How Would You Answer This Question?

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I would slowly take my Android phone out of my shirt pocket and place it flat in my hand. I would explain that this device gave me access to infinite knowledge that is gathered from every conceivable place on planet Earth. This device allows someone to access almost every conceivable piece of information known to mankind. If this person doesn’t pass out I would ho on to explain that most people who own this or similar devices only use about 1/2% of its full capabilities because 90% of the time it is used to engage others on social media networks. Then we would do a group selfie so I could put it on Facebook. I think then I would show this person my microwave and HDTV. Might even give the person a tour of the Xbox 360 just to blow his mind.

There are many more modern items I could do show and tell with, but we would probably jump in my H1 to head down to the Marble Slab for a bit of ice cream, which I would use my debit card or PayPal to complete the purchase. While we are our ice cream I would answer (if I could without Googling) all of his questions. I can’t even begin to grasp the questions this person might have. Later I would probably have to introduce him to my margarita machine and afterwards we could soak in the hot tub because I am sure he is going to need a moment or three.

Okay, I wrote this post as a jest because I was emailed that question and it really made me think about the simple conveniences we have in 2014 that they did not have back in the 50’s. In all honesty tho, the first thing I would do is show this person my cell phone. If that won’t blow somebody’s mind as a first taste then nothing would. So, here we are at the end of my blog post and I will ask all of y’all what you could show or tell a person who just appears from the 1950’s? Give it some thought and reply below. As always, thanks for stopping by The Sting Of The Scorpion.

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A Girl And Her New Truck

 I have mentioned a time or two how my 17 y/o daughter is driving now and how she has a fascination with driving my trucks. Most of her driving education was completed in one of my trucks. In fact her driver’s education was provided by me thru the PTDE program (Parent Taught Drivers Education) offered here in Texas. Now, she has a car (currently for sale) that was given to her by her biological father over a year ago for her sixteenth birthday. He had bought a new vehicle and figured he would give her his old car. Well, it isn’t that old, it’s a 2008 Nissan Sentra SE-R which had only 17K miles on it. He thought it was perfect for her since she’s only 5′ tall. Since day one she has not really cared for it a great deal and said she felt very “small” in it when she was driving. But, we kept the car because it was a gift. That don’t mean it was driven a great deal. There has been under one thousand miles put on it in 14 months. Secretly, her and her grandmother had been searching for a truck. However, her and her grandmother didn’t exactly know what they were looking for or what they were looking at altogether. This is where I was called in. They needed help locating a truck. Now, if my daughter had her way, she would be driving my H1 Alpha because she thinks I need to give it to her. Way wrong answer. What’s the next best thing? Well, actually, there isn’t a next best thing because nothing else on the planet even compares to a H1 Alpha. I hunted for many months across the continental United States to find the one I want, I have no intention of parting with it just yet. They know I will search until I find exactly what I want and I won’t settle.

First of all I sat down with her and she explained what she was looking for in a truck. Her list wasn’t real hard to fathom and I figured I would be able to fulfill what she wanted to have. Now we had to talk budget. She has scrimped and saved 2 thousand dollars, her grandmother gave me five thousand dollars, and as I found out, the rest was going to be up to me. Hey, it’s better than having to foot the entire cost myself, so I graciously took all donations. She explained she was looking for solid red, solid black, or solid white. She wanted four doors. She wanted it to be 4×4 with a small lift. She wanted it to be an older model Ford. She wanted it to be a standard because she has found that to be her preference. She didn’t want a fixer upper, she wanted something to drive right away. That was about it for what she was actually looking for. Seemed like it would be easy enough because what she was looking for was pretty broad in the overall scale of things. Plus, living here in Texas, finding a 4×4 Ford isn’t all that hard, it’s the finding the right one for sale that showed to be a challenge. I have some standard places I start when looking to buy anything vehicular, Craigslist.com and Autotrader.com because they usually have a great local selection. If those two fail me I grab an actual paper and go from there. I searched on and off for a couple weeks and really didn’t see anything I wanted to give money for because I really didn’t care for them. My wife said I should have been taking my daughter out looking because it should be her choice. True. But beyond how it looks she would be no help. Although, I have been teaching her about the importance of everything under the hood and under the vehicle. I don’t know if it all makes total sense to her or not. She has “gear head” tendencies for sure, but I don’t want to force any of it on her, I just want her to know more than where to put the fuel.

