Before You Try This At Home

Oh man, where do I even begin with this one. I say lets just jump the fuck in and see what happens by the time we get to the end. I must warn you, even though I’m not obligated to warn you, the contents of this post discuss sexual organs, sexual positions, sex, the human body, and some sexual history. Why do this post? I found the information to be both humorous and informative. So, I wanted to share, that’s how I am, I like to share with the people of the internet. Even though this is a sexual topic there will be no pictures of asexual manner, use your imagination or past experiences to fuel your needs for visual stimulation. Personally, the reverse cowgirl is my favorite position. To date, there has been zero injuries at my household and I intend to keep it that way thank you very much.

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Penile fractures are just as painful as they sound, and I mean that quite literally as one of the most distinguishable signs of the injury is an audible “crack.” A team of Brazilian researchers have dedicated months of their lives to recording instances of this traumatic injury in order to determine the sexual position most likely to cause it. In doing so, they discovered that the backward female on top, also known as the “reverse cowgirl,” triggered the majority of the injuries.

In a study now published in Advances in Urology, the Brazilian researchers reviewed the cause, symptoms, and self-report of erection for men who had experienced a penile fracture. These fractures occur when the lining of the penis ruptures, when a blood-engorged penis is suddenly and forcefully bent. Due to the nature of the injury, it’s most often sustained during sexual intercourse.

The data revealed some interesting correlations between sexual activity and likeness to experience this injury. For example, heterosexual intercourse was the most common cause, but the injury could also be self-inflicted via some sort of masturbation. As for sexual positions: “‘Woman on top’ was the potentially riskiest sexual position,” wrote the authors. This pose was credited with being responsible for roughly half of all instances of penile fractures, followed by “doggy style,” which accounted for 28 percent of cases. The remaining cases were described as having an “unclear” cause.

The review also revealed what some of the safer sex options may be. For example, homosexual intercourse was involved in only 12 percent of injuries. Interestingly, it seems that middle-aged Christian monks may have been onto something with backing the missionary position, as this pose was credited with the overall lowest incidence of penile injury. The authors wrote that with a man on top of the woman, as in the case with missionary, “he has better chances of stopping the penetration energy in response to the pain related to the penis harm, minimizing it.”

Perhaps the biggest discrepancy in the study was men’s unwillingness to disclose the nature of their injuries. Nearly a quarter of all patients questioned for this study refused to give any details as to how their fracture came about.

While sexual intercourse seemed to be the main cause of penile fracture in the West, in the Middle East, particularly in Iran, around half of all instances of penile fractures were caused by men trying to forcibly hide their erections. This may be due to the cultural practice of Taghaandan — Kurdish for “to click” — which encourages men to “break the Qholenj” by bending the tip of their erection until an audible click is heard. A separate study found the number of penile fractures in Iran caused by Taghaandan to be closer to 57 percent, explaining that a “direct blunt force or habitual clicking of the erect penis to achieve detumescence,[subsiding an erection]” was behind an overwhelming number of injuries in this part of the world.

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Pros: The position is a great variation from woman-on-top and gives the woman total control over the pace and rhythm and lets her set the agenda. She can also change the angles to see how to hit the sweet spot. Also the she has the option to rub her clitoris and get her man to hit the G-spot simultaneously which can give a very powerful orgasm!

Cons: Too much enthusiasm in this position can be hazardous for the male partner and he can suffer a penile fracture which is no laughing matter. It happens if the penis bends too much at the base which occurs either when the female partner comes down on the penis at the wrong angle or if she bends too forward or backward.  There actually was a case where a man sued his ex-girlfriend for reckless behaviour after suffering a penile fracture! Thankfully the court ruled in her favour deciding her behaviour was neither legally wanton (caused due to negligence) nor reckless.

Feel free to leave your stories below or the shy ones can email them to me. I like a good reverse cowgirl horror story every once in a while. Hey, did it happen on a Magic Weekend? Be sure to send in your pictures! Luckily for Sarah, proud member of The Scorpion Army, she was just passing on this information to me, she thought I just might get a kick out of it all by the time I was done reading. I know not where she got the information, we can all just assume she found it surfing the internet somewhere. The text contained here within in neither medical advice, nor sexual advice, or sexual counseling. What you take away from it is what you take, I offer no guarantee, warranty, or guided tours of expectations, I’m just here to have fun. I can only recommend y’all be safe in your adventures.

