Three Simple Rules In Life

Here’s To The Crazy Ones

Best Friend Or Worst Nightmare

I’m home alone, bored, and decided I wasn’t done talking in my last post about my wife’s big question. But wait, there’s more. Have you ever just bumbled around the house, bored, nothing really to do? I sat down this morning to write my other post, a tedious event since I do it on my phone, while I was deleting some music and downloading more, yes, I always want more music. But as I got a slab of meat ready for the smoker I wondered what I was going to be doing next. I already ran my errands and knocked that shit out. I realized while writing the last post that over the years as I’ve aged I have changed, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. Not that I miss my youth, but I do appreciate it now where I didn’t then. We all, I guess we all do, find a path in life and pretty much stick to it, mostly out of habit I think. Some call it a “routine”, I call it what it really is, and that’s a habit. Life happens, shit happens, and we roll with it or get rolled over by it.

I’m a pretty relaxed person, some say to relaxed, and I tend to roll with the punches instead of getting into the fight. I realized recently that I have become an asshole to people I don’t know and to those I wish I didn’t know. I suppose this happened over time and becomes more evident the more I get out in public. Seems like every time I open the front door I hear ” welcome to Walmart motherfucker” simply because in the course of my day I will inevitably be forced to interact with people, strangers, other people’s children, and people who definitely should not breed, ever, there dads should have had the common courtesy to just pull out. But noooooooooo, now people with common sense have to deal with your fucking problems because they never did. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the people of Walmart nor is it me thinking I’m better than others, it goes deeper, I’m the problem. I admit it, I’m the problem, or I’m the one with the problem. People are needy little fuckers that just suck the everloving life right out of me. There are many qualities I despise in people, the top two are being lazy and being a liar.

My wife says I have a strange gift, my ability to watch people, read people, and get just shy to understanding them before a word is ever spoken. You’re right, it sounds like I judge them before knowing them. Or I just don’t have time for bullshit and I just cut to the chase. I don’t want my son turning into me, he has a kind a loving heart that never stops giving. The world needs more people just like him, that is of course my biased opinion. I have a crude way I look at life in general, not that I’m special and I’m not the only one life has fucked without any lube, I just learned from it. I don’t want to be a repeat offender at the mercy of others to decide my fate which is decided with a thumbs up or thumbs down. Life has snuck in her fair share of surprises but looky here bitch…… I’m still standing. In people’s defense, I know I don’t give them a fair shake. Honestly, I see no reason to trust a person who has not earned my trust first. Maybe living in the big city has tainted me. I see what Christians call the “7 Deadly Sins” in almost every person I meet or know. No, I’m not perfect, far from perfect, but I do pay attention and I do have a considerable amount of common sense. I learned, and try to explain, the value of one’s life, it only holds value to yourself, only you value you. I spent a considerable amount of my life trying (and failing) to please others to feel as though I have self worth, something frowned upon by Christians, well Catholics, and it took some hard knocks to the head that made me realize I’m more than just a cog in a machine, my life matters to me, and that is what is important.

Getting divorced, divorcing the Air Force, and getting disowned by my family (parents and sisters) all within a few months of each other does wonders for my self esteem. However, I got mad and I stood the fuck back up, giving life the two finger salute she deserved and I got over it. Fuck it. Divorced? Yes, she needed other men in her life, I didn’t want to share. Over, 13 years in the toilet. The Air Force divorced me, I was no longer fit to perform. Over, 12 years in the toilet. My family, with exception to my mother, disowned me after the found out I was not only looking for my biological parents, but was in communication with my biological mother and the family of my biological father since he was already dead. Want to know more, search this blog, I’ve written extensively about being adopted. In their eyes I was wrong for wanting to where I came from. But, slowly, I got them to understand. Now, we all have a pretty nice relationship, except my oldest sister (also adopted) who still despises me all these years later. Fuck, I just wanted to know where I came from and why I was discarded. Anyway, as I said, I got mad, packing, and off to live my life on my terms.

But, damn, my future wife had (and still does) an ass that commanded my full attention. Women, eventhough they’ll never admit it, are tricky crafty creatures, they play coy but know they are the black widow. One can search the blog for more on her as well. I have a favorite story I’m going to share with y’all, which in my opinion sums up people’s selfishness and how self preservation is more often than not compromised because of being closed minded. The moral of the story you ask; don’t tempt fate.

One day, a scorpion was walking around on a riverbank wondering how to get to the opposite bank. He saw a crocodile basking in the sun. The scorpion went up to the crocodile and said “Crocodile, can I please ride on your back across the river?” The crocodile was taken aback with this said. “Why would I do that? When i am swimming, you will sting me, and I will die,” The crocodile said. “Well, if i sting you, you will sink, and i will drown, for I cannot swim,” the scorpion said. With that, the scorpion climbed on the crocodile’s back, and the crocodile swam across the river. In the middle of the river, the scorpion stung the crocodile. “Why? Why would you do that scorpion!? You too will die now! Why!?” “Because… it is in my nature,” the scorpion replied sadly, and with that, they both sank deep into the water.