All of the looking and disappointment soon came to end. My daughter, son, and I were driving to the lumber yard, yes an actual outdoor lumber yard, when we saw this red 4×4 Ford F350 with a 4-sale sign in the back window. She wrote down the phone number so we could call the owner later and maybe look at it. After spending about an hour at the lumber yard we finally found what we were looking for, got loaded up, and headed home. I got so involved in what we were doing that I had forgot we had a phone number to call. After a few hours I was reminded by my daughter to call. I was pretty disappointed because I had to leave a message as my inquiry. So, back to work. Later in the day just before dinner the gentleman gave me a call back. We discussed the truck in some detail and I decided it was worth a look. I didn’t tell my daughter he called because I wanted us looking at the truck to be a real surprise. The following morning, Sunday, we all loaded up in the H1 to go for a “ride”. Only my wife and I knew where we were going. We figured we would have fun and make a game out of it all. Since the man lived about 40 miles away from my house we just enjoyed the drive thru the countryside. It was quite nice just milling about way out in the boondocks. Finally we arrived at our final destination. As we drove up the dirt driveway I mentioned that I had to make a detour to talk to a man about some parts I was looking for that I needed to repair a trailer. I said we would only be a few minutes and then we could be on our way again. We pulled up by the house and the man was walking out the front door to meet us. I jumped out to go talk to him in advance of everyone else. Everyone else got out and came to where I was to meet up with me. The man said they could go look around all the old junk while we talked. My kids wandered off back behind the garage and disappeared out of sight. All of a sudden I’m getting a text message from my daughter to tell me that this man had a truck similar to the one we had saw driving the day before. She wanted me to come look at it and if I liked it to talk him into selling it. Really? This is an amazing development! We all made it back around the garage and my daughter was smiles from ear to ear. It was funny to watch. The only thing she said to me was “ask him”.

He started out telling us a story about the truck and how he ended up with it. His youngest son was the owner of the truck. His youngest son is a Marine who was killed in Afghanistan 18 months ago at age 23. He said he was holding onto the truck because he believed it would have sentimental value. He would drive it once a month or so to keep everything in good condition, he would keep the oil changed, he always kept it clean. But, now he wanted to sell it because he was done with his mourning and felt selling it would help him and his wife to move on with their own lives. Now, I didn’t know all of this about his son in advance, but I’m glad that he shared. He quickly changed gears and wanted to show off everything this truck had to offer. This was, however, his son’s first love. He spent every last nickel he had making this the truck that stood before us and spared no expense doing so over the years. The simple version of what was offered with this truck is as follows. It’s a 1997 F350 Crewcab Powerstoke 7.3L diesel with a 6″ suspension lift, 36″ tires, a 4″ dual exhaust, K & N treatment, and a Banks Power System. Also, it had electric trailer brake hook ups as well as a hide-away gooseneck ball. It also boasted a very clean and very well maintained interior. It is a 5 speed manual transmission as well as being what my daughter says is the perfect shade of red. To top it all off it has only 98,000 miles on it. Pretty much this truck has hit every mark on my daughter’s wish list. I was thinking quietly to myself that the truck was perfect to add to our family because it could be used to work as well as looking pretty. Let’s give it a test drive to see how it runs. It ran impressively, I would have no concerns with her driving this truck at all. I was also thinking he was about to drop the price bomb on me and it wasn’t going to be pretty. So, we started talking about price and he started talking about all the add-ons and special treatments it had. Then, after a long sigh he said a price that almost put me on my ass. Now, I was expecting something between $19K and $22K as it sits. So, I was very surprised, as well as happy when he said $11K will drive it home today. There is only one hiccup in the whole deal, he has no idea where the title is located. No big deal, I will pay the additional $25.00 for the title search. We shook hands and the deal was said and done. My daughter was so excited she ran up to him and gave him a very big hug and a very heart felt thank you. I gave him $9,000.00 in cash and wrote a check for the remaining $2,000.00 and then he handed the keys to my daughter.

After everything was settled I called USAA (my insurance provider) and had the truck added so we could drive it home. Everything was set with only one exception, the only two people who can drive a standard are my daughter and I. And she has very little experience doing it. So, she wants me to ride with her to ensure she has no problems. What does this mean? It means my wife will need to drive my H1 home. No big deal right? Wrong, in the almost 2 years I have had the H1 she has never driven it. Why? Because she thinks it is way to big, so she has never wanted to drive it. Well, today is the day I tell her. I just told her to follow us and try to keep up. We took off like a band of outlaws and hit the road to head home. My daughter did wonderful driving her new truck and had no problems. My wife had the same success and when we got home she handed me the keys and told me she has no desire to ever drive it again. My daughter said it is a big difference between driving her new truck and driving her Sentra. She loves it. We did good. My wife thinks it’s a bit too big for my daughter because she is so small. My daughter says those are fightin’ words. Once we got home she wanted me to take a few pictures for her………so she could update her Facebook status. So, I did my best and she posted pictures of her new truck. In the end the reason I’m writing this post is because I had a few pictures and the journey to finding the truck has been an interesting one. It made me think about how every vehicle tells a story about the previous owner and now the story continues with this truck and my daughter. I know what you are thinking, and yes, my daughter is a redneck just like her dear old dad. I have to hand it to her, she knew what she wanted, and now she is happy. Sadly, she said jokingly, her boyfriend can’t drive the truck because he can’t drive a standard and she’s not going to teach him. Kinda mean if you ask me.

