Big Fat Handful Of Fukitol Please

I have been told my whole entire life there are no “Do Overs”. It is a very true statement, especially when my Do Over button seems to be malfunctioning. Way back when, in days gone forever behind me, a friend of mine told me it was my one chance to make things right after my divorce. He pinned a Do Over pin on my chest right before my bachelor party. I had completely forgot that precious little moment, until today, someone mentioned to me that this would be the perfect day to have a Do Over button. Really, I hadn’t noticed. Yes, it has been an extremely long day and it will be 15 hours of my life I will never get back. Which is the point, I guess, that people always would say, that there are no Do Overs in life.That suits me just dandy. It is great to know I don’t have to ever repeat this day ever again as long as I live. Fantastic news that this won’t get all Groundhog Day on me and keep repeating itself. No, I have the solution, I have found my answer, I know what I really need. I need a big fat handful of Fukitol! I don’t need one or two, that will never do. Three or four? No, I really need more. I will take the whole handful of Fukitol and chew them up like Pez.

Yes, I realize there is not a magic pill or secret drink to make portions of my life go away and stay away. But, it would be really nice to be able to walk out on my porch, take a deep breath, and feel better when I am done. However, I tried walking out on the porch, but stepped on an acorn with bare feet. I took in a super deep breath of air, and then exhaled, inhale, exhale, repeat, until I realized I just smacked my very last cigarette in such a rush that I didn’t even enjoy it. Once I got back from the gas station, I tried it again, this time with my shoes on. And so, here I sit, letting my day disappear into oblivion. I think a handful of Fukitol pills would have been faster, but I suppose this will do.

I think I will take my Do Over button down to the Goodwill. Maybe someone else will find a good use for it. Might make a fine paper weight since it is never going to ever possibly work again.