I don’t recall where I read or heard this story years ago, but as I aged many things rang true in the story if you relate it to the people in your life. Everyone wants to trust everyone all the time while not being worthy of being trusted. Or let me say that in modern terms, we all want full disclosure but are not willing to provide full disclosure in return. With that being said, y’all can think how you will think, its not my choice. But, I do have trust issues outside of my immediate family, for two reasons, in my opinion, two damn great reasons. The two reasons I don’t trust people are because I don’t know them and becomes I do know them. Simple, right? My wife will tell you I trust only a few because it is part of who I am, part of being a Scorpio (either the best friend or the worst enemy), and partly because of fear. My lack of trust, I suppose, has many contributing factors, gathered throughout my life, and resulting in the current me. She tells me that she likes the fact that I write on my blog, she thinks I need to write a book full of the stories I tell here as well as ones in my private life. I tell her just like I tell y’all, this is just a place for me to “talk”. I don’t consider myself a person who writes, I consider myself a person who likes to share stories, I like it here, I share things I like here, I don’t want it to become ” work”, besides, it’s fun this way for me.

I will never see a day without sheeple being herded into conformity. I don’t want to be one of the sheeple. I’m only sure about one thing in my life, one day I will die, but life will continue for the living. I think on that note I will close this out, I expected it to gradually go somewhere but as we see it never really formed into anything. Like I said, I just wanted to talk. I do know one thing tho, the only alternative to being my friend or enemy is not to exist in my world. But, that would be allot like having a cake and eating it alone.

It’s Just A Game, Right?

I’m a fan of most trivia, I like the challenge of trying to answer a vast array of questions. Lucky for me (or un-lucky if you will) I found this little app called Trivia Crack. They named this app the absolute correct thing, its truly like crack. Not that I’ve had crack before, but I smoke, so I know addiction quite well. After two weeks of playing, yes only two weeks, I have begun to suffer from massive disappointment. Why? I have many reasons, but a few stand out as being my biggest annoyances. First of all, I’m sick of all of the fucking sports questions. Well, okay, not all the sports questions, but there are so fucking many football questions that they make my eyes bleed. After a while it just feels that I’m nothing but a football trivia game. Also, all the pop culture reality television questions that are very common. But that’s only my opinion, but then again I don’t kill many brain cells watching television, mostly the news, which is reality enough for me. The in app pop ups got old the first day, I have little patience for an app that is one giant advertisement factory. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the game overall, I play with a few friends and 9 family members, so it really fills “down time” or times of “boredom”.

However, I was pleased to find this game has a section for players to submit questions, y’all have read my blog before, I know allot of useless shit I like to share with people who will read it. So, I figured it would be nice to add some color or flavor to the question pool. As of this morning, I have submitted exactly 200 questions, one of which has been approved. I have come to the early conclusion that this is not a thinkers game, its more like the old board game Trivial Pursuit, Juniors Edition. My questions were all entered into the Geography, History, and Science categories. I have answered well over 4,000 questions correctly in this game and have found there are very few, if any questions about classic rock history, individual state history, or real life science type questions. These are things I have quite a bit of trivia knowledge about, so I decided to try, an attempt at reality in real life, to bring something, that in my opinion, that this game lacks.

Don’t get me wrong, its full of thousands of fantastic questions, and its a fun game to play, but come on, there needs to be a bit more challenging questions than what is currently offered. I’ve been doing some research, reading what others are saying about this game. I’m not alone it appears, which really wasn’t as much as a surprise as one would think. I learned I’m not the only one frustrated with the process of getting questions approved to get added to the question pool. Seems people are looking for simple questions, the no brainers, because to them it is about coins and levels. Sounds allot like I’m in the midst of allot of teenagers with very little in the life experience department. Seems people don’t want to learn anything, they just want to answer questions they already know. Where is the challenge in that? If you answered there is no challenge then you answered correctly. So, why do I care? Good question.

I don’t think that can be answered. I have found, over the years I’ve spent on the internet, being a part of forums, discussions, and so forth, that people don’t want to be challenged. People want easy. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. I don’t participate much anymore in social media, seems it is just a tool nowadays to promote my blog. Which, as it stands, works very little in my advantage because I’m not “liking” other people’s status updates or retweeting their tweet. In the end I get what I give, very little. I’m at the point where I’m done wasting my time and the time of others. I’m just going to write, post, and update my blogs, and if people come to read they do, if not, well then not. Back to the game, I guess my point is that I would like to see it improve, I’m proactive in the way that, yes I’m going to bitch about it, but I also have solutions. But maybe I see things as broken, needing improvement, when in reality, its functioning as designed, flaws and all.

Oh, yea, I almost forgot, my Trivia Crack account isn’t linked to either of my Facebook accounts, which is why you don’t see it as one of my apps or don’t see my “accomplishments” either. Nor at any time in the future will it be linked to anything. Your welcome. Those of y’all who know who I am can find me, if you want to find me that is. It’s sad, but after two weeks I’m burnt out of this game, I get no real pleasure from it any more. It boasts a pool of over one million active questions but I keep seeing so many repeats. Maybe, since it has only been going since December 2014 in the United States, it will improve over time, maybe others will get bored with it all and start reviewing questions for approval. I have rated over 4,000 questions and have yet to see one of them in the pool. Makes me wonder how many questions are actually waiting in the question factory.

If you play, I can only ask you to try to make it a better place for everyone. Remember that all age groups are playing and some of us are pretty burned out on the Disney and sports questions. Maybe I will start my own trivia game. I will start it with one question, who ever answers the question correctly gets to ask the next question, and so on and so forth. It will probably bomb big time, it will require reading, not skimming, actual reading. Do we even read anything anymore? Are we a society of skimmers, looking for keywords, trying to find that crumb of something that interests us? Anyway, we’ll see how this all plays out. As mentioned, I will not be making separate entries (announcements) on the regular social media channels anymore. If y’all find the posts y’all do, if not then we’ve both missed out. Who knows, maybe this will work out for the best for all of us because I know y’all get tired of seeing my useless shit anyway.

