Listen Up Men, A Woman’s Perspective

In my past life I was a bartender in a full nude strip bar here in Houston. That’s not important tho, what is important is that I met some truly amazing people there, and I made some pretty good friends. One of those friends, Arlene, always told me I needed to have a sexual advice column on my blog and she would be the one providing the advice, both for men and women. Well, life happens pretty fast and I found myself not working there any longer, which sadly cut me off from 90% of the people I know. However, with a little effort, Arlene tracked me down, we had a few phone calls, and the results are what you are about to read. I gave her full reign, write what she wanted and how she wanted. So, I must warn y’all in advance, she’s really graphic and very blunt. Now, it’s time to relax in our chairs, and give some deep thoughts to what she has to say. I told her, depending on reader response, we would discuss future posts from her. I don’t know where she gets her great information from, but if I had to guess, it has been from male trial and error as well as female success. If y’all like it or dislike it, please let us know.

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Alright all of you men that think you’ve got the gift of the tongue because if you think you know how to use it to please a woman’s pussy, well guess again motherfuckers. Get the note pad out men and start seriously taking notes because this is how pussy is taken care of orally and this is how it’s done and done properly.

I present to all men on planet Earth, the lesbian approved guide to eating pussy the right way.

First of all, let me make clear that men really suck at eating pussy. I’m sorry to crush egos here, but it’s the truth and it’s time to set you fuckers straight once and for all. It’s not because they don’t like having a mouth full off delicious pussy, its because eating pussy where she actually enjoys it is really fucking hard for men. Eating pussy is an art. You have to learn to eat her pussy. But first you must understand her pussy. So it’s time women broke it down for the men and that’s what I intend doing.

The secret to eating pussy is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face. Think of eating her pussy as your way of saying, “Although I am about to rock your insides with 3,000 pounds of explosives, here’s a little treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of a screamed “OH MY FUCKING GOD!!” like her fingers just got slammed in the fucking car door. Remember, cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “Oh My Fucking God.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik who is hung like a damn mule. A good mange (that’s French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or a “Calgon, take me away” ad.

Don’t go down on her unless you’re down with going down on her. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. If you eat that pussy like a pig at the trough, a lot of your stupid mistakes will be forgiven, I promise.

A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry pussy, go back to the kissing, hugging, and groping for a while. Sometimes heavy petting is just the ticket to get her juices hot and flowing. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips and not just rubbing lips violently. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping. Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for your undistracted attention before you get under the covers.

Extra tip: Be the one who brings up wet fingers that both of you can share like a 1950’s milkshake with two straws. Also, equally important, don’t play your trump card too soon by putting all of your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill your tease factor. Try to remember that 78% of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning and poking the pussy too soon is sure to put out the fire. 

Submarine mission time for you now, so get ready. Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of her pussy and don’t touch anything on her body for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on a very long vacation. Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the blanket off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill her mood. Stat by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before her pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move toward the puss in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her pussy, then skip across it and head to the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s the actual opening. By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra Trick: Hover over her mound for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all know that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.

Important: Never bite any part of the pussy in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

You’ll need to part the Red Seas to isolate your playing field. The legs must spread apart wide enough in order to get your entire face into her pussy. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big pussy buffet.

Do your very first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too, the vibrations will pulsate through her entire body. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur (if no fur then stop just beyond the top of folds). Do about a dozen of these big sloppy wet St. Bernard licks before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive, she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue tendonitis.

Rock the boat like she experiencing rough seas, pussy is not meant to be eaten in a gentle or idle motion. If you’re getting tired of being a ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who’s boss.  After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes eating pussy so difficult. He’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving the pee hole the seeing-to of its life. Think of the clit as a tumor in a pile of earlobes. When you push down on the area, he’s the only one that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention on getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.

Extra-important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

You need to Identify the clit type. After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori; ones that enjoy a serious going-over and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away. Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivities; but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning, but the only way you can tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach, but just do the best you can. All I can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

Clits that need a serious going-over are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an airtight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea of what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyways. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics. Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Micmac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale for everyone. Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multiorgasmic, you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down.

Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.

In conclusion, once you’re done (totally finished), she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. Now is the time to take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.

EXTRA BONUS TRACKS

How to know if you are getting fired. If two hands suddenly drop from the sky and start pulling you up, you’ve just been sacked. She’ll tell you she never cums from that anyway, but the truth is you suck at your sucking. Just give her an extra hard pounding and look at the whole thing as a learning experience, she won’t complain. Later you can ask what the problem was so you can get it right the next time. If you’re really lame, you can ask for a regular play-by-play from the broadcast booth. A bit of the old “slow-down-you’re-going-to-fast-yeah-there-like-that-oh-that’s-perfect” can turn even the John Wayne Bobbitt of pussy eaters into a Doug Hart.

Nothing keeps you in the game and makes her cum harder than a mid-fuck munch. Pulling out in the middle of the race may leave her a bit confused, but it’s a great way for all you premature ejaculators to simmer down a bit and it reminds her neglected clitoris that he’s a somebody. If after a few seconds she still isn’t into it, you can save face by pretending you just couldn’t resist. Give it up and get back to the fucking. Extra tip: Unless you like the taste of your own pecker, keep your mid-fuck snacking to the upper clit region and stay away from the honey hole.

If you are dealing with a particularly saucy vixen she may want something in her ass for a while. A thumb gives you the best leeway, but keep in mind you are doing a raunchy thing and this should be saved until the end. Incidentally, if you’re trying to introduce the ass finger as a good thing, try sliding it in during orgasm. If it doesn’t wreck everything you could have a Pavlovian response on your hands for the rest of the relationship. We’re not going to get into licking the actual hoop in this section because if you’re into that, you’re way too advanced for this seminar and should have graduated with a PhD in pussy years ago. Ass-cheek rubbing is always good. There are over five hundred thousand nerve endings on those cheeks, so giving them a good squeeze or a slap while you lick the pussy will get you instant pleasurable results.

The double whammy is simultaneous fingering and it’s a great way to totally blow her mind. Think of it as the crack cocaine of cunnilingus.

Tongue exhaustion is the number-one cause of abandoned mange-ing, but there are many ways to avoid it. Like we said, using your tongue as an inanimate object is a great way to give it a rest. Stick it out as far as if can go and tense it. Then bite into it with your teeth and move it around the pussy using your neck muscles. Another solution is simply to use your fingers on the clit while you give your mouth a rest. This concludes today’s important lesson for men on how a woman wants to have her pussy eaten. I hope you learned something today, and if not then there is little hope for men trying to eat pussy right.

Being Politically Incorrect: Now Fuck Off

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Where in the fuck do the politically correct morality police get off being my mother? Why in the fuck have they chose to subject me to hundreds of e-mails a week and hundreds of spam comments a week? Who the fuck do these people think they are? What in the fuck do they think they can change about my blog? When in the fuck did I become a fucking interest to the fucking politically correct morality police? F.Y.I., y’all will fucking find the morality police is only one of the many names used to describe the fucked up groups of people whose self-appointed job is to enforce standards of moral behavior and religious adherence among the general public, these bleeding pussies are here to protect us from the real world. Have these fucking freaks of nature been having a spell of moral panic? Is their moral panic over an issue deemed to be a fucking threat to, or shocking to, the sensibilities of “proper” society? How about y’all just have a very tall glass of shut the fuck up for a minute.

If you haven’t fingered it out yet, this is my politically incorrect declaration about the morality police fuctards who feel it is their god given right to bombard the Sting Of The Scorpion Blog with all of the bullshit that they disagree with that I say or I post here. So, let me start off with a big GO FUCK YOURSELF to get this kicked off. What does what I write about have to do with anything in the fucking lonely lives of the morality police? I know what I fucking post and I sleep fucking great at night. In some way I have touched these little bitches  in a special way, like how a girl gets finger fucked for the very first time. I guess because they like the way I touch them that they need to bitch at me like my ex-wife who is, to date, at the very top of my “cunt list”, but these fuctards are a very close second. So I say the word, and many variations, FUCK, does that make me a bad person? I post pictures of women with tattoos and women packing heat because those are things I really fucking like. I regularly talk about how fucked up the VA is because I’m a disabled vet who is a part of that fucking broke system.  Does the fact that I was a bartender at a full nude strip bar (and liked it) a problem because I write about it or because it is an industry that exemplifies gratuitous nudity in exchange for money? It is a historical fact for those followers of the bible that “Jesus Loves Strippers” but that is something that the morality police like to forget.

