All She Had On Was The Radio

Every once in a while I feel that I can share a little bit about my personal life without giving away that I’m actually a living breathing human being who has a life outside everything else I do. I had a funny haha last week that I think y’all could see how one line of text can have a thousand meanings on one’s head when, in reality, it was an attention getter to intentionally mislead me, to distract me from what I was actually doing at the time. Luckily, for me, I was intrigued enough to investigate. Let’s set up the plot, I was outside messing around with my daughter’s car, maintenance mostly, new air cleaner, windshield wiper replacement, windshield wiper fluid refill, and a taillight bulb replacement. Simple enough, something she asked that I do while she was out of town. In fact, the house was empty with the exception of my wife and I. That whole scenario can lead to big trouble, usually means I’m steam cleaning the carpet. So, being outside taking care of little things that needed to be done was just fine with me. At about lunch time I start getting texts asking if I’m hungry, asking what I’m doing, and how long I was going to be, tell you the truth I was starting to get annoyed a bit, telling her to bring her ass outside if she was so curious. Then there was about thirty minutes of silence.

Then she sends this text, “all I have on is the radio, want to dance?” It was drizzling out, I was all but done outside anyway, so I didn’t answer the text, I don’t think I was supposed to, I think I did the right thing by just going inside to see what in the world was going on. I opened the door to a quiet house, and all I could hear was the radio coming from the back bedroom, my bedroom. First I did stop by the kitchen, which was on the way, to wash my hands and to get a drink of water, then I followed the song on the radio that was playing. I was lead to the bathroom in fact, where I find my wife taking a bubble bath, then she tells me that she told me all she had on was the radio. I will leave the rest to your imagination, if you have one, if not then just know that we both had a nice candle lit bubble bath together.

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Later on in the afternoon she wanted to get out of the house, to go somewhere, just go out to get out of the house, no kids, no wondering what the kids would do for dinner, nothing, just go for a drive and see where we end up. So, she got all dolled up, wearing my favorite jeans, a ZZ Top t-shirt, and her hair pulled back in a tight pony tail. She’s up to something, I just know it. We drove around in her new mustang for a few hours, she makes me drive, I don’t know, its weird with her, if I’m in the car she wants me to do the driving, been like that since day one. I thought it would change with her new car, but no, same old habits. What if I want to get chauffeured every once in a while? I’ve learned, don’t ask that particular question to her, it doesn’t end well at all. I just figure if we are in her car that she would want to drive. After not eating lunch I was starting to get real hungry, I asked if she had any suggestions, no of course, said for me to pick. Fine, I pick Joe’s Crab Shack, it was close and I haven’t been there in a few years. Dinner was good, margaritas were decent, and my company was very good. It gave us an opportunity to talk, to have a “date night”, and just be us for once in so many years. I get it, we don’t get allot of one on one time, we are always doing something, or we always have the kids tagging along, so it was, in fact, very weird, a little too quiet if you ask me. But, it was a fantastic night, I wouldn’t trade it for anything, never, we need many more of these “date nights”.

Soon enough, we would leave, she wanted to head across the freeway to go to the mall for a few minutes, she wanted to go in to get some makeup that they only sell at the one store. I knew it, I knew there was a plot, I new it was too good to be true, I knew I just gave up the next hour of my life because we cant decide which shade of black she wants for eyeliner. Of course, I’ve been a victim in this store before, I hate this store, so much I can’t bring myself to even type the fucking name. Plus, she asks me, the colorblind motherfucker, which color do I like, I always just answer with the one that has the cool, off the wall name, has kept me out of trouble for many years. This time, with no kids, I had no excuse to go to the Lego store or to Brookstone, I had to go in, her not letting go of my hand was the tell tale sign for me, I was already getting the cold sweats, fuck I hate this store. As a pleasant surprise, she walks in, never letting go of my hand, because I would have run for cover and she knows it, she picked up what she came in for, a compact of something or another, and we then checked out, we were in this beast of a pit less than five minutes, tops. Not a word from me either, and not a word from her either, we were just done, just in and out, scary.

