Why Toilet Paper Needs Advertisement

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I was looking at my Facebook feed last night, normally a great way for me to keep up with friends and it also provides a great sources of reading material I try to follow regularly, when I came across a picture that wanted to know why toilet paper needs to advertise. I know everyone reading today has seen it. My first reaction, like most of y’all I can only assume, was to smile and agree. Why indeed? After all, everyone is buying toilet paper because they need to buy toilet paper, right? Companies need to advertise things like Android phones, so people will buy them instead of iPhones, Galaxys, or nothing at all, but who, in a modern, in a developed country’s economy, will go without toilet paper? Is it you?

Let’s take a more in depth look at toilet paper advertising. Y’all understand that a company actually does need to advertise for toilet paper as do all the other products, its all about supply and demand sprinkled with a little business economics. Let’s start with the assumption that the marketing staff at Company X, who make Brand X, are properly compensated, and are not out there wasting money on television, radio, Facebook and Google ads like some kind of raging group of fucktards. Company X must have a good reason for spending all that money on advertising. What is it?

Advertising actually serve several distinct purposes. I’m sure the picture of the toilet paper with the overlay joke confused most of the marketing zombies, with everyone else just ignoring it or just not getting the fucking joke altogether. Perhaps there are more important reasons to advertise toilet paper than appears on the surface of this mystery. All companies who produce products need to sell those products to make profits. Companies are not still open today because they lose money now are they? The answer is a big fat fucking no, so they need to advertise to get their products in front of as many consumers they can, like you and I. Advertising serves many purposes, let’s look at them together now.

Product Awareness: This is critically important when you have a new product, either new to the industry or new to your company, and want to make customers aware of it. If we still lived in the days when people wiped their asses with stones or leaves, and you had this amazing new product called “toilet paper”, then the purpose of advertising for toilet paper would be to make consumers aware that a much better alternative exists for your sensitive little bottoms.

Market Share: This is important when the products are generally known, but alternatives exist in the market. To return to our Android phone example, just about everyone in the US knows about cell phones, but they can choose from many brands besides Android. So, the makers of the Android phone advertises its cell phones to drive potential customers to buying an Android over the alternatives.

Increase Consumption: Even if you know of the product, and you prefer a particular brand, you can be brainwashed into purchasing even more of it. If you already know about cell phones, you even have an cell phone, but now you’re considering one for your teenager who is in school. Commercials featuring cell phones in a setting filled with school aged children can again brainwash you to convince you to increase consumption.

In developed markets such as the United States, absolutely everyone knows about toilet paper. Company X doesn’t advertise Product X for product awareness, since everyone knows it exists and we are going to buy it (hence the joke picture). Similarly, no one will increase consumption beyond what they would otherwise. People from Company X use the shitter as often as you and I do, clean themselves with toilet paper, flush the soiled toilet paper, and are done. Unlike cell phones or oranges, no one will buy more than they normally would. Unless you are a prepper, then you have an 8 years supply of it that you guard like gold bars. Maybe, one day in the future, scratching paper will replace paper money like cigarettes did in prisons.

But there is fierce competition among the brands. Company X wants you to really believe in the benefits of their band of toilet paper; while Company Y wants you to prefer their brand. They battle for your market share in toilet paper via commercials and advertisements.

In the end, these competing companies always need to understand why they are advertising a particular product and for whom. The original joke image (not shown in this post) is almost correct. It just needs to end with: “Who is not buying toilet paper to wipe?”

Let’s let this post serve as my good deed for the day. This particular Public Service Announcement (PSA) has been brought to y’all by The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog (T.S.O.T.S.B.) and is in no way affiliated with Company X, Company Y, or the toilet paper industry. I’m merely a consumer of toilet paper as I can only assume many readers here are as well so I wanted to explain the joke, not that y’all needed it explained, but it just shows how money, even money we wipe our ass and flush with, still drives our market. Understanding the economics of toilet paper might get us to think about how and why we spend our hard earned money. The day may come when we need to ration toilet paper or even use it as currency. Enjoy your next trip to the toilet and remember that underpaid workers depend on you flushing as much toilet paper as possible so they have a job tomorrow.

