Adjust Chili Recipe

Fucking People Make It Complicated

The first question I fucking have is why do fucking people make it complicated? It’s easy to not fuck up the food you cook, it’s easy as hell if you just pay fucking attention. Y’all know I spend a great deal of time reading other people’s blogs. Y’all know I usually don’t fucking comment because people have said I drop too many fucking f-bombs. Probably some truth in there some where I’m sure. I visit a few handfuls of what I will call cooking lifestyle blogs, they range from gourmet to trashcan grilling and most things in between. I noticed a fucking trend I really don’t fucking like, across the board, but I saved my bitching and moaning for my own fucking blog because, well, that’s how I fucking am. If y’all have taken the time to read my last post you’ll see I demonstrated the right way to pan sear a fucking steak, but it goes deeper than that, much much deeper. I had read a few posts about doing a fucking gourmet pan seared steak. I must ask, what in the fuck are you people trying to do to me? Putting all this bullshit on your meat and you’ll never fucking taste the meat, just your bullshit. So, I got to thinking, eventhough I can be considered nothing more than an average cook who learned to cook by standing next to real humans, I still know that one needs practice. Food is judged by it’s fucking taste morons, even if it looks like a pile of shit, if it tastes good I’m going to eat it. But it seems like everyone is in some kind of fucking cooking competition, got to Tweet that shit, got to Pin that shit, and even Share that shit. Looks can be very deceiving, anyone can polish a turd for a fucking picture, but will you eat it?

Okay, I’ll agree there are many fantastic cooks out in the world, and your food is making people fat and happy. But, who are these motherfuckers who watch the cable food channels and surf the internet who all of a sudden are culinary experts? Y’all know who I’m talking about, we all have them in our families and lives, hell I’m probably pissing one of them off right now. With two big cooking holidays coming up fast we all know there are those people’s food we won’t fucking touch because it fucking sucks. Why? Because they can’t cook that’s why! Oh, but they try, right? Wrong! Copying something from Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, or wherever the fuck else does NOT make you a fucking cook, really it doesn’t. But does this stop them from posting on their blogs? No. Does this stop them from inflicting their unimaginable culinary disasters on friends and family? No. If you can’t cook just own the shit out of that, you can never fake fucking steak, never.

So, what am I doing here? I’m trying to tug at your heart strings in hopes that one day soon we will be rid of the wannabe cooks. I pride myself self on the fact that I cook what I know how to cook, I grill in a way that food is edible, and I smoke meats in ways that will make you want to dry hump my leg with excitement. However, I’m a down home simple ingredients kind of cook. I do NOT bury the flavor of what I’m cooking in other bullshit, I’m simple in my methods. I have taught an ex-wife to cook, my wife to cook (in different ways, she’s a bad ass cook already), and all three of my kids to cook. Why? Because if we’re going to eat we might as well fucking enjoy the way it tastes. Right or wrong? But, my soon to be married 19 year old daughter has been exploring the cooking shows and scouring the internet for recipes to try. She can’t figure out why she doesn’t like the way the food tastes. My answer? You need to fucking practice, practice allot, make changes, own that shit until you can do it blindfolded, without the recipe card, and where it comes out delicious every single time. Me, I don’t have any recipes written down anywhere, but I do try to accurately share proportions when prompted, but I doubt it’s ever exact. An example, search my blog for details, I make what I call Diablo Scorpion Chili on a regular basis because my wife, her friends at work, and family can’t ever get enough of this high heat colon cleansing chili. It has been made the same way since I dreamed that shit up some 25 years ago to enter into a chili cook off. Not to brag, but best in heat, best in flavor, and best appearance tells me it might be good, don’t change a fucking thing.

But I do more, I even share with pictures here on occasion, people actually write to me thanking me because it all tasted as described. Why? Because I don’t do all the bullshit, basic is the best flavoring. Anyway, my question still remains, why do people try to “fake it” on the internet? People try their recipes I’m sure, as I have, and most times I’m not impressed. I’m no expert when it comes to cooking, but I don’t get complaints either. My fucking wish I have for people learning to cook or wanting to learn something new is to spend time with other humans, whether it is family or friends, and be shown in person how to make a recipe work. Let’s face it, if it looks pretty but tastes like shit then you have failed. My family knows I don’t mind eating the ugly mistakes if they taste great. Our daily food consumption should be eating simple meals, inexpensive meals, and meals we want to eat. I like to try new things too, but some science experiments are best left to the experts and that for fucking sure is not me. So the next time you get a wild hair up your ass, try making something new, posting it online, just make sure it fucking tastes awesome. If not, its pretty hard to fuck up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just keep that in mind. I hope we all learned something today, if so there is hope for us humans, if not we’re all fucking doomed.

