Why So Fucking Serious?

64c280d2a818e5fcafbf681386b8deea

If you ever want trouble, come between an addict and her coffee. If you ever want to witness a coffee meltdown, fuck up my wife’s order at the local coffee chain outlet near our home. Oh yes, it happened, and I write today to maybe help myself understand why coffee zombies, my wife included,  go from zero to ballistic in .000001 seconds when their overpriced coffee crack is not prepared in a manner of perfection fitting for their standards. But, before I tell you a little story, let me just re-address the fact that there are a handful of places I absolutely refuse to go because I can’t fucking stand the mere thought of going inside. I don’t go with my wife or for my wife, hell no, fuck that shit, the people that work in these places are fucking rude, anal, and have lost their damn minds. I tend not to promote things or places I detest, so we not say the names of a national chain of make-up stores, the mall, or the national chain of coffee stores be written about today. Y’all are smart, figure it out. Let’s just say I have almost been divorced twice for my refusal to enter particular places of business.

Anyway, my wife has a ritual, on paydays each month, she pays the coffee monsters big bucks so her cravings can be satisfied. This means she gets high dollar coffee crack four times a month and on other special occasions. The rest of the month she fakes it with the little brew cups and different flavoured creamers. So, I get looking forward to something. We all have things we like and look forward to having, but coffee drinkers are fucking different, very different. I know the week is drawing to a close because her claws and fangs become more pronounced. So, let me explain what almost sparked the spring skirmish of 2017.

Yesterday my wife is on her way to work, making the ritual pitstop to get her blah blah blah mocha fucked up size name coffee. After waiting behind 12 or so cars she tells the speaker box the kind of coffee she wants. She says it in a fashion to which one would believe he is witnessing a line from a foreign film being spoken. It’s almost erotic in a way, especially coming from a person who lives in southeast Texas and can neither speak or understood one word in Spanish. Needless to say, after money has exchanged hands and she goes to take her first sip, it the wrong coffee. These fools have given her a cup of coffee with another person’s name written on the side. Bastards! How dare they do this inconsiderate and uncaring thing to her. Instantaneously​ mad now, she wants the blood, the balls, and this motherfucker’s first born for this fuck up. The nerve!

Of course this has to be resolved in a lady like, very polite manner, and she is in such a big hurry that she returns to the line of cars which is twice as long now. It’s the principal I’m told, she should not have to go inside to unfuck their overpriced coffee mistake. I’m, okay then. Here’s the kicker, when she finally arrived at the window, the spoiled little cunt sees the cup with my wife’s name on it sitting there all lonely and actually tried to hand it to her. How dare this bitch try to give her a coffee that was carefully crafted a mere 23 minutes ago, I mean, really bitch? All sarcasm aside, that girl is lucky their hands never touched because my wife would have dragged her out of the little window and gave her a stern talking to. Now a manager has arrived on scene to diffuse the “altercation”. She solves this entire thing buy re-making her coffee, up-sizing it for her, even adding sprinkles and whipped cream, and the refunding her $6 plus dollars. To top it off, since she knows my wife is a long time loyal patron, she gives he a gift card in equivalence to 30 days of free coffee made in the manner she prefers. That’s the equivalent to just shy of a $200 value for those of y’all counting at home.

So, it’s all been taken care of, right? Wrong! Why? Because I get to hear about the whole fucking thing for a second time once she got home. Also, had to listen to her talk and angry text on her phone the rest of the night. Now, I know it seems as though I am petty and don’t care about her problems, but it’s just fucking coffee. Don’t ever try to tell a coffee person it’s just “coffee” and expect to survive. Now I get to fight with my wife because I failed to take all of this bullshit serious one little bit. Oh, trust me when I tell y’all that it has escalated beyond an “I’m sorry” at this point, there may be big trouble brewing now. I know I’m a bastard for not taking this seriously, but how can I?

The image above was borrowed from the internet, a Google search more specifically, and do not have permission to use it today, tomorrow, or any other day. Oddly enough, I Googled “coffee zombie” and it was one of the results. I liked the look and decided to use it. If it belongs to you and you can prove it in writing I will gladly give you credit or remove it upon your request.

