Wishing Y’all A Very Merry Christmas

I just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. For those who don’t celebrate Christmas, then y’all have a very Merry December 25th. I had an entire post ready to put out, long and drawn out of course, but I’m choosing to just leave it wishing everyone well and know I’m wishing the best for everyone.

Next year will be a better year I’m hoping. Hopefully I will have more time to spend here. Until then, just know all is well and I’m missing my old friends.

 

~~~MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL~~~

Merry Christmas To One And All

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Here on The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog as well as in my own personal life, I say generally what I want, when I want, where I want, how I want, and why I want. This doesn’t mean I’m making a personal attack on you or trying to offend you, it just means I don’t make an effort to change who I am because of who you are. When it is Christmas I say Merry Christmas when the mood strikes me. However, since I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas, most people don’t have to worry.

Yet again, year after year there is some kind of war on Christmas, because it’s not fucking politically correct for some ass backwards reason. Personally I don’t care what the reasons are, your excuses fall on deaf ears here, and if you try and correct me or those near and dear to me I have a news flash for you, I don’t give a flying fuck if you don’t like hearing it. Are we clear yet? Yes, Christmas has been turned into a commercial nightmare putting people further into debt each year. So the fuck what, make your choices, spend your money, buy shit nobody wants or needs, do Christmas however you want to.

I’ll leave you with a my final Christmas message, I say Merry Christmas, I’m greeting you and wishing you peace and happiness, stop trying to fuck that up because you are offended or you consider it not politically correct, fuck you.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL

I’m Dreaming of a Scary Christmas

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I’m reminded by a regular reader and contributor to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog that it seems that many Christmas stories we know today had a much different start so many years ago. Writers wrote stories differently way back in the early years. Many times stories were written down so they could be shared with many generations to come, most of which had always been word of mouth stories. This reader has taken a “look” into some of the roots for the rhyme or reason behind the scary season and why we love to see, read, and hear all of those great scary Christmas stories.

I know what you’re thinking. What possesses someone to write scary Christmas stories? What is there about Christmas that could possibly be considered scary, creepy, ghoulish, demented, or hair-raising?

Oh, where to start.

At their heart, scary Christmas stories are about subverting innocent childhood memories, adding eerie and unimagined dimensions to them. For regular people, Christmas is about celebration and wonder—or that mad dash to the mall. They aren’t like those strange, twisted individuals who imagine burning red eyes flaring alongside the other lights in a Christmas tree, or hear soot-caked claws scraping inside the brick belly of the chimney.

A Background on Scary Christmas Stories

I blame the Victorians. They loved their ghost stories, and Christmastime was when they gathered around the fire and did their best to scare each other. Charles Dickens almost single-handedly rescued Christmas—at least as a secular, feel-good holiday—through his famous ghost story, A Christmas Carol.

The practice has its roots in primitive Yuletide rituals, before the Christians came along and roped it all together into Christmas. Before anyone celebrated the birth of Christ, winter was a frightening time. The nights stretched on forever, the cold swept in, and nothing grew. Primitive people celebrated surviving to the halfway point—the winter solstice, or Yule—which represented the death and (hopeful) rebirth of the sun.

Christmas Eve back then was perhaps the darkest part of the year. With the sun gone and the light extinguished, the membrane between the worlds of the living and the dead grew thin. Ghost were allowed to escape, to wreak havoc or make amends.

So it’s plain to see that Christmas has always been scary. The light and innocence of the time was a direct response to the pervasive darkness and fear that came with winter. Like fairy tales, Christmas traditions often have grisly, Old-World origins that have been forgotten.

Even Santa had a dark side. Whatever his incarnation—Santa, Saint Nick, Father Christmas—he tended to have a shadow partner, a silent, hooded fellow named Black Pete or Knecht Ruprecht who doled out justice to those who had been naughty, usually beating them with a stick from the bundle he hauled around on his back.

And we won’t even start with Krampus (at least for now).

Suffice it to say, scary Christmas stories have very deep roots in our current culture, even though we aren’t really aware of them these days. A select few souls try to keep this tradition alive, usually by enjoying the scary Christmas tales told by others, or by penning a few ourselves.

5 Elements of Scary Christmas Stories

Scary Christmas stories come in all shapes and sizes and wrapping paper. But if you’re of a mind to scribble down a few scary holiday tales of your own, here are a few common elements to bear in mind.

1). Subversion, or do the Twist

This is the fun part. Find an aspect about the holiday and twist it around, or find a scary explanation for it. Tim Allen did this with his series The Santa Clause. Before it became a movie, it started out as a dark short story about a man who shoots Santa and then is doomed to take his place.

This is where the Doctor Who specials really shine. They take a beloved aspect of Christmas (e.g., glass globes, Christmas trees, Santas, stars, snow, snowmen, etc.) and twist it into something frightening (and fascinating).

So when you write your scary Christmas story, don’t forget to do the twist!

2). Yuletide Justice

Christmas is about justice. Children in particular understand this. Good kids get their reward, bad kids get their comeuppance, and all is well with the world. In a true Christmas story of the darker persuasion, don’t forget that in the end, Christmas Eve is one of those few times of the year when the scales of justice are in balance.

3). Reunions

Christmas is about coming together with family and friends—sometimes even from beyond the grave. The clarion call to return home for Christmas can easily be connected to the draw of nostalgia, the longing for times long past, for the innocence of childhood and the wonder of growing up.

