Seems It’s Happened Again

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Really and truly it’s inevitable, a phenomenon that is a true force to be reconned with each year, for I have turned another year older. For those of y’all unable to read between the lines or for those who can’t appreciate dramatic sarcasm, I had another birthday. I would first like to thank everyone who has reached out to me in the last few days with all the fantastic messages. For my good friend Rex who always brings a smile to my face I just wanted to share a big thank you. I don’t do allot of the blogging thing any more, for that I will apologize, but also cannot make any promises about the future.

Anyway, my birthday was very nice, went out to eat locally, went to my middle daughter’s house to open presents and have a piece of the cake that was her special creation, as she is the baker we all turn these days. I had requested a dark chocolate cake with recees peanut butter in the center and a white chocolate and cream cheese frosting, and I was not disappointed. I found the decoration to be absolutely hilarious, disturbing, but still funny as hell. For those of y’all unable to figure it out, it a representation of used toilet paper and turds or crap (tootsie rolls).

So, everyone can rest easy, I slid right in to 49 and I’m still kicking. Thank y’all so much for all of the greetings posted everywhere!

Subject: Software Upgrade

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3Football 5.0Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and NASCAR Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall feature doesn’t seem to work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

Tech Support Answer:

Dear troubled user:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony & Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background operation “Yes Dear 1.2” to alleviate software argumentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0Cook It 5.0, and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will only cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

So before upgrading from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 please read first all the documentations especially the terms and conditions, this won’t clear up all the confusion but will help you adapt to the new upgrades which are hidden and bundled to Wife 1.0 such as Hergirlfriends 11.9 and it’s upgraded version from old GirlFriend 5.0 plugins such as Gossip 8.7.4 and Activitymonitoring 3.5  a hidden network sniffer, listener and tracker.

Best of luck,
Tech support

Interested In A Very Strange Statistic?

Probably not, but I’m going to share it with y’all anyway. Generally the only real statistic I follow here on this blog is reviewing the search results that people search the Internet for and get led here. However, another one has caught my eye which I will share with y’all in a second. Any visitor here knows that I post allot of pictures here, they are either stand alone, in small groups, or of course in every post. I consider this a visual blog since pictures usually catch the eye before words. Anyway, I found it interesting that there is one picture posted on this blog that gets an ass-load of attention, it is the most viewed (over 41,300 views) and the most downloaded (34,700 downloads) picture on this blog. Yes, it is the picture below, originally posted like 18 months ago, I’m also including the original link to the original post.

My question now is, why? Why is this particular picture viewed and downloaded so freaking much? Yes, its a cool picture. Yes people with a military background see the humor. I get that part. What I don’t get is it found here accidentally or is it searched for. That picture, on average, gets viewed 75 times per day, sometimes double that. Anyway, I just thought the stats were weird and was looking for some visitor insight. Any ideas?

Original post: Better Watch Your Six

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