Just Stop Eating The Crayons

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Throughout my life it’s been an established fact that I don’t mix well or tolerate people of the fucktard classification. As well, I’ve made it no secret here on this blog. From an outsider’s point of view it may appear I interact with more than my fair share of fucktards and the more I look into that sad little fact it seems to be more true than I’m willing to admit at the moment. Eventhough I’ve never, that means not even once in my life, claimed to be smart, educated, or well versed in any one particular area which I could be considered an expert, with one exception, I have common sense. I have learned over the years, and pointed it out often, that every situation and/or conversation should have a basis in common sense but often skips that particular rational part and heads straight down the rabbit hole. Which is where I usually stop, so I can grab my shovel and fill in the fucking hole so the ignorance can’t get back out. It’s a beautiful process I use because most people cannot handle my version of blunt sarcasm and don’t know how to react. However, last night I met a young man who was more challenging to me than I could have ever easily imagined possible.

Strangely enough I was at Walmart, getting some Crayons, watercolor paints, brushes, and a large pad of art paper to box up to send to my granddaughter for her 4th birthday which is coming up. Crayons were what I was on the hunt for because the school supplies have yet to recover from being picked over since the start of school this past Monday. Anyway, I spotted what looked like the last big box of Crayons and this younger guy, late 20s, reached in and grabbed it before me. He had the look of victory on his face, as if by mere inches he had beaten me in his imaginary race, while lipping to me in silence “eat shit you fucker” as he smiles to walk away. Meanwhile, an older lady in her probably late 70s asked him where he had found that box of Crayons because she has been looking for the better part of 25 minutes with no luck. He got real close to her and, while talking extremely loud, I guess he assumed she was deaf, began by telling her, “sorry you old bitch, you and that other motherfucker there are shit out of luck so you two slow losers should just move the fuck on and get out of the way”. In my head it took me a minute to process what this douchebag just said to her, the lady now who looks very scared. As he walked away I put my hand on his shoulder and told this piece of shit, in my most civil tone, that he owed this woman an apology immediately. With this cockeyed look he asked me ” and what the fuck would I want to do that!” Which is where my sarcasm came flying out when I told him that “I’d love to explain it to you but I don’t have any Crayons”. I further explained to him what a grand gesture it would be if he were to just hand her the box of Crayons and then walk away. By this time we have sparked the interest of a Walmart manager who asked if there was something she could help with. The dickhead barked off to her the she could kindly fuck off. C’mon man, its just Crayons is all I can think to myself.

And then this man opens the box of Crayons and begins shoveling them into his mouth, chewing them up with his mouth open and slobbery pieces falling out when he tells me ” if y’all want these Crayons so bad y’all can pick the nuggets out of my shit later tonight. ” I know I was just staring at him in amazement as I watched him walk to the line to check out. By this time he was greeted by our friendly boys in blue who kindly helped him find his way outside the store. Well, shit, I guess I’m done here, I checked out, and was waiting on my son in the restroom when the older lady came up to me asked if I minded if she hugged me as she was hugging me. My son caught the end of the hug and then she told him he was lucky he didn’t have a violent dad, and he replied to her saying “my dad isn’t violent but he hates Crayon eating crazies.” She cracked a smile and walked off. As we walked out we see the Crayon eater in the back seat of the patrol car, I wonder how he plans on explaining his behavior to the judge.

On the way home my 14 year old son, now a freshman in high school, explained to how surprised and disappointed he was in the man’s behavior, and while shaking his head he says “some people’s children”. Of course as soon as we get home he started telling his mother about the Crayon eater, who stood there with her jaw dropped in amazement. She explained the ONLY reason his dad didn’t kick this piece of shit’s ass is because he knows he’s too old to be someone’s girlfriend in jail. I guess that does cross my mind. As I think back on this whole thing I’m still left wondering what would posses an individual to eat Crayons to show his victory. I’m reminded that he has already reproduced, I would assume, or maybe the Crayons were for personal use. Fortunately I will NEVER have the displeasure of knowing. Now I get to add him to the growing list of fantastic fucktards I have met in my lifetime. If it matters, I did find some Crayons for my granddaughter, one day I will have to tell her this story if her mother doesn’t beat me to it.

The Fucked Youth Of Our Nation

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It may not be fair of me to judge all of the youth of our nation based on my personal interaction with a few of them lately. But, real quick, I want to share what happened at the gas station first thing this morning. See the picture of my hat? Did you read it? Do you know what it is? At the gas station, this 20 something kid asks “dude, that game is awesome, Deadwood is super hard tho”. Me, “what in the fuck are you talking about”? Kid, ” I’ve been playing that badass game for a couple weeks now, it’s badass dude”. Kid, “you been playing”? Me, “it’s a fucking city in South Dakota you dumb shit”! Kid, “no its not, its the game I’ve been playing on the Xbox, its not a city, that would be a stupid name for a city, its a game, ask your kids, they’ll tell you.” I shook my head and walked away, hoping that his stupid didn’t get on me. Check, I’m clear. What a fucktard bonehead!