I guess that’s it. I will continue to play my game, I will continue posting here about things that stand out in my life, and maybe one day something we all do will mean something to someone else besides ourselves. The bigger the internet gets the harder it is to stand out. I kinda like the view from under the radar. A note on future posts, a little housekeeping if you will, I have quite a few email submissions in the que, on a variety of subjects and topics, some of which I will discuss in further depth later on. It gets harder and harder, day by day, but I think its time to take this blog back to it’s roots, because it began as a diary style blog, full of the many things kicking around in my brain. I thinks its time again. As always, use the tag cloud on the right of the page or the search block at the top of the page to search for things I may have posted here. Y’all do a good job of using both, as well as emailing me questions and ideas. Y’all keep up the good work, soon enough some of y’all will begin seeing your stories here. I know, let the confetti cannons thunder on in a downpour of tiny slivers of paper.

In a curious way I ask, what games do y’all play on your phone, tablet, or computer? Do y’all have any you really enjoy playing? Want to play me in Trivia Crack? Reply here or in email with your “handle” or player “name” and I will look you up. Until we meet again, just know that I want y’all to enjoy your stay, but if you hate your stay here it was based on a choice you made. I can’t be held responsible for your personal choices now can I?

But What Does This All Mean?

I very rarely comment on much of anything on the internet simply because I don’t want my words misunderstood, misconstrued, or quoted out of context. Once we push the “publish” button there is very little we can do. Well, one or two of y’all have noticed that I had been on a blogging break for the last few months. The biggest question is why I’ve been laying low. It’s a damn fine question and I might even answer it if I get around to it. However, just because I’ve not been posting didn’t mean my blog became an unvisited ghost town, in fact just the opposite has been happening, hell there are more actual visitors when I don’t write anything. Statistically speaking I could say the visits were misclicks or accidental landings based on one’s Google search results, but a closer analysis would go on to prove that theory wrong. Come to find out, a link for my blog can be found on over 300 blogs out there in never never land, so I can chalk up 1/3 of my visitors to blatant curiousness alone. I was once told, long ago in my blogging follies that having a blog names which invokes emotion or a curious mind to click the link is 90% of the battle to get someone, anyone to visit. Then, 8% is blog layout, colors, and overall theme. The last 2% is the content of the blog. I always remembered that people were not going to visit my blog because of my brilliant writing skills since I lack a true ability to write anything worthy reading, mostly skimming at most, who wants to read blah blah blah anyway. We are all guilty of it, even me, so I expect to be treated the same. But then again, there are the dedicated few, who feel inclined to hang on every word of everything they read everywhere. Of course, my favorite people on the planet are the grammar Nazis who seem to have nothing better to do than tell me if I used there or their or they’re in the proper way. Fuck it, it’s my blog, I will misuse grammar in any way I see fit. All I have for the grammar psycho Nazis is a big hug while I whisper fuck you in your ear with a wet tongue kiss. But, I digress, because who cares, really? Doesn’t all grammar go to die on the internet anyways? Exactly. The transmission of information is how we humans have evolved to communicate, yes I said evolve, we have evolved, suck it up princess, and one day we might even get it right. Even though I may not have been “home”, the porch light has remained on, and my email box has remained open. I say that, Google alerted me the other day that I had 2,389 messages and 46,987 spam messages waiting in my inbox. Where in reality I had only 913 messages and 48,463 spam messages after closer review and better filtering. The email set forth to collect messages from this blog also is the dumpbox for Pinterest, Google+, Facebook, and Blogcatalog, so I get “alerts” of activity from those sites. But, my blog generates 95% of all the messages received in one way or another. If your email hit the spam folder through the email filter I will never see it as I don’t look through that folder, ever. The numbers mentioned above were for a 90 day period, so needless to say my email is on quite a few mass email lists to say the very least.

But, Scorp, why are we here today, reading these words, scanning ahead looking for some reality to grasp upon, or trying to make sense of all of this mess? Why, indeed. Well, seems that about 1/3 of my content is what other people are writing. How so? Either through emails commenting or people sending me information to write about. In the past I had a pretty active section called The Magic Weekend and Scorpion Sting’s Bartender Stories. I didn’t realize when I quit the bartending business that it wouldn’t quit me, I really thought it would fade into the darkness of the night, like watching a stripper walk off the stage after her final dance, hoping for one more glimpse. In the end, over the months, it appeared that the two worlds melded together, friends of friends of friends began telling me their stories, looking to have it posted on my blog. Why? Fame and fortune? Not hardly. I began to ask myself why I even take the time to blog any more, and it does take time, all my posts are done from my Android phone, so long posts become a tedious time consuming process, and to tell y’all the truth, I began to ask myself why do I torture myself, why do I attempt to write, because I’m no writer. I’m a hack at best. But I do like telling stories, stories about real people, and stories about how people’s life have had an impact on them personally. Granted, as it would be, most of the stories seem to be of a certain tone or nature, but that is the direction it went. Why? Those are the stories I get, people don’t write me about walking their dog or wiping the baby’s but after a power shit, they write stories that they cant even tell as secrets to their bff, they like being anonymous, they like the idea that they can trust me not to give away their identities. Sometimes, I fell like the catholic priest hearing confidential confessions. Damn, I bet those old farts that have been around for decades have some stories to tell, I wonder if some of them have a blog they write to so they can get everyone else’s sins off their chest. I’ve been accused, more than once, that I’m an imposter, a poser, that I was a person of the cloth with a really, really, dark side that needs an output of sorts. That’s so far off that it truly humors the shit out of me, almost into tears. But, what if that was my angle? What if I was a sheep in wolves clothing? That does add an interesting twist to things, to say the least. All I can say is I’m not in any way involved with any religion or church or cult. I’m just me, just an average guy who lives his life the average way, and I use this blog as my vent to sometime scream at the world. If I went unheard it would not hurt my feelings, if only I read my dribblings I could still die today a happy man. But, some of y’all do read my blog, some of y’all take what is written here way to fucking serious.

