A Quest For the Perfect Margarita

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I have found that the tequila a person picks either makes or breaks the taste of the margarita. I have experimented for the better part of the last 25 years with combination after combination looking for the perfect margarita. In the beginning I thought it was the mix but then I found that all mixes do NOT mix the same. This fact is true with tequila as well, some tequilas are made for sipping, some for shooting, some for cooking, and some are for mixing margaritas. I have been to the bottom of the bottle of pretty much every tequila I could ever get my hands on, looking for the best one for each thing I want to do with it. I can now complete that list, I think the search is finally over. I will write another post soon enough about my favorite three tequilas for sipping, shooting, cooking, and mixing margaritas.

My quest for the perfect margarita is finally over, I have found, in my own personal opinion, the perfect tequila and mix combination, and I will now spend my time perfecting it. I say my quest is over, which may or may not be true, it might just be on a long break. Now, years ago I found that Mr. & Mrs. T margarita mix was the best blend for me. It has become my favorite and has become the only one I ever use. It has always been the tequila that was in question because all tequilas are NOT created equally. This past weekend I was in our local liquor store and the scorpion on the label of the Jose Cuervo Cinge intrigued me enough to pull the bottle off the shelf and take a closer look. With closer inspection I was pleased to see that this tequila was infused with a blend of cinnamon. Although I was unsure of the flavor combination of tequila and cinnamon, I decided to pick a bottle of it up and give it a try. The only true way to see if you like a tequila is to take a shot, let it stand in your mouth a little while, and then slowly swallow it. I was impressed, it was very smooth, very well flavored, and had a nice cinnamon burn going down.

Next was the margarita test. I use a basic margarita shaker, one that you put the tequila, mix, and ice in, followed by vigorous shaking to make it ice cold. Here is the method I use and works for me. I fill the mixing glass to the top with ice, I put in two full shots of tequila, then fill in the remaining volume with mix. Shake it for a few minutes to get it frothy and ice cold. pour it into the glass of choice thru the strainer, top off glass with ice from the mixer, and then enjoy. I don’t use fancy glasses and I do not salt my rims. I was so impressed that I had a few more made the same way. I think the day I thought I would never see is finally here, I found the perfect margarita combination to be repeatedly enjoyed. Granted, I know there are many of y’all out there who don’t like cinnamon, tequila, or margaritas, and that is a choice y’all have made.

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Drinking margaritas may not be your particular thing and I understand that. In fact, I don’t actually condone drinking because of the social stigmata that goes with it. I prefer to let each adult make his or her own decisions. Y’all see me write about drinking here on The Sting Of The Scorpion because it has been a big part of my life. As mentioned, I will do a post in the very near future about the tequilas I use for sipping, shooting, cooking, and making margaritas. It’s funny how we search for things and sooner or later find something we couldn’t imagine not having available to us. But, for now, my quest for the perfect margarita is complete, and that makes me happy.

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Smoked Wild Turkey For Thanksgiving 2013

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Y’all can consider this to be part two to Our Family Thanksgiving Tradition which was published on 25 November 2013. I provide the link only if y’all need to catch up, refresh, or both. Whichever y’all decide to do, just hurry up, we have allot to discuss. When I left off last time I mentioned that we dressed out our wild turkey and set it to soak in a magic recipe. But, before I give y’all those details so y’all might try it out some day for yourselves, y’all must make sure you have one very specific item, and that is a 5 gallon bucket with a tight sealing lid. I prefer to get mine from Home Depot because, to date, they have yet to ever, and I mean ever, fail me for having a leak proof tight lid. But, y’all make that call when I’m not looking. Also, for the meat haters who love to hate it when I write about meat I just want you to know, specifically you, yes, a wild turkey was harmed (killed) to complete this recipe. There, I said it, now get over yourselves and either turn tail and leave or read on. Now, wash the 5 gallon bucket and lid real well, scrub it good. When it is clean and dry place it on a chair and make sure it isn’t going to fall off of it. Place one dressed wild turkey in the bucket, neck up and tail down. Pour two 750ml bottles of Wild Turkey into the bucket with the turkey. Y’all can use the basic run of the mill Wild Turkey if you please, I had a case of Rare Breed leftover from a party when I worked at the club, so I used it, well, two bottles of it anyway.