Being Politically Incorrect: Now Fuck Off

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Where in the fuck do the politically correct morality police get off being my mother? Why in the fuck have they chose to subject me to hundreds of e-mails a week and hundreds of spam comments a week? Who the fuck do these people think they are? What in the fuck do they think they can change about my blog? When in the fuck did I become a fucking interest to the fucking politically correct morality police? F.Y.I., y’all will fucking find the morality police is only one of the many names used to describe the fucked up groups of people whose self-appointed job is to enforce standards of moral behavior and religious adherence among the general public, these bleeding pussies are here to protect us from the real world. Have these fucking freaks of nature been having a spell of moral panic? Is their moral panic over an issue deemed to be a fucking threat to, or shocking to, the sensibilities of “proper” society? How about y’all just have a very tall glass of shut the fuck up for a minute.

If you haven’t fingered it out yet, this is my politically incorrect declaration about the morality police fuctards who feel it is their god given right to bombard the Sting Of The Scorpion Blog with all of the bullshit that they disagree with that I say or I post here. So, let me start off with a big GO FUCK YOURSELF to get this kicked off. What does what I write about have to do with anything in the fucking lonely lives of the morality police? I know what I fucking post and I sleep fucking great at night. In some way I have touched these little bitches  in a special way, like how a girl gets finger fucked for the very first time. I guess because they like the way I touch them that they need to bitch at me like my ex-wife who is, to date, at the very top of my “cunt list”, but these fuctards are a very close second. So I say the word, and many variations, FUCK, does that make me a bad person? I post pictures of women with tattoos and women packing heat because those are things I really fucking like. I regularly talk about how fucked up the VA is because I’m a disabled vet who is a part of that fucking broke system.  Does the fact that I was a bartender at a full nude strip bar (and liked it) a problem because I write about it or because it is an industry that exemplifies gratuitous nudity in exchange for money? It is a historical fact for those followers of the bible that “Jesus Loves Strippers” but that is something that the morality police like to forget.

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Somewhere, somehow, the morality police opened their doors to the anti-meat-anti-hunting-geniuses because they keep trying to tell me hunting to provide meat for my table is wrong. Wrong? It’s wrong? I do not, I have not, and I will not ever condemn a meat free lifestyle if that is the choice you have made. I may not understand your decision and I might joke about your choices, but your choices are yours to make. I would like to think if you want to be left the fuck alone about not eating meat that you should close your fucking piehole about my choice to stalk the meat, kill the meat, smoke the meat, and then eat the meat with my family. Y’all really need to back off this one because it isn’t ever going to fucking change, ever. Never once, however, do these fucktards ever get real specific about what rubbed their pussies the wrong way. Perhaps that is the problem, perhaps it is because of their own experiences that they must warn me that I am on the highway to hell with what I write about. Well, you stupid fucks, I write about what is in my life, around me, or the fucking things I like or dislike. Some of those things are fucked up, some of those things are the fucktards who get so pissed off at me for talking about their beliefs and how they live their life.

I think if I was a bleeding cunt that maybe I would hold that against the rest of the world as well. Is it because you suffer that you want to make others suffer? I was told once by my dad when I was younger to never trust something that can bleed for a week and live. He also warned me of the hypnotic spell the women will put men under, he called this the power of the pussy. He tried to warn me that she with the pussy is who is in charge. It’s true, for the most part, that because you have a pussy you think that all must bow to you, begging your little twat for forgiveness because we were born with a dick. All of the haters I have all have referenced that they are female, not one male has ever emailed me or spammed my blog in anger because of my topics or language. Why do you little bitches think that is? Need a bandaid? Perhaps you are angry with me because I write about your fucked up ways and your fucked up thinking, perhaps when you whip out your grammar Nazi handbook you should show me the part where it says that The sting Of The Scorpion Blog is supposed to give a fuck about spelling or proper sentence fragmentation. Fuck you, I’m not 6. Speaking of which, no, no I don’t think I will ever write with the maturity my age states I should have. I think it is just plain time for you politically correct bleeding pussies to just turn the internet off, turn your computer off, unplug the smart car, and go for a walk. Get outside into the real world with real people. Do keep your hole closed because if you act out in public as you do on the internet you might just not like the reaction you get.

