Reflections Of My Military Past

My son wanted to have a few words with me about my military service so he could do an essay on a relative who has been in the military. Not unlike my on-line life, I don’t talk much about myself personally and how I was affected by different aspects of my time in the United States Air Force. Sure, I talk about places I’ve seen or people I have met but I rarely talk about the uglier side of having served. Even after all the years I still don’t know exactly how to put it into words and make it understandable. I have never chose to block out certain things but I do put them way back in a dark place where they won’t be bothered. These things make me angry, they make me sad, they still confuse me a bit, and I think they will always be uncomfortable for me to talk about to someone face to face. I asked my son if he would let me take the opportunity to just write down some things and he can pick and choose what he feels is useable and appropriate. The following is what I wrote.

“There are things that I just can’t explain. There are things I don’t yet understand. There are still things that I may never try to comprehend. There are things that one can not understand unless they have been a soldier because they have not been touched in the same way. There are things that I have seen and done which were said to be for the country I have served. I was taken, as many were, to be trained to build weapons which are used to destroy man, machine, land, and structure. We were not trained of the aftermath. We were not trained to witness the destruction of our weapons that have functioned flawlessly. We were trained that it is a great day when our weapons function as designed. We were not trained to see or cope with the awful sights of destruction that was accomplished by the weapons we built. We were not trained how to unsee the things we have seen. We were not trained how to not let these sights keep us awake at night.

I have learned to not discuss the wounds I have, some physical, some mental, and some which can’t be explained. There is not training for dealing with life after seeing the weapons I have built function as designed. The wounds of our bodies heal in time but the wounds to the mind have no cure. I have to live with my demons now and for every day until I pass. I have learned to put my hurts behind me. I still feel things that hurt me deep to my core but I have learned that people don’t understand because they have not seen what I have seen. I have found, not by choice, that there are memories which are blocked because I know I don’t want to remember them, I don’t have a need in my life to relive certain aspects of my prior life. I am very proud to have served my country in the United States Air Force and have very deep respect and admiration for anyone who makes the choice to serve in our Nation’s military. I try not to dwell on friends I have lost, those who have paid the price in full, and I know that it is because of we choose to serve that we protect the future of freedom for many generations to come.”

My son copied word for word what I wrote in seclusion into a handwritten two paragraph essay which he was very pleased to turn into his teacher. He informed his mother, with tears in his eyes, that he did not care what grade he would receive because he just was happy to turn in the words of his dad. He walked to me, reached out to me, hugged me with a squeeze I had never felt from anyone, and then he looked up to me with a sad face to say “I’m sorry dad, I love you no matter what”. I didn’t want to let him go, I didn’t want the feeling to ever end. He gave me a new memory that day, a memory of a son’s love for his father, it is unconditional.

The Secret Part-Time Job

I have been trying to get a friend of mine to give me permission to tell the story about her secret part-time job that she had for six years or so. She fought me for the most part over the years, begging me not to ever mention anything about any of it because she didn’t want it to ever come back and bite her in the ass. A couple of days ago I got a phone call out of the blue from a number I didn’t recognize so I sent it straight to the voicemail. After a few moments I got a notification that I had a new voice mail. I went ahead and listened to it because I do have stuff for sale on Craigslist so it could be an inquiry. I was shocked, it was my friend I haven’t spoken with in about two years. She informed me this was her new number and that she was living in the Houston area now. She wanted me to call her so maybe we could get together and chat a bit. I returned her call because I was curious why she had called me and why in the hell she moved to Houston. And, how in the hell did she get my phone number. Amazingly enough she still had the voice of an angel, very pleasant to listen to, no matter what she was saying to you. So, after about a 30 minute conversation we decided of talking we decided to meet on this past Sunday. She hadn’t changed much since I had seen her last which was about seven years ago.

The jist of it all was she was looking to start a new life now that she was out of the Army. She was in the Army for 17 years and finally got fed up with it. She had never gotten married because her “schedule”, in her opinion, would not have been good for a marriage. She did mention that she never had a hard time finding no strings attached relationships. I can only imagine why. Well, that’s not true, but not how y’all are thinking, but we will get into that in a bit. Why choose Houston? She has no family here and as far as I know I am her only friend. not really, she knows other people here, but no real friends, no one she has a “history” with to speak of. She used a part of her retirement bonus to buy a nice house south of Houston on a couple of acres of land. She had heard through the grapevine that I had a few connections at the club I used to bartend at and wanted me to share them with her. Share? I don’t share. I don’t refer. I don’t recommend. Well, that is how it was when I worked there because I never wanted to get the stink eye if I recommended someone and they didn’t work out well. I figured what the hell, I don’t work there anymore what can it hurt to make a phone call. She was interested in being a waitress. Really? I never expected that from her because now at age 40 I think she could show those young ones a thing or two stripping. But, then again, that is just my own opinion, of course. Jokingly I asked what was in it for me and I got asked what I wanted for the favor. So, I told her that if I could get her an interview that she had to tell me, in detail, beyond what I already knew, about he secret part-time job she had while she was in the Army. After an awfully long sigh, her rolling her eyes, and a giggle, she decided she would tell me about it. She figures that now, even if certain people could put two and two together that it couldn’t effect her life now, not that it was something illegal, just the military, in general, frowns upon moonlighting. Plus, her part-time job could be deemed as being of the sexual nature type. When I asked how she got my phone number she just said she had her ways. By having her ways means that she went to the club, laid a sob story on someone I knew pretty well, and they gave me up, as well as pointing them to my blog and Facebook to check on me if she wanted to. Really? Damn.