Open two large cans of whole berry cranberry sauce and pour those in as well. Wash 4 good sized oranges and slice them into 1/4″ thick slices leaving the peels on. Take all of the slices and slice them in half then put them in the bucket. Wash and cut 1 each red, yellow, and green bell pepper. Put those in the bucket now. Wash and cut 4 jalapeno peppers and place those in the bucket. I also added 1/4 cub Tabasco Sauce, 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce,  1 cup (packed) brown sugar, and 1/2 cup (finely chopped) mint leaves. Whatever space remains in the bucked fill with cool water until the liquid level is about 1 1/2″ from the top. Securely put the lid on and I mean make sure it’s on tight or you will have a mess to clean up. Carefully remove the handle from the bucket and set it aside for now. Lay the bucket on the floor on it’s side and roll it back and forth until you think everything has blended well. As tempting as it may be do not, under any circumstances, take that lid off until you are ready to smoke it. Now, I happen to have a refrigerator that I have taken the bottom shelf out of so my bucket fits just fine, you’ll have to see what works for you as it needs to sit this way for a few days. Mine sat like this for 96 hours (4 days).

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After you get your smoker up to temperature it will be time for the turkey. I began my fire with red oak until the smoker would maintain about 500F, then I added some hickory and mesquite which had been soaking in a bigger bucket for a few days that was filled with water. When you are ready for the turkey just pry the lid off the bucket, reach in there barehanded, grab the turkey, and slap it on the smoker. Do not discard the remaining contents in the bucket, some of it will get smoked and some of it will be used in a bit. The remaining contents need to be strained so all of the liquid is removed. One can also “dip” everything out as well. Split the solids in to equal portions. Take one portion and put it in a blender or food processor and puree the snot out it. If it is really thick, add a little Coke. It should come out the consistency of ketchup. Set that mixture back in the fridge. The remaining portion can be placed on a cookie sheet, covered with something, and placed into the fridge. Those will be put on the smoker when there is only about 2 hours remaining. Now, do not open your smoker to look at the turkey because it is doing just fine without you looking at letting the heat and smoke out. Mine cooked for 12 hours. At the 6 hour mark I took the puree mixture and slathered it all over the turkey. Close the smoker. Discard all remaining puree.

Now that you have around 2 hours remaining of cook time, put that cookie sheet of peppers and orange slices on the smoker uncovered. They will be removed when you remove the turkey from the smoker. When the time is up, carefully remove your smoked turkey. Use “hot gloves” so you can grab the whole turkey and keep it together. Place the turkey on your selected platter, leave uncovered, and let it “rest” for around 1 hour. The peppers and oranges can be used as garnish, ground up and put into something, or just eaten, the choice is yours. We cut ours up and make a salsa concoction out of it. Your turkey will slice very easily and should have a deep smoke ring as well as a nice crust on the outside. Now has come the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Making a turkey this way is time consuming and requires quite a bit of patience. Unfortunately there are no short cuts if you want it to come out right. I hope everyone enjoyed this information provided here today. Feel free to share it with family and friends. The more people smoking means the more opportunities there are to explore the best ways to come up with great creations.

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Now, I feel inclined to add some things for the meat haters and the anti-alcohol people. First, this isn’t the only way to make a turkey, it is however, my personal way, one that works for me. First, a note about alcohol content in the meat. Since the meat is smoked at a temperature well over 172F (the boiling point of alcohol) for pretty close to 12 hours the remaining alcohol contained in the meat is way less than 5% if any at all. You will be, however, left with all the flavor that the Wild Turkey provides when used in smoking. Don’t believe me, just look it up and the answer will be revealed to you. As mentioned, yes, a turkey was killed, in fact it was killed by my 12 y/o son using a compound bow. You may not think so, but bow hunting has become a lost art with very few in the next generation being taught the skills and techniques. It’s a way of life in my family, we are not city folks, we live in the outskirts of society where being able to provide meat for the table is a gift not a curse. I’m sorry that so many people are against killing animals to eat because it makes it hard for people like myself and my family to enjoy a passion which we have all grown up loving. Unfortunately, you bastards attacked me when I published a post about the hunt, and unfortunately some of y’all will feel inclined to bitch at me and lecture me once again. Well, make sure what you say is worth a shit so I have something worthy of writing about, because if it’s not than you’ve just wasted both of our time. I’m not writing here to offend anybody, I’m just writing about a big aspect of my life, hunting and smoking meats. I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving had a safe holiday and had an enjoyable time, I know we did. Until Next time, remember to eat it every day.