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Somewhere, somehow, the morality police opened their doors to the anti-meat-anti-hunting-geniuses because they keep trying to tell me hunting to provide meat for my table is wrong. Wrong? It’s wrong? I do not, I have not, and I will not ever condemn a meat free lifestyle if that is the choice you have made. I may not understand your decision and I might joke about your choices, but your choices are yours to make. I would like to think if you want to be left the fuck alone about not eating meat that you should close your fucking piehole about my choice to stalk the meat, kill the meat, smoke the meat, and then eat the meat with my family. Y’all really need to back off this one because it isn’t ever going to fucking change, ever. Never once, however, do these fucktards ever get real specific about what rubbed their pussies the wrong way. Perhaps that is the problem, perhaps it is because of their own experiences that they must warn me that I am on the highway to hell with what I write about. Well, you stupid fucks, I write about what is in my life, around me, or the fucking things I like or dislike. Some of those things are fucked up, some of those things are the fucktards who get so pissed off at me for talking about their beliefs and how they live their life.

I think if I was a bleeding cunt that maybe I would hold that against the rest of the world as well. Is it because you suffer that you want to make others suffer? I was told once by my dad when I was younger to never trust something that can bleed for a week and live. He also warned me of the hypnotic spell the women will put men under, he called this the power of the pussy. He tried to warn me that she with the pussy is who is in charge. It’s true, for the most part, that because you have a pussy you think that all must bow to you, begging your little twat for forgiveness because we were born with a dick. All of the haters I have all have referenced that they are female, not one male has ever emailed me or spammed my blog in anger because of my topics or language. Why do you little bitches think that is? Need a bandaid? Perhaps you are angry with me because I write about your fucked up ways and your fucked up thinking, perhaps when you whip out your grammar Nazi handbook you should show me the part where it says that The sting Of The Scorpion Blog is supposed to give a fuck about spelling or proper sentence fragmentation. Fuck you, I’m not 6. Speaking of which, no, no I don’t think I will ever write with the maturity my age states I should have. I think it is just plain time for you politically correct bleeding pussies to just turn the internet off, turn your computer off, unplug the smart car, and go for a walk. Get outside into the real world with real people. Do keep your hole closed because if you act out in public as you do on the internet you might just not like the reaction you get.

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Where do we go from here? It’s true, I don’t give a fuck about your feelings about what you may find at The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog. Why should I fucking give a shit and really fucking care? Come here if you want, don’t come if you don’t want, either way it doesn’t make a fuck to me because this blog doesn’t pay my fucking bills. In fact, it’s totally free. It’s free hosted, I don’t charge admission, I don’t ask for donations, and I don’t try to sell you stupid shit you don’t want. I do this shit for fun, I do what I do here for my personal entertainment, I write about the things I see or hear because it is fucking fun to do so. What’s even better that somewhere along the way I get to rub some of y’all  pussiy fucktards the wrong way on a very regular basis. Except, nowadays I think we are past the heavy petting, we are past trying to shove three of my fingers thru your granny panties, we are past you not wanting to be touched “there”, no, I think we are to the point where I expose what has really been going on here, because not everyone gets to see you as I do. I know I told you that I wouldn’t tell everyone what a fucking little whore slut you really are. I know you wanted me to be discrete about your little secret of only letting all the guys ass fuck you so you can tell your future husband you truly are a vaginal virgin. Yes, your fucked up little secret is out now, boothefuckhoo. It is also pretty fucking obvious that you suck the cum out right out of that dick after they all pull it out of your ass because all you do is talk shit. So, shove a plug in your gaping asshole because you are dripping anal ooze all over my fucking blog.