T.S.O.T.S.B. October’s Drink Recipe

Bulleit Bourbon Bleu Cheese Overly Stuffed Burger Insanity

Every once in a while I like to share the preparation of something I really enjoy making, and in my own opinion, tastes great. Tonight I made what I call “Bulleit Bourbon Bleu Cheese Overly Stuffed Burger Insanity” and here is what is involved. Just remember, y’all will always have the choice to use your own imagination to stuff your own meat mountains like y’all want. My method is simple here and actually results in something to eat on a bun or on it’s own, your choice entirely.

To begin with, line 9″ X 13″ cookie sheet with wax or parchment paper and then spread 5 pounds of uncooked lean ground beef across the span of cookie sheet.  Spread the meat as thick or thin as you like, keeping in mind that this thickness will more than double once stuffed and folded.

Spread stuffing ingredients over 1/2 of the pressed out slab of beef. In this case, I used a sauce I created using Bulleit Bourbon, bleu cheese and green olives. See the end of the post for the sauce ingredients if y’all are interested.

From the end with no ingredients, carefully lift wax paper and burger to fold over the top of the ingredient side. Once folded, pinch edges to hold ingredients into the loaf.  With a pizza cutter, square out portions as desired.  Depending on your ingredients, you may or may not want to pinch off edges of each patty.  Personally, I like the dripping edge on the burgers but that’s just the choice I have always made.

Get creative with your stuffing ingredients and try different combinations over time. Use different cheese, add vegetables, hash browns, pizza style stuffings, taco style stuffings, BBQ style, Asian style, breakfast style. This ain’t BK, make it YOUR way!

Here we have the stuffed burgers still on the grill.  Nice, big plump, and very juicy burgers that never made it into a bun!  These came out very huge, like a kind of stuffed meatloaf of sorts. As y’all can see, portioning the ingredients while setting the ingredients would make a cleaner burger but I like this wall to wall stuffed burger way. I chose to top the well stuffed burgers with bacon and baby swiss cheese to bring all the vast and tasty flavors together in unity.

As far as the sauce goes, put 1/5 of the bottle of bourbon with 1 1/2 cup diced fresh tomatoes, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 tbsp Tabasco sauce, 1 tbsp worchestershire sauce, 1 cup fresh orange juice, 1 tbsp lime juice, 1 whole medium jalapeño, salt and black pepper to taste into the blender and puree until creamy. Remaining sauce can be used to glaze while grilling or dipping when dining.

Beef Stew: Scorpion Sting’s Way

 

I know when we are heading into summer that most of us are not thinking about a hearty bowl of beef stew. However, for myself, it sounded like a meal I was craving. I only make this a few times a year, this is a bonus time. Plus, I needed to make some room in my deep freezer and when I did I found a beautiful 4 pound rump roast. I knew what I was making right then and there. The particular recipe I am sharing today will feed 5 comfortably with left overs of about 2-3 servings. I have no doubt that the cooks reading this post can reduce or increase the serving size based on the mouths they are feeding. As y’all can see, mine is being cooked in a large size slow cooker.

Now, I do something special just with my meat that I have not heard of others doing. After I dice or cube the meat I put it in a bowl and pour in enough red wine to cover the meat completely. I mix it up in the wine assuring total coverage, then cover, and place it in the refrigerator for 24 hours. After 24 hours 90% of the liquid will absord into the meat. Why? Because it makes the meat tender and I like tender meat. Note, one can skip this step but it really makes a difference in the taste and texture of the meat. Now, the recipe.

Beef Stew

• 4 lbs of beef rump roast, 1″ cubes
• 3 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 3/4 cup flour
• 3 tsp salt
• 1 1/2 tsp pepper
• 2 tsp paprika
• 3 cups beef broth
• 1 minced garlic clove
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 lbs carrot chips
• 4 lbs potatoes, peeled, 1″ cubes
• 1 tbs onion powder
• 1 tbs celery salt

Drain the meat, catch the fluid in a large mixing bowl. Place meat in slow cooker. Mix everything except bay leaves and vegetables into the fluid you drained from the meat. After mixing well it should look like a smooth very thin brown gravy. Pour entire mixture over the meat, add potatoes and carrots, stir well coating everything. Even out to sitting level in the slow cooker, place in 3 bay leaves, place on lid, turn on low for 10-12 hours. Avoid removing lid to sniff or stir for the first 8 hours minimum. In a rush? Then this stew is not for you. Got the time to set it and forget it? Then you have found a winning recipe in my opinion. The 10-12 hour cooking time is tried and true with me and has never let me down.

The only thing left to do is serve it and enjoy.

