An Attack Of Aichmophobia

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An attack of aichmophobia is not something a diabetic ever wants to have. I have a real healthy fear and appreciation of needles because as much as I hate them I know I need them day to day. For those of y’all who didn’t already know that I’m diabetic then this will be a little peek into my personal life for you. Before this morning I have never suffered from any kind of needle anxiety since I first found out I was diabetic. In the beginning I told my wife she will just let me die in peace because I will NOT be jabbing needles into my body on purpose. Fuck needles! Now, I still feel the same way, but I also know that needles are that necessary evil bitch that must exist in my personal life. So, I was forced to suck up my dislikes for needles, grow a pair of nuts, and suck it up because this is the way it was going be. Fine. Whatever. Let’s rock this bitch.

This morning at o’ darkthirty I went to test my glucose level, something I do everyday, three times a day, and I was on the verge of blacking out. I had my very first anxiety attack ever in my life and this was not the fucking time for it to happen. It is not a good time when you are millimeters away from your fingertip with an extremely sharp object. First came the tunnel vision, then the instant cold sweat, the shakes, and then finally I felt myself blacking out so I just sat down on the kitchen floor so it wouldn’t be such a terrible impact to the floor. As I sat there, hunched over, looking at my lancet on the floor beside me, I realized that I needed to put some distance between me and it. But I couldn’t move, I was frozen, I was stuck with this extremely sharp object inches away from my skin. Fuck! Here we go again, it was a good thing I was already on the floor.

I guess it was a good thing that something hit the floor real hard and broke because it woke my daughter who came to see what it was. She, in turn, goes to get my wife after seeing that I was too coherent about my surroundings. I felt the coolness of my wife’s hands on the back of my neck, I could hear she was talking to me, but I don’t know what she was saying. After a few minutes I did understand it when she told my daughter to get her phone so she could call 911. I told her not to call, just bring me some water and I will be fine sitting there for a bit. After about 15 minutes everything seemed to go back to normal with the exception of the big headache I had. My wife and I talked about it while I was getting dressed as she explained to me that I still needed my shot. She has never, and I mean never when I say never, given me a shot before but says she will if I need her to. She collected my testing bag and tested my sugar to get my dosage right. I looked away after showing her where to inject me and she did it for me. In a way, for a reason unknown to me, I felt a bit embarrassed because I couldn’t do it for myself.

I have thought about this damn thing all day and still can’t figure out what happened. Yes, I hate fucking needles with absolute passion and will do almost anything to avoid being in their presence. However, I had kicked that little thing in the ass I thought. Maybe I fell off the wagon. Maybe my defenses were down because I have been working as many overtime hours as I have regular hours the last month. Maybe I was just tired. I will know the answer later tonight when it comes time to inject again. I just hope it is a different answer than this morning. I spoke with my doctor and he said that maybe it was a one time nerves type thing. He also said that if it continues that he will be forced to put me on anxiety medication. I don’t see that happening personally.

Stranger Things Have Happened

 

I will have to admit I was not expecting to see what I did while I was visiting one of my favorite web sites for metal news and so forth. I don’t get paid or any kind of endorsement from them so I will only be mentioning it one time because the picture above and the link were both borrowed to put here without permission so I could talk a little bit about a few things. The web site is Metal Injection and is a place I generally trust when looking for metal related information. One last mention about a cool feature of the web site is Metal Injection FM which is streaming metal 24/7. So, that’s all the free publicity I offer today. If I got paid for it I would feature a link and a live stream to the music, hint hint. But, as it stands it will still be found in my handy bookmarks.
 
So, why are we here? I have a few reasons for writing this post. It all begins with a link similar to the one above that was on my Facebook wall (because I follow the Metal Injection fan page) that stated “It’s the Limp Bizkit you weren’t waiting for”. Being a closet Limp Bizkit fan I like to check out their new stuff and review/re-live the old stuff as well. Don’t judge me. Out of curiosity I followed the link using my cell phone. The speaker (can we call it an actual speaker?) wasn’t doing the song any favors so I linked it up with my shop stereo here at work in the 97,000 sq. ft. warehouse I call home during the days. A quick note to explain what that means to all of y’all. I have the warehouse “wired” with a fantastic amount of high end speakers and equipment that rivals any concert you have ever been to. Anyway, I linked up to the system to give this song a listen. I should of kept reading when I had a chance because if I would have read further I would have seen the song features someone I can’t stand, lil’ wayne. He ruined the song, the video, and all chances of me actually liking this new video. Fortunately, Limp Bizkit was able to pull of a decent sounding song. I don’t, however, recommend listing to it around younger children or anyone who is easily offended by words like fuck, pussy, and ass, just to give a few examples. I won’t say the video stole 4:47 of my life that I will never get back, but I felt a little cheap and used afterwords.

I never planned on reviewing this song or this video and I think I have done a good job of not doing just that for everyone. I just think it was a bad pairing of “talent” and in my opinion something done in poor judgment. I spent a few hours of my spare time reading different reviews all over the internet in many different forums and websites. The consensus I got, the vibe I felt, was one either liked it a great deal or one hated it a great deal. There wasn’t much on riding the fence on this one, which is sad, because I feel all alone here on my fence. Look at it if you want to or don’t look at it if you don’t want to, makes me no nevermind either way. I was just taking an opportunity to express my personal feelings about stranger things happening and much stranger pairing of musical artists have happened in the past. I’m sure that this won’t be the most bizarre I ever see, hell rock has crossed over into country and there are even rappers in a few country songs nowadays. Hank Sr. has to be rolling in his grave right now. There you have my 2 cents. This is a great opportunity to make an opinion of for your self so don’t be afraid.