Now, get the fuck out. Let the door hit you square in the ass. Don’t stop, don’t look back. All you will see is me bending over blowing you a big fat fucking kiss. I know y’all aren’t capable of listening, that fucking point gets proven time and time again. I get it, you fucking despise and hate me. I know y’all are too fucking stupid to listen. I know y’all will be back, y’all always fucking come back for some reason. Well, just remember I may not appreciate the fact that you suck in all of my fucking oxygen but since you always arrive with your panties pulled so deep into your bleeding cunts, I give y’all a break, because I like freaks, I even like you. So, polish up your badge bitches so you can continue to spread the your fucking legs and let out all of the things that are so wonderful about the fucking morality police. Until the next time we meet please feel free to fucking piss off.

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Still Living The Life Of A Stripper

In the paragraphs below y’all will be reading information which I finally had time to transcribe from a recorded talk I had with a very good friend of mine and former employer. She discusses the life of a stripper, how to make money, what to do with that money, personal safety, and so much more. I encourage y’all to set some time aside to read the information she has provided as it is considerably lengthy. It also provides insight to her personal accomplishments and how she has become a successful businesswoman. There are very different professions for all of the people who want to work, hopefully this will show y’all a different view of the world a stripper lives in. This could very easily be done as three separate posts but I’m an all you can eat buffet kind of guy who likes to get my fill all in one sitting. So, with that being said, here we go.

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To begin with let me say that I started stripping at the age seventeen with a fake identification and a fast talking mouth. With that resting comfortably in the back of your head I also opened my own full nude strip club at the age of 24 in Houston and have since opened another location in Dallas. There are a great deal of misconceptions out there about strippers and that is something you will have to deal with if you enter the profession. I will say this, I truly enjoy what I do and I have never felt exploited because I’m a stripper. In fact I have always felt it was far more personally empowering than any other profession. But stripping is not for everyone. It requires a certain temperament. Don’t go and become a stripper because you feel you “have” to. If you hate what you do it will show and you will make very little money as a stripper. The minute you start dancing the clock is ticking. There are a limited number of years in which to make as much money as you can. Most dancers retire around 27. If you’re starting when you’re 18 that gives you nine years in which to make as much money as you can and then get out. Chances are you will never again be able to make as much per day as you do while stripping. Make the most of of the time.

There are two kinds of strippers, subsistence and capital strippers. A subsistence stripper just works enough to get by. Maybe a few days a week, saves little and is always in a financial crisis. I see these girls panicking to get enough dances to pay rent the next day but by the next week they are back to partying, doing drugs, buying expensive clothes and generally pissing away every dime they earn. Their plans for the future are vague at best and even though they claim to realize they can’t dance forever they seldom save and invest their money or invest in an education. These girls get out of the business no better then they started and spend the rest of their lives getting their ass pinched in menial, low paying jobs. A capital stripper dances as an investment. In my opinion this is the only reason to strip. Stripping is just too hard a way to earn a living to do it for just enough to “get by”. You can get by on a McDonalds salary. If you are going to have guys staring at your naked ass all evening you should at least be securing a decent future for yourself, not just tomorrow’s groceries and rent. There are many excuses for not saving your money but in my experience few of them are valid. Single mother, health problems whatever, you can still afford to save. If you work hard you can make a great deal of money stripping.

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When you see that money in your hand it just doesn’t seem real, and when you keep seeing it night after night it seems like the supply will be endless. It’s really not, you need to put away the largest portion you can. Not just 10% or so but 40% or 60%. It is possible to do that and still live a very comfortable life. Strippers tend to live beyond their means and end up with nothing but memories of that nice sports car or that fancy apartment. If you can just keep it under control for a few years you can have that stuff for the rest of your life, long after you’re done stripping. Live within your means; base your spending around not what you make stripping but what you would make at a good entry-level job. Get a good, reliable car but you don’t need that giant SUV or fast sports car. Make sure your lease or car loan doesn’t rely on a strippers level of income to pay it. Same goes for the rent or mortgage. It’s very easy to fall on heels and break an ankle or tear up your knee, it happens all the time. You could be out of work for weeks or even months. You don’t want to be buried under a mountain of bills. I suggest buying at least basic health insurance but if you don’t you will need at least enough savings to pay for emergencies.

