In a recent conversation with my soon to be fourteen year old son, I was reminded of my youth, the choices I was forced to make, and how rough it really is being that age. I like to think I’m taking a different approach to parenting than the approach my parents took with me, I was raised in a wrath of God house by two very devout Catholics with closet human tendencies. Of course, my wife and my style differs from many parents as I’m told. I also get told I’m doing it wrong, the parents are the boss. Before you assume way to much here, I’m not the “friend” parent type. I am the type of parent who has instilled justifiable fear into his children, after all they live in my house, sleep in my house, and scary shit happens when you least expect it. Anyway, I’ve tried very hard to not raise quitters in a society where quitting has become the norm. I believe in self esteem because without it you have little control of your inward or outward emotions. But, we all get to the point where we start asking when is enough going to be enough, when will the madness end, and why can’t this be easier.
We all have given up at some point. All of us at a certain point have stopped believing that we’ll be able to make it. Some of us have done it often, some just very few times, but all of us know how it feels.The sad fact is that most of us give up far too soon.My son explained to me that he was thinking the other day, why does he actually give up? What are his most common reasons and are there any ways to get around those reasons for giving up?
He thinks discouragement is the biggest reason for quitting and failure. No matter what you have decided to do, as soon as you share it with people there will be at least few who will tell you that YOU Can’t Do it and come up with different reasons about why it can’t be done. At that point you may decide to give up the idea even before giving it a try. Instead of thinking about giving up think about how are you going to prove all those people wrong. In fact proving those who doubt me wrong has been pretty good motivation for me so far, I have spent a lifetime trying to stay on top of my game. As well, if you don’t believe in yourself you will always be tempted to give up because you won’t believe in your success. The self-doubt will be keeping you from pushing forward.
I somehow thought that I was not strong enough to make my dreams come true, but then there was a shift in mindset which sort of set me free. And it was one simple realization. The realization that none of the people who have succeeded are better than me. They worked harder, they were persistent and they believed in their dreams, but they were not actually better, just approached life differently, as most of us do. These days there are so many distractions… Social media, TV series, and different smart phone notifications not letting you focus on the important things. If you don’t keep focus on your goal you will end up with insufficient results and that will discourage you even further. But, as I discussed with my son, social media didn’t exist when I was growing up, none of this shit did. My social media was friends and family. My internet was called “the outdoors”, I earned my allowance by being a part of the family unit team. Unlike today, parents give their children money to just leave them alone. As it is, in our house we are pretty tight, we do allot together on a very regular basis. On top of it all we have dinner together, every night, without fail. Also, no television is on, no cell phones are allowed at the table, and we talk or play games while we eat, there is fun and laughter, and it is also a time to gather to discuss more serious matters, if any.
That reminds me of yet another reason we, as humans, give up, we give up when we don’t get the immediate results. We all want things to happen fast and it is hard to realize that there are things that actually takes time. One can not have instant on and instant off like the flick of a light switch each and every time. Some things, to include pets and people, are more challenging, they take more time, things like trust and value in a person have to be developed and earned, which takes time. There is no such thing as overnight success so we have to keep in mind that it takes time and to be prepared not to give up.
When I am starting something new I am on fire. I am full of enthusiasm and I am motivated. But with the time things may start cooling off and at some point the self-motivation may not be enough to keep me moving. That is when I may think about giving up, that is when I need to go back to beginning and try to recall the big why. Why did I start that project in first place and what was initially motivating me? That brings me back on track most of the time. But still we need motivation, we still need the allure that there is a prize waiting for us at the end. No matter what kind of life you had, you are used to your own personal comfort zone and that brings you great comfort. Now when you have initiated changes you entered the stage of uncertainty and struggle, which by no means is comfortable. What makes me not giving up in those cases is the thought that once I get where I wanna be my new comfort zone will be a much better one. But, what I’ve learned over the years cannot be taught, it has to be experienced. This is my son’s struggle know, the learning curve, stepping out of the comfort zone, finding new experiences doing new things or with new people. Plus, he is at the beautiful age where he has really realized he really likes boobs. One more thing we have in common.
