Over this past weekend I’m checking my e-mail, one subject line stood out above the rest because the line is usually empty so I get surprises, but this one read “Great Pictures Of Us Enclosed”. After weeding through 56 others which were mostly spam, there were some others that were to go to The Magic Weekend postings, so I had to read those first. So, when I opened the e-mail I started by opening the attachment. Above is the beautiful picture that opened up. This e-mail was sent from, what I will assume to be, personal e-mail address. The e-mailer claims to be a 3rd grade teacher and is writing her e-mail with other teachers from the same local Houston elementary school. She explains that she accidentally stumbled across my shitty blog because she checked out my “About” section on Pinterest. She states that I re-pinned 3 of her pictures and pinned them into my “Texas” board. She likes to look at who is pinning her pins to see if they may have anything of interest to her. I generally do the same thing, I think that is how we all do it, but I won’t assume to know that as fact, just personal experience. She explained that out of my close to 9,000 pins that she found only 7 she would consider re-pinning and 3 of them came from her board originally. She chose not to re-pin any because she didn’t want me to back track to her boards any longer. She considered everything else to be pure garbage. The second way they made it here was because I liked a blog post on a blog her good friend writes. She wasn’t specific on which blog it was but did ask why I would only “Like” an essay post about the declining role of strippers in lives of most adult males living in Houston Texas. She asked why I didn’t have a comment since I write about strippers as if I was an expert. She also stated she believes it was to mock the post, not taking the statistical information seriously. She went on to say that if I had any balls that I would have left a comment. Really, balls? I need balls to leave a comment? Very interesting. Anyway, she tracked back and landed on my blog as well. Apparently they had a small consult and realized, with a small group of teacher friends that they didn’t like me, my blog, anything I post, or anything I supposedly stand for.
They would like to know why I try to use current events to promote my silly little blog since all of the information I post is slanted and disinformation which misleads readers into thinking I actually have a clue about what I’m writing. At every turn I seem to take the opportunity to be dishonest, disgusting, and deceitful to everyone who makes the stupid choice to visit my blog. They think that I give Houston, Texas, and the United States a black eye because I claim to be from them and that I’m proud of them. Wait, a black eye? I wonder if they don’t realize that I have a very small percentage of regular or even part-time readers. If I wasn’t on WordPress, Google+, Facebook, Pinterest, and Blogcatalog there wouldn’t be any promoting and nobody would even know I exist as far as having a blog. I try to get my posts out to be read, that much is true. I don’t try very hard though and that is probably why my numbers are low, unless we count the spammers, then I am very popular. She wants to know the “purpose” of my blog because she can’t figure any of it out. Exactly, I have a disorganized blog for a reason and that reason is because I arrange things how I see fit because it suits me perfectly. Purpose? There isn’t one other than using my blog as a platform to talk about this and that, a place for me to place what I find interesting. I do one thing on purpose here, call it my shits and giggles purpose if nothing else. I write in a fashion that gives the grammar Nazi wannabe school teachers something to grade besides schoolwork. I do not spell check or grammar check my posts since I write as if I were talking to someone. Plus, this way is fun because there are so many people out there who can’t wait to point out the mistakes. Does it make me a bad person because I enjoy screwing with someone’s OCD? Maybe it does and maybe it doesn’t, y’all decide for me.
I would like to talk a bit about this handwritten note. Who in the hell writes a note out by hand and then takes a picture to attach to an e-mail? Let’s explore my first impressions and what it says to me. First, it means that she doesn’t know how to do that on a computer. Second, she was too lazy to do it on the computer. But, probably she was looking for the impact a handwritten note delivers. A handwritten note says “I took the time to write this note”. Looking at the actual message I would like to remind y’all that the word “hate” is a real strong word with some real definite meaning attached. When someone hates someone/something it usually means it is really personal. Is it personal? Do I offend them that much? Hate, really? Should I just assume that the entire world hates me? Impossible, but a nice thought. I never knew I was known so widely. Almost sounds like a compliment instead of the way she intended it to be insulting. If she would have read around a bit she could have easily figured out that I really don’t care if people love or hate me since that isn’t why I’m here. I’m not here to feed my own ego, I’m here to talk, sometimes seriously and sometimes just for the hell of it. I think finally that the last line is my favorite part of the entire message and I will leave it alone from this point forward. At close to the end of her e-mail she instructs me to not write about any of this on my blog or I can expect more e-mails from her and others. Really? Don’t write about what I want to write about on my own blog? You can’t be serious! How can I make that choice not to write about any of this bullshit? This has been one of the more funny e-mails I have got in a long, long time. The best one to date since moving here to WordPress, hands down, she has no competition. Hell, she didn’t just verbally attack my blog but she verbally attacks me as well. Well, you daffy girls, as you can see, I dedicated a few paragraphs to your silliness and bullshit. I don’t find it a waste of time because I have a feeling at least a few other people in the world will be laughing their asses off as well. It’s because of people just like you who give the grand definition of what a Fucktard really means that I get up every morning motivated to talk about the stupid people I encounter almost every day. Don’t be mad at me because I disobeyed the teacher, be mad at me because I tell the truth. Please do write me again, I enjoy people like you writing me, it puts a smile on my face for the entire day. I can’t thank y’all enough for taking the time to consult one another and send me such a great e-mail and handwritten message. Until next time bitches. For everyone else, remember to eat it everyday!