So what to do with the money you save? Well, set enough aside to pay for all of your expenses like food, housing, tuition, utilities, car, whatever for 4 months. This is your emergency fund, put it in your saving account and don’t spend it. The rest you should invest. I have a few well chosen mutual funds that I have been very happy with. As a stripper you’re looking to invest for the long term, at least 5 years and probably 10. Mutual funds are low maintenance and are well suited for this purpose. I strongly advise against investing in individual stocks. Despite all tales of buying low and selling high at the end of the year very few people are able to make money off buying and selling individual stocks. Stick with mutual funds, they are safer and more reliable (at least for the novice investor).

The best possible investment you can make is an education. With a nice big nest egg and a good degree you can do just about anything you want when you retire from stripping. Without an education or any job skills that money will eventually be gone. With an education you can make the most of your savings, use it as capital for your own business or invest it for a steady source of income. Too many strippers talk about how they’re planning on going back to school or they’re just taking a semester off. This is bullshit, if you want an education you need to go to school and work hard. If you’re not going to school then you’re pissing away your own future.

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At most clubs you will walk around and ask the customers if they’d like a private dance (or lap dance depending on the club). Some clubs just have stage dancing. Often there is a private area that you can go for a dance. Be careful, though, the dim lights and the privacy tend to make the guys a little frisky. Not in a bad or scary way just in a way that may need to be corrected. The most important thing to do when you’re dancing is to smile and make eye contact. Nothing turns a guy off faster then a stripper strolling bored around the stage while staring vacantly off into space. Try to make each guy you’re dancing for think he’s the only guy you’re dancing for. This is how the pros make the big bucks. At many clubs a significant part of your nightly earnings comes from private dances. Most of the time the customer will pay for you to sit and talk with them as well. Guys vary a lot but it’s always important to be attentive. Nobody likes to feel like they’re being ignored. Most guys are pretty nice and easy to talk to. Provided you’re a good listener and act interested, it’s no problem. Then you get the guys who aren’t trying to be obnoxious, they just don’t have the best social skills. They will sit and alternate between nagging you to go out with them and lying about how much money they have, how many places they’ve traveled, how important they are in their company, etc. Simpering and looks of wide-eyed wonder come in handy at this point. Some guys are an absolute pleasure to sit with, they buy plenty of dances, they visit on a regular basis, and best of all they’re lots of fun to talk too. It’s guys like this who really make it all worth while.

When dancing it’s important to stay motivated, at most clubs you are an independent contractor. You won’t get fired if you don’t work hard and no one will say anything if you decide to hang out at the bar and talk all night talking to the bartender. You need to treat being a stripper like a job and not a social experience. Decide on what time and how long you will have dinner for, the rest of the time work the floor as hard as you can. Make sure you always get at least 8 hours of sleep so you’re not tired. You’ll look and feel better. Set a clear goal, try to get 4 dances and hour, as you get better set higher goals for yourself. Never assume a passive approach and wait for them to call you over, stay moving and keep working. If it’s hard and you just can’t get motivated make a game of it, make bets with other girls on who can get the most dances. Promise yourself ice cream if you reach a certain goal, whatever you have to do to stay motivated and keep earning that money.