Then we head to Sears, where I get told to hang out for a while, and that she would return for me shortly. Huh? She tells me to just roll with it, don’t worry about it, she would be back. Well, okay then, I shall just wander around Sears for a “while”. I didn’t see much I haven’t seen before, same tools, same lawn mowers and lawn shit, same beds, same vacuum cleaners, same appliances, and the same conditions at the shoe department, nice shoes I like, decent prices, but only go up to size 13, which is bullshit. Why can’t we just carry size 16 so I can at least try them on? But then again, that is the same scenario at all shoe stores in the mall, which is also bullshit. So, I’ve managed to kill almost thirty minutes and still no wife, so I make my way to the jewelry counter, not getting anything, just wanted to get my watch cleaned, they use one of those sonic washers which is pretty cool, gets all the muck out of the crevices. Just before the lady is done with my watch my wife slinks up behind me, wanting to know what I was buying. Then she sees the lady bringing my shiny black watch back and then she knows I’m not buying anything, no need to, I bought this very Fossil Relic watch in November of 1999 and it’s never, not once, given me any shit or reason to replace it, I make Father’s Day, birthdays, and Christmas a bitch for everyone, because a watch is never an option. After putting old faithful back on my wrist I notice she is carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag, which she will NOT let me look into. Trust me, I tried, no dice. How rude. Hand in hand we leave Sears, one more stop I’m told, which is good, its 8:45, and the mall closes in fifteen minutes, bonus.

We end up at Hollister, not my favorite, yet not the worst place to shop for women’s clothing. But, damn, this place is so expensive, I always expect to have to pay some kind of “cover” every time I walk thru the doors. This one is cool though, the entire staff is all female, dress like strippers, the lights are down low, the music is always bumping, and they offer complimentary bottled water. Plus, Plus, Plus, and Plus for me. Okay, she shops here at the teenie bopper store because they carry her size, “0”, and the only other place that carries that size in most of the pants is Guess, but she has never been let down here. I took a seat, she begins the hunt, she’s like a lioness on the prowl, stalking her prey on the open savanna, and when she finds the one that catches her eye, she pounces. It’s fun to watch, deadly on the wallet, but still I appreciate watching this part of the “chase”. She finds three pair, all blingless, all slightly torn in various places, but ones she seems to like. Off to the changing room, let the show begin! My wife is a natural born tease, she knows I still check out her ass, she knows my eyes still follow her around as she passes by, so, she abuses me with it, and she knows she is doing it. I liked all three, well, two of them, the stretchy ones I really don’t like. They look like jeans, don’t feel like jeans, and just “aren’t right” in some weird old school way. I know, I’m showing my age here, I cant help it, I don’t like them, they just aren’t right. The other two, perfect, absolutely perfect!

Now we head out of the mall, my wife reluctant to let me carry the bags, which is odd, I’m the guy you always see carrying the bags, but not tonight, which is fine, its weird, but fine. Get out to the car, bags in the truck, out of sight, and we head on home. When we get there, now nine-thirtyish, I settle into my chair, flip on the television, and find I have missed the first half of River Monsters, oh well, he never finds the big monsters until the end of the show anyway, that man pulls some fucked up fish from the depths of the rivers and lakes, and just think I used to like going out on the water, but now that I know it’s full of all the different kinds of “nopefish” I may just have to stick to the cement ponds. I never bothered turning on any lights because I didn’t plan on being out there in the living room very long anyway. You know that eerie feeling you get when you just know there is someone behind you, the feeling that makes all the short hairs on your body become electrified? I got that feeling, soon after I feel the cool hands I know so well, come across my shoulders. She held my head so I couldn’t turn my head, told me to close my eyes, and I feel her hands leave me. Moments later, I open my eyes to see my wife wearing what she bought at Victoria’s Secret. Um, OMFG!

By the morning the house was full with kids again, the hustle and bustle of everyone getting ready for work and for school. It was nice while it lasted, the quiet times, the time with my wife alone, and the not having to worry about everything happing around us. Out of the blue I get a kiss on the cheek from my daughter and a thank you for taking care of her car. My son, gives me a fist bump, he’s getting too old to hug me I guess, all of thirteen. As I stand in front of the kitchen sink taking my medications I feel a familiar touch of a cool hand going under my shirt onto my back, and then a kiss between the shoulder blades. No good morning, not that I usually get a verbal good morning, just what I got, it was nice, real nice. Then as softly as she appeared she slinked into the shadows of the hallway heading to the bedroom, undoubtedly to finish getting dressed for work. As I drove off to work I remembered that the entire day prior all started with a clever text, “all I have on is the radio”, what a nice thought.