I think what irritates me the most is the size of balls people have in today’s world. Why do people care so much about what other people have and the things they do not. Who’s business is it what I drive? I wonder what they noticed first, that my H1 is fire engine red, that I was parked in a handicap space, or the fact that I have DV plates? Because all three things seemed to be a factor in this note someone took the time to write. Which brings me to my next point. Someone made the conscious choice to leave me this note. They had to of walked by my H1, had their brain fart idea, went to their car, wrote out a note, walked back to my H1, and politely placed the note under my windshield wiper. That takes planned thought and executed dedication to go all the way. Unfortunately the pussy didn’t leave any contact information so we could discuss his/her concerns. Hell, they were so proud of what they had to say they didn’t even put their name. Takes a brave motherfucker to have the balls to leave a note on an innocent shopper’s vehicle. And for what? Because I drive an H1? Don’t these Eco-Nazis have anything at all better to do with their time? Actually, I don’t know they were Eco-Nazis since they don’t say. For all I know it was someone who is jealous of one of the things mentioned. Or, somewhere they were wronged by someone who drives a HUMMER H1 and have been waiting to unleash backlashtic hell on someone innocent. What a fucktard!
I have given this some thought and decided I wanted to breakdown and analyze this great reminder why some people should not breed. One day natural selection will catch up with them and when it does Karma will take over and set things right. Life itself is a vicious circle of a bitch and it does come around to bite the stupids in the ass. It’s nice to know that people are still willing to write a note. I would be willing to bet that they even took the time to take a picture of the work so they could Tweet about it and then update their Facebook status. “Check this shit out bro, I showed this asshole!” Well, according to the note, they observed the size and the color of my H1 correctly. I don’t know that I would call it a giant, but it is large and it is red. The rest is just someone being mean spirited. Hey, I wish I wasn’t a disabled vet, I wish I had the knees I was born with, and I wish the mere action of walking wasn’t so fucking painful. We won’t even get into the penis envy thing.
So, why do I drive this giant red HUMMER H1? My question to you is why the fuck would you even care? I should mention this all took place in the parking lot of a big box grocery store in the back of the neighborhood I live in. I have never seen a beater car in the parking lot, ever. Wherever you look you will see Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, Corvette, Porche, Cadillac, Audi, HUMMER H2 & H3, and so on. So, I can rule out that they were singling me out because I drove a cheap beater piece of shit. I suppose at this point I really don’t care because the note was cute and humorous to me personally. When I first got this H1 I was at a different store, I still had paper tags for a license plate and some fucktard thought it would be funny to flatten one of my tires. What the fucktard didn’t realize, out of stupidity I suppose, that it came equipped with self sealing run flat dual tube insert tires that cannot be deflated the old fashion way. In fact, I got a souvenir knife out of the deal since they jabbed the serrated blade in and couldn’t get it back out. I guess in the end we all get what we want. I searched the continental United States for months to locate this specific year model and color H1 because this is the one I wanted. I wasn’t going to “settle” for another color or year model and I was prepared not to ever find one that was actually for sale. The person that wrote the note, I can only assume, got some kind of satisfaction out of it. I’m about ready to give up trying to figure out people in general because there is always one person that ruins what I enjoy about being me and that is individuality.
So, anyway, I just thought I would share this gem of a note from one of my fellow humans. Stupid shit like this makes me think. My wife wondered if it pissed me off any. My answer? Nope, just annoyed me a bit since I had to get back out of the H1 and go to the passenger side to remove it from the windshield. C’est la vie!