Learning how to properly break the ice and get invited to sit with a customer takes time. Most girls tend to just walk around to every guy in the room and ask “Wanna dance?” and then when he says no walk off. This is the exact wrong approach. Every guy in that room has enough money for at least one dance and you just have to find the right words to get them to buy one or more. “Wanna dance?” can work in a very crowded room or if a guy is already interested but it will do absolutely nothing to convince a guy who was uninterested to change his mind. It’s too easy to say no to and that is usually what happens. To start with, choose your targets, who is looking at you the most when you are on stage or dancing for other customers? Talk to the bartender (always be friends and take to the bartender) and the floor hosts about who has an open tab or has been spending a lot of money. If a bartender or floor hosts gives you a good lead and you make money ALWAYS tip them at the end of the night and that way next time they will go to you first when they see a big spender. When you approach your prospective customer try and say anything but “Wanna dance?”: would you like some company?, would you like if I joined you? If the room is slow and he seems reluctant put a very slight push on. If he says he’s not interested ask if he would mind if you just sat down and rested your feet for a minute- you’re “not used to these heels”. Few men are going to say no to that, and the “not used to these heels” implies that you’re a new dancer and invites conversation. If 10 minutes go by and he still doesn’t buy a dance don’t ask- just say “I’m sorry, I’ve got to get back to work- it’s been nice talking to you okay?” This implies that you didn’t consider sitting with him work, a slight bit of flattery that will get you a dance later. Think of this approach as “seeding” in that you may not get the dance then, but chances are you will later. After a half-hour of “wanna dance” from the other girls he’s going to wish for your company again and probably be willing to pay for it. Or even the next time he comes in your’s will be the familiar face. With this approach it’s important you not spend too long with them, always keep them hungry. Unless they’re paying don’t sit with them longer then 10 to 15 minutes and only that long if the room is very slow. If they’re used to getting it for free it’s going to be hard to get them to pay for it. You’re friendly and available and they just have to be willing to pay for it.

Never ever, sit on your own or hang out at the bar talking to other strippers. At any given time you should be either sitting with a customer, moving to another customer or on stage getting naked. If you’re just standing around they will assume you’re not busy and it will be very hard to get a customer to pay for your time because “you’re not doing anything anyway”. Look busy, if they think other men want you then they will want you. It’s important you have respect for the money they give you, so much money changes hands that girls often forget what it represents. Let’s say your customer earns $40,000 a year after taxes- probably about average income for a stripclub patron in Houston. That works out to around $20 an hour. If a customer sits with you and you make $100, that’s 5 hours of his time. If a handyman came to your house and fixed thing for 5 hours you’d say “thank you” right? Always thank the customer and make sure he knows you mean it. Even if $100 doesn’t seem like a lot of money to you to the average customer it is.

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One last thing, don’t screw with guys’ heads. It’s not cool, you can make money without doing it. I see lots of girls who string guys along implying they’ll go out with them if they just visit a few more times or laying on sob stories about their sick children or parents. Don’t do it, there is never any reason for you to lie as a stripper. After a few repetitions it gets very fake and you just come off as a greedy gold digging bitch. If you want customers to treat you with respect you should treat them with respect. If they are disrespectful just walk away, there is no reason for you to sink to their level. There are more then enough good men who will to pay you to sit, talk and laugh with them and when you dance they will treat you like a goddess. As customers they deserve your courtesy and if they don’t respect you in return they don’t deserve to have you spend time with them. Safety is a critical issue for strippers. Many menaked not understand that what we sell is a fantasy or feel that our employment makes us fair game for unwanted attentions. The six dumbest words that can leave a woman’s mouth are “I can take care of myself”. No you can’t, and get any notion that you’re some kind of tough girl out of your head. Men are bigger, stronger and meaner. They’ve been beating and raping women for thousands of years now and have pretty much got it down pat. Your little kick boxing lessons at the health club will not help you. If a grown man hits you full force you will be knocked unconscious and very likely break the bones in your face. Do not ever make safety decisions based on your opinion of your ability to defend yourself.

