Google+, or on Blogcatalog, then so be it. My plans are not to “publicize” my posts any longer, which means it will only show up, besides my blog, on the WordPress Reader or on other people’s blog that show live feed updates who still have my link active. Meaning? I’m not informing anywhere with updates, I’m no longer inviting people to visit or share, unless it otherwise happens automatically I will no longer be making the effort. End of story. If you want to see what is happening here you will visit on your own accord, not mine. I guess the blame would be on the visitors then, for making poor choices.

What will change here? Minor things mostly, but more freedom on my end to post what in the fuck I want to post how in the fuck I want to post it, a simple yet complicated gesture on my part. No longer will photos be edited or censored, fuck self censorship, we will now be a come as you are blog and a blog where I post whatever in the hell I’m in the mood to post. And, y’all are right, my choices in format and censorship do not mean shit to nobody except me, but I like to inform people in advance so fewer people get butthurt down the road. Ah, the road, the path in which I still enjoy my freedom to choose which direction I will travel at any given moment in time.

Anyway, if you are reading this post then you are here, you are at The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog, my home away from home, a place that is mine to decorate as I see fit. Stay as long as you like, there is no bar or buffet, no stools or places to sit, there is no live entertainment for you to see, a simple place to visit with simple ideas. The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it is my tequila laden margarita that I enjoy and it entertains me, so problem solved.

Try To Understand My Point Of View

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Through many, many private messages, text messages, and emails today I have been asked why I’m not falling in ranks by updating my profile picture everywhere with a picture of myself in the military. Hmmm, well, today is no different than any other day that I enjoy a fair amount of anonymity since my blog, my personal life, and professional lives usually only cross because words are spoken. If it helps, I’m a 6’8″, 230#, white, going gray, dark brown eyes, prior military service, Texan, 47 year old of the male species of the human race. Now you should be able to pick me out of a crowd, right? So, all y’all get is a mental picture unless you were lucky in the past and actually saw 2 I posted before. If not, you’re sincerely shit out of luck. With all of that being said, I cannot apologize for my lack of personal pictures, they just don’t exist on the internet, I’ve tried hard to keep it that way. To tell y’all the truth, there aren’t that many pictures of me in existence for one reason or another.

Don’t Speculate On The Intent Of Emails

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After the last few posts done here the emails and spammy comments have really been stacking up. First of all, I appreciate the fucking efforts y’all took to write to me and letting me know your opinions. Y’all may not know this, but it’s really hard to convey emotions in an email, but y’all sure in the hell fucking try. Now, first I would like to say that I received a fair amount of positive emails, some of which were from complete fucking strangers to me. I don’t try to post allot of touchy feely emotional bullshit stuff because many times its too fucking depressing to write much less to read. Which is why I veered away from telling the bartender stories for a while. But what is life without ups and downs, it’s called death, morons.

It’s good to hear that there are so many motherfucking psychology scholars in my reading audience who have a grasp on my personal reality (or lack of) and think that my past is getting in the way of my future. Are they fucking right? Can they know me best by what I leave out when I write. According to the scholars I am living my life in fear because I don’t want to relive my past. Pause. I find it hard to think I’m fearing something that I can’t fucking ever change. The truth is, I don’t want my past changed, the past happened for a reason, it helps me figure out who I want to be. And no, I’m not living in denial when I say I don’t have mental issues, I’ve just seen some shit that really fucking freaked me out. We’ve all got a past, we all have demons, and we all do what we must do to make it through another day. Every day I have the opportunity to wake up I am fucking thankful to have one more chance to tick one more day off the calendar. I think that’s more than allot of people around me can say, all I fucking hear is how people hate their fucking lives. Okay then, hate your fucking life, but can you leave my life out of it please?

Yes, I’m aware of what PTSD is and how people choose to live there life around it. Sure, I could go to the VA headshrinker and beg and fucking plea so they would medicate me so I would go away, but I don’t see the point personally. What I’ve seen or done in the world over the years is not what my fucking problem is, my problem is with the people who want to label, medicate, and discard people who really want and or need help. I merely had moments where I decided that certain shit wasn’t for me any longer, I made choices, and I took actions to change what I didn’t like. All joking aside, there are people with real mental problems who need real mental help to foster their care and improve their life as well as their well-being. People aren’t looking for an armchair psychologist who read a book once or saw some shit like this on Oprah, these are real people, not after ratings or fame. So fuck off.

Specifically, let’s talk about how we act in the real fucking world. I can sit here and say honestly that I’m much more of an asshole in person. However, I’m quiet, collecting information, surveying my surroundings, watching people’s body language, and picking apart the bullshit I’m listening to. Typically, my mouth remains closed unless your bullshit starts to get on me. I’m a very tolerant person (I really hate that fucking word, tolerant) and it takes a great deal to provoke me, but when you finally cross over that fucking line just be ready because I go straight for the throat every single fucking time. I try not to “people” too much any more in my life because everyone is offended by something. Well, fuckheads, it offends me that you’re offended. Here on my blog I get the emails all the time that tell me they are one and done because I have offended them. So fucking what, here’s a tampon, now move the fuck on. People pretend to be so pretentious and proper and politically correct. Boo hoo bitches I’m not like that. If everyone forgot about my blog, never looked at my blog, unfollowed my blog, and never looked here ever again, I’d be just fucking fine with each of those decisions. But what really amuses me the most are the self righteous premadonna fucktards who want to tell me what’s either best for me or best for my blogs, y’all crack me the fuck up, daily, multiple times a day, I’m not kidding.

Where does this leave us now? The same, we remain the fucking same, you and I, no changes. I figured out something a very fucking long time ago and it’s something some of y’all need to get through your thick little skulls, I’m not seeking your fucking approval. The only approval I need is from me. Yes, I share my posts on different social media sites updating whoever’s interested that something new has been posted. I’m thinking on quitting that bad habit altogether since 99% of the time that is all I post, just blog updates. Trust me, I have decided to quit fucking blogging on more than one occasion as well, simply because I get tired of the grief, the spam, and the fucktard version of psychoanalisms. I don’t blame y’all for be smarter than me, better spellers than me (thank you autocorrect), being better people than me, you are who you are, welcome to Earth motherfuckers. Whatever, right? Right. I’ve mentioned in the past (readers get it, skimmers miss it) that I just come here to write a little and post a little, I’m not looking for fame or fortune or even respect, I’m just here.

I would think that the fact that my blog makes you feel like you’ve shaved your twat with coarse fucking sandpaper that you just might realize we are different in many ways and we are the same in many ways. Remember, opinions are the assholes we wish to only peak at, because if we took a nice long look we’d realize that we don’t have the prettiest asshole to look at. Some of y’all will get that, for the rest of y’all I have provided Crayons and a coloring book. Of course, I’ve removed the black, white, brown, yellow, peach, red, and blue Crayons so you sensitive bitches don’t get offended and color in peace. I’m fucking nice like that, I cater to all the haters.

In closing, let me remind y’all I read my comments, social media posts, and emails everyday of the fucking week, sometimes I even respond, so your words are not being written in vain, well actually, your negative shit is in vain but it makes me smile. Not the fucking answers you were looking for? Oh well, write a nice formal complaint, fold it up real tiny like, and shove that motherfucker straight up your ass. I will be giving no further assistance or instructions on what to do. For you loyal readers, the ones who don’t feel abused or violated, welcome back and I have left some fucking snacks out for y’all. Anyway, I lost where I was actually going with this post entirely, I guess I just wanted to remind everyone that I’m okay, thanks for the wellwishes, and I too am glad to have woken up yet another day. Yay US!