That nostalgia draws loved ones together (even if the relationship has soured some) across miles, and sometimes worlds. Ghosts often find their way home for Christmas, but the return of a beloved family member from beyond the grave isn’t always what we imagine it will be.

And sometimes it isn’t love that draws the dearly departed back home. Sometimes, it’s revenge.

4). Powers Dark and Powers Bright

Because it’s considered a holiday for children, we usually play up the lighter, more whimsical aspects of Christmas. But a scary Christmas story should serve as a reminder that everything has its opposite. Good and evil, night and day, winter and spring, Santa and Ruprecht, Rudolph and Frosty. Just as the scales of justice must be balanced, make sure you balance the light with the dark.

5). Toys (and Other Bright Shiny Things)

Like it or not, Christmas is about toys these days. Most people love toys, especially writers. Like Anton Chekov, for instance. He reminds writers to: “Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that these is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter, it absolutely must go off. If it’s not going to be fired, it shouldn’t be hanging there.”

There is also writers’ favorite Christmas gift to their readers: the MacGuffin.

The “MacGuffin” was made famous by Alfred Hitchcock. It is a plot device that can take on many shapes and forms, but primarily serves as the motivation for the characters in a story. In many cases, it doesn’t matter what the MacGuffin is; what matter is that so many people in the story want it. A MacGuffin can be an object, a person, a place—a bag of cash, a suitcase bomb, a Maltese falcon, a jewel, etc.

So be sure to break out the best, shiniest MacGuffin for your story. Fire off that Chekov’s gun! Make sure your story makes good use of its toys. As I close, I remind everyone to look at their Christmas books, Christmas movies, and the sorted Christmas tales you tell, you might be surprised at it’s origin or true meaning. Tis the season to have a very Merry Scary Christmas!

To All The “Merry Christmas” Bashers

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Yes, you read the title correctly, this particular post is specifically for the jackholes that decided they need to e-mail me and span comment me on some Christmas posts from yesterday. They believed they need to school me how politically incorrect and how insensitive saying Merry Christmas is to a growing population of people. Well, guess what fucktards, I obviously don’t write on my blog to please anyone except myself. If you like it, great. If you don’t like it, that is great as well since I really don’t care for people who are fence riders. Y’all need to give the politically correct bullshit a rest because each time one of y’all get upset with me it just makes me want to drill it in just a little deeper. I say Merry Christmas, if that offends your delicate little ego then I wish you well on your troubled travels far and away from here. I don’t say Merry Christmas to abuse you, I say Merry Christmas because it is Christmas. Y’all understand that, right, that it’s called Christmas and not anything else, just Christmas. You won’t hear me say or see me write happy holidays ever or anywhere. Why? Because it’s Christmas. Are y’all so full of the shit that falls out of your mouth to understand that we do NOT care if you don’t want to hear the word Christmas, we don’t care if you don’t celebrate Christmas, and we surely could give a rat’s ass if it offends y’all when we say or write Merry Christmas.

The question I have for y’all is why you don’t take into consideration that when you open your pieholes to say your offended by Merry Christmas that you are actually offending people like me who don’t really give a flying fuck if it offends you or not. Now y’all have actually pissed me off because of your pettiness I have to write this post just to tell you to go fuck yourselves. Am I too insensitive to your needs and feelings? Who gives a shit about what your feelings or needs are. Y’all have issues, y’all should seek counseling, and perhaps even apologize to everyone for being a raging fucktard idiot. But that’s not going to happen because y’all don’t have the goddamned common courtesy to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to realize y’all are not being harmed in any fucking way. Don’t celebrate Christmas? That’s nice that you made that decision, but I fucking celebrate Christmas. My version is probably a bit different than the Christians, but I celebrate it nevertheless. Don’t like that I am spreading a little Christmas cheer or sharing a little Christmas humor? Boomotherfuckinghoo you tender minded little fucks, gets over it, hell, go ahead and get over yourselves because I don’t really give a shit. I don’t care.

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Now, you “Christians” who think you are holier than thou art, I will take a chunk of your narrow minded ass as well. No, there is no “Christ” in my Christmas. In my world it is the commercial holiday where friends and family gather to exchange gifts, be jolly, and have a great fucking time. Again, as with the anti-Christmas idiots, I understand you celebrate Christmas a different way than I do and I don’t hold that against y’all because I don’t give a fuck what or how you do it. I’m at a loss for words for y’all, y’all need to go buy a clue because there has been so much y’all choose to overlook, like not everyone is Christian and therefore we do things a little different. Why? Because we fucking can! Not everyone celebrates Christmas, not everyone gets offended, not everyone wants a religious reference, not everyone gives a shit what y’all think, and most importantly you have no idea what the fuck I have going on and you have no right to judge me. So, Merry Christmas. Enjoy your Christmas your way and just shut the hell up about everyone else.

The day is specifically called Christmas day, it’s not called Holiday. We say Merry Christmas because this entire season is specifically for Christmas. How the fuck does Seasons Greetings, Happy Holidays, or any other non-descript greeting even remotely come close to giving a Christmas specific greeting? Because you fucking prefer it? Because you prefer not to hear Merry Christmas? Y’all can go piss in the wind, y’all have taken the fun out of Christmas because y’all are afraid to express yourselves in any manner  other than what specifically suites y’all. Fuck that, y’all won’t get the pussy footin walking on eggshells from me, it’s not going to ever happen. I celebrate Christmas, you can embrace and love that great idea or you can hate that people are insensitive to your big fat bleeding pussy and how you feel. Well, here’s how I feel, fuck you and have a very Merry Christmas. I hope y’all get so much Christmas cheer shoved in your tight little asses that when you burp it has an evergreen aftertaste.

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