Twas The Weekend Before Christmas

Over the years we, meaning my wife and I, have found that Christmas shopping, as we know it, is usually done well before black Friday ever arrives. This year, being no different, we (she) was done, but then again, we don’t buy much for too many people, usually just the kids and my granddaughter. So, for fun, keeping with our little “family tradition”, we always go to the Katie Mills Outlet Mall the last weekend before Christmas. Why? If we have no need to go why go, is that what y’all are asking? Its easy, since we don’t have a “need” to be there or go there it makes it “fun” for a people watcher like me. My wife, on the other hand, likes to go be amongst her people, shoppers in a frantic, and just see if there are any five for one specials at Bath & Bodyworks. It also gives us a chance to go into Fredrick’s of Hollywood, since Victoria’s Secret has been sucking hind tit for the last ten years or so, because she loves to buy lingerie even though it ends up on the floor in a heap after five minutes, but it does keep things interesting wondering what she is wearing under her hoodie footies this time of year. Have I ever mentioned we don’t buy each other presents, we never have. But, she always buys some very interesting lingerie and then gives me a fashion show of sorts. Its all good clean fun. Every year, since the beginning, we go out, I give her my ideas, say ten to a dozen, then she buys what she wants, then I’m surprised. The cool thing about the Fredrick’s of Hollywood out there is that it does not make them (employees) uncomfortable when I’m in the changing room, try that at a Victoria’s Secret, it isn’t going to happen.

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So, we unleash our kids on the mall, giving them a rally time, and my wife and I go to all her favorite stores, this is the perfect time to try on clothes, especially because we both know we’re just “window shopping”. We hit about fifteen of the big brand name places, you know the ones, they are jam packed with crazies that are only at number two on their list of many. Its fun to watch the feeding frenzy knowing that we are only really there to run interference and give grief to those ladies trying to just get through one more day. You would think at our age we could find better ways to spend our time or have better things to do, but we don’t, this is what we do for fun, free entertainment is always a great deal in my book. Hell, we even wait in line to see Santa Claus, kidless of course, where we both sit on Santa’s lap at the same time. And, no, we don’t spend the $39.89 for the cheesy picture either. This year I think ol’ Santa was trying to cop a feel on my wife, his hands weren’t always in view, and my wife isn’t talking. Anyway, this year’s wait was only 38 minutes. Again, its just something we do, and we have never been told NO by Santa either. We cannot say the same about the Easter Bunny, this year she was a bitch and told us she didn’t take pictures with adults. She wouldn’t even just let my wife, all 109 lbs of her, sit on her precious lap. Hey, we take it when we can get it. I have always wondered what kind of person wants, therefore makes a choice to do so, to dress up as a seasonal character for the sole purpose of have kids ride your lap. Seems kinda creepy to me, but I’m just saying.

Eventually we wound up at Fredrick’s of Hollywood. I determined this year that their goal was to make slutty lingerie available to everyone, I don’t remember seeing any 5X sizes last year. Which was a bitch this year because we were having a difficult time finding anything in a small/medium. My wife has an issue you see, petite 5’2″ body but 34DDD chest. Yes, I’m lucky, I get that, but it is a pain in the ass as well because sizes which should fit her don’t without blowing the buttons off. Anyway, the shame of what I’m trying to say is it would appear the market for lingerie has changed. No, I don’t have a problem with that fact, but places should remember that there are still some petite women out there in the real world who need to buy clothes for work and play. And no, so just keep your comments to yourself, I don’t have an issue with plus size women, that wasn’t the point I was making, I was merely mentioning that in this store particularly, I have never seen anything above the XL size. So, to sum up, its the same small ass store, but their inventory for people my wife’s size has dropped considerably. Yes, everyone should have the same shopping opportunities when shopping for slutty lingerie, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of reducing the quantity of smaller sizes in all their options. Anyway, I could go on and on and on but there are other things to talk about. I will say one thing about women knowing what size they wear, most of them don’t. How can that be? Why does a person who wears 3X clothing normally think that because its lingerie she could maybe make a medium fit? Yes, I did witness this first hand, because she stepped out of the changing room in the medium to ask her significant other if he thought she needed a large. Guess what his answer was. I don’t know personally, because we were gone shortly afterwards.