Does Tequila Qualify As A Hobby?

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There is no doubt that people continue to make choice, there really are no boundaries or limitations, because tequila will NEVER let you down. Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, y’all don’t have to let the fact that tequila is my favorite alcohol, nor do y’all need to let my 20 plus years of bartending make a difference, but one can NEVER go wrong drinking tequila. As an insulin dependent type 2 diabetic, I wonder if it was coincidence that my diagnosis only happened within a few months of me quitting drinking. Things that you’ll read might get you to wondering the same damn things I’m wondering.

As the Pringles campaign so eloquently put it, “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.”

You know that group of friends who can never decide what type of round to buy at the bar? These people spend their time arguing between Jameson, vodka and Fireball. But do you know the one suggestion that will shut them the F up? That’s right — tequila. I mean, people went as far as creating deep-Fried tequila that will actually get you drunk. Do you see people doing that with vodka? I think not. So get ready to open your eyes to the benefits of tequila, some of which you never even thought could be possible.

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1. It helps lower blood sugar. How exactly is this possible? Well agavina, which is a sugar that comes from the agave plant used to produce tequila, triggers insulin production and therefore lowers blood sugar. We can thank our friends at the American Chemical Society for this one.

*** Exhibit A ***: A sweetener created from the plant used to make tequila could lower blood glucose levels for the 26 million Americans and others worldwide who have type 2 diabetes and help them and the obese lose weight, researchers said here today.

The main reason it could be valuable, they explained, is that agavins, a natural form of sugar found in the agave plant, are non-digestible and can act as a dietary fiber, so they would not raise blood glucose. Their report was part of the 247th National Meeting of the American Chemical Society (ACS).

The meeting, attended by thousands of scientists, features more than 10,000 reports on new advances in science and other topics. Being held at the Dallas Convention Center and area hotels.

“We have found that since agavins reduce glucose levelsand increase GLP-1, they also increase the amount of insulin,” said Mercedes G. López, Ph.D. GLP-1 (glucagon-like peptide-1) is a hormone that slows the stomach from emptying, thereby stimulating production of insulin. She added, “Agavins are not expensive and they have no known side effects, except for those few people who cannot tolerate them.” In addition, agavins, like other fructans, which are made of the sugar fructose, are the best sugars to help support growth of healthful microbes in the mouth and intestines, she said.

Agavins can help people feel fuller, which could help them eat less. Agavins contain fructoses, which begs the question: Are agavins like high-fructose corn syrup, a processed sweetener that has gotten a lot of bad press recently? López pointed out that, indeed, high-fructose corn syrup is loaded with fructose sugars and, therefore, can raise blood sugar levels. But agavins are fructans, which are fructoses linked together in long, branched chains. The human body can’t use them in that configuration, so they don’t affect blood sugar, she explained. Agavins also sometimes get confused with agave nectar or agave syrup, which appears on many health-food store shelves. These products contain fructans that have been broken down into individual fructoses, so they are much more similar to high-fructose corn syrup.

Also, she and her team said agavins are better than artificial sweeteners, which are absorbed by the body and can cause side effects, like headaches. “One slight downside, however, is that agavins are not quite as sweet as their artificial counterparts,” she said.

Of course, the agave’s claim to fame is as the plant from which tequila is made. López explained that agavins are the only carbohydrates used to produce the drink. All ethanol in tequila comes from the fermentation of glucose and fructose generated after agave pines are cooked. But because the agavins are converted to ethanol, agavins are not found in the finished product.

López said that in the study, her team fed a group of mice a standard diet and added agavins to their daily water. They weighed the mice daily and checked their glucose blood levels weekly. Most mice that drank agavins ate less, lost weight and their blood glucose levels decreased when compared to other sweeteners such glucose, fructose, sucrose, agave syrup and aspartame.

“This study represents the first attempt to evaluate agavins as sweeteners in spite of their lower sweetness compared to sugar,'” she said. **” End Exhibit A **”

2. It aids in weight loss. Yes, you heard me correctly; there are certain components in tequila that can help you lose weight. In further tests done by the ACS, tequila helped overweight mice lose a significant amount of pounds.

3. You don’t get hungover. You may quickly disagree, but we’re not talking about that shitty watered-down tequila most people are accustomed to. Rather, we are discussing real 100 percent pure agave tequila. Try drinking this instead and see if that headache becomes a memory of the past.

