Worst Conversation With My Wife Ever

Over the years I have made it a point to keep my relationship with my wife and our marriage off of my blog and definitely off of Facebook for sure. Granted, looking back through the years and lifespan of my blogs I see that I’ve scratched the surface enough for readers to know that I am indeed married to a wonderful, caring wife. I don’t just say that here because she reads my blog, it is said and conveyed daily in our private lives, just so y’all know I’m not looking for brownie points from her. My wife and I have a “bad” habit, we talk with each other all the time about things that actually matter, we go beyond talking about work (which is actually forbidden by both of us), the children, or the bills that pile up. Yes, we do talk about those important things but they are not allconsuming to the point where that is all we talk about. We are different in how we talk, I like to talk in a long winded manner, telling stories, and bringing the details to light. Yes, we have talked about that as well, seems to get worse as I age. My wife on the other hand is more emotional about things, eventhough she tries to be short and sweet, she suffers from a similar affliction of not being able to get to the point. She considers it a fault of hers, but I admire that she trusts me with her emotions. The other day we had one of those “out of the blue” conversations that she likes to start on occasion. Out of the blue for me but well thought about on her part. Just know this, I will be 47 next month and she just turned 40 this past June, so I personally understand we are not the same age we were when we got married 17 years ago. We’ve put on a few miles, a few pounds, a few wrinkles, and much gray hair for me personally, we don’t talk about her one or two she has pop up, we just color it and move on.

So, she asks me if I think she is turning into her mother as she gets older. I will explain my answers here as I explained them to her. A husband who pays attention to his wife sees changes over time, sees the different moods and generally knows what causes them and what cures them, he listens not only to what she is saying but what isn’t being said as well. I like to think I have a good handle on “reading” my wife and she has a great flare for doing the same to me. We have learned that there is a time and place for everything. I don’t know about other marriages but I consider ours healthy in many ways, the main one being we still love one another, it not tolerating each other, it’s wanting to be with each other, needing and depending on one another to get through each day and night. The answer to the question is no I don’t think she is turning into her mother. But, and this but raised an eyebrow with my wife, as we get older, as our children get older, I see her professional life taking over the mother and wife life. Meaning, she puts in long exhausting days at the office being a manager and being in charge of people, money, and property all with the goal of turning a profit. Most people don’t think of a doctor’s office as a business and the goal of every business is to make money. She has been an office manager there for 14 years, she knows her shit frontwards and backwards. On top of that, she does it all with just her high school GED. (Life happened, that’s all I want to say). But when she gets home she doesn’t need to be in charge, everything at home usually runs like a well oiled machine, thanks in no small way to my own personal efforts. You see, I work my 40 hour work week in three days over the weekend, so I am home all week long mostly.

Yes, I have seen her go from her early 20s to now 40, yes the body I knew for her then has changed, yes her mind has matured as well, and yes I do see the start of the crows feet wrinkles and the occasional gray hair or three. Big deal, we’ve gotten older, it was expected, I knew it would happen, her problem, in my opinion as told to her, is she has yet to accept the fact that she has now turned 40. Women, in general, in my opinion, treat 40 like a death sentence or something that is so feared that when it happens that they magically are going to change and not be wanted any longer. I have never, nor will I ever, tell my wife I want to trade her in for two 20 year olds. I like where we are in life together. Does my wife wear a moo-moo? No she does not. She does wear sweats and my old t-shirts around the house. When not at work she has her hair up in a pony tail and isn’t wearing make-up, which is what I like. I don’t like all the make-up and bullshit, but she does, so I shut up. But what she really wants to know is if I think that she is mentally, or the way she speaks, or how she acts, or how she thinks, or is anything she does show signs of her turning into her mother. This ultimately could be the question of death for me. I might need to sleep with one eye open, she does spend a good deal of time watching the I.D. channel. My fate has now come crystal clear to me, it has all been a dream, now I get to die a horrific death that nobody will ever be able to blame on her. But does it have to be so bad? I think not, and here’s why.

I explained to my wife that she need not worry about her own personal growth, evolution, and development because she should be happy that she remains her own person. It’s true, she’s changed, I’ve changed, we all change for better or worse for whatever the reason may be. I tease her a bit though, and tell her I like her mother, she has some great traits and qualities which I really admire. At the same time, I enjoy who my wife is, how she acts, how she speaks, how she thinks, how she moves, how she dresses, and especially how she makes me feel every single day, which is loved. I unfortunately do not think my answers are well taken or understood simply because I can only give likenesses and observations, because in my opinion, the only person who truly knows the truth is her and how she feels. Yes, I am her partner, but no I don’t read minds, a person can only learn by what he is shown or told when it comes to a relationship such as marriage. Is she the same woman I met all those years ago? Yes and no. But here’s the catch, I like who she is and how she represents herself, she is her own person, I feel lucky to be allowed to be with her through the best of times and the worst of times.