I personally think that carrying weapons or taking martial art, self-defense classes etc. are a bad idea for most women. The most effective way to survive is to be scared; anything that makes you brave makes you more likely to walk into a dangerous situation. If you have a gun in your purse you might be more likely to take that shortcut home, or take a ride with a man you don’t know very well or any number of risky things. If you’re scared you’re careful, if you’re careful you don’t get into trouble. If you are a feature stripper, have a very public presence (website or modeling), or have had problems with a stalker then a gun may be something you want to consider purchasing. You need to be trained in it’s use and practice with it at a firing range at least once every few months. Don’t bother carrying one unless you comfortable with the idea of killing someone. That’s what guns are for, you’re not going to be shooting knives out of anyone’s hands, you’re going to be trying to make a hole in the center of their torso. If you have small hands like me you can have a gunsmith machine a trigger guard that will comfortable fit your finger but too small for the finger of a grown man. But I would like to emphasize, most women are far better off not carrying a gun. Only if you are in a position of constantly being exposed to unavoidable danger is it an option.

One never wishes to blame the victim but every single girl I know without exception who has ever gotten into trouble was doing something most women would consider risky or just plain stupid. Don’t take chances- the stakes are too high. As a stripper, leaving the club after work is the time when you are most vulnerable. I have only gotten scared twice at work. On both occasions it was when an overly enthusiastic customer decided to wait for me outside the club after closing. On both occasions the men were just confused about the nature of what a stripper does and were quickly dealt with by security. This being said, transportation is a critical safety issue that you really have to think about. Going to work is not a problem because customers can’t really see where you are coming from. Leaving is when you have to be most vigilant. Public transportation is out of the question, it’s too easy to be followed and is rarely safe at the hours you’ll be riding. I’d suggest sharing a cab with one of the other girls. If you decide to drive, make very sure that your car is reliable, last thing you need is a break down on an empty road at 3AM. A cell phone is a good thing to have. Make sure when you register you car you do it to another address (friend, parent, etc.). That way if some creep takes down your license plate number he can’t find out your home address. For obvious reasons never give any personal info to anyone who knows you as a stripper, including other strippers. There are strippers and bouncers who will give the information to customers for money or as a favor. There is no reason anyone needs to know anything but your stage name. Don’t tell them where you live or what school you go to no matter how trust worthy they seem. Once that information is out it’s very difficult to put back in the box.

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We are not all success stories. I had my eye on the prize the first time someone slipped money in my garter. I learned how to capitalize on a man’s willingness to part with his hard earned money to see me naked. Done properly, a stripper can sock away grand amounts of cash just by dancing naked, and it can end as a very fruitful career choice. Not every girl is a naturally born stripper, you have to be willing to work your ass off, and then the world holds endless possibilities for you.

Have You Ever Tasted Pussy Before?

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No, seriously, has anyone reading this right now ever tasted a Pussy Energy Drink before? Now that I have the attention of some if y’all I will just mention that I haven’t ever tasted this drink my self. But, since I found it while looking up something totally different, I found its uniqueness intriguing enough to look at it twice and even mention it here. I won’t drop their link or their U.S. distributors link but will mention I found it with a simple internet search. I’m not much into energy drinks so I was just wondering if anyone has had a can of Pussy before and wanted to share. Now, get back to what you were doing or go taste some Pussy for me!

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To All The “Merry Christmas” Bashers

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Yes, you read the title correctly, this particular post is specifically for the jackholes that decided they need to e-mail me and span comment me on some Christmas posts from yesterday. They believed they need to school me how politically incorrect and how insensitive saying Merry Christmas is to a growing population of people. Well, guess what fucktards, I obviously don’t write on my blog to please anyone except myself. If you like it, great. If you don’t like it, that is great as well since I really don’t care for people who are fence riders. Y’all need to give the politically correct bullshit a rest because each time one of y’all get upset with me it just makes me want to drill it in just a little deeper. I say Merry Christmas, if that offends your delicate little ego then I wish you well on your troubled travels far and away from here. I don’t say Merry Christmas to abuse you, I say Merry Christmas because it is Christmas. Y’all understand that, right, that it’s called Christmas and not anything else, just Christmas. You won’t hear me say or see me write happy holidays ever or anywhere. Why? Because it’s Christmas. Are y’all so full of the shit that falls out of your mouth to understand that we do NOT care if you don’t want to hear the word Christmas, we don’t care if you don’t celebrate Christmas, and we surely could give a rat’s ass if it offends y’all when we say or write Merry Christmas.