Before we ended our conversations I made my phone call. I arranged for an interview. She spoke to my ex-boss and everything is set. My turn now. When do I get what I want? She said that the story would be too long to just sit and tell, just let her write me an e-mail over the next few days and I can go forward from there if I choose to. It has been a long couple of days and frankly I didn’t think I would ever get her story. I was way off the mark on that assumption because she did e-mail me, she did give a great story, and she did want me to grant her anonymity in the ways of changing her name, locations, and so forth. Easy enough, that’s what I do. As you can see, I did have permission to state the simple facts that she is now 40 and she recently retired from the Army, so from this point forward all y’all know is that we know each other personally. The fortunate and unfortunate part about this entire story is it is a bit lengthy but I have trimmed the “fat” off here and there. She approves of the rough draft so I suppose I am ready to roll. I left out most of the background stuff and will just jump in feet first landing with the idea, conception, planning, and the birth of her secret part-time job.

In her early 30’s Grace was still going strong in the Army, she was gaining rank at the expected pace, and she was expecting to make this the only career she knew. As a female officer in the Army she always struggled with actually looking like a woman. Eventhough she did her best to look great in BDUs (Battle Dress Uniform — camouflage uniform to make it simple), she always wanted to show just a little bit of skin, she has always been a little tease, it’s just who she is. There came a point where money became an issue and she found herself getting the odd part-time job which never lasted because she would deploy to different places all the time. Her job kept her traveling all the time, but when she was here or there she would always have spare time, but her schedule rarely fit the schedule of potential employers. Grace and a few of her girlfriends were out at the bar one night, talking about the money issues and what each of them had tried. Grace, at that point, realized that she had the perfect idea and they could all work from “home” and make some decent money. She explained her solution to her friends and was shocked that they all were very excited because it seemed like easy money. Are you asking yourselves what it could be yet? Just wait, it’s coming.

Grace considered the fact that many people were just like her, that had their smart phones, tablets, and laptops, which they use to stay connected to the outside world. She wanted to use this to her advantage and she wanted to make money while she did it. With zero experience in “marketing” Grace and her friends had to hope that what they were creating would be search friendly. After a little business planning, pricing what their time is worth, and a little psychological preparation, they figured they were ready to launch. On the first night, each of the six women got ready to flip their “on-line now” switch and open up for business. Each one of the six women waited patiently to see what would happen and who would stop by. The bigger question was would anybody even stop in to see them or would anyone even stumble upon their website as it was suspected they would. After about 30 minutes Grace received notification that the first person had entered her virtual room and had a valid credit card to process transactions. It was now time for game on. After a few moments she began typing to introduce herself and what they had to offer. The person on the other end began to chat back, they discussed show pricing, duration, and content. Within about another 30 minutes their activity has grown to over 100 people wanting to see what they could see. The women offered four membership packages or membership subscriptions from which visitors could choose. They wanted to keep everything “pre-paid” and from the start they got exactly what they wanted. The package subscriptions were as follows. The “Hourly Subscription” was $25.00 for 30 minutes of group chat and show. Private shows spurred off at an additional price of $25.00 for each five minutes. The “Silver Subscription” was $100.00 for four hours of time which had to be used in 30 days from time of purchase and the private shows were offered at the per 5 minute rate. The “Gold Subscription” was $250.00 for ten hours of time which had to be used in 30 days from time of purchase and the private shows were offered at the per 5 minute rate. The “Platinum Subscription” was $500.00 for 30 hours of time which had to be used in 30 days from time of purchase and a person had 20 “free” five-minute shows to be used within the 30 day subscription period. All subscriptions, with the exception of the hourly subscription, automatically re-billed every 30 days for the customer’s convenience.

Grace recalls the first night, collectively between all six women, they had 329 visitors. 194 of them went straight for the Platinum subscription package, 39 did the Gold package, 64 went for the Silver package, and the remaining 32 did the hourly. If you have been following with a calculator you will have noticed that the very first night they went live the grossed well over one hundred grand. She explains that after “hosting” cost were deducted that each one of the six women would make just under $17,000.00 based on one night’s subscriptions. This was just the beginning, before long, by the end of the first month, they invited a few more women (all stay at home moms or single) to make them a team 15 strong. They could now operate 24/7/365 with no down time. Are you wondering why “chat” is so expensive yet? It’s special. This is chat with benefits and a happy ending. Some of y’all know what I’m talking about and for the rest I will explain. They all start off in fully clothed chat mode. Then, when the money begins to flow they begin the “tease”, showing a little skin here and there. The more money, the more skin, until one or more people throw down the “cash” for a private chat show. Most of the time it is “user” controlled as to what happens, the women fulfill requests including fetishes all the way to the out right bizarre. Grace never confirmed or denied the use of farm animals so that part is still a bit fuzzy and unclear.

If y’all are asking how I know Grace I can put all of your inclinations straight to rest because I never saw a show. Now, I did know her while she was active duty and I was fulfilling my active guard commitment for the Air Force. For some reason we did become friends, we did drink together, and she always eluded that she had a “hobby-job” that one day she would let me in on. She left me hang just like that for a considerable amount of time. But, now that I look back in reflection I can believe it. Since she spilled the beans and really provided me with any proof except her word, she did provide me with contact information for three of the other original woman, two of which confirmed her story, and one which has yet to return my call. I was also provided with a couple of screenshots of her performing private chat so I’m convinced I suppose. All in all, I was really surprised, but then again I never really knew what to expect with her confession. If I had to take a wag (wild ass guess) at it I would have said she did the adult toy parties for the Army wives. Makes me think that the increase in personal revenue might have been the reason she retired early from the Army. Just a thought that cannot be confirmed or denied unfortunately.

***Top picture (tank crossing) provided from Grace, no location given. The bottom picture was obtained through a Google search.***