To sum this all up, we all change as we age, we all make a choice to either accept those changes in our partner or to not, and sadly that is why we see marriages fail, failing because people don’t think long term, they don’t consider that maturity makes us different, and we don’t prepare mentally for those kinds of challenges. Why? Only reason I can think of is it is because we are selfish. But I’m no marriage counselor, I’m no expert in the field of relationships, I just a married man who still enjoys the company of his wife. I offer only one piece of advice, find what works for y’all and nurture that entire process and live life like there is no tomorrow, because, you know, shit happens when we least expect it to happen. I look at my late grandparents, married 83 years at the time of his death and she died of a broken heart 2 months later. That’s love, that’s needing the other person to be in your life, that’s being heart-broken when a part of you is missing.

Okay, I’m done with my story, my peak into my private life, and I hope y’all understand that our marriage is not one of tolerance but one of acceptance. We are who we are, it is what it is, and we all just need to relax and be who we are comfortable being. Or be like me, an asshole tainted by my dislikes for people in the general population of our planet. Yes, I have a low tolerance for most people, but at the same time I have compassion towards those I care about, more often than not there is no middle ground, and I don’t play well with others. With that being said, I end this post, but fear not, there will be more, much much more.

Now This Explains Everyfuckingthing!

Living A Secret Life

Every so often people I actually know in person will drop me an email just to update me on the happenings in their life. Normally I wouldn’t find the need to say anything here but I got one from a friend, my age, who I have known for some 20 odd years now. He told me he had a good story that would fit right in if posted in the Magic Weekend. I ended up calling Ron because his story was a bit disturbing and I needed to know more. So, since the email was brief, I am going to toss in a little background information first. Ron, 9 years ago walked away from a marriage that ceased to exist. He had known for a few months that his wife was cheating on him and one day he had enough, game over. They didn’t have any children so his choice, he says, was simple. One morning he woke up to go to work, leaving the signed divorce papers on the kitchen table, and when he left he never returned. After around 6 months he was notified by mail that his divorce was final. He didn’t seem real heartbroken about the news either. A few months went by and he dropped by the house with his girlfriend, Amy. She has to be 10 years or more younger than him but that didn’t seem to bother either of them at all.

Skip ahead a few years to the present day and they are still together. Neither wanted to ever get officially married so they never did. Since we keep tabs on one another I was glad he was back in the states again that way maybe we can get together. However, part of his email was to explain that he was moving from Houston and returning to Japan to take a permanent position there with his company. I am sure there is more than just reason he has made this choice, although, as you will read, it would seem he thinks his luck has run out with women. His relationship with Amy is really messed up now, she is not exactly being honest with Ron when he made some inquiries into what she has been up to while he was gone. He’s done with the lies now and decided to move on.

It seems when Ron in Japan for about 3 weeks three to four times a year, Amy is quite the party girl. Ron says he never had a clue and all she ever did when he was home most of the year was go to work and then be home with him. Enter the magic of Facebook networking amongst friends and people he barely new. Amy celebrated her 35th birthday while Ron was out of town, he knew she was going out with friends, but didn’t actually know any of them. Ron was forwarded the picture shown here from a friend of a friend of a friend when he saw that it was Amy. Ron went on to find out that Amy was a part of a paid escort party. Upon a little note digging, Ron found out she had been working as an escort for over 2 years. Needless to say, when he asks her about it she denies everything and blames it on mistaken identity. But he knew, he knew because he was there when she got the tattoo on her shoulder that he clearly sees in the picture. He never showed her the picture, he wanted to catch her in her own lie. After things settled down he decided to call the escort service and request Amy. He waited at the hotel and then when he answered the door he knew their relationship had just ended. No explanation needed, its over.

I am reminded by Ron’s story that just because we think we know what our significant other is up do all day and all night that we are probably only about 80% right about 80% of the time. I am not saying we shouldn’t trust one another, I am just saying to trust what you think first, then everyone else. We may not all be victims of a cheating spouse, but we all know that one doesn’t cheat only with another person. I will leave it there.