 

I Got Excellent Customer Service

wpid-20151015_080627.jpg

It’s not often that I get to tell of an experience with a company’s customer service that has a happy ending or even a happy middle. However, yesterday the rules changed and when I hung up the phone I was very satisfied with the phone call eventhough my problem was nowhere near resolved. Are y’all wondering how that can even be so? Let me explain. Back in June of this year y’all might recall that we bought my wife a 2014 Ford Mustang which has performed beautifully since the day we bought it. But, a few days ago my wife, who drives the car daily, informed me that the car stereo was not notifying when a text message comes in on her phone. Something she has become very accustomed to, probably to the point of being spoiled, she has really gotten used to the hands free voice activated controls. Needless to say, her world seemed to crash a bit when it stopped functioning. Boo hoo right?

Being the good husband I am, I took a look at it since I was the one who figured it out in the first place. Having zero success I resorted to doing some research on the internet, tried some different things, but was still very unsuccessful in my efforts. After two evenings of playing with it I finally broke down and called Sync customer service. I was preparing for the worst since calling customer service for anything usually results in me trying to reach through the phone so I can choke a motherfucker. With this phone call, in this instance of contacting customer service, I stand corrected. He was polite, courteous, apologetic, and sounded genuinely concerned about the issue. As much as I would like to tell y’all that the problem was resolved I can’t, because as hard as he tried, it’s still not working.

However, he did teach this old dog many new tricks concerning the stereo and other electronic components in the car. I knew it had features but shit not all the things he went through. A car stereo isn’t just a car stereo any longer boys and girls. Little did I know, the last new car I bought was in 2005 and I was impressed with the single disc CD player. Anyway, seems we were only using about 3% of the features to our advantage, but now that has changed. Yes, I mentioned he could not resolve our particular dilemma over the phone but he located our area Ford dealership, verified the services they provide, and set us up with an appointment this Saturday morning. He reminded us that everything is under warranty and after they perform a system update that our problems should become a memory. In the event it is a hardware issue and not a software issue, the Ford dealership will replace the stereo. I will let y’all know how it works out Saturday.

I would first like to thank Scott for providing us with top notch customer service support. I appreciate being treated like a human being instead of a customer with a problem. His attitude made a huge impact on my attitude and I actually enjoyed our entire conversation from start to finish. Whatever they are doing really works and it shows people like myself who have been tainted over the years that calling customer service doesn’t have to be a labored and fucked up experience. So, my hat is off to Scott, thanks for not making me feel I needed to choke the fucking life out of you. But seriously, thanks Scott, you couldn’t fix it but you tried and you took steps to get it fixed, which will make my wife happy, which in turn will increase my happiness.

Postal Customer Fucktard

wpid-89681666.jpg

We all know I do allot on eBay either buying or selling which involves me making a trip to the local post office at least once a week to mail out packages. This post office has had the same business hours for as long as I can remember but that never seems to please the impatient I’ll tempered big mouths who make the choice to be a bitchy fucktard. Y’all know her, she is the one pacing in line like a nervous first time mother cat. Each moment that passes one can hear her claws digging into the flooring through her flip flops. Why? Because in eyes, in her tiny little mind, her time is more valuable than anyone else’s time. Fuck you, cunt, wait in line like the rest of us peons. According to the clock on the wall it was 8:58 when the steel roll up door started moving, signaling to us in line that the postal employees were about to begin with the first customers in line. This morning there were two lines, the one I was four deep in that the people were buying something or shipping something and the other line which was for picking up packages and bulk mail which is where the twitchy big mouth bitch was standing, she was sixth in her line. She saw a problem, three people doing the outbound line and nobody tending to her line. The USPS employee closest to her was now hearing about it. Every single person in the post office could see and hear this very polite employee trying to get the lady to just push the button for the service bell. The bitch wouldn’t have nothing to do with it, yelling now, annoyed for some stupid reason, she demanded the employee’s name and to have her supervisor appear at once or “the shit was going to hit the fan” because she doesn’t have time to speak with somebody so low on the totem pole.