Which reminds me, in my last post I was asked why I spoke negatively of the lesbian lifestyle and the recreational use of social drugs. First, I didn’t know I did, because I don’t care, and if that is what y’all consider harsh then there are some nappy-wipes near the exit to wipe your tears. I live my own lifestyle, one that I judge regularly because it needs judgment since I don’t live a perfect life in my own opinion. I hear some of y’all do, and I clap for you each individually. Over the last few months I have had the opportunity to review quite a bit, I questioned if I should just chuck this blog in the shit bucket and call it even. Just pull the plug on all of them. Then, I wanted to just change the name of my blog, give it a different perspective, change up the game a little, and then I just dismissed the foolishness. But who needs a clean slate, who needs that bullshit anyway? Do y’all know if I started writing today, right now, all The Magic Weekend stories in my inbox, I would have to write 500 plus rather lengthy entries, and those are just the ones with pictures attached. I think my laziness is driven by the fear of the challenge. I have considered taking two people in The Scorpion Army up on their offer of writing them all for me. I think they would have no problem being committed to the task, and I have full confidence that they would blow everyone’s ass a way with their story telling. But, I don’t generally farm out my work and to tell y’all the truth, I’m not ready to start today. I’m trying to get back in the saddle, I think a little blogging burn out does the soul good. Before I move on, I just want to say that even though I might be rotten to the core, I mean what I say, I really don’t have a problem with anybody’s lifestyle, unless you are a fucking pedophile, then you just need to crawl into your hole and die. Oh, you fucks from Westboro Baptist Church can join the pedophile in his hole because you all are a bunch of sick fucks who deserve one another. I try not to hate people or groups of people, but you sick fucks and my ex-wife are all in a world of your own.

Ooh, lets talk about real mail for a moment, since I have a real mail dilemma so to say. I’ve mentioned once or twice that I stay as far in the fuck way out of my ex-wife’s life as humanly possible, as I don’t need her drams or bullshit in my own life. Life is well living like this. Until yesterday, yesterday I get a letter with her name on it but my address. Hmm, it sparked a giant, long drawn out whhhhaaaaattttt thhhhhheeeeeeee fuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After the initial shell shock, it caught my eye it was the Veteran’s Affairs office, repeat WTF! What kind of fuckery is a foot? As temped as I was to just run the un-opened letter through my shredder, I paused for a few moments. I did, however, text my daughter and ask her why she thought her mother was receiving mail at my house, I included a picture of the letter so she knew I wasn’t pulling her leg. The initial reply was “WTF DAD?” Exactly, exactly. It is very disturbing. I wanted to call her darling mother but really didn’t want to talk directly to her or her voicemail, so I sent my daughter in to do the dirty work for me, actually, she asked if she should ask, so I told her sure. Her mother’s only reply was she has no clue, no shit, nothing’s changed, nothing will ever change in that regard to her. She claims cluelessness, yet doesn’t want me to open it to solve the mystery, so yes I think she is hiding something because she isn’t as slick as she thinks. She requested I send it to my daughter to be forwarded to her. I sent it back to the VA, a return to sender wrong address message written across the front of it, this morning. The twisted cunt can contact the VA and correct her bullshit on her own free time and on her dime, I have done the right thing, I sent it back because she doesn’t live at my address. My curiosity has been getting the best of me, it was a pretty thick envelope. But, knowing my luck, if I opened it she would get Johnny Law in my ass and who needs that shit at this stage in my life. Drama is not my forte, I don’t need my own, much less some cunt who wishes I was dead. I don’t wish her to be dead, just for her to forget my existence and just move on. Whatever. My eldest daughter, turning 25 later this year, and I had an actual telephone conversation last night, she brought up her mother and asked if I were ready to discuss our falling out with her yet. Nope. I left it where it always has been, your mother cheated on me and felt no remorse, in fact she could never honestly tell me she was sorry or that she wanted to remain married. So be it, and we set the divorce in motion. Then, she turned into a cunt, which is the category she has remained since 1999. But enough about the bleeding cunts in my life.

I appreciate the daily visitors from around the world that visit my blog every day, 2,000+ on a daily basis. I still don’t know what it is y’all are all looking for. Unless its boobs, boobs we have. But, be careful, I will warn you now, if you look at the boobs at work your boss will not be happy with you. But that isn’t here on my main blog anyways, that gets its own set of visitors daily, bobs and tattoos are the perfect combination. Is there anything else? I mean, I must admit, I bounce around quite a bit, having no direction, no theme as it were, tends to be the best direction I’ve ever gone doing this blogging shit. A person visiting here can see an assload of stuff, I’m not justifying the lack of complexity, I’m just acknowledging that writing about only one or two things becomes boring. Who needs more boring in their lives? Not me. I did do allot of thinking while I wasn’t posting here, mostly about the very real chance that I was so burnt out with it all that I was ready to wave the white flag to surrender. But then what would I do? Really, what would I do? Spending time with my family is what keeps me away from here, there is nothing more important to me than spending time with them, as much time as possible. This blog is my hobby, not my daily life. I’m not involved in social media except to promote posts. But, due to this blog and social media I have made some friends, not “friends”, but friends I talk or text with, have meaningful conversations with, and value their friendship. Beyond that, the internet gets pretty boring to me. But, because of the internet, I can talk with all of y’all, tell my stories to y’all, get opinions from y’all, and for the most part just take a break from the real world. So, to finish off this post I would like to answer some questions I have been getting in the email and then we can close this post and y’all can get back to your lives.