Anything worth achieving is hard. Yes the easiest option is to just give up, but then, will it be easy living with the regret that you gave up midway? On the other hand I would not say that giving up is something terrible and wrong. Sometimes you may end up having too many things on your plate and that may make you overwhelmed. Sometimes you may need to give up certain things because they may not be a priority at that point. I find myself looking at the details in my own life on a regular basis, there is never room for bullshit, it is always the first into the fuckbucket. What is important that you don’t give up your dreams and the things you want really bad. Don’t give up your passion and never give up on life. I understand living with a person like me is challenging, being a sarcastic jackass is a fine art and we all don’t appreciate fine art. We all have given up at some point. All of us at a certain point have stopped believing that we’ll be able to make it. Some of us have done it often, some just very few times, but all of us know how it feels. The sad fact is that most of us give up far too soon.
Where does all this leave the conversation I was having with my son? Well, he was never actually clear as to what he was thinking about quitting. And, I’m not altogether sure we were even talking about the same thing. Later, while talking with my wife I was informed that a girl he knew in school, friends but not inner circle friends, had committed suicide last week. There was no clear reason why, she left no note, gave the parents no inkling that she was distressed, same with her two sisters, teachers, and friends. Except for one person, who came forward to “confess” to her parents that he knew why. You see, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. She wanted an exclusive relationship (at 14) and he wanted to play the field. She took it had, it killed her self esteem and self worth, and according to him, as she told him, she didn’t feel she was worth the effort of having his love if he was not willing to commit to her. Granted, this is the opinion of a 14 year old boy, and this story was also posted up on Facebook, so I don’t really know if it actually ever happened. But, after going back to my son to talk, he said that I did answer his question of “why people quit” without even knowing that was what I was doing. We talked more, we talked about the cruelty of emotions, especially in a teenager. But suicide is not an easy subject, simply because there isn’t an actual answer to give. The only person who knows is dead.
I don’t know if this makes me angry or sad. I do know that I have been in my sons shoes before, knowing a person who has had her self esteem crushed on a daily basis for “fun” by others. But, that is another topic altogether, since bullying seems to have become so evermore popular these days, or its just more in the public eye these days. As a parent I try to teach my children to hope for the best and prepare for the worst because the two survive together hand in hand. One may think they are just words, but others take those words to heart. As uncomfortable as I was talking with my son about suicide and how I personally believe it should never be the answer for anyone, I was also proud of my son for wanting to sit and talk to me about life, emotions, feelings, relationships, and family with me. It takes courage to begin a conversation with your father when you don’t know what the outcome will be. Both of us feeling a little bummed, we invited the rest of the family to go out for ice cream. Ice cream? Yes, the one thing on the planet stronger than any drug, stronger than and alcohol, stronger than any words, stronger than any bond, it is a time of peace for a troubled mind or a troubled soul. Its a time to take a break from the crap life offers and just enjoy a bite of ice cream.
Yes, I know, ice cream doesn’t solve all problems, but it does give the opportunity to step away from them, not to quit them, but to take a break from them. Everyone needs a break, we all take breaks or celebrate in our own ways. In the end I learned from my son that I should keep my past close so it can be accessed and shared. I never knew my life, in general, would be an education tool for the youth in my family. But then again, we do learn most of what we know from our parents and family. Having children has been the best challenge I never quit. Try something new, get in your child’s head today, give them a nice tight hug, a big smile, and a peck on the cheek. When they ask why just tell them it is because you were thinking about them. It scares the crap out of them. I know from experience that life isn’t easy. It wasn’t designed to be easy. We don’t evolve within ourselves if we are not constantly challenged. Don’t let life discourage you, leave that to the people around you, you know, the people who don’t want you to succeed because they don’t care about succeeding. Until we “meet” again, remember to eat it everyday!
I would slowly take my Android phone out of my shirt pocket and place it flat in my hand. I would explain that this device gave me access to infinite knowledge that is gathered from every conceivable place on planet Earth. This device allows someone to access almost every conceivable piece of information known to mankind. If this person doesn’t pass out I would ho on to explain that most people who own this or similar devices only use about 1/2% of its full capabilities because 90% of the time it is used to engage others on social media networks. Then we would do a group selfie so I could put it on Facebook. I think then I would show this person my microwave and HDTV. Might even give the person a tour of the Xbox 360 just to blow his mind.
There are many more modern items I could do show and tell with, but we would probably jump in my H1 to head down to the Marble Slab for a bit of ice cream, which I would use my debit card or PayPal to complete the purchase. While we are our ice cream I would answer (if I could without Googling) all of his questions. I can’t even begin to grasp the questions this person might have. Later I would probably have to introduce him to my margarita machine and afterwards we could soak in the hot tub because I am sure he is going to need a moment or three.