Our Family Thanksgiving Tradition

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For as long as I can remember I have went hunting on the weekend before Thanksgiving in an attempt to provide one, if not more, turkeys to prepare for our Thanksgiving feast. Even before I was hunting myself, I was tagging along, learning from my father, my grandfather, and my uncles. I was very excited when I turned 12 because  it was finally my time to join in on the hunt with my family. As the years passed on the tradition was carried on with my own children, it started with my oldest daughter (23 y/o now), my middle daughter (17 y/o now), and most recently with my 12 y/o son. He has accompanied me for many years and after turning 12 this summer he knew it was going to be his turn to bring home a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. My family has a “secret” spot where we bow hunt for turkey. I was entrusted with the location years ago and 3 years ago the ownership of the land was transferred to me when my uncle passed away. This is one location friends never get to go, this is one place that is for family members only, and that tradition has been in place since the 30s and I don’t see it changing on my watch. For the last few years my son has been practicing his bow hunting skills and proved himself recently during bow hunting season when he had a very clean kill of a 10 point whitetail buck from 35 yards at ground level. A technically challenging shot for seasoned bow hunters. Lets just say he nailed it after a long road of education, patience, and dedication.

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The first part of the hunt always starts a few weeks before the season actually opens up. We set up stalks to see where the turkey are running so we can calculate the best places for us to set up later. As I stated before, we have been bow hunting this land for many, many years, and for the most part the turkey pass through the same spots by the river year after year, so that is where we start, year after year. There is no need to bait or place decoys because they have a healthy population in this area and a relatively easy to find if you actually know where to look. Granted, there have been seasons so stricken with drought that there were no turkeys, but they always come back sooner or later. My son has mastered the art of the stalk, he has mastered the art of taking pictures in the wild, flagging trees, and mapping out locations with and without using a gps. He like to spend time in the woods without a weapon as well, he likes the connection, and he appreciates that mother nature is willing to provide a great bounty to see that our family eats all year long. He learned early on that in our family we do not buy meat from the store, we hunt, and we provide 95% of the meat that is eaten by our family.

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This year, with my work schedule, the rest of my family went out opening weekend and have not returned because they hit their limits already. But, my son and my daughters have yet to go, until yesterday. The way it all ended up working out is my son and I drove out to our location late Saturday afternoon. With just enough daylight left we had time to set up our tent, get a campfire going, and get some food prepared. It was an anxious night for my son, I don’t think he slept at all because he was so excited, he has been waiting a very long time to be able to be the one who brings home the turkey we will eventually eat for Thanksgiving. With the exception that it was 40 degrees overnight, I slept just fine. At 4am I start feeling the jabs from my son, with a dad, dad, dad, dad. Is it time to get up? Is it time yet? Dad, dad, dad, dad. In the distance we could already hear the songs of the turkeys, it was time to get up, eat real quick, and disappear into the woods. At first light we were surprised to see many large turkeys feeding at the edge of the trees. It was very hard to move through the trees and brush because the leaf litter was very crunchy. As we came closer we started getting into the wet litter so we would arrive undetected. We were in place for about 30 minutes when my son was ready to take his first shot. Deep breath, release, breath again. He had made the perfect shot, the turkey dropped immediately. It was the perfect textbook shot from 30 yards. He quickly ran to his bird, assessed his breathing, there was none, so we knew he was dead. My son kneeled by the turkey, put his hand under his limp body, and offered a prayer. “Lord, thank you for this beautiful turkey as this turkey will feed my family and provide happiness for everyone. We thank you for providing this turkey, in your name we pray, amen”. It took me a moment, I was a bit choked up, as I wiped the tears from my eyes I realized my son understood his connection with the land, the animals, and mother nature. It was a beautiful moment to witness.