01) No, I’m not dead.

02) No, I haven’t been on vacation.

03) Yes, I have been reading my emails & comments.

04) No, I don’t typically reply to emails or comments, its rare if I do.

05) Yes, keep sending in stories.

06) Yes, naked pictures are fine, I can edit them before posting.

07) Yes, I will be having more contests with no prizes in the near future.

08) Yes, I fucking know other words besides fuck.

09) No, your religion doesn’t bother me.

10) No, your sexual orientation doesn’t matter to me.

11) No, the color of your skin isn’t the issue.

12) Yes, there is fuckery in the mist.

13) Yes, bambi on the smoker really does taste good.

14) No, I’ve never been institutionalized.

15) No, I do not suffer from PTSD.

16) Yes, I once wanted to be a catholic priest.

17) No, I wouldn’t return to how life was “before”.

18) Yes, eventually I will get caught up.

19) No, I haven’t quit smoking yet.

20) Yes, my wife has tattoos.

Didn’t see your question answered? Maybe next time. But not now, its time to draw this mess of a post to a close. If I don’t close it then it could go on for ever, and nobody wants to see that shit do they. But, I will return, like a rash with no cure, because I need to do a post about some people with serious butt-hurt real soon. Yes, the haters are going to make another appearance. That is the only teaser y’all get. Go forth now and enjoy the rest of your Cinco de Mayo or for the rest of us, the 5th of May. Remember boys and girls to eat it every day!

This Is Exactly What Happens When

Someone sneaks up behind someone trying to be quiet so they don’t get startled while operating a table saw. This picture was taken roughly 4 hours ago after 30 minutes of a great bleed. So what happened? Well, I was trimming a piece of oak that is being used on a cabinet project, on my table saw. My family knows not to interrupt me when power tools are in operations. Just come in, sit down, and wait til I am done. However, this morning, my wife, who was on her way to work, chose to stand behind me and peek at what I was doing. Well, you know the creepy feeling you get when you sense a presence behind you? Mine kicked into hyperdrive to say the very least. When I jumped slightly, the tip of my thumb grazed the blade. Yes, I am lucky I didn’t lose a finger.

So, now I turn to my wife as I turn off the saw, unaware I cut my thumb yet, as my wife has a very horrified look in her face because its squirting blood all over the floor. She just pointed, she was in shock, all she could do is just point while she stood there with her mouth wide open. I grabbed a towel and wrapped my thumb in it, unaware of what was going on, just wanted to get pressure on it to stop the bleeding. At this point my wife, very apologetic like, tells me she is very sorry, and she just knew I was about to come completely unglued because she broke a very important shop safety rule. Did I? Nope. She said she was just looking at what I was doing and didn’t want any saw dust in her, so she stood behind me quietly. After a few minutes I took a peak, I already knew it wasn’t that bad, in fact it didn’t actually hurt, just had a weird tingling feeling. But, it was still dripping blood pretty heavy. I gave my wife a kiss and sent her to work. Once the bleeding stopped, as y’all can see, it just took a very small chunk out of the tip.

The only reason I can guess I bled so much is because my blood pressure medication has a blood thinner in it. Who knows. I do know that it is my texting/typing thumb and it has a numbish feeling I noticed as I am pecking away right now. My wife has called a dozen or so times today, checking in on me, apologing repeatedly, telling me she will never make the same mistake ever again. Just chock this one up in the shit happens category because that is just what it is. It could have been worse so I am just thankful it was just a graze. Anyway, just wanted to share my little funny ha ha y’all and let you see that all it takes is a slight distraction for all hell to break loose. Y’all are now free to carry on with your day.

Shark Week 2014 Drinking Game

Homeowner’s Association Form Letter

So, yesterday I walked the close to 1/4 mile trek out to collect my mail from the mailbox located out at the end of my driveway. Normally I would take the golf cart but I was feeling froggy and just decided to walk. I don’t usually “sort” my mail out here in the street but there was allot of crap that I was going to put in the recycle bin since it had not been collected yet. As I am flipping through it all I see a letter addressed to “Resident” with my address printed below it. It is a letter from our beloved homeowner’s association. Might be important so I went ahead and opened it. After reading it through the first time I was left asking “what the fuck?” and need to read it again before I got pissed all the way. After A quick review I can see that they are talking of my location, it has the correct block, lot, plot, and section. The address on the envelope belongs to me, so it must be my property being spoke of. The jist of the form letter is to inform me (property owner) that a complaint has been filed suggesting I am burning “trash” items too close to the street which is too close to neighboring houses. The date sited was 22 days ago. Too close to my neighbors? My nearest neighbor’s house is over 650 yards away. The letter continues to outline the “offense” by stating that I was burning tires and other accelerant fuels. Wait just a damn minute here. First I don’t burn anywhere except the rear of my almost ten acres of property. Second, I don’t burn tires or use gas or diesel to set such fires. The letter has me at a loss.