We had some jean shopping to go do, yes to actually buy if they had her style and size, again, we have found many places don’t carry size “0” anymore unless you order it online. However, lucky for us we did get instant purchase gratification at her two favorite stores. My wife is simple when it comes to jeans, she wears two brands, one being Guess and the other being Rockies. The hard part for her is picking what color and/or shade that tickles her fancy this year. Lucky for me, she doesn’t mind wearing the tight jeans, nothing against baggie jeans, but her preference is wearing them tight. I tell her either way is fine, I have for years, but in the end she always goes for the tight look because she likes it and she knows I like it as well. The western store has an interesting flow of customers, it goes in every direction. This is where our afternoon got interesting. We had made our way through the herds of people, we made our way through the racks, and we waited in line for her to get a changing room. Fucking place has 25 changing rooms for the women, 8 for the men, out of the 25 changing rooms they were only using 11 for the women and 2 for the men. When her turn came after 28 minutes she begins her ritual, try on a pair, step out to look in the octagonal surround mirrors, come give me a good look, and slink away back into the changing room for the next round, each round takes 7 to 8 minutes for her. On her second trip out she caught this kid, I say kid, early twenties, checking her out, game on, now she turned up the heat, now its time to fuck with the punk. Although she will never admit to doing it, I can see it, I’ve been checking out my wife’s ass for 16 plus years, I know when she is strutting a little harder than normal. About the time he had his tongue down on the carpet I watched his wife/girlfriend/significant other (so hard to tell these days, nobody wears wedding rings anymore) slap him across the face and asked what in the holy fuck did he think he was doing checking someone else out. Ok, sure, there’s some insecurities in that relationship, that’s obvious as hell, but she wants to make a scene.

My wife is cruel to other women, and men alike, she just turned 40 (now I’m probably dead) and works hard to keep her body the way it looks. She made a choice long ago that she wasn’t going to be one of those wives that just say fuck it and not care how she looks. And no, I honestly don’t think its for me, she has been like this before I met her, I do benefit of course, but in my opinion it is her pride that keeps her motivated. She sees people (especially family) and does not want to be those women. I stay out of it, I have no room to say anything, I’m in my mid-40s and haven’t exactly taken the best care of myself. I could do better, but I’ll admit I’m lazy. But, we do walk every night, we do our five miles, of course I do five and hers ends up being like 8 because she laps me so many times. She is one of those women who is proud of the curves she does have and proud as well for the curves she does not. Her downfall, really, if y’all asked me, is the fact that she work in a doctor’s office, she sees so many people with weight related health issues and she has commented to me that she plans on never being one of them. Perhaps she self aware, perhaps its vanity, perhaps its pride driven by the fact that she is a very strong willed/minded individual, perhaps its her stubbornness that drives her not to just age and settle, who knows.

Anyway, back to the mall. When the shopping was done and we continued to meander around, I discovered she had these two, lets call them high school age teenagers, following us around everywhere we went. I would look over and catch them, make eye contact, and they would act like I didn’t know what I was seeing. After confirming this is what was going on I whispered to my wife what I thought was going on. I was not prepared for all hell to break loose, but it did. We were in some store looking at purses for my wife, who wants (not need) a new purse. I find it strange that she wants a new purse every year when the current one is still going strong. I often point out I have been using the same wallet since 1989. Is it beat up? Yes. Is it wore out? Yes. Do I think I need a new one? Hell no. Funny part about that is she bought me one last year, put it in my Christmas stocking, its still in the box in my top dresser drawer. Anyway, she noticed one of these boys with his phone out pretty regularly and always being held in a somewhat discrete fashion. She put two and two together and had an OMGWTF moment, her gut instinct kicked in and she wanted to know why they were taking pictures of her, if that was what she was doing. She quick formulated a plan, we moved on to the shoe store, and she made herself “available” for unobstructed view. While they were distracted I went and stood behind them, and sure enough, they were taking pictures, mostly when she was bending down/over trying to get a tittie shot I guess. I text her to quickly walk towards them so they would be forced to turn around right into me. When the jig was up and they had been cornered my wife layed into them (verbally) in that harsh “motherly quiet tone” of fury women use. I didn’t get to hear all of it, but I know they erased the pictures off their phones with her watching. Sad thing is that the blonde haired boy was so scared of her he pissed his pants a little, his friend was nice enough to point it out as they walked away. When I asked what she said I was told to not worry about it.