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Where do we go from here? It’s true, I don’t give a fuck about your feelings about what you may find at The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog. Why should I fucking give a shit and really fucking care? Come here if you want, don’t come if you don’t want, either way it doesn’t make a fuck to me because this blog doesn’t pay my fucking bills. In fact, it’s totally free. It’s free hosted, I don’t charge admission, I don’t ask for donations, and I don’t try to sell you stupid shit you don’t want. I do this shit for fun, I do what I do here for my personal entertainment, I write about the things I see or hear because it is fucking fun to do so. What’s even better that somewhere along the way I get to rub some of y’all  pussiy fucktards the wrong way on a very regular basis. Except, nowadays I think we are past the heavy petting, we are past trying to shove three of my fingers thru your granny panties, we are past you not wanting to be touched “there”, no, I think we are to the point where I expose what has really been going on here, because not everyone gets to see you as I do. I know I told you that I wouldn’t tell everyone what a fucking little whore slut you really are. I know you wanted me to be discrete about your little secret of only letting all the guys ass fuck you so you can tell your future husband you truly are a vaginal virgin. Yes, your fucked up little secret is out now, boothefuckhoo. It is also pretty fucking obvious that you suck the cum out right out of that dick after they all pull it out of your ass because all you do is talk shit. So, shove a plug in your gaping asshole because you are dripping anal ooze all over my fucking blog.

Now, get the fuck out. Let the door hit you square in the ass. Don’t stop, don’t look back. All you will see is me bending over blowing you a big fat fucking kiss. I know y’all aren’t capable of listening, that fucking point gets proven time and time again. I get it, you fucking despise and hate me. I know y’all are too fucking stupid to listen. I know y’all will be back, y’all always fucking come back for some reason. Well, just remember I may not appreciate the fact that you suck in all of my fucking oxygen but since you always arrive with your panties pulled so deep into your bleeding cunts, I give y’all a break, because I like freaks, I even like you. So, polish up your badge bitches so you can continue to spread the your fucking legs and let out all of the things that are so wonderful about the fucking morality police. Until the next time we meet please feel free to fucking piss off.

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How To Always Use The Word Fuck

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Regular and irregular visitors to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog are very aware that I frequently use the word fuck and many variations of the word fuck. So, it should be no fucking surprise that I would choose to answer a fucked up question from an email with a few different explanations of why I often am found using the word fuck so much. Personally, I think it is the most perfect fucking word in the English language. Now, some will say that the regular use of the word fuck makes a person seem unintelligent because it is a word that isn’t needed. Obviously, I fucking disagree. Last chance to leave if you are a grammar Nazi or truly offended by the liberal use of the word fuck. If you’re still here then let’s fucking roll the dice and see if we can’t crap out by the end of this post.

If you gave a fuck at all about the fucking amazing English language, you would stop fucking around and study the word fuck. When the fucked up people around you start fucking with you just tell them to shut the fuck up or to go fuck themselves, because you have a fucking life you’re trying to live. Learn to use the word fuck. So when someone asks you, “What the fuck does that mean?” You don’t have to answer, “I don’t fucking know.” So what the fuck are you waiting for? Don’t fuck yourself over. Start by reading this post now.

Just to be very fucking clear here, I’m not promoting the irresponsible use of the word fuck or other swear words. Much to the contrary, I think that if y’all are going to swear, y’all should have a high degree of awareness as to what y’all are communicating and the effect it has on all of the people around you personally. Even if you have an intellectual understanding of how to swear, it doesn’t give you the deeply culturally conditioned reaction that natives have. They grew up in their families learning what was appropriate or not.

The Word FUCK

As you can see from what has been written above already, fuck is one of the most versatile, varying, and interchangeable words that exists in of of the English language (and probably ALL languages as well). It’s also known as the the F-word and the F-bomb. While the word fuck is often seen as the most vulgar word in the English language, it’s very commonly used in everyday speech, and you will encounter it all over the place in many different types of situations. As you’ll see below, there are a few different examples that use the word fuck. Whether or not you plan to say the word fuck, to fully understand the English language, you must understand this versatile word and its many, many uses. Fuck can be used in almost every situation and to express any emotion.  Sometimes, the only thing that matters is what tone of voice you use and what words surround it.