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4. You can drink it straight without wanting to throw up afterward. Have you ever tried throwing back straight shots of vodka? Chances are they’re coming right back up. When it comes to tequila, you can rest assured that it will sail smoothly down your throat.

5. It helps fight cholesterol. OK, let’s get scientific for a moment. Increasing fiber in your diet helps in the reduction of cholesterol levels. Like fiber, agavins lower triglycerides in the blood and levels of cholesterol as determined by researchers in Plant Foods For Human Nutrition.

6. Tequila may be used to help treat colds. Back in the 1930s, doctors were known to promote this tequila concoction to fight off the common cold: .5 ounce of tequila blanco; .5 ounce of agave nectar; .5 ounce of fresh lime juice.

7. It helps you numb the pain. Tequila has been proven to dilate the blood vessels, which results in better blood flow, minimizing pain levels. When it comes to emotional pain, you can bet tequila is the remedy for that too.

8. It can serve as a “drug delivery system”. WTF does that even mean? OK, so basically when drugs are taken, the acid in your stomach typically breaks them down before they can even hit your intestines. Why is this a problem? Because it decreases the drug’s effectiveness. Tequila serves as a protective barrier of these drugs as they work their way into your system.

9. Diabetics can indulge too. The high amount of sugar that is present in alcohol is what poses an issue for diabetics. The thing with tequila, however, is that it has significantly less sugar; therefore, it will have much less of an impact on blood sugar.

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10. You look like a damn badass on a first date. How many times do females worry about what to order on the first date? I only know this because I’ve had countless conversations with friends on whether or not it’s appropriate to order anything but wine. The answer? Order tequila and stand out from the crowd. Make a long-lasting impression because you can be certain he will always remember you as the girl who ordered tequila on the rocks on your first date.

11.  It won’t make you feel as fat as vodka and beer. Raise your shot glass and cheers to this because tequila helps to regulate the absorption of fat in your intestines! And when it comes to alcohol, everyone knows how much drinkers detest bloating.

12. You don’t have to waste your calories on a chaser. One of the best parts about ripping shots of tequila is that you don’t need soda to chase them with. Honestly, you don’t really even need a chaser because the taste of tequila is that good, but if you can’t really stomach it, there are always limes!

13. Everyone respects a person who rolls up with a bottle of tequila to a pregame. There are always those people who insist on bringing a bottle of Fireball to every pregame they go to and the word we use to describe these people is: basic. A unique individual busts out the tequila and really gets the party started.

14. It cleans your colon in a different way than you may think. Touching upon the points found in eight,Researchers at Mexico’s University of Guadalajara claim that blue agave found in tequila helps deliver drugs to the colon, which helps to treat illnesses such as Crohn’s disease, colitis, IBS and even cancer.

15. It chills you out and helps you sleep. Everyone knows tequila and relaxation go hand in hand. You don’t need to drink an excessive amounts one or two shots will do. Next time you can’t fall asleep, try sipping on some Don Julio.

Below are some recommended warning statements tequila producers should add for friendly public service announcements.

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WARNING: The consumption of tequila may leave you wondering what in the unnatural fuck happened to your bra and panties because tequila does make your clothes fall off ladies.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may make you think you are whispering when you are really not.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to text them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting or drooling on them.

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WARNING: The consumption of tequila may often lead to attempting and successfully repeating the revered tequila body shot. Will you give or receive?

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WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t recall).

WARNING: The consumption of tequila is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on your forehead.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than some really, really big redneck who proceeds to kick your ass.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may lead you to believe you are invisible, resulting in you attempting to grope members of the opposite sex. Sometimes this works out, other times not so much, what the hell, roll the dice.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may lead you to think people are laughing along WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause a disturbance in the space-time continuum, wherein gaps in consciousness appear, and eventually disappear forever.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila has been known to inexplicably cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila is a major factor in dancing like a talentless teenage boy.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends or perfect strangers feel inclined to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN or at least entertain the idea.

WARNING: The consumption of tequila may cause you to say things that you think make you sound clever to people you are trying to communicate with, this is your brain lying to you but the tequila takes over and speaks for you.

