When My Elmo Came Back To Life

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Yes, I have a Tickle Me Elmo. I was given my Elmo on Christmas back in 2000. Why? Well, that’s a very long and boring story, but my wife had found one and decided I needed it. Anyway, move forward 14 years and we are sitting in present time and Elmo has been up on a shelf for a better part of ten of those years. Oh, sure, he would come out to flawlessly dazzle the kids when they were younger but he was always returned to his perch high in the corner of my closet right next to Chucky and other things I collected at one time. He probably hasn’t been touched or looked at in at least five years and the only reason I am writing about him now is because of what happened a few weeks ago.

I remind y’all, this is a true story. We can get into stuff I have collected/accumulated at another time since I hear the questions coming already. But, a few weeks ago I was laying in bed watching some TV about 2 in the morning when out of the blackness I heard a thump in my closet. Even though it has wood flooring, it was a rather muffled thud to say the very least. I got up, opened the door, and when I turned on the light I had the shit scared out of me. Elmo was on his back on the floor giggling his happy little ass off. WTF indeed!

I wasn’t concerned about his fall, but him giggling razzled me a bit. I didn’t even know it had batteries still inside. Bad ass Energizer batteries. Here’s the catch, I took the batteries out at this point to test them, my meter registers them as beyond dead. Freaky! It gets worse. The following morning I put brand new, straight out of the never opened pack, batteries in the Elmo and the thing was as dead as a doornail. Upon investigation, meaning I had to “operate”, I found the lead wires corroded and not even connected to either terminal.

At this point I wonder if I dreamt everything the night before. Did Chucky push him off the shelf, did the Six Million Dollar Man help, was Luke Skywalker involved in the plot? Perhaps all the conditions were right for Elmo to get one more giggle. Question still remains, how did he fall from behind everything else in front of him for 20″ and then off the shelf to floor? Nothing else on that shelf was out of place, just the empty spot against the wall where he has always been. After some electrical repairs I placed Elmo back on his perch, hopefully there won’t be any more problems.

Father Of The Year Nominations Accepted

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A few months ago I set out on a quest to find myself a life-size Chucky doll. I needed it for so many reasons that I won’t begin to count them out. One can’t go wrong with a life-size Chucky doll. For those of y’all not familiar with the Chucky character or the Chucky movies then I highly recommend that at some time in the very near future y’all look it up or most of this won’t make much sense. But, thinking about it, that would be pretty much par for the course since I usually don’t make much sense. Anyway, I set my mind to it and my search began. Unfortunately, due to the popularity of the Chucky character, these dolls aren’t very easy to find and even harder to pry out of the hands of someone who owns one. But, as you can see I did get my hands on one. I happily offer it in to my collection of bizarre shit I own. But why did I want one y’all are asking? A fair question with a complicated answer since one Chucky doll is the solution to many things, so let’s explore.

All three of my children, my son JB @ 12 y/o, my daughter CD @ 17 y/o, and my oldest daughter LW @ 23, have different tastes in movies and what they like in life. But, all of them share a common factor, in each their own way they like the “horror genre” of things offered in life. Take for example my son first, he won’t watch horror or scary movies, but he absolutely has a blast in haunted houses. My 17 y/o daughter watches all the horror and scary movies, yet she won’t put a pinky into a haunted house. My 23 y/o is just like me, she loves all horror and scary movies and in turn loaves haunted houses, in fact this time a year she puts her love to work for her and works part-time in her local haunted house. So, she gets to act it all out and get paid for having fun. As for me, I like it all, I’m the biggest kid they have ever met. In past years I go all out for Halloween @ my house. Everything is decorated to the hilt. Been here before? Then you have seen past posts and pictures. unfortunately with my foot surgery and recovery I chose to skip decorating this year which has been very disappointing. Worst of all I did not do my neighborhood haunted forest and house. I have had people express their disappointment and concern and tell me they don’t know what they will do now. I offered to let them come drink margaritas with me and my wife while we watch the bonfire burn. As you can see, I’m more than just a little bummed. Beware next year tho because I will be back with a vengeance.

Lets get back to Chucky. Yes, I own all the Chucky movies. Why? I collect horror movies. Over the years my 17 y/o has really shown an utter dislike for Chucky so we always poke fun at her. So, I hatched a plan one warm summer night that I was going to scare the shit out of CD with a life-size Chucky. My idea was and remained very simple. Anyone every seen The Godfather? Picture the scene with the horse head in the bed and then use your imagination. Last night, after CD was fast asleep, Chucky and I entered her room, I rolled her covers back, Chucky found a place on her pillow just inches from her face, then, like a good daddy, I covered both of them back up. She is a restless sleeper, she moves around allot, so I knew the two of them would meet up sooner or later in the dark of night. After about an hour of laying in bed watching television, I heard it. You can’t fake a real life blood curdling scream at decibels that were in a range that were close to piercing my ear drums. It kinda startled me to tell the truth. I didn’t budge, I waited for her to come to me, and soon enough she came. Her face was that of someone who saw their own ghost, pissed, scared, and very emotional. I got her. She came in and hugged me with her head in my chest, she was still choked up, snotty nosed, and teary eyed. I almost felt bad, but I didn’t fall for it. I went with her to room to see how Chucky faired, her was still fast asleep. I was ordered to get IT out of her bed immediately and to take it outside and set it on fire. I did get it out, I forced her to take a picture with Chucky (not shown here today) first, she fought it but I got my picture, she has an older sister who needs to see it. Then Chucky and I went to my room, I put him in the closet, and I got back into bed to finish watching Duck Dynasty (don’t judge me). And that is how I scared the shit out of my 17 y/o daughter. Two more kids and a wife to go. Each one of those will be different tactics I already have scheming.

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The pictures used here today were taken by me. There were no pictures of my family because I like to keep their identity concealed. The person in the bottom picture is yours truly. Chucky is a trademarked name, product, and franchise, so please do not use the pictures for your own purposes. I hope y’all enjoyed my little story. Stay tuned because there will be more I’m sure of it.