I Do Really Hate Getting Caught

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I do really hate getting caught, especially when what I was doing wasn’t actually wrong or Illegal. But, as it stands, last night I got caught getting my tips from the club last week ready to go to the bank so I could pay some bills today or tomorrow. I will explain the money part of that in a bit because I know someone is going to ask about it. So, yesterday evening all the kids were gone, dinner was on the grill, and I remembered I needed to go to the bank. Now, I don’t keep secrets about money from my wife, she knows I make a decent amount in tips bartending. She knows I also get a paycheck, she knows I’m a 10-99 employee as well which means we save 20% of my earnings to pay Uncle Sam in January. What she has yet to figure out is why a bartender in a full nude strip club is paid what I get paid. But, the money is the reason I am there. I can’t help it I am able to negotiate what my time and services are worth. A while back, when I started back, I agreed to work Wednesday and Thursday nights, roughly 30 hours between the two days, for $1200.00 since I knew I would be paying my own taxes.

Plus, as bartender I keep ALL of my tips, but I also get 5% of the tips to the waitresses, and 1% of the tips from the dancers. Doesn’t sound like much does it? The stack of money on the table represents my tips plus the additional tip outs from the dancers and waitresses. The bundles are $100.00 if you are counting. Since I report and pay taxes on this as well, it all stays well documented. Which, is what I was doing last night when my wife came strolling into the dining room, home early from work. She had a surprised look on her face, like I just showed her a sasquatch body laying on the table after varmint hunting. Needless to say, she wasn’t ever aware that at anytime during the week there is a similar amount of money tucked away in the safe. Then the conversation got ugly. Supposedly I am hiding it from her because she has been unaware. I tried to explain it all goes to our joint checking account, minus what goes to a separate joint savings account for taxes. Still not believing me I had to get my tablet so we could explore the last few months of Wells Fargo deposits. A new bit of information came to light that I was unaware of, she doesn’t pay attention to the account balances. How the hell not? Well, seems that since I have always been the monthly bill payer that I would let her know if there is a problem so she never worried about it.

Yet, I am the one being told I’m hiding money from her. I still can’t wrap my head around it because it seems like a bizarre way of thinking. Then, this morning it hits me, its because I am the man and she is the woman, therefore I am automatically wrong. But, I have a frugal wife, she is not a spend-o-holic, she believes, as I do, that we will want to take trips, pay for college, and still one day retire. So, I have no complaints in that department. No other department either really, perhaps the jumping to conclusions part, but we argue and communicate very well with each other. In the end, we spent a few hours in the hot tub drinking margaritas and not talking about work, money, or our worries. We just sat there butt-ass naked enjoying each other’s company under the partly cloudy sky listening to the hum of the margarita machine churning out the next batch. All and all, after dinner, the hot tub, and the excellent margaritas, we went to bed with smiles on our faces. She mentioned this morning that I’m still an asshole but she still loves me.

Why? Because I’m The Bartender

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Okay, so for the couple of days I have posted some really fucked up international alcohol bastardizations, yes, I’m aware of all of this already. No shit, I’m the one posting them. As a result or response to to these postings I have been getting emails and messages exclaiming protest. There have even been a few who just wanted to tell me goodbye because their stomachs couldn’t handle any more. The common question is “why” am I posting such disgusting alcoholic beverages? Why? Why? Why indeed. Do I need a reason? Do I need permission? Where was the warning? Warning? Y’all need a warning? I’m still laughing, can y’all hear me? I’m pretty sure I don’t need any permission to post. The simple answer to ALL your questions is that I’m a bartender.

As a bartender, I enjoy studying about new, different, or non-mainstream ways of preparing, presenting, and serving the drinks I make. Oh, Yea, sure, I work in an American bar, but I don’t have to make it boring. On top of that, I bartend in a full nude strip club, so nothing is exactly normal about mixing or serving drinks there. Sometimes in my research I get sidetracked, then I begin to start a little reminiscing of my time in Japan, Iceland, and Korea, as well as some other places I can’t mention because “I was never there”. Then BOOM!, that shit ends up right here. Its not magic, it just happens. My wife says I have bartender on the brain, meaning that I never stop thinking of ways to use alcohol.

Were some of the pictures less than appetizing? Yes, of course they were, but to some people it was like a trip to the pantry or liquor cabinet. It was the perfect opportunity to launch one if my new categories, Odd Drinks Around The World, because that shit had no other place to be listed. We will be seeing more bizarre alcohols in the future, just know I do it because I’m the bartender.