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The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog disclaimer. Never have I claimed to be a medical care giver nor do I have any formal or informal education and/or training which would quality me to give medical advice. The preceding post was for informational and entertainment only. You go read and find your own conclusion. However, I am a formally trained bartender with over 20 years of professional experience, since retired, so I do feel I know something about tequila, which so happened to be my specialty and my personal preference in alcohol, so call me a little biased. If the preceding made you think, entertained you, filled you heads with useless information, left you wondering, and left you thirsty for my friend tequila, my job is done here.

Why Do Doctors Have Differing Opinions

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After a grueling fucking twenty minute conversation with my VA healthcare professional, a person whom I can barely understand much less say her name or even try to spell it, I made the choice to speak with her civilian counterpart in the sector of private medicine. I was solely looking for confirmation of the information I was given in regards to my diabetes and how the peripheral neuropathy in my feet is getting worse over time instead of better. I currently take Pregabalin (which is used to relieve neuropathic pain from damaged nerves that can occur in your arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet, or toes if you have diabetes. Pregabalin is in a class of medications called anticonvulsants. It works by decreasing the number of pain signals that are sent out by damaged nerves in the body.) after being prescribed two others which made me sick to my stomach and didn’t work for me personally. As of lately, the Pregabalin seems to have just stopped working with a considerable increase in the pain in my feet. I called for consultation to see if I had other options. But, as she read straight out of the “VA doctor to patient book of protocol bullshit”, she explained that this treatment prescribed by her IS working for me and any idea it isn’t working is just my imagination.

She don’t even know about my imagination first of all and I have spent less than fifteen minutes total in the three times I have been in her presence so how in the hell can she claim such bullshit. Yes, I understand they are busy doctoring and shit but the dirt under my fingernails has more bedside manner than she could ever hope to have. So, I phoned my civilian doctor, who tells me that no treatment is 100% foolproof and our bodies get nonreactive to most medication we take on a regular basis. No shit! How do I fix it? I hate the awkward silence that happens after an unexpected question or answer because I wonder if I crossed that all to visible line we’re never supposed to cross. Anyway. What my point? The conversation that I had with each doctor got me thinking about the below article I read not to long ago and I just wanted to explain WHY I was sharing it out of the blue like I am. It also made me think of the above sketch, because I do see doctors as “angels” and the serpents they battle within when confronted with doing the right thing or doing only how they are taught. No, I don’t think all doctors are quacks selling snake-oil remedies, but many get tied up in being a doctor before being a human being. I would love to hear your opinions if y’all don’t mind taking a minute.

Why Health Professionals Become Quacks

William T. Jarvis, Ph.D.

It is especially disappointing when an individual trained in the health sciences turns to promoting quackery. Friends and colleagues often wonder how this can happen. Some reasons appear to be:

Boredom

Daily practice can become humdrum. Pseudoscientific ideas can be exciting. The late Carl Sagan believed that the qualities that make pseudoscience appealing are the same that make scientific enterprises so fascinating. He said, “I make a distinction between those who perpetuate and promote borderline belief systems and those who accept them. The latter are often taken by the novelty of the systems, and the feeling of insight and grandeur they provide” [1] Sagan lamented the fact that so many are willing to settle for pseudoscience when true science offers so much to those willing to work at it.

Low professional esteem

Nonphysicians who don’t believe their professions is sufficiently appreciated sometimes compensate by making extravagant claims. Dental renegades have said “All diseases can be seen in a patient’s mouth.” Fringe podiatrists may claim to be able to judge health entirely by examining the feet. Iridologists point to the eye, chiropractors the spine, auriculotherapists the ear, Registered Nurses an alleged “human energy field,” and so on. Even physicians are not immune from raising their personal status by pretension. By claiming to cure cancer or to reverse heart disease without bypass surgery, general physicians can elevate themselves above the highly trained specialists in oncology or cardiology. By claiming to heal diseases that doctors cannot, faith healers advance above physicians on the social status chart (physicians are normally at the top of the chart while preachers have been slipping in modern times). Psychologists, physicians, actors, or others who become health gurus often become darlings of the popular press.