As I am walking back to the house to go make a phone call because they have assessed a $350.00 fine for the incident, I notice, which makes me remember, I did have a fire in my front yard about three weeks ago. The scorch marks are still visible as I walk by. I wonder if this could be what they are referring to in the letter. I haven’t written about this yet here so y’all are probably scratching your heads wondering what has happened. I guess this is a good place to put in what happened and the I will figure out why there was a complaint. In a way I guess an outsider could say it was a trash fire in my front yard but if a person was paying attention they would of seen it was my riding lawn mower that had actually burst into flames. Man, I loved that old mower too, I was sad to see it go out in a blaze of glory like it did. What happened? I was mowing in the yard in front of my house pretty close to my driveway when a giant puff of black smoke blew out of the front of the engine cowel. I jumped off and flipped it open and when I did it burst into open flames. I was able to dowse the flames with the garden hose but it was too late. As I stood there watching it smolder a bit I secretly was hearing TAPS being played off in the distance. It was almost a tearful moment for me, but I held it back. It truly was a spectacular show but at the same time I didn’t like seeing my old friend roast its own marshmallows.

In review of the complaints in the letter I can see why they would say I was burning tires and using an accelerant because the tires did catch fire and the fuel line did melt and feed the fire. But hold on, this means that my incident was visible to someone somewhere. So I stood in the spot and looked around 360 degrees to see if I could figure out who the bastard was that assumed I was burning trash in my front yard. Well, there is only one house in my view and that is straight across the street. That old bastard has the eyes of a hawk then because its a good 200 yards from the street in front of his house. And it only burned for 10-12 minutes anyways. I’m so confused. Anyway, I will deal with him later, I have bigger fish to fry. I went in the house and called the secretary of the homeowner’s association to discuss the complaint and the fine I was not ever going to pay. I invited him out to check out the burned out carcas and I was declined a visit. I was told to go to their website and print out a form which I could use to defend myself. Once filled out I am to mail it to them with supporting information and/or pictures if available to justify my case. I was also reminded to enclose a check or money order with my form so I could pay the fine. Ummm, fuck you, there will be no check or money order enclosed you goofy bastards. I filled out the form and enclosed some nice glossy pictures with my explanation of what occurred. When I was done I sent my son down to throw it in the mail box for pick up today. This is why I detest having neighbors.

This whole thing has served as a good reminder. Since my other rider (the back up) isn’t in that great of shape and isn’t exactly dependable, I think I will get dressed and go mower shopping. I wonder what I will come home with. Have y’all seen the commercials for all the different riding mowers lately? Maybe they have been the “sign” I have been looking for and just haven’t realized it. I better make sure the trash fire I have going currently is out before I go because I would hate for some snooper to say I left it unattended. If I get a new toy I will be sure to show y’all so don’t worry.

My Children & The Blogging World

All three of my children have been pressing me to help them each get a blog off the ground. I keep blowing them off jokingly because I really think they are asking the wrong person about how to make a blog. Since I consider my own writing to be an illustration of my thoughts, concerns, and opinions before I think of it as a blog, I find it hard giving advice. My children changed their tactics, they all three got together to hit me all at once, and to put me in the hot seat. I don’t like to be in the hot seat and I really am not a good teacher. Before we begin, let me just make it clear that the purpose of this particular post is for my children, because after we talked I decided I needed to write out what I had said for future reference of my own personal guidelines. If, someone else, anyone else, follows the guidelines y’all are absolutely on your own. The mere fact that I will write any of this down is coincidental and should not be taken as your guidelines or rules for your internet blogging experience. However, if you find some of it to be helpful then that is great as well. So, before I begin I will give introduction to my children, referenced by age, gender, and initials. My son, JB, 12 y/o. My daughter, CD, 17 y/o. My daughter, LW, 23 y/o. Each of them a different identity with different ideas but all three share one common denominator, me.

The very first thing, and to me, the most important thing to remember is that anything and everything you post to the internet is going to be able to be viewed by anyone in the world. Can you tell we have had a similar conversation about Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram? I remind them that if they are not willing to share it with the world then it does not belong on the internet and that is a choice they must live with every single time they click the “publish” button. I also explained the whole “blogosphere” thing to them. We looked at what makes up the blogosphere and what makes it such a desirable place to be. I borrow the definition of blogosphere from the Wikipedia definition. “Blogosphere: The blogosphere is made up of all blogs and their interconnections. The term implies that blogs exist together as a connected community (or as a collection of connected communities) or as a social network in which everyday authors can publish their opinions“. It may not be the best definition, but it is the simplist to understand. Because, in the end, the interconnection of all the blogs is what defines the different communities that have evolved over the years.

I try to follow these simple steps and rules because over time they are what helps me personally. I reminded them that it isn’t just about writing their blog, it is about interacting with readers, as well as going out exploring other blogs they might have an interest in. I have also recommended they use the WordPress format because it is super simple to use.

