For Father’s Day I was given passes for two for a local skydiving company. The passes include 3 tandem jumps for training and 2 solo passes, one set each for my wife and I, from my mother-in-law. I received them in the mail early last week. I eventually called her to thank her for this gift. It took me a few days because I really couldn’t figure out why she would give me skydiving anything as a gift. Before you start asking, yes, she is aware I don’t fly. Which is what was hard to figure out for me. If I don’t fly what would make her think I would voluntarily just out of a perfectly good airplane on purpose or for recreation. I had but one simple question to ask her. Which was “why in the hell would you give skydiving passes to someone who HATES flying much less the idea of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane? Why? Why? Why?” I was actually surprised at her answer as well as pretty annoyed. She told me, with a cheesy giggle no less, that she forgot. WTF? So I’m at a loss at this point. I still don’t understand how one forgets that a person doesn’t ever fly, never. I will possibly will have some free passes to a good home since I will NEVER be using them………ever.
Man was not meant to fly. That, of course, is my own opinion. I look in the mirror and do not see wings or feathers which means I wasn’t designed to fly. Falling like a brick is more what the human body was designed for if I were to be asked. Who in their right might jumps from a plane on purpose? Have you ever jumped out of a plane for recreation? I can say, with some experience, that I would not enjoy skydiving. How can I say that? Easy, while in the Air Force part of my training was just that, jumping out of an airplane. I can’t and won’t get into why, but if I was on a plane transporting munitions and that plane had inflight problems, the first thing they ditch is the hazardous materials, the second thing that goes is the dumbass who was babysitting it all. Needless to say, I have 13 jumps at various heights to qualified/certified to do my job at that time which I also will not be talking about. 13 out of 13 times I didn’t enjoy jumping from an airplane. In fact, it terrified the shit out of me.
My wife, on the other hand has jumped a few times for recreation. I will tell you what I think about that, just like I tell her, she’s a dumbass. I won’t even let her discuss it in front of me because I don’t want to hear anything about it, good or bad. Now, sadly, I haven’t spoke 3 words to my wife since Father’s Day (for a different reason) so I don’t know her whole part in all of this yet. I do know she has spoke with her mother and she wants to know when we are going. But, my wife’s pride is getting in the way, so before she knows it the passes will be gone to a good home before she ever talks to me about it. I have no desire at all to jump ever again, or to fly. I have not flown since the summer of 1999 on purpose. My fears may be irrational to some, but they are mine and no I don’t want to overcome them, I like them, they keep me from doing anything stupid. Unlike many on this planet, I have no desire to fly and test the limits of my mind and body, I’m simple like that. I don’t really have a bucket list per say, but jumping out of an airplane for no reason is on my top ten in my fuckit list I know that for sure.
For clarification, the image used in this post was found using a search on Bing and is assumed to be royalty free as well as I claim no ownership of the image, I’m just borrowing it for illustration.