Test yourself by looking through these various different expressions involving the word fuck and see how many you already know and how many are new to y’all. Then, go back and read all of the expressions to learn the phrases you don’t already know and deepen your understanding of the ones you already know. (Note: some of the uses of fuck in the introductory paragraphs will be defined later in this post.)

1. What the fuck?

This is a common phrase that’s used when you are confused, irritated, or angry. It’s often abbreviated to “WTF.” There are many different ways you can add what the fuck to other words or phrases to add emphasis. What the fuck is this? What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is with this guy? What the fuck are you doing here?What the fuck is going on? Where the fuck are you going?What the fuck are you thinking?

2. Fuck!

Used to express anger, excitement, pain, grief, surprise, and anything else that might “shock” one’s senses.

3. Fuck it!

You say fuck it when you just don’t care anymore. It can also be used to admit defeat.

3. Holy fuck!

Used to express surprise. You can also say “holy shit” or “holy fucking shit.”

5. Fuck you/him/her/that

Used to express anger, rage, hatred, or contempt with someone or something else.

6. Go fuck yourself!

Used in similar situations as “fuck you,” “go fuck yourself” is used to express anger, frustration, hatred, or contempt with someone else.

7. Did you fuck her/her/that?

Fuck can also be a vulgar and very informal way to say to have sex.

8. Fuck no / fuck yes

You add fuck in front of no or yes when you want to add emphasis to it.

9. Fuck me!

You will commonly hear fuck me being said in the context of feeling astonished or frustrated/upset at yourself.

10. Don’t fuck me over.

To fuck someone over means to do them an injustice. In other words, it can mean to take advantage of, ignore a promise you made to them (which gets them in some kind of trouble), or to deceive someone out of their money or possessions.

11. Are you fucking with me?

To fuck with someone means to joke with them. If you ask someone angrily, “Are you fucking with me?!” it can also mean are you lying to me?

12. Stop fucking around.

To fuck around means to not be doing anything serious, usually when there’s important work to be done.

13. He’s fucked.

To be fucked means that you are in a hopelessly bad situation that you’re unable to recover from.

14. He’s fucked up.

To be fucked up means to have taken way too many drugs or drank too much alcohol or to have gotten hurt badly.

15. That’s fucking stupid.

Fucking is commonly added before adjectives to add emphasis.

16. What a stupid fuck

Fuck can also be used as a noun, but there is usually in adjective describing what type of fuck the person is. It is also used in a negative context.

17. I don’t give a fuck.

To not give a fuck means you couldn’t care less about something.

18. Fuck off. 

To fuck off is commonly used to tell someone to leave you alone.

19. Where the fuck are we?

This is used when you are totally lost and have no idea where you are.

20. I don’t fucking know.

You can add the word fucking to verbs like know and care to add emphasis. This is used when you think it’s obvious that you don’t know or if someone has already asked you a bunch of times before.

21. Shut the fuck up.

Here, fuck is used to add emphasis to shut up, which means to stop talking or stop making noise.

22. Fuck up

fuck up is a useless person who hasn’t done anything with his or her life.

23. Who the fuck are you? Offensive

When you add fuck to who are you, you are implying that the person is no one special and that they don’t belong here.

24. Abso-fucking-lutely, de-fucking-licious

You can also add fuck into the middle of words to add emphasis to them.

25. Oprah Fucking Winfrey

You can add fucking in between someone’s first and last name to emphasize that you’re talking about an awesome person.

26. Mother fucker, fuckface, fucktard, fuckstick.

Here are some various names you can call someone that have the word fuck in them. Mother fucker  is considered to be one of the worst names you can call someone.

Fuckface is another word for a cock sucker

Fucktard comes from the word retard.

Fuckstick is another word for dildo

In Conclusion,  the word fuck has so many uses that they all won’t even fit into one post at any one given time! But remember, please be careful when using any of these expressions. Natives grow up learning when it’s appropriate to say these various vulgar expressions and when it’s not okay. If you have to ask yourself whether or not it’s appropriate, the answer is probably fuck no. You don’t have to use fuck to appear fluent, but you need to at least understand it.

Please remember that a lot of people will take offense if you say the word fuck.  While it’s fine to say fuck around your friends, try to avoid saying it to people you don’t know, unless you really don’t give a flying fuck what the think. That being said, many movies you’ll watch and songs you listen to will use the word fuck in its various forms, so it’s important to understand the many different uses.

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If there some uses for fuck that weren’t mentioned here, because I know I didn’t get all of them, please post them in the comments below.