• The number one thing you need is subject material to write about on your blog. One cannot always pick a subject that people might be searching for, but their is always an endless list of things to write about. If you blog about something specific then you need to stick to the subject. If you have an open ended blog the sky is the limit. Give value, no matter how small and somebody out there will appreciate the post and you will begin to get yourself a following. Remember that as long as you know more than somebody else you have something to offer.
• Writing a blog post needs to come from you. It can be as original as you are and still be about something you read, saw, or did. The key with every post is writing is writing something that sounds like YOU. Write your content in your words, put your own personality into it, state your views, sound different then the rest of the crowd, and then it will stand out more.
• Now you need to bring all of the elements of your post together. Writing a blog post consists of sticking with a set layout that will work on most if not all of your posts. Put keywords in the title, then again in each paragraph, sum it all up with the last paragraph so your reader doesn’t feel left hanging, and add in more of your keywords. Be sure to add tags to your post which refer to the keywords so relevant searches can happen. There should be searchable keywords throughout your post.
• You must continue to ask yourself if everything makes sense, is there too much information or not enough, and fine tune it so your keywords are placed in logical places so they don’t look like they were placed randomly. If what you are writing does not make sense then the reader will quickly move on and probably dismiss any future posts because they feel their time is being wasted.
• Proof reading is both the blessing and the curse of anything that is written. But, those who are just starting out need to look for the misspelled words, the missing words, and the sentences that just don’t make any sense for some reason. This is a hard one for me because I write as if I were speaking and I generally do not proof read until after it is published or after a grammar Nazi gets ahold of me.
• For the most part it is always important to consider who your audience actually is. Do you know who your audience is? Do you care who your audience is? I’m a firm believer in writing for yourself and not for the purpose of pleasing others. If people want to read what you write then they will and if not then they generally move on. Don’t let this fact determine how you write or what you write about because then your message will get blurred and eventually lost.
• Be sure you pick your battles when deciding what to write about. As much as you may want to, you can’t enlighten everyone on the internet because not every single person is actually interested in what you have to say. This is a hard pill that everyone of us has to swallow. Realize this simple factoid and you will be able to hold on to your sanity.
• Always remember that there are other people on the other side of your computer screen. These people may not share your opinions and they may not appreciate what you have to say. Not everyone is liked by everyone. Many people hide behind their internet identity and write things that they wouldn’t say or do in real life. These people will try to bring you down to their level, so just try to remember that just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean that you are always right.
• Try to write as if you were speaking to someone sitting next to you. It will change how and what you write. Remember that once you hit publish it is going to be available to millions of people. As an example, my family reads my blog on occasion and eventhough they don’t care for my blog sometimes they don’t give me allot of grief. They know the real me and know that the on-line me are the same person. I am who I am no matter where I am. Does this work for everyone? I couldn’t tell you but I know it works for me.
• When in doubt, don’t publish it. I have written many posts that have never been published and probably never will be. They are reminders to me that my opinion is sometimes best left unwritten and unseen. Remember that over time you will gain followers as well as haters, both should be embraced knowing that people are indeed reading what you wrote.
• Finally, nobody will find you by accident. You need to promote yourself through the different social networking platforms that are out there. Share what you write and you will receive feedback and comments. I’m sure there are many more fine social networks out there. I personally use Blogcatalog, Google+, and Facebook. While on the topic of “communities” I would like to mention Blogcatalog since I have been a member there for many years. Blogcatalog is full of many great people sporting great personalies and blogs as well. Blogcatalog is a place to discuss anything from A – Z and everything in between. It has been a great place for support, growing friendships, and also gives my me ideas and inspiration for different topics I might right about.

I remind y’all that I’m writing this for my children, all who read my blog, all who know who I am as a father, an individual, as well as a person who has been around the world a few times while taking the time to observe and learn something new. Are there things I wish they wouldn’t read? Sure, but I don’t tend to hide things from people. My wife would like me to quit writing my blog altogether. She has her reasons. She also “allows” me to continue because she knows I enjoy doing it and that is what this all about, enjoy what you are doing. She is happy I keep names out of my blog and when she reads it she knows most of the time who I am talking about. My writing style isn’t for everyone but it is what works for me. Soon enough my children will have their individual blogs up, running, and operational. When they do one can be assured that I will be promoting them here and through the normal ritualistic channels that I normally use. For now, this post is over, y’all will be reading more about their blogs in the near future. In fact, my son will be providing the next guest post for me. It will be an unedited “page” from his journal to see if he likes seeing his thoughts out there for everyone to see.

Maybe y’all gained something from all of this nonsense and if you did, maybe, just maybe, it might be a step closer for everyone to help figure out why I try to write here everyday. Doing posts like this one is allot like therapy because I learn things about myself I otherwise have been taking for granted. Both images used in this post were acquired using a Google image search and are being borrowed to illustrate a point. I claim no ownership of either picture.

Should I Even Call This Mess A “Blog”?

I suppose by “definition” what I have here could be considered to be a blog. Do you know the definition of blog? The simple version which concludes that a blog is a website where entries are written in chronological order and commonly displayed in reverse chronological order. Mine does that. I also do allot of Mobile blogging (moblogging), which is a method of publishing to a blog from a mobile phone. A moblog helps habitual bloggers (like myself) to post articles and pictures directly from their phones even when on the move. Mobile blogging has been made possible by technological convergence, as bloggers have been able to write, record and upload different media all from a single, mobile device. Mobile blogging is popular among people with camera phones which allow them to send photos and video that then appear as entries on their blog, or to use mobile browsers to publish content directly to any blogging platform with mobile posting compatibility. In the end, it is convenient because I can do when the moment arises or the thought crosses my mind. There are many advantages to being able to blog from anywhere and anytime. Mobile blogging is particularly helpful to travelers or people on the move when access to a computer with Internet connection may be difficult. The traveler can snap photos and with an enabled phone can easily upload such pictures with text descriptions directly to his or her blog. If the camera phone is equipped for Auto-geo-tagging, the blog may be able to show a map of the locations. With my new phone, (Motorola Droid Maxx),  which is less than a week old, has many new features which have been really exciting as far as being able to keep up with my blog and all the ones I try to visit regularly.

A majority of the blogs are interactive, allowing visitors to leave comments and even message each other on the blogs, and it is this interactivity that distinguishes a blog from other static websites. In that sense, blogging can be seen as a form of social networking service. Indeed, bloggers do not only produce content to post on their blogs, but also build social relations with their readers and other bloggers throughout the world. Many blogs provide commentary on a particular subject; others function as more personal online diaries; others function more as online brand advertising of a particular individual or company. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. I think I’m still qualifying as a blog. The ability of readers to leave comments in an interactive format is an important contribution to the popularity of many blogs.