Okay, I wrote this post as a jest because I was emailed that question and it really made me think about the simple conveniences we have in 2014 that they did not have back in the 50’s. In all honesty tho, the first thing I would do is show this person my cell phone. If that won’t blow somebody’s mind as a first taste then nothing would. So, here we are at the end of my blog post and I will ask all of y’all what you could show or tell a person who just appears from the 1950’s? Give it some thought and reply below. As always, thanks for stopping by The Sting Of The Scorpion.
Never, and I repeat, never, dare or bet a stripper to do anything because you will be left holding the bag when the dust settles. The latest submission to The Magic Weekend actually comes from strippers I knew in my past life as a bartender at the full nude strip club we all worked at. In the past I had always heard of their antics while off the dance floors but was never directly included in the telling of the stories, until now. Now, I have in my possession, a true story of how these two strippers exploit the nights they are working by giving some lucky bastards a show in public that they are not likely to forget anytime real soon. Before I begin with their tale I must warn y’all of some graphic language, descriptions of some adult oriented situations, and the explicit use of words describing the female and male anatomy which might be disturbing to some of my regular readers. Let’s just say that they speak rather colorfully and are pretty direct at times. As always, when I begin, it will be directly quoted from the e-mail correspondence and the picture shown is the only one I can show here out of the 20ish that were sent in. So, if we ate clear and ready to begin, here we go one more time.
“Dear Mr. Bartender “
We are sad that you aren’t around us in person anymore and wish you were still working at the club. But you aren’t and we wanted to share so we were reminded that you still write on your blog and here is something we did this past Sunday night. You know us, always joking, pranking, making bets, and challenging one another to do the strangest shit. So we were sitting around after work and I mentioned that I wanted ice cream and would do anything to have some in my mouth right now. Ella pops off and asked ‘exactly what would Stacy do for a Klondike bar?’ Well, damn, what would I do. Not knowing the answer I returned her question with a question. ‘What would you have Stacy do for that fabulously delicious Klondike bar?’ After a few minutes she replied, ‘I would have Stacy put on her tiny pink lingerie and walk into a convenience store of my choice and see if she can get anyone to buy her a Klondike bar without Stacy ever asking for one.’ Honestly? How hard could that actually be? Well, fuck it! I want ice cream and I want it now! I accept the challenge and I will get a Klondike bar, soon, real fucking soon.
We grabbed our shit and set off for my apartment so I could get dressed for the challenge. Ella quickly finds what I am to wear and tosses it on the bed for me. We strip my clothes off and I noticed that I was a little stubbly in my bikini area and that must be fixed before I head out. Since this will be a quick I just did it at the bathroom sink so I could see better with the big mirror. After a few minutes the kitty was slick and smooth, just the I like it. Panties back on and out the door we ho to go get my fucking free Klondike bar. How will it be free? I have a master plan! We pull into the parking lot of a fucking huge convenience store but there ate only 2 other cars in the front of it. What in the hell are people doing out at 3;35 am? The cashier was busy with someone so I was able to slip in un-noticed because of the others I was with that I his behind. Sneaky wouldn’t you say? The freezer I needed to get into was over by the fountain drinks which is where it seemed everyone else was at. Time to put my plan into absolute action, I got this ice cream in the bag! Since I would follow the rules and not say anything this called for drastic measures.
In total silence I reached passed this stud of guy. He was packing so much meat in his tight little jeans that I knew he was the one. After pulling out a Klondike bar, closing the freezer door. I made eye contact with him. In return he gave me a gushing smile with a look in his eye that told me I was already getting to him. I notice a pen in his shirt pocket so I reached out and took it. First I peeled the foil from the Klondike bar and then pit it between my teeth to hold it until I was done. Then I lifted my bra and wrote, across my tits, ‘BUY ME’ and then moved down and removed my panties and wrote ‘THIS’. After I saw his eyes ho down, I took the Klondike bar from my teeth, slid it down between my tits, down my stomach, and finally I was able to slip it firmly between my pissy lips. I let go, it stayed, he looked at me first then grabbed the whole fucking box and rushed to the register and paid. I quickly got dressed and walked with him out the door. He handed the box, I grabbed the package in his meat locker for a couple tugs, and then carefully placed my open and melting Klondike bar in his mouth. He bit off a chunk, smiled, and we walked away. He got in his car of friends and I did the same. Klondike bars for everyone is what I was screaming!”
I have nothing to say at this point for some reason. I guess I could ask…….. What would YOU do for a Klondike bar?