We packed up to head back to camp where we loaded the ATVs on the trailer, packed the tent, diluted the ashes of the fire, and put the turkey in the cooler in preparation for our travels home. Sunday night we dressed the 23lb turkey and set it to soak in a secret recipe of Wild Turkey, cranberry sauce, sliced oranges, a variety of mild peppers and seasoning, and just a pinch of my secret ingredient. This turkey will rest in this mixture in the refrigerator until late Wednesday night when he will be removed to join the others on my pit smoker for their 12 hour journey into smoked tenderness and bliss. Until then, this post will close.

What You Never Knew About These Drugs

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The nature of the human beast is to explore and experiment. So, growing up most of us are taught that drugs can and will do many scary things to the human brain and body. We have all seen that these effects can be blown out of proportion, making it seem like a few tokes at a party can send you spiralling into addiction,  and then leading to a life of crime. The drugs listed below are worse than anything you were ever warned about. These drugs can and will fuck your life up beyond repair. Anybody that has been around me a bit knows that I don’t judge what a person does in their life. Well, that is not exactly true, if you are fucktard I will judge you. So let’s look at ten (10) really fucked up drugs and explore why you may not want to have them enter your body by any means.

Zolpidem

  • A drug with potential side effects like sleep-walking, sleep-driving and occasionally sleep-spewing.
  • Zolpidem, more commonly known as “Ambien” is a sleeping pill that was developed as an alternative to Valium. And most of the time, it works pretty well. You can take one, fall asleep, and then wake up in the morning without further incident.
  • For some people though, Zolpidem can cause people to do all kinds of crazy shit while asleep. There are many cases of people on Zolpidem crashing cars and claiming to be asleep, and that’s just the warm up.
  • Do a little research about all the side effects which are being hidden from the public but are public record.

Scopolamines

  • The drug criminals blow into your face.
  • Scopolamines ability to cause amnesia suggestibility has been exploited by Colombian criminals.
  • Criminals in Colombia have been blowing powder into the faces of victims, who then happily empty their bank accounts or assist in the robbing of their own house. The morning after, the victim has no idea what has happened.
  • Scopolamine is a drug that causes amnesia and suggestibility. The really scary thing about this drug is how easy it is to administer.
  • There have been rumors of people being drugged in the United States through touching business cards soaked in scopolamine.

Nutmeg

  • Despite a wholesome reputation, is in fact a hallucinogenic.
  • The same stuff that’s probably sitting in your kitchen cupboard right now is one hell of a crazy drug.
  • High doses of nutmeg can induce hallucinations; which has led many people strapped for cash or wanting a legal alternative to the more famous hallucinogens to throw back massive doses of a kitchen spice.
  • These trips are normally unpleasant and more closely resemble psychotic detachment from reality as opposed to the psychedelic sixties.
  • Accompanying the hallucinations is severe anxiety, and a sense of impending doom.
  • The physical effects are also pretty harsh with rapid heart rate and palpitations, dry mouth, nausea and urinary retention all being reported.

Human Growth Hormone (HGH)

  • Human growth hormone or HGH is, as you would expect, a hormone found in humans that is necessary for growth.
  • Athletes have been known to inject HGH because they believe it will help with recovery after training.
  • There can be some very nasty side effects. The most intense one is a condition called acromegaly.
  • Acromegaly causes skin to get thicker, the hands and feet to swell and the jaw line to become more pronounced causing gaps between the teeth.
  • The early days of HGH use were even scarier, as it was sourced from dead bodies.
  • This practice led to many cases of Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease, a brain disorder similar to mad cow disease.

Bromo-Dragonfly

  • Acts like a super-charged version of LSD, with trips lasting up to 3 days.
  • Bromo-dragonfly is a drug that is named because its molecular structure looks like a dragonfly.
  • Bromo-dragonfly is sometimes sold as LSD, because it’s active at low enough doses to be put on a tab.
  • While an LSD trip usually lasts a few hours, Bromo-dragonfly can be active for up to 3 days, and can have a range of nasty side effects.
  • These include seizures, spasms in your veins and blood vessel constriction. Amputation of limbs is required in severe cases.
  • The trips have been described as being “dragged to hell and back again”.