People have different ideas when it comes to the length of post. Many people advocate keeping it short, however some of the best posts I’ve written or read have been long, some very very long. They were the best because they did not skim the subject so they gave real value and often told their story making it engaging by making a personal connection with me the reader. I believe that the posts that make that personal connection that resonates with the reader get more likes, more comments, and get shared more. Being I post allot of pictures here as well I often have very short posts because the “message” is self-contained in the picture.

Anyone who surfs the “net” can find that the blogosphere counts several million active blogs offering a great variety of topics and content. The wonderful aspect of a blog creation is that anyone who has a particular hobby, knowledge, passion or a business to promote, can easily do it, and they generally do. I guess, looking back, the danger is starting a blog without a specific plan, target group, and more importantly knowledge of content for which the blog was created. Good content is the most important factor of your blog since not only it is the key to attract readers and turn them to loyal followers but also to increase your internet exposure via the search engines. I don’t look for search engine exposure, meaning I don’t do anything on purpose which gives me a ranking or page position. People just find me one way or another. I follow some basic rules of engagement in order to produce what I consider to be successful content and, at the end of the day, achieve my blog’s goal which is to get read and encourage readers to return back to my blog. Let’s explore my general rules of engagement and guidelines.

The 10 Rules I blog by.

01. Define your blog and who you wish to target to read your blog. The 1^st thing to do is to organize your ideas and define the main topic which will define your blog’s identity.

• What do I want to write about today? The next day? 6 months from now?
• What is my target group of readers, follower, and visitors?
• What type of language should I use to communicate with my readers?

02. Make time to make posts.

• A blog needs time and efforts to stay permanently active and help you interact on a regular basis with your readers.
• Don’t risk losing your audience because of a lack of communication.

03. Take time to talk to your audience. Make them feel as though they can interact with you and make sure they get the interaction they are looking for.

• Having defined your target group of readers, you will need to write in the appropriate tone and style to attract their interest and understanding; imagine having a conversation with your audience and write clearly and simply as if you were talking to them.
• When I write, I write as if I am talking, whether just out-loud or physically to others.

04. Give your blog and posts a friendly and inviting format.

• Even if you believe your post is original and really interesting, if it comes in a big block of text, no one will take the time to read it; you need to provide the reader with a friendly post format by separating it into distinct and concise paragraphs, preceded by sub-headings when needed, use bullet points lists where needed (like here with what I’m doing), illustrate it with images, use bold or italics to point out your key elements and you’ll get your reader’s attention.

05. When starting a new post use eye catching and attractive titles.

• Once your post is written, take your time to come up with a fantastically eye catching title. Your title is how you’ll attract the readers repeatedly. It should directly inform the reader regarding what your post is about, a sort of “summary” of what he/she will read.

06. Be sure to use “tags” which will be effective in relation to your post.

• Ask yourself which terms are more likely to be used by users when they search for the particular topic.
• Then make sure you use the main keywords and come up with different variations that are likely to be searched when formulating your tags.
• Finally try to incorporate the “tag” words in the keywords of your post in order to increase the possibility to be found in the search engines.

07. Update your blog frequently to keep the content fresh and inviting.

• As mentioned earlier, you need to determine a time plan in order to frequently update your blog, ideally on a daily-basis.
• This will not only keep the attention of your readers but also it will help you attract more readers and loyal followers to your blog.
• The more content you produce the more traffic you are likely to get from your readers.

08. Use “social media” buttons to encourage your readers to share.

• There are many out there, I personally use Facebook, Pinterest, Google+, and Twitter.
• By setting up an RSS Feed and by encouraging your users to subscribe, you will increase your readers and you are more likely to get more returning visitors.
• Note that most Blogging engines automatically support RSS feeds, so all you need to do is to place their button in a strategic position in order to help readers subscribe.
• It doesn’t hurt to belong to a great blogging community either. My personal favorite is Blogcatalog!
• Additionally social media can drive you lots of traffic and they can help you build steady communication with your readers.
• Make sure you add sharing buttons in your blog and try to place them too in strategic positions to increase the number of shares.

09. Try to incorporate “how-to” and “top-10” posts on occasion to mix things up and keep the reader wondering what’s next.

• The how-to guides and the top-10 articles usually become very popular on social media networks.
• People love these articles and they are more likely to read them, like them, comment on them, and share them.
• Additionally by creating such content you are more likely to increase your search engine traffic since many surfers search for such content regularly.

10. I have found that proof reading and spell checking are valuable tools.

• This might be common sense but sometimes we can be so enthusiastic about a new post that we forget to take the time to proof read it.
• Remember that you may be listed and archived in the Internet along with your grammar, syntax or even informative mistakes.
• Don’t forget to be honest about what you share.
• If you have the patience to keep being an active blogger and creating good content, you will be surprised to see your audience growing and your blog getting the success it deserves.

I have learned over the years that my blog(s) tend to develop multiple personalities and sometimes I need to reel them back in. When I started here at WordPress I wanted to have one blog that expressed ALL of my ideas. I wanted one stop shopping. I combined 6 blogs to create The Sting Of The Scorpion which I feel know encompasses the message(s) I’m trying to express. My blog is very much a reflection of what mood I am in at any particular moment. In the end, it works for me and that results in more mileage for my blog. I am very dedicated to the upkeep and appearance of my blog. This keeps me active here which results in more posts for others to read.

All the pictures and some of this information was borrowed from the World Wide Web to be placed on The Sting Of The Scorpion, because everything else just bites. Remember boys and girls, eat it everyday, and twice if you are up to it.