Subject: Software Upgrade

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3Football 5.0Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and NASCAR Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall feature doesn’t seem to work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

Tech Support Answer:

Dear troubled user:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony & Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background operation “Yes Dear 1.2” to alleviate software argumentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0Cook It 5.0, and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will only cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

So before upgrading from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 please read first all the documentations especially the terms and conditions, this won’t clear up all the confusion but will help you adapt to the new upgrades which are hidden and bundled to Wife 1.0 such as Hergirlfriends 11.9 and it’s upgraded version from old GirlFriend 5.0 plugins such as Gossip 8.7.4 and Activitymonitoring 3.5  a hidden network sniffer, listener and tracker.

Best of luck,
Tech support

Interested In A Very Strange Statistic?

Probably not, but I’m going to share it with y’all anyway. Generally the only real statistic I follow here on this blog is reviewing the search results that people search the Internet for and get led here. However, another one has caught my eye which I will share with y’all in a second. Any visitor here knows that I post allot of pictures here, they are either stand alone, in small groups, or of course in every post. I consider this a visual blog since pictures usually catch the eye before words. Anyway, I found it interesting that there is one picture posted on this blog that gets an ass-load of attention, it is the most viewed (over 41,300 views) and the most downloaded (34,700 downloads) picture on this blog. Yes, it is the picture below, originally posted like 18 months ago, I’m also including the original link to the original post.

My question now is, why? Why is this particular picture viewed and downloaded so freaking much? Yes, its a cool picture. Yes people with a military background see the humor. I get that part. What I don’t get is it found here accidentally or is it searched for. That picture, on average, gets viewed 75 times per day, sometimes double that. Anyway, I just thought the stats were weird and was looking for some visitor insight. Any ideas?

Original post: Better Watch Your Six

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Was There A Severe Misunderstanding?

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Was there some kind of severe misunderstanding somewhere? Did the lines get crossed somewhere between here and some distant parallel universe? This must be what happened because there is absolutely no reason for anyone to think I or what I say is fucking funny. I know I am not funny and I have never claimed to be funny. Sarcastic as fuck, but not funny. I might post things or pictures which amuse me and I find funny, but that is just me posting sophmorically funny shit that I believe other people might get a chuckle out of. Make no mistake, its sarcasm and not me trying to me funny. Yes I have a point and yes I will get to it, just hold on to your panties, unless you are going commando then that is something else to sidetrack me. Be patient, ready, here we go.

Normally I would not glorify a person who has taken time to spam me. In a way this should serve as a PSA so y’all can look out for her stupid shit. At least I think its a her, the comment had a, what I assume to be, a female name. Y’all be the judge. The name attached was Elizabeth Ashley R. (Suckers, I never give out last names) so if you get a message that gets past your spam blocker you will recognize her name I promise. See, sounds female enough doesn’t it? If I am wrong, well, fuck you because you have a girl’s name. Anyway, she hit me with the picture at the top of this post when commenting on a recent post of mine, not a solo picture, but something I actually took the time write. She mentioned that as well, my writing sucks dick because it has no style. Now, I almost spit out my cigarette that I was smoking when I read that line because that was funny shit in my opinion. I thought about sending her an email but the email address connected with her name was not legit. How convenient. She was able to drop in and drop her cunt drippings and I can’t even thank her. Well, that’s not true now is it? I can thank her/him/it right here and right now. Thank you Elizabeth for making me smile you miserable excuse for a bitch reject. There, that should work just fine don’t y’all think? Actually, I hope she does the ol snail crawl back on this blog sooner or later, we have so much catching up to do.

So, there y’all go. Now you are witnesses to my confession, I know I am not funny. I am, however, a seriously sarcastic fuck who, at times, gets a little out of hand. Whew, haven’t done a confession like that since the 8th grade. I feel better getting that off my chest. How about y’all, any confessions?