Brand Loyalty vs. Customer Service

Over the years, that’s over many many years for you young pups, I tend to buy the same name brand repeatedly when I find one that offers quality. Usually I am not too picky on price since I take care of my stuff and I usually get my money’s worth. Y’all have read, here and before, that I have found brands that I’m loyal to as well as brands I steer away from for one reason or many reasons. Which is why I’m here today, I have been an Oakley fan since back in my days in the Air Force. I still have a pair of clear safety glasses as well as a pair of impact resistant racquetball safety glasses I bought in 1989 and they still function as brand new, no scratches on the lens and only minimal wear and tear on the frames. Up until about a year ago I had bifocal prescription lenses in a pair of sunglasses and a pair of safety style glasses both provided by Oakley. I have always been pleased with the Oakley brand altogether. I don’t know that this has changed now, but I will definitely consider my latest experience with my latest pair of sunglasses. About a year ago I started wearing contacts after 20 years of wearing glasses, 10 of that wearing bifocals, so I needed some new sunglasses without my bifocal prescription in them. Easy enough, I knew what I wanted and I knew what I was going to get, a pair of Oakleys of course. I have wore the pair pictured for around 10 months. I wear them all the time when out doors, especially when driving or riding. Right around three weeks ago the coating on one of the lenses began to deteriorate. I contacted the Oakley customer service and they instructed me to send the glasses to them with my original receipt and they would determine a course of action. Fair enough. Done. Overnight FedEx because this was my only pair.

 

After eight days I had a box from Oakley waiting for me. I was very excited to get this box. However, my excitement was squashed when I opened the box since the glasses I sent them were indeed the glasses they sent back to me in the same condition. Enclosed in the box was a nice form letter explaining their decision not to repair or replace my glasses.

 

“Dear Valued Customer.

ref: Inquiry # XXXXXXX-XX

 

It has been determined that there is not a defect with the lens or the coating on the lens. Oakley does not cover or repair intentional damage(s) to Oakley products. All returns are subject to the following criteria.

 

—RETURN POLICY:

Your satisfaction is guaranteed. If you are not satisfied with your purchase, please call Customer Care for a Return Authorization (RA) number within 45 days of receipt of product (15 days for wearable electronics). Customized product or product that has been abused may not be returned under any circumstances. For all other products, if the item is returned in the original packaging, we will exchange it or provide you a refund based on your original method of payment. The product must be returned to us within 30 calendar days of the issuance of the Return Authorization Number. All products must be packed in the original, unmarked packaging including any accessories, manuals, documentation and registration that was included with the product. Returns that do not meet these conditions may be subject to a restocking fee.

 

Oakley would like to offer you a 15% discount on your next pair of Oakley glasses if purchased on-line within 10 business days. Please use promotion code XXX-X-XXXXX-XXX when checking out.

 

Questions? 1-800-XXX-XXXX

 

Thank You!

Signed: Bla Bla Bla”

 

I was a just a wee bit disappointed. In fact, I felt just a wee bit insulted. Why? Simply because when these glasses are not on my face they are in the protective back provided by Oakley when I originally purchased them. One might say, as my wife does, that I baby my glasses. I looked at my original receipt and invoice to remind myself what I paid because I couldn’t remember, I just recall they weren’t freaking cheap. Ah, yes, on 12 Feb 2012 I purchased this pair of Oakleys on their website for $190.00 with $17.93 for shipping. Making this pair of glasses worth $207.93 and I intentionally damaged them? Granted, I am way out of the “return by” days by a long shot. But, I did contact the customer service, I did give them my original purchase date, I did give them the invoice number for them to verify, and they did provide me an RA with all the information I provided. That right there I find, after getting them back, very misleading. The customer service lady could of explained all of this to me on the phone. Now, I will never badmouth Oakley, I have always been pleased with their products and mine tend to last forever. In fact, soon after I got mine I bought my son a youth pair since he went to wearing contacts at the same time. I spent $60.00 on his and he abuses his pair. Yet, his still look brand new, well, slightly used and worn. They are pretty damn durable glasses. I just wonder if I got the one pair out of millions that didn’t hold together well. I cannot be upset with them because of their return policy or their price since I have always had a good experience with their glasses. But, damn, I cannot get a break here.

 

I don’t know what I really expected. I know I did nothing to cause the degradation of the coating on only the one lens. I know it is a product quality defect. However, it’s a bit irritating, based on what I paid for these glasses, that they are not willing to cut me some kind of deal on a lens replacement or something. If y’all are thinking I will buy myself another pair of Oakley glasses then y’all are probably right. They have a loyal customer solely because even though I had one bad experience with a pair of their glasses doesn’t erase close to 25 years of good performance I have got. Anybody who wears Oakleys knows that they are worth the money. I know now to never try to return them after 45 days of purchase. It might make this all easier to swallow if I did abuse them and was at fault. If I stop buying them out of protest the only person that will suffer will be myself. This whole thing is such a paradox. But, I envision myself going in to an Oakley store later today too see what they got and if I want it, if not I will do it all on-line again. I hate going to the mall to shop. I also hate high pressure sales people, which is how the Oakley sales people are in this store here locally. Just let me look, just let me browse, and if I have a question I will ask. When I am ready to check out or leave the store empty handed it will all be based on those people. It’s sad but true.