Bourbon Cajun Barbeque Pork Loin

My regular visitors might remember that I cook, or grill, or smoke on a very regular basis, like daily. On occasion, like today, I share what I am doing, giving the recipe and instructions. Now, I am not anywhere near a professional in any sense of the word, however, over my life I have mastered a large handful of recipes and dishes I I really enjoy preparing. I also enjoy feedback from people who try my recipes at home so I know how it worked out for you. The recipe I will share today just happens to be what is for dinner tonight. I have made this a dozen plus times but this will be only the second time using this particular bourbon. The first time, just after Christmas, left me wanting more than I actually prepared so I decided since I had half a bottle left to have a repeat. Coincidentally, I received this bottle of bourbon as a birthday present so I haven’t actually ever purchased it myself. I know it tastes great straight, served over one ice cube. Anyway, here we go.

Bourbon Cajun Barbeque Pork Loin

• 4 pounds unseasoned pork loin
• 4 cups Texas Bourbon Whiskey (82.4 proof)
• 1/2 cup Cajun blend spices
• 1 tablespoon lime juice
• 1 cub brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon table salt
• 1 teaspoon lemon pepper blend
• 1 cup unflavored apple sauce
• 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard powder

1. In a large mixing bowl blend all ingredients until texture is smooth.
2. Place pork loins fat side up in a 6 quart crock pot or slow cooker.
3. Pour 1/2 of mixture over meat and using your hands massage the meat covering all sides of meat.
4. Pour remaining mixture over the top, making sure it settles into all the crevices.
5. Place the lid on.
6. Put selector on low for 8 hours.
7. Remove from slow cooker and place on serving dish. Wrap with tinfoil and let rest for 20 minutes.
8. Slice to desired thickness and serve with your selected sides.

Yes, it is exactly that easy. Those of y’all who cook know that the portions can be reduced to yield a smaller meal if feeding less people. I hope y’all enjoy this recipe and look forward to hearing your personal results. If you like it share it with your friends and family.

Jägermeister Bacon Recipe Challenge

Smoked Wild Turkey For Thanksgiving 2013

Y’all can consider this to be part two to Our Family Thanksgiving Tradition which was published on 25 November 2013. I provide the link only if y’all need to catch up, refresh, or both. Whichever y’all decide to do, just hurry up, we have allot to discuss. When I left off last time I mentioned that we dressed out our wild turkey and set it to soak in a magic recipe. But, before I give y’all those details so y’all might try it out some day for yourselves, y’all must make sure you have one very specific item, and that is a 5 gallon bucket with a tight sealing lid. I prefer to get mine from Home Depot because, to date, they have yet to ever, and I mean ever, fail me for having a leak proof tight lid. But, y’all make that call when I’m not looking. Also, for the meat haters who love to hate it when I write about meat I just want you to know, specifically you, yes, a wild turkey was harmed (killed) to complete this recipe. There, I said it, now get over yourselves and either turn tail and leave or read on. Now, wash the 5 gallon bucket and lid real well, scrub it good. When it is clean and dry place it on a chair and make sure it isn’t going to fall off of it. Place one dressed wild turkey in the bucket, neck up and tail down. Pour two 750ml bottles of Wild Turkey into the bucket with the turkey. Y’all can use the basic run of the mill Wild Turkey if you please, I had a case of Rare Breed leftover from a party when I worked at the club, so I used it, well, two bottles of it anyway.

Open two large cans of whole berry cranberry sauce and pour those in as well. Wash 4 good sized oranges and slice them into 1/4″ thick slices leaving the peels on. Take all of the slices and slice them in half then put them in the bucket. Wash and cut 1 each red, yellow, and green bell pepper. Put those in the bucket now. Wash and cut 4 jalapeno peppers and place those in the bucket. I also added 1/4 cub Tabasco Sauce, 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce,  1 cup (packed) brown sugar, and 1/2 cup (finely chopped) mint leaves. Whatever space remains in the bucked fill with cool water until the liquid level is about 1 1/2″ from the top. Securely put the lid on and I mean make sure it’s on tight or you will have a mess to clean up. Carefully remove the handle from the bucket and set it aside for now. Lay the bucket on the floor on it’s side and roll it back and forth until you think everything has blended well. As tempting as it may be do not, under any circumstances, take that lid off until you are ready to smoke it. Now, I happen to have a refrigerator that I have taken the bottom shelf out of so my bucket fits just fine, you’ll have to see what works for you as it needs to sit this way for a few days. Mine sat like this for 96 hours (4 days).