Paranormal tendencies

Many health systems are actually hygienic religions with deeply-held, emotionally significant beliefs about the nature of reality, salvation, and proper lifestyles. Vegetarianism, chiropractic, naturopathy, homeopathy, energy medicine, therapeutic touch, crystal healing, and many more are rooted in vitalism, which has been defined as “a doctrine that the functions of a living organism are due to a vital principle [“life force”] distinct from physicochemical forces” and “the theory that biological activities are directed by a supernatural force.” [2,3] Vitalists are not just nonscientific, they are antiscientific because they abhor the reductionism, materialism, and mechanistic causal processes of science. They prefer subjective experience to objective testing, and place intuitiveness above reason and logic. Vitalism is linked to the concept of an immortal human soul, which also links it to religious ideologies [4].

Paranoid mental state

Some people are prone to seeing conspiracies everywhere. Such people may readily believe that fluoridation is a conspiracy to poison America, that AIDS was invented and spread to destroy Africans or homosexuals, and that organized medicine is withholding the cure for cancer. Whereas individuals who complain about conspiracies directed toward themselves are likely to be regarded as mentally ill, those who perceive them as directed against a nation, culture, or way of life may seem more rational. Perceiving their political passions are unselfish and patriotic intensifies their feelings of righteousness and moral indignation [5]. Many such people belong to the world of American fascism, Holocaust deniers, tax rebels, the radical militia movement, and other anti-government extremists who would eliminate the FDA and other regulatory agencies that help protect consumers from health fraud. Liberty Lobby’s newspaper The Spotlight champions such causes and also promotes quack cancer cures and attacks fluoridation.

Reality shock

Everyone is vulnerable to death anxiety. Health personnel who regularly deal with terminally ill patients must make psychological adjustments. Some are simply not up to it. Investigation of quack cancer clinics have found physicians, nurses, and others who became disillusioned with standard care because of the harsh realities of the side effects or acknowledged limitations of proven therapies.

Beliefs encroachment

Science is limited to dealing with observable, measurable, and repeatable phenomena. Beliefs that transcend science fall into the realms of philosophy and religion. Some people allow such beliefs to encroach upon their practices. While one may exercise religious or philosophical values of compassion, generosity, mercy and integrity (which is the foundation of the scientific method’s search for objective truth), it is not appropriate for a health professional to permit metaphysical (supernatural) notions to displace or distort scientific diagnostic, prescriptive or therapeutic procedures. Individuals who wish to work in the area of religious belief should pursue a different career.

The profit motive

Quackery can be extremely lucrative. Claiming to have a “better mousetrap” can cause the world to beat a path to one’s door. Greed can motivate entrepreneurial practitioners to set ethical principles aside.

The prophet motive

Just as Old Testament prophets called for conversion and repentance, doctors have to “convert” patients away from smoking, obesity, stress, alcohol and other indulgences [6]. As prognosticators, doctors foretell what is going to happen if patients don’t change their way of life. The prophet role provides power over people. Some doctors consciously avoid it. They encourage patients to be self-reliant rather than dependent, but in doing so they may fail to meet important emotional needs. Quacks, on the other hand, revel in, encourage, and exploit this power. Egomania is commonly found among quacks. They enjoy the adulation and discipleship their pretense of superiority evokes.

Psychopathic tendencies

Studies of the psychopathic personality provide insight into the psychodynamics of quackery. Dr. Robert Hare who investigated for more than twenty years, states, “You find psychopaths in all professions. . . the shyster lawyer, the physician always on the verge of losing his license, the businessman with a string of deals where his partners always lost out.” [7] Hare describes psychopaths as lacking a capacity to feel compassion or pangs of conscience, and as exhibiting glibness, superficial charm, grandiosity, pathological lying, conning/manipulative behavior, lack of guilt, proneness to boredom, lack of empathy, and other traits often seen in quacks. According to Hare, such people suffer from a cognitive defect that prevents them from experiencing sympathy or remorse.

The conversion phenomenon

The “brainwashing” that North Koreans used on American prisoners of war involved stress to the point that it produced protective inhibition and dysfunction. In some cases, positive conditioning causes the victim to love what he had previously hated, and vice-versa; and in other cases, the brain stops computing critically the impressions received. Many individuals who become quacks undergo a midlife crisis, painful divorce, life-threatening disease, or another severely stressful experience. The conversion theory is supported by a study of why physicians had taken up “holistic” practices. By far the greatest reason given (51.7%) was “spiritual or religious experiences.” [8]

Many people ”including far too many health professionals, law enforcement officials, and judges’ exhibit a cavalier attitude toward quackery. Although most reject the idea that quackery is “worth a try” for a sick person [9], it is important to reinforce and mobilize those who understand quackery’s harmful potential.

