The Gas Alert: True Love Has A Price


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she would never carry on like that, so he made the supreme sacrifice and he gave up baked beans and shortly after, they got married.

Some months later on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe’ and the odor of baked beens overwhelmed him and since he had several miles to walk, figured that he could work off ant ill effects before he got home. So he stopped and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he putted and putt putted. He putted down one hill and putt-putt-putted up the next and after arriving home felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful suprise for you for dinner tonite”. She blindfolded him and led him to the chairat the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she had returned and went to answer the phone. As soon as she was gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight and let one go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing so he took his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He raised his leg and rrriiippp!!! It sounded like a straight pipe hot rod and smelled so bad he began to gag. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just began to get back to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This one was the prize winner, the windows rattled, the dishes shook and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping his ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, he carried on like this for the next ten to fifteen minutes, farting and then fanning them with his napkin. When the phone farewells indicated the end of his freedom, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and to his surprise, there sat twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a suprise birthday party for him. 

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