After you get your smoker up to temperature it will be time for the turkey. I began my fire with red oak until the smoker would maintain about 500F, then I added some hickory and mesquite which had been soaking in a bigger bucket for a few days that was filled with water. When you are ready for the turkey just pry the lid off the bucket, reach in there barehanded, grab the turkey, and slap it on the smoker. Do not discard the remaining contents in the bucket, some of it will get smoked and some of it will be used in a bit. The remaining contents need to be strained so all of the liquid is removed. One can also “dip” everything out as well. Split the solids in to equal portions. Take one portion and put it in a blender or food processor and puree the snot out it. If it is really thick, add a little Coke. It should come out the consistency of ketchup. Set that mixture back in the fridge. The remaining portion can be placed on a cookie sheet, covered with something, and placed into the fridge. Those will be put on the smoker when there is only about 2 hours remaining. Now, do not open your smoker to look at the turkey because it is doing just fine without you looking at letting the heat and smoke out. Mine cooked for 12 hours. At the 6 hour mark I took the puree mixture and slathered it all over the turkey. Close the smoker. Discard all remaining puree.

Now that you have around 2 hours remaining of cook time, put that cookie sheet of peppers and orange slices on the smoker uncovered. They will be removed when you remove the turkey from the smoker. When the time is up, carefully remove your smoked turkey. Use “hot gloves” so you can grab the whole turkey and keep it together. Place the turkey on your selected platter, leave uncovered, and let it “rest” for around 1 hour. The peppers and oranges can be used as garnish, ground up and put into something, or just eaten, the choice is yours. We cut ours up and make a salsa concoction out of it. Your turkey will slice very easily and should have a deep smoke ring as well as a nice crust on the outside. Now has come the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Making a turkey this way is time consuming and requires quite a bit of patience. Unfortunately there are no short cuts if you want it to come out right. I hope everyone enjoyed this information provided here today. Feel free to share it with family and friends. The more people smoking means the more opportunities there are to explore the best ways to come up with great creations.

Now, I feel inclined to add some things for the meat haters and the anti-alcohol people. First, this isn’t the only way to make a turkey, it is however, my personal way, one that works for me. First, a note about alcohol content in the meat. Since the meat is smoked at a temperature well over 172F (the boiling point of alcohol) for pretty close to 12 hours the remaining alcohol contained in the meat is way less than 5% if any at all. You will be, however, left with all the flavor that the Wild Turkey provides when used in smoking. Don’t believe me, just look it up and the answer will be revealed to you. As mentioned, yes, a turkey was killed, in fact it was killed by my 12 y/o son using a compound bow. You may not think so, but bow hunting has become a lost art with very few in the next generation being taught the skills and techniques. It’s a way of life in my family, we are not city folks, we live in the outskirts of society where being able to provide meat for the table is a gift not a curse. I’m sorry that so many people are against killing animals to eat because it makes it hard for people like myself and my family to enjoy a passion which we have all grown up loving. Unfortunately, you bastards attacked me when I published a post about the hunt, and unfortunately some of y’all will feel inclined to bitch at me and lecture me once again. Well, make sure what you say is worth a shit so I have something worthy of writing about, because if it’s not than you’ve just wasted both of our time. I’m not writing here to offend anybody, I’m just writing about a big aspect of my life, hunting and smoking meats. I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving had a safe holiday and had an enjoyable time, I know we did. Until Next time, remember to eat it every day.

Scorpion Sting’s Crown Royal Devil Cookies

A while back I had this recipe which I was fortunate enough to have found in my e-mail. I posted the recipe with the statement that I was going to attempt them. Now, get this clear, I don’t bake, it’s not really my thing. But, with the aid of my 17 y/o daughter who does bake, I think we came up with a good cookie. Although, we made a few minor modifications to the recipe. If you are going to choose to redo this recipe then the choice is up to you if you do it my way or the way listed. Have both, my treat, do what you will. First, I must mention, my cookies did not turn out as advertised on the recipe, but that’s how they turned out in real life.

My list of ingredients:

• 1/2 cup melted butter (use real butter!)
• 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup Nesquik cocoa powder
• 1 tsp almond extract
• 2 whole eggs (xlrg)
• 3/4 cup Crown Royal Black
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp table salt
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (sifted)
• 1 tsp melted Dartmoor Devil white chocolate

Preheat oven to 375F. Mix the melted butter. cocoa powder, sugar, and melted white chocolate. On the low-speed, add one whole egg at a time. Add the almond extract. mix in the Crown Royal. Add in the flour, baking soda, and the salt until it all combined and a smooth texture. Make 15 equally sized balls, roll them up in your hand. Place them on a cookie sheet lined with tin foil equally spaced apart. Bake for 13 minutes. Cool on rack and then enjoy. We didn’t wait as you can see. For those of y’all unaware of what the Dartmoor Devil White Chocolate is just do a search on my blog for information. Here’s a hint, it’s made with the Bhut Jolkia pepper. The original recipe is below.

Crown Royal Cookies!

I’m positive I will be making these cookies!

Stay tuned for how they turn out!

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