As fate would have it, I’m next to be called up, lucky me I get the poor employee who was getting all the verbal abuse, which is funny because she is still behind one person. In reality, both lines were actually moving quite swiftly in my opinion as it was only 5 minutes after 9 now. I was mailing 7 small flat rate boxes to 7 different states so mine might take a few minutes. Then the hitch is next in her line. The first thing out of mouth was that she had a big problem with the black woman with a mouth that won’t quit. The black woman being the employee assisting me at the moment. When he wouldn’t repremand the other employee on the spot she started in on her once again. Verbal abuse, racial slurs, postal innuendos, and even took a jab at her weight. Meanwhile, with a rather large smile, she continued to process my packages, only 2 more to go. Then, out of the blue, my bullshitometer had peaked and I found myself turning to the loud mouth bitch and asking her sternly if she “wouldn’t mind shutting her fucking pie hole for the remainder of my timenim the post office” and then it was on. Here we go, fist fight in the post office! Blah blah blah blah was all I heard at that moment, she demanded my name and that I be thrown out because of how I spoke to her. When she was denied by me and the supervisor, she informed us she was calling the police. A quiet voice a few people back in line spoke up and said “don’t bother, I called them a few minutes ago when you kept on verbally attacking everyone”. For thirty seconds she was silent and then was on her phone talking to husband I assume yelling and cussimg loudly so everyone could hear and brought up that I verbally abused her. Well, now I am done at the window, and I turn to leave, stopping briefly in front of her, and told her while I took her phone out of her freshly manicured claws ” that she was done here, right now, she needed to get the fuck out of everyone’s face and out of the post office before I was forced to assist her”.

She left, I watched her get into her little Mercedes convertible and speed away. I handed her phone to the supervisor and apologized for my own behavior. I left my name and number in case it was needed for later. He reached out and shook my hand and told me he is damn glad that her performance, both audio and visual in color, had been recorded for review. Then I left as well because my business was complete at the post office. Did the police ever show up? Not while I was there. Did she retrieve her cell phone from the post office supervisor? I don’t know and really don’t care. Why do dumb cunts act like the world revolves around them? How anal can one person really be? I really don’t like people like her because she is a bitch just to be a bitch. In reality, I should have kept my mouth shut because I probably could have gotten in some deep shit, but I didn’t, and to tell y’all the truth I really don’t regret it at all. There was no point in what she was doing, what she was saying, or how she was treating the innocent postal employee. The deep dark side of me hopes she had a terrible accident after she left. Which is wrong, I know. I do, however, wish those two women to meet once again somewhere else because I promise you the postal employee can take her in no time flat.

This is a perfect example of why I don’t go out in public much, stupid fucktards really irritate me for some reason. The older I get the harder it has become to self police and keep my big trap shut when needed. Some people just suck, and like this lady, she has made it in to a fine art. There is no reason possible to need to treat people the way we all saw. It is a want, it is a desire, and she wants the attention to focus on her. I have pity for her husband and kids if she has any. I bet their life is just one fuckednup bundle of blissful madness. So, writing this helped me work through my morning. I was a little pissed earlier today but now that I am done writing about it I feel much better. I have said it in the past, this blog is my therapy, because talking out loud to myself has always proved to only scare the people who see it. Lesson of the day, don’t be a royal bitch just because you can, make the choice to keep your mouth closed occasionally. Most of all, treat people like you want to be treated. That’s it, I solved my own puzzle, she must get spoken to as she speaks to others, perhaps at home, so she just let’s whoever the next unlucky person be the point of all of the anger. Also, this is why I am not a therapist, because I wouldn’t be able to refrain from keeping my mouth shut to the whiny self centered fucktards on the planet. Oh well, I will just keep on being unemployed for now, seems to be working wondrous for my nerves and keeping my blood pressure down low. Anyway, thanks for dropping by and giving my ol’ blog an look see, I really appeciate everyone who visits.

Brand Loyalty vs. Customer Service

Over the years, that’s over many many years for you young pups, I tend to buy the same name brand repeatedly when I find one that offers quality. Usually I am not too picky on price since I take care of my stuff and I usually get my money’s worth. Y’all have read, here and before, that I have found brands that I’m loyal to as well as brands I steer away from for one reason or many reasons. Which is why I’m here today, I have been an Oakley fan since back in my days in the Air Force. I still have a pair of clear safety glasses as well as a pair of impact resistant racquetball safety glasses I bought in 1989 and they still function as brand new, no scratches on the lens and only minimal wear and tear on the frames. Up until about a year ago I had bifocal prescription lenses in a pair of sunglasses and a pair of safety style glasses both provided by Oakley. I have always been pleased with the Oakley brand altogether. I don’t know that this has changed now, but I will definitely consider my latest experience with my latest pair of sunglasses. About a year ago I started wearing contacts after 20 years of wearing glasses, 10 of that wearing bifocals, so I needed some new sunglasses without my bifocal prescription in them. Easy enough, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I was going to get, a pair of Oakleys of course. I have wore the pair pictured for around 10 months. I wear them all the time when out doors, especially when driving or riding. Right around three weeks ago the coating on one of the lenses began to deteriorate. I contacted the Oakley customer service and they instructed me to send the glasses to them with my original receipt and they would determine a course of action. Fair enough. Done. Overnight FedEx because this was my only pair.
 