Who Does This To People?

Who takes the time to write a nasty sarcastic note and place it under a person’s windshield wiper? Do the Eco-Nazis have nothing better to do with their time then harass people because of what they drive? Before I get too deep into why I’m writing this morning let me just say that shit like this really doesn’t piss me off since stupid people judge others without actually knowing what the fuck they are talking about. It’s a bit annoying tho. Just so happens I did drive my Hummer H1 to work this morning because I had to pick up some bottled water and ice for the warehouse. It was more than I could even think about trying to carry on my Goldwing. So, the choice was made so I could pick up 24 cases of water and 36 bags of ice to take in to work. And yes, I do have disabled veteran (DV) handicap license plates on my H1. Yes, I do park in a handicap parking space.

I think what irritates me the most is the size of balls people have in today’s world. Why do people care so much about what other people have and the things they do not. Who’s business is it what I drive? I wonder what they noticed first, that my H1 is fire engine red, that I was parked in a handicap space, or the fact that I have DV plates? Because all three things seemed to be a factor in this note someone took the time to write. Which brings me to my next point. Someone made the conscious choice to leave me this note. They had to of walked by my H1, had their brain fart idea, went to their car, wrote out a note, walked back to my H1, and politely placed the note under my windshield wiper. That takes planned thought and executed dedication to go all the way. Unfortunately the pussy didn’t leave any contact information so we could discuss his/her concerns. Hell, they were so proud of what they had to say they didn’t even put their name. Takes a brave motherfucker to have the balls to leave a note on an innocent shopper’s vehicle. And for what? Because I drive an H1? Don’t these Eco-Nazis have anything at all better to do with their time? Actually, I don’t know they were Eco-Nazis since they don’t say. For all I know it was someone who is jealous of one of the things mentioned. Or, somewhere they were wronged by someone who drives a HUMMER H1 and have been waiting to unleash backlashtic hell on someone innocent. What a fucktard!

I have given this some thought and decided I wanted to breakdown and analyze this great reminder why some people should not breed. One day natural selection will catch up with them and when it does Karma will take over and set things right. Life itself is a vicious circle of a bitch and it does come around to bite the stupids in the ass. It’s nice to know that people are still willing to write a note. I would be willing to bet that they even took the time to take a picture of the work so they could Tweet about it and then update their Facebook status. “Check this shit out bro, I showed this asshole!” Well, according to the note, they observed the size and the color of my H1 correctly. I don’t know that I would call it a giant, but it is large and it is red. The rest is just someone being mean spirited. Hey, I wish I wasn’t a disabled vet, I wish I had the knees I was born with, and I wish the mere action of walking wasn’t so fucking painful. We won’t even get into the penis envy thing.

So, why do I drive this giant red HUMMER H1? My question to you is why the fuck would you even care? I should mention this all took place in the parking lot of a big box grocery store in the back of the neighborhood I live in. I have never seen a beater car in the parking lot, ever. Wherever you look you will see Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, Corvette, Porche, Cadillac, Audi, HUMMER H2 & H3, and so on. So, I can rule out that they were singling me out because I drove a cheap beater piece of shit. I suppose at this point I really don’t care because the note was cute and humorous to me personally. When I first got this H1 I was at a different store, I still had paper tags for a license plate and some fucktard thought it would be funny to flatten one of my tires. What the fucktard didn’t realize, out of stupidity I suppose, that it came equipped with self sealing run flat dual tube insert tires that cannot be deflated the old fashion way. In fact, I got a souvenir knife out of the deal since they jabbed the serrated blade in and couldn’t get it back out. I guess in the end we all get what we want. I searched the continental United States for months to locate this specific year model and color H1 because this is the one I wanted. I wasn’t going to “settle” for another color or year model and I was prepared not to ever find one that was actually for sale. The person that wrote the note, I can only assume, got some kind of satisfaction out of it. I’m about ready to give up trying to figure out people in general because there is always one person that ruins what I enjoy about being me and that is individuality.

So, anyway, I just thought I would share this gem of a note from one of my fellow humans. Stupid shit like this makes me think. My wife wondered if it pissed me off any. My answer? Nope, just annoyed me a bit since I had to get back out of the H1 and go to the passenger side to remove it from the windshield. C’est la vie!