That ends up being our holiday story. As uneventful as it was, it is what we do. We like to get out with all the freaks, frantics, and royal fucktards on the final weekend of shopping before Christmas only because we know we don’t “need” to be there, but we like to go out too, why let everyone else have all the shopping nightmare fun.

Life Happens At The Speed Of Ink

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On very rare occasions categories here at The Sting Of The Scorpion get overlapped. For the most part that isn’t a question because it all comes out in the wash. The latest Magic Weekend submission actually starts out as a Bartender Story since the person in the story is a stripper at Club X. So the best thing for me to do is to just let her tell her story because this one is sure to open some eyes this morning. I have found, over the years, that strippers are an interesting breed. They’re no different from the faces y’all see everyday all around you and if you are lucky y’all just might see them naked sooner or later. This story is about Sissy and how her everyday life and her stripper life met somewhere in the middle for a little fun and excitement. As a stripper, Sissy gets to show off her tattoos every time she goes to work at Club X and gets naked. Without further ado, here is Sissy’s story of her Magic Weekend.

It all started this past Thursday when two of my co-workers at the orthodontist office started talking about their new tattoos they had gotten a few weeks ago. They wanted to play show and tell now that they were pretty much healed up. I couldn’t wait to see them because these two girls are the most prissy girly girly types I think I have ever met. Since I’m friends with them, meaning I’m the only one who really talks to them, I was invited around the corner so they could show off. Estacia lifts her scrub shirt and lowers her scrub pants to expose around her hip bone. She got a neon orange tree frog about the size of a fifty cent piece, how cute. Elizabeth was next, all full of giggles, lifts the leg of her scrub to display the sticky note pad sized unicorn she had on her lower calf. Strange, but cute nonetheless I guess. These two are no longer tattoo virgins. When asked if I had any tattoos I was unsure which I would show off at the orthodontist office. I thought I would keep it simple and show my Hawaiian flower on my right hip.

We had to break up show and tell because the orthodontist was coming down the hall so we all kinda went a different direction and headed back to our stations. Later that day Estacia stops in to see me and asks where I get my tattoos. So, I explained to her it is a hole in the wall place in a part of town I didn’t think she was familiar with. I was right, she had no actual idea where it was at. She asked if I wouldn’t mind taking her one day if I was ever going back. I had been planning on going back, tomorrow morning in fact after I got off work at the club. I explained to her that I had a second job and I would be getting off if she wanted to meet up then we could go. I gave her the address of where I would be at 1am and then we could ride together since it was right up the street about 1/2 mile. She agreed and said she could find it she was sure.

Estacia decided to come by the club about 30 minutes early and decided to come in. I think she just wanted to see what I do there because I never said that I was a stripper. I was on stage finishing up the last song of my set when I spotted her not too far from the stage. She walked up to talk to me with a $20 in her hand and asked me now what. So, I decided to screw with her a little bit. I sat down on the stage letting my legs reach out and pull her in closer. I laid back working my legs up over her shoulders and told her to fold the bill in half and then hold it in her mouth so I could get it. She did as I asked never taking her eyes off of mine. I arched my back as high as possible while leaning her forward with my legs until her lips were less than an inch away from my lips. I could feel her hot breath on the inside of my thighs as I girated one time letting her lips touch mine leaving the $20 pinched between my lips now. I released my grip and she slowly stood back up. She got the last laugh in a way because she looked right at me and licked her lips, then walked away.

I found Estacia sitting alone at the crowded bar a little later. I knew she was waiting for me to find her. I approached quietly from behind and tucked my head between hers and some tard trying to talk to her. She grabbed my face, gave this look, and then shoved her tongue down my throat. It was nice, she had a sweet taste. When it was over I was able to squeeze in next to her so we could talk. She asked my why I never told her I was a stripper. I explained it wasn’t something I advertised at the orthodontics office because I didn’t want to risk losing my job over a moonlighting job. We agreed that it was all good now. We sat there and talked for a bit longer and then I told her I was heading to the tattoo parlor so let’s get the hell out of here. I was definitely seeing Estacia in a totally different way now because she definitely shocked the shit out of me. Such a dirty girl, I like that.