After eight days I had a box from Oakley waiting for me. I was very excited to get this box. However, my excitement was squashed when I opened the box since the glasses I sent them were indeed the glasses they sent back to me in the same condition. Enclosed in the box was a nice form letter explaining their decision not to repair or replace my glasses.
 
“Dear Valued Customer.
ref: Inquiry # XXXXXXX-XX
 
It has been determined that there is not a defect with the lens or the coating on the lens. Oakley does not cover or repair intentional damage(s) to Oakley products. All returns are subject to the following criteria.
 
—RETURN POLICY:

Your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you are not satisfied with your purchase, please call Customer Care for a Return Authorization (RA) number within 45 days of receipt of product (15 days for wearable electronics). Customized product or product that has been abused may not be returned under any circumstances. For all other products, if the item is returned in the original packaging, we will exchange it or provide you a refund based on your original method of payment. The product must be returned to us within 30 calendar days of the issuance of the Return Authorization Number. All products must be packed in the original, unmarked packaging including any accessories, manuals, documentation and registration that was included with the product. Returns that do not meet these conditions may be subject to a restocking fee.

 
Oakley would like to offer you a 15% discount on your next pair of Oakley glasses if purchased on-line within 10 business days. Please use promotion code XXX-X-XXXXX-XXX when checking out.
 
Questions? 1-800-XXX-XXXX
 
Thank You!
Signed: Bla Bla Bla”
 
I was a just a wee bit disappointed. In fact, I felt just a wee bit insulted. Why? Simply because when these glasses are not on my face they are in the protective back provided by Oakley when I originally purchased them. One might say, as my wife does, that I baby my glasses. I looked at my original receipt and invoice to remind myself what I paid because I couldn’t remember, I just recall they weren’t freaking cheap. Ah, yes, on 12 Feb 2012 I purchased this pair of Oakleys on their website for $190.00 with $17.93 for shipping. Making this pair of glasses worth $207.93 and I intentionally damaged them? Granted, I am way out of the “return by” days by a long shot. But, I did contact the customer service, I did give them my original purchase date, I did give them the invoice number for them to verify, and they did provide me an RA with all the information I provided. That right there I find, after getting them back, very misleading. The customer service lady could of explained all of this to me on the phone. Now, I will never badmouth Oakley, I have always been pleased with their products and mine tend to last forever. In fact, soon after I got mine I bought my son a youth pair since he went to wearing contacts at the same time. I spent $60.00 on his and he abuses his pair. Yet, his still look brand new, well, slightly used and worn. They are pretty damn durable glasses. I just wonder if I got the one pair out of millions that didn’t hold together well. I cannot be upset with them because of their return policy or their price since I have always had a good experience with their glasses. But, damn, I cannot get a break here.
 
I don’t know what I really expected. I know I did nothing to cause the degradation of the coating on only the one lens. I know it is a product quality defect. However, it’s a bit irritating, based on what I paid for these glasses, that they are not willing to cut me some kind of deal on a lens replacement or something. If y’all are thinking I will buy myself another pair of Oakley glasses then y’all are probably right. They have a loyal customer solely because even though I had one bad experience with a pair of their glasses doesn’t erase close to 25 years of good performance I have got. Anybody who wears Oakleys knows that they are worth the money. I know now to never try to return them after 45 days of purchase. It might make this all easier to swallow if I did abuse them and was at fault. If I stop buying them out of protest the only person that will suffer will be myself. This whole thing is such a paradox. But, I envision myself going in to an Oakley store later today too see what they got and if I want it, if not I will do it all on-line again. I hate going to the mall to shop. I also hate high pressure sales people, which is how the Oakley sales people are in this store here locally. Just let me look, just let me browse, and if I have a question I will ask. When I am ready to check out or leave the store empty handed it will all be based on those people. It’s sad but true.