The question I have for y’all is why you don’t take into consideration that when you open your pieholes to say your offended by Merry Christmas that you are actually offending people like me who don’t really give a flying fuck if it offends you or not. Now y’all have actually pissed me off because of your pettiness I have to write this post just to tell you to go fuck yourselves. Am I too insensitive to your needs and feelings? Who gives a shit about what your feelings or needs are. Y’all have issues, y’all should seek counseling, and perhaps even apologize to everyone for being a raging fucktard idiot. But that’s not going to happen because y’all don’t have the goddamned common courtesy to pull your heads out of your asses long enough to realize y’all are not being harmed in any fucking way. Don’t celebrate Christmas? That’s nice that you made that decision, but I fucking celebrate Christmas. My version is probably a bit different than the Christians, but I celebrate it nevertheless. Don’t like that I am spreading a little Christmas cheer or sharing a little Christmas humor? Boomotherfuckinghoo you tender minded little fucks, gets over it, hell, go ahead and get over yourselves because I don’t really give a shit. I don’t care.

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Now, you “Christians” who think you are holier than thou art, I will take a chunk of your narrow minded ass as well. No, there is no “Christ” in my Christmas. In my world it is the commercial holiday where friends and family gather to exchange gifts, be jolly, and have a great fucking time. Again, as with the anti-Christmas idiots, I understand you celebrate Christmas a different way than I do and I don’t hold that against y’all because I don’t give a fuck what or how you do it. I’m at a loss for words for y’all, y’all need to go buy a clue because there has been so much y’all choose to overlook, like not everyone is Christian and therefore we do things a little different. Why? Because we fucking can! Not everyone celebrates Christmas, not everyone gets offended, not everyone wants a religious reference, not everyone gives a shit what y’all think, and most importantly you have no idea what the fuck I have going on and you have no right to judge me. So, Merry Christmas. Enjoy your Christmas your way and just shut the hell up about everyone else.

The day is specifically called Christmas day, it’s not called Holiday. We say Merry Christmas because this entire season is specifically for Christmas. How the fuck does Seasons Greetings, Happy Holidays, or any other non-descript greeting even remotely come close to giving a Christmas specific greeting? Because you fucking prefer it? Because you prefer not to hear Merry Christmas? Y’all can go piss in the wind, y’all have taken the fun out of Christmas because y’all are afraid to express yourselves in any manner  other than what specifically suites y’all. Fuck that, y’all won’t get the pussy footin walking on eggshells from me, it’s not going to ever happen. I celebrate Christmas, you can embrace and love that great idea or you can hate that people are insensitive to your big fat bleeding pussy and how you feel. Well, here’s how I feel, fuck you and have a very Merry Christmas. I hope y’all get so much Christmas cheer shoved in your tight little asses that when you burp it has an evergreen aftertaste.

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Top 10 Searches & Inquiries

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Normally, I do top 10 lists for a variety of other things. Today, however, I look within The Sting Of The Scorpion for the top 10 searches and inquiries on this blog as provided statistically by WordPress for my viewing pleasure. I will roll this list in reverse order ending with the number one searched topic/subject/word for this month so far.

  • 10) Hunting (@49)
  • 09) Fucktard and Religion were tied (@51)
  • 08) Government (@52)
  • 07) Why and WTF were tied (@66)
  • 06) United States Air Force (@68)
  • 05) Stripper and Strip were tied (@85)
  • 04) Nude Bar (@101)
  • 03) The Sting Of The Scorpion (@173)
  • 02) Smoking and Grilling were tied (@189)
  • 01) Pussy (@246)

I wonder what these search statistics are telling me. I wonder what I am supposed to do with this information. How should this data be interpreted? Just remember that these are the top ten out of over 4300 tags and 18 different categories. I have a rather large tag cloud and these are the things that stand out to people? Off the top of my head I would say I write about pussy way too much or people are just looking for pussy that much. So, there you have it, my top 10 searched terms here @ The Sting Of The Scorpion. It will be interesting to see what it is next month.