Rimonadant

  • Rimonadant, the anti-pot, can cure munchies but cause depression.
  • Getting the munchies is one of the most well known symptoms of marijuana smoking. Scientists figured that if they made a drug that had the opposite effect on the body, they could make people less hungry.
  • Rimonabant was born, a drug that works in the same places in the brain as cannabis but has exactly the opposite effect.
  • This strategy worked and the drug was approved for weight loss. Rimonabant was also found to have opposite effects to weed in other areas too. It increases sperm motility, and improves short-term memory in animals.
  • Rimonabant has the opposite effect of pot and was withdrawn from the market pretty quickly after it was revealed it was making people depressed and suicidal.

Etorphine

  • This “Super-Heroin” is 5000 times stronger than heroin, and can overdose a human simply through skin contact.
  • Heroin has caused untold levels of despair, suffering and bad PSAs. So you might be surprised to learn that scientists sat down and developed a drug 5000 times as strong.
  • Etorphine is a drug that works in the same way as heroin and morphine, but never really took off on the streets because it’s too potent to do anything besides instantly kill humans.
  • Its only use is to sedate large animals, and 1/100th of a gram can knock out a 6614 lb. elephant.
  • Contact with skin can be enough to cause an overdose in humans, so whenever the drug is used an assistant with an antidote has to be ready to Pulp Fiction you in case of an accident.

2,4-Dinitrophenol or DNP

  • DNP burns fat in humans so well, it raised body temperatures and cooks the user from the inside.
  • 2,4-Dinitrophenol or DNP is a drug that screws up the way your body uses energy.
  • Normally the food you eat is turned into energy to keep your heart beating and let your muscles move and if you eat too much energy, the excess is stored as fat.
  • DNP is a drug that was used for weight loss in the 1930s, because it totally screwed with the way your body used energy so that energy is used up without any effort on your part.
  • While this may sound like the best invention ever, there’s a drawback. The drug was discontinued in 1938 because people were literally cooking from the inside, with massively raised body temperature, heart rate and sweating that was often fatal.
  • Amazingly, the drug is available through online pharmacies and people are still taking it, and it’s still killing them.

Dimethylheptylpyran “DMHP”

  • Dimethylheptylpyran, the super powerful synthetic marijuana.
  • Dimethylheptylpyran is a US military designed marijuana so potent that a 1mg dose can leave soldiers unable to perform their duties for up to 3 days.
  • From the 1950s to the 1970s the US military had a fun little side project at the Edgewood Arsenal. They would give soldiers various drugs and chemical agents to see what happened. One of these was a super potent version of marijuana called ‘dimethylheptylpyran’ or DMHP.
  • However, rather than a couple of joints, 0.0002 g is all the DMHP the person needed.
  • At 1mg doses soldiers were completely unable to perform their duties for up to 3 days.
  • The fucktards over at Edgewood thought they had stumbled across the ideal non-lethal incapacitating agent. One could just spray the enemy base with DMHP and walk in an hour later with no resistance.
  • By the late 1970s more effective chemical warfare agents had been weaponized, and the research was stopped.

Krokodil

  • Krokodil is a cheaply produced drug that has similar effects to heroin, but with side effects that include literally eating away at the flesh of the user.
  • A series of reactions with over the counter painkillers and easily available chemicals can create a drug called desomorphine that has similar effects to heroin.
  • Cooking up painkillers, lighter fluid, and cleaning oils in a kitchen doesn’t result in a pure product. A brown gunk called Krokodil is produced.
  • The mixture was named for its tendency to turn the skin of users scaly and reptilian as the toxic by-products eat away at the flesh. Heavy use leaves flesh grey and dead, sometimes rotting away to the bone.

Okay boys, girls, and the usual fucktard, this information was not provided so y’all could increase your stash it was done to increase your repertoire of knowledge. I know, since I am not stupid (all the time), that there are those of you who are thinking it is pretty cool that all of these fabulous drugs can still be found on the market today. This should not be the time that y’all take an opportunity to call your hook up to see if they can get you things off of your new shopping list. In my twisted way this is to serve as an educational tool and provide a little humor on behalf of all the dumb bastards that had to show society that they are indeed not super-human. As much as I enjoyed reading all about these drugs and as much as I enjoyed writing about them, there comes a time when a post has to come to an end. This is that time. Now, go find something useful to do with yourselves, just keep your hands on top of the table where everyone can see them because I know where some of your minds go sometimes.