We entered the tattoo parlor like two giddy ass school girls, giggling and carrying on like there was no one around us. Rick, the owner, came over to say hi so I introduced him to Estacia. He asked what we were getting done and Estacia chimed in to tell him she wanted her clit hood pierced just like mine. Shock to me. He said to give him a few minutes to finish up another client. Estacia looked straight at me and told me if I had never put it in her face she would have never thought of getting pierced there. What can I say, stranger shit happens, right. We sat there chit chatting about my other tats and piercings for a bit when she asked the ultimate question. She asked if I thought she would make a good stripper and could make some extra money on the side of working at the orthodontics office. I just told her that maybe we needed to meet up soon and she could show me her moves.

Rick showed back up and said it was time to go. Estacia put her hand out for me to come along and tells me she wants me there. So, all three of us headed back to the piecing station. He stepped out so she could remove her jeans and get situated on the table. She slid her jeans down slowly, seductively, making sure I could see how she was making an effort to impress me. Little did she know, I was already impressed, she already had my attention. I don’t meet too many girls interested in me but this is a very nice change of pace. Now, let me tell you what impressed me about her mini striptease, she had went commando and she was shaved so smooth I could see the goose bumps glistening in the bright lights. I was handed her jeans, I noticed they were very warm, I also noticed while I was folding them up the large wet spot she had developed. This morning is definitely turning out to be brighter than I could have imagined.

Soon after, Rick pops back in announcing that we are good to go, sign here, and we can rock and roll. After putting on his surgical gloves he rolls out a tray of instruments and opens everything up to begin. After placing two black dots for the in and out he began the procedure. In a matter of moments he was done. Rick handed Estacia a mirror so she could check it out. She grabbed ahold of the stainless steel ring giving it a little tug then nodded her head saying that this would definitely work for her. Rick wiped her down and told her to meet him up front when she got dressed. She hopped off the table and headed towards me to get her jeans. She reaches down pulling on her new ring and asked if I liked it. I put my fingers out grasping the ring, giving it a little tug telling her now the fun can begin. After a small moan she slid back into her jeans, buttoned them up, and we walked up front, she commented that she can really feel it now.

She paid Rick, signed one more piece of paper, and then we left hand in hand. After asking where she wanted to go she said it didn’t matter. So, thinking I know what this is all leading up to I tell her we are going back to my apartment right now and we can get her car later. She just gave me a nod and away we went. I don’t live too terribly far from the parlor so it was a very fast trip home. We barely made it up the first flight of stairs before we started tearing at each others cloths. By the time we hit the third flight of stairs we were both completely naked. As soon as I closed the door behind us our clothes and shoes dropped to the floor in a blurring thud. The next thing I know I am pinned up to the door, my hands being held above my head by one of hers as she begins with a kiss that ends with her sucking on my tit. Before I could catch my breath I felt the warmth of her fingers being driven up into my very wet pussy. She kissed me harder as she fucked me with her fingers even harder. This had to stop, this was going to far here at the door. I wiggled out of her grasp and led her to the couch.

I laid her down on her back, spreading her legs wide open like I was ripping a wishbone in two. The first thing I did was grab ahold of her new piercing, the skin still shiny and pink around it, as I rolled it between my fingertips. I began a lick at her ankle and didn’t stop until I was at her other ankle. After that it was a tangled mess of legs and arms going everywhere, I can only imagine what the neighbors were hearing because it actually got real loud. As fast as it started it ended with both of us collapsed on the floor, out of breath, wanting more, but out of energy. We fell asleep that way. I remember waking up next to her on the floor with our bodies intertwined. In an instant I saw the clock and we needed to get going so we are not late for work. We jumped in the shower for a quick, but heated rinse off and then we had to get dressed. She and I were basically the same size so we grabbed my scrubs and got dressed, threw our hair up, did some quick make up, and then we were out of the door.