References

Reid WH and others. Unmasking the Psychopath. New York: W.W. Norton and Company, 1986.Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary.Dorland’s Illustrated Medical Dictionary, 25th Edition. Philadelphia: WB Saunders Co. 1974.Sarton G. A History of Science, Volume I. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1952, p.497.Hofstadter R. The Paranoid Style in American Politics and Other Essays. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1966.Dominian J. Doctor as prophet. British Medical Journal 287:1925-1927, 1983.Goleman D. Brain defect tied to utter amorality of the psychopath. The New York Times, July 7, 1987.Goldstein MS, Jaffe DT, Sutherland C. Physicians at a holistic medical conference: Who and why?” Health Values 10:3-13, Sept/Oct 1986.Morris LA, Gregory J D, Klimberg R. Focusing an advertising campaign to combat medical quackery. Journal of Pharmaceutical Marketing and Management 2:(1):83-96, 1987.

About the Author

William Jarvis, Ph.D, is a retired professor of public health and preventive medicine at the Loma Linda University School of Medicine. Jarvis is founder and president of the National Council Against Health Care Fraud and is co-author of a textbook, Consumer Health: A Guide to Intelligent Decisions, 7th Edition.

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Do You Think Unicorns Ever Existed?

OK, so I’m a grown man who takes an interest in things that everyone claims do not exist because of the lack of hard evidence. There is a large, long winded list of things that are said to only exist in a person’s imagination. Anyway, I came across a report which claims they actually found the fossil remains of a unicorn and it got me thinking about how one person’s proof ends up usually what fuels it all being discredited, because that’s what we hard headed humans do, we don’t believe shit. A unicorn is a mythical animal typically represented as a horse with a single straight horn projecting from its forehead.  Any type of horse with a horn could be considered a Unicorn. Is it true or false that a horse with a horn is more likely to exist than say a sasquatch? No, I’m not bashing the sasquatch either, I would like for it to become more than myth and legend as well. But, here we are now, so we have to ask ourselves the question “can horses have horns”?

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There are documented archaeological digs where unicorn skeletons have been found. Whether or not this is an actual unicorn or just a horse with a horn is not hasn’t been determined. Even if it was a horse with a horn by definition, this is labeled a unicorn. There was actually a skeleton of a horse with a horn found near the vicinity of Quedlinburg near Mount Zeunikenberg. The actual statement claims this:

“Fossil unicorn; in Latin, unicornu fossile . Some authors have given this name to a bony substance, similar to ivory or to a twisted horn covered with spirals, that is found, although rarely, within the earth. Mr. Gmelin, in his Siberian voyage, believes that these are fish teeth. He reports that in 1724, one of these horns was found beneath the earth, in the territory of Yakutsk, in Siberia; he assumes that it does not belong to the mythical animal to which the nameunicorn has been given; but he believes, and it is very likely, that it comes from the cetacean animal that is called narwhal . The same author speaks of another horn of the same kind that was found in 1741, in swampy terrain in the same country: however, he observes that the narwhal that is commonly found in the seas of Greenland, does not exist in the Arctic Ocean, which borders the North of Siberia. 

What would seem to cast doubt on this matter is a fact reported by the illustrious Leibnitz in his Protogoea ; following the account of the famous Otto Guericke, he says that in 1663, someone pulled from a limestone quarry at Mount Zeunikenberg, in the territory of Quedlinberg, the skeleton of a terrestrial quadruped crouched on its hind parts, but on which the head was raised, and which sported on its forehead a horn of five ells, that is to say approximately ten feet in length and as thick as the leg of a man, but ending in a point. This skeleton was broken by the ignorance of the workers and pulled piece by piece from the ground; only the horn and the head remained whole, as well as some ribs, and the spine; these bones were brought to the abbess-princess of Quedlinberg. Mr. de Leibniz provides in this same work the image of this skeleton. He says on this subject that according to the report of Hyeronimus Lupus and Balthasar Tellez, Portuguese authors, a quadruped the size of a horse, on which the forehead is armed with a horn, exists in the land of the Abyssinians. See Liebnitz, Protogoea, pages 63 and 64 . In spite of all these authorities, it is maddening that the skeleton of which Leibniz speaks was not more carefully examined, and there is every reason to believe that that horn really belonged to a fish.

