Honey, I