I hauled ass to work and was real lucky I didn’t have a wreck or get a ticket. Arriving to work just in time we hurried to clock in so we could get to work. Soon enough we were approached by Elizabeth who asked why we were riding together. Estacia just said she had some car trouble and called me because I’m on her way. She said okay and then asked Estacia if she had got new scrubs because those were different from what she normally wears. She said nope and walked off down the hallway. Elizabeth whispers in my ear that she knew what had happened, ending it with a wink, and then saying that it was obvious that Estacia had gotten laid because she just smelled like fresh sex. She said she would get a confession out her and then let me know all the dirty details. To my knowledge Estacia didn’t give us up which means she is serious about what was happening, me to, I would like to see this continue as well. We will have to see where this all goes, but as far as I can tell I got me a new fuck buddy.

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Butt Dialing Phenomenon

Cell Phone in Back Pocket of Miniskirt

I don’t think I’m the only person on planet Earth who gets butt dialed here and there. We’ll get to that in a moment. First I just want to ask why people, females in particular, always seem to have their cell phones in their back pockets? Taking a walk down memory lane I can remember being in high school in a time when the girls wearing their jeans so tight that if they got a chill one could read the goose bumps like braille. I really enjoyed getting behind a slow-moving crowd of girls in tight jeans, even now it still brings a smile to my face. Moving forward many years now persons of the female persuasion still wear their jeans/pants/skirt very tight. Want to know the difference? Somehow they find room to squeeze a phone in that back pocket. Personally I think it’s really distracting because I’m not looking so I can see a cell phone lump and that isn’t what I want to see. Anyway, the cell phone being in someone’s pocket or even their waistband, to me, is very tacky. What’s a person to say tho, everyone is doing it, even the girls in my family. I will be the first to admit that I do mention it to my wife and to both of my daughters, and I have done this for many years.

So, now that I sit here and think about it I can’t remember anytime I have been butt dialed by a person of the male persuasion. I’m not making that up to get this seem one-sided, I really can only ever remember being butt dialed by girls. Is this such a phenomenon? I don’t think it is because I think I have narrowed it down to a root cause and the common denominator. By now y’all have figured it out, by now many of you are thinking that this post is about over because I have solved the mystery, except y’all would be wrong. Eventhough I have assumed what the main reason for butt dialing is, I still want to know how it happens and that will be the biggest challenge. To begin with I started reading some on-line forums, groups, as well as doing internet searches (which yielded almost 800,000 results in just .39 seconds), so I know I’m not the only one talking about it. There are even some forums (to include Facebook) which are recommending men host an intervention to get phones out of every girl’s pocket as soon as possible. Y’all may laugh, but y’all know I’m right. Something drastic needs to happen pretty quick. I would say, looking at my phone right now, I get butt dialed 5-11 times on average every day. Before you get too excited, at least two come from my wife and at least two will come from at least one of my daughters if not both of them. Then we get to throw in the random people who I have either spoken to recently or texted with recently. Don’t girl’s screens lock out anymore or is it that girls just don’t pay attention before they put their phone in their pocket.

The number one reason (that’s #1) I get from friends and family about why they put their phone in their back pocket is ……………… (can you guess) ……… because then they can hear it when someone calls or texts or e-mails or whatever. OR they can feel it when they have it on vibrate. Sounds legit, right? Well, I will tell you from personal experience that it is a lost conversation before it ever starts. In a way, I have given up on my quest to figure out why girls put their phone in their back pockets. I do know one absolute fact I learned the hard way recently with my wife’s HTC DNA. We use Verizon, we have our phones insured, and come to find out that nothing covers breaking your phone because you forgot to take it out of your back pocket before you sat down. After some checking, most carriers have the exact same policy. From what I understand with talking with Verizon that having a phone “broke” by sitting on it is the most common damage they see which is why that “hazard” is not covered in their insurance plans. I wonder if everyone knows this fact. If they do, are they willing to just take the risk or do they just think it won’t happen to them? I know, tough question, and as a man I DO NOT want to even spend a moment in a woman’s brain. The thought scares me and makes me shudder.

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Please take my anonymous “Butt Dialing” poll below. The information gathered will only be used to update this subject. Do it for fun butt try to be as honest as possible. Check back to see how other readers are answering the poll. When you are done with the poll take a moment to leave me a comment to let me know your opinions.

As a note, before anyone gets their panties in a wad, my reference to woman or females using the term “girl” was not used with a derogatory meaning attached. Nor was it meant to be-little anyone, the term “girl” was used generically to cover everyone in the realms of the female persuasion. I hope we are clear now, just trying to make the conversation easier to follow.