One must not confuse the horn or the bony substance of which it is here a question with another earthy, calcareous, and absorbent substance that some authors have very improperly called unicornu fossile , and that, based on appearances, is a kind of chalk or marl.”

This report can be seen at The Encyclopedia Of Diderot & d’Alembert and shows that there could actually have been unicorns that existed and has fossils to prove it, even removing the fact that this is one of many skeletons that could have been discovered the odds of them existing are still higher than that of a sasquatch.

We all know the process of evolution is a long and in depth process. Yes, I’m one of those kinds of people, I strongly agree that evolution exists in every species on our great planet Dirt. Things like speciation and adaptation contribute to how evolution works. Think of it using this example I have prepared for y’all. Let’s label species (a) horses and they are a specific type of horse breed that exist only in desert climates.

So now lets say (a) exist in environment (y). The entirety of (a) exists within (y). (Y) is any possible desert climate. (y) experiences some type of disaster, and (a) must now leave (y). (a) is now split into different regions around (y). Half of (a) now exists in (x) the other half exists in (z). These are two separate climates. Now at the initial split the horse species is still the same initial species in itself. Now lets say environment (z) is more of a rocky terrain and one half of (a) is not use to this but still live here. Over thousands of years randoms variations in their species will occur to help them survive in that specific environment.  So over the course of 100’s and 1,000’s of years the horse species that live in (x) is still predominately the same as before but the half that exist in (z) has evolved into a different type of species due to adaption and environmental changes. They are now called deltahorse.

Now lets say the half of (a) that exist in (z) have a rock they are allergic to, or get rashes from. They usually itch on their head, so to solve this problem they rub their head on other rocks to stop the itch. Over 1000’s of years there head could become sharp and pointy and eventually shape up to become a horn. This is just a random possibility and I’m not a scientist so we will just roll will my logic here. Note, almost anything is possible, and we see genetic mutations in evolution all the time that are bizarre to us but they happened for specific reasons. So this is a viable possibility even if it may not be likely. The fact is though, stranger things have happened during the course of species evolution.

If a horse is born with a deformity such as a horn, it would still be labeled a unicorn. I mean again this is possible, there are women that are living with 3 boobs and even guys with 2 penises. What could the reasons be for that? Freaks of nature? So, a deformity or mutation in a horse that let’s them grow a horn from their head is plausible. I’m not saying that they ever have or actually exist, nor am I trying to convince y’all of anything, I’m just saying its an interesting concept.

Keeping An Eye On Technology

sperm-extractor

In my own defense, this post should prove to everyone concerned that I do indeed look into almost all the weird shit sent to me as “leads” in my e-mail and even from much of the useless spam I tend to accumulate. Sometimes the science is more bizarre than most fictitious bullshit. Plus, if its found on the internet it has to be true, right? Wrong. I try to keep my bullshit filters on high guard when looking into miracles in modern medicine. What better machine could be invented than one that will jack you off in public. Yea human race, another medical breakthrough.

It would appear that a Chinese hospital in Nanjing has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier than before, an automatic sperm extractor. I’m all for hands-free technology, but have scientists gone a little too far with this invention? Who funded the research I wonder. Who decided there was an actual real need for such a device? How long before these trendy little machines show up in the United States? Maybe just put them in train stations, bus stations, and airports. We’re pretty greedy here, they would be fitted to take credit cards, PayPal, or even have an app to pay for it.

This effortless machine features a massage pipe made from a comfortable material, which is a patent secret, that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is to insert his penis into the machine, then the frequency, amplitude and temperature can be adjusted to suit personal comfort, and off they go. These automatic sperm extractors are also fitted with a small screen to watch preloaded movies for those feeling uninspired. Surely they come equipped with a USB port so a person can watch what he prefers or better yet have free WiFi so we can keep it current.

According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way. I’m not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other men and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are very commendable in my book. Here’s to technology, right? Society is on the cutting edge of science right this very second and very few of us even are aware of it happening.

A website which is selling the machine for $2,800. Promoting it by stating ‘it can give patients very comfortable feeling’. I wonder if one could purchase a automatic sperm extractor for home or personal use. I wonder what kind of licensing is required to own and operate one of these machines in your facility. Yes, in the end, I have more questions than I have answers. I can’t wait for the first damaged pecker lawsuit, hopefully its live on CNN or Fox News so we can see the dramatic reenactment live!

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