I would like to talk about women smuggling drugs, or anything really, stuffed in their vaginas. No where in the above definition does it say that a vagina should be used like a glove compartment or as a pack mule for long trips. I will be the first to admit, however, that I love experimenting with vaginas, but not for short or long term storage of foreign objects. Who knows, I have read and seen some weird shit criminals do and perhaps some women just see their vaginas as a bonus pocket or compartment. I’m no expert so I cannot really say. Here, below are two stories which got me to thinking about what not to shove in a vagina. Border agents find one pound of meth in a woman’s vagina. Today in Found at the Border: A woman was caught trying to smuggle a pound of meth into the United States by hiding the stash in her vagina, according to authorities. A federal complaint says agents noticed part of a broken condom hanging out of 31-year-old Claudia Ibarra’s pants as they patted her down at the port of entry in San Luis on Tuesday. Ibarra, a U.S. citizen, was chosen for a pat-down because a Customs and Border Protection officer noticed she was acting very nervous. Once officers found the broken condom during a pat-down in a secured room, officers asked Ibarra to remove her pants and underpants. Ibarra complied, and one officer “was able to see a piece of plastic protruding from her groin area,” according to the federal complaint. “At that time, Ibarra admitted to having a package of methamphetamine concealed inside of her body,” the complaint states. Ibarra had to be taken to a hospital in Yuma because the package “could not be removed from her body,” and the package of meth, weighing exactly one pound, was successfully removed. Ibarra faces two federal drug charges.
And then…….. Laci Caldwell’s vagina may hold less cargo than Claudia “Home of the One-Pounder” Ibarra’s, but the 25-year-old accused smuggler wins points for creative storytelling. Caldwell was stopped on Monday while walking from Mexico at the San Luis port of entry south of Yuma after agents noticed she “seemed to be in pain or discomfort and that she was standing awkwardly.” Pain? Well, sure — the woman was in labor, about to give birth to 134.3 grams of meth. That’s nearly five ounces, or more than a quarter of what Ibarra was accused of trying to smuggle. Ibarra fessed up promptly when asked about her extra baggage. Caldwell, though, whose hometown wasn’t listed in a federal complaint, apparently thought for a minute there that she’d be able to talk her way out of trouble.
After noticing her awkward stance, customs agents asked for a second time whether she was carrying any contraband, and she said no. Agents felt a hard object protruding from her groin after a pat-down. “When asked what the hardness was, Caldwell replied that it was the result of a medical mishap during the birth of her first child,” the report states. For some reason, agents didn’t wish her well and send her on her way. They conducted a “partial body search,” which resulted in the discovery of “an off-white colored bubble/ball extending from Caldwell’s vaginal canal . . .” Yet Caldwell stuck with her story, again saying the object was an “abnormality” that occurred after her first pregnancy, “and she insisted that she be taken to the hospital for an X-ray.” Agents didn’t believe the tale but agreed an X-ray was in order.
They took her to the Yuma Regional Medical Center, where a doctor told them he’d prefer to just do a thorough vaginal exam. Then Caldwell saw her chance to ditch the evidence, according to the report. She changed into a hospital gown, and after “soiling this gown,” she changed into another. She tried to throw away the first gown, which one of the customs agents noticed was wrapped around an oblong object. The agent told her to put the stuff down, but Caldwell threw the object behind a door. Two plastic packages containing the 4.8 ounces of meth were found on the ER floor. U.S. Magistrate Judge Lawrence Metcalf ordered Caldwell to be detained, deeming her a flight risk. Caldwell’s being charged with two felony counts — one for smuggling the meth and another for possession with intent to distribute.
Both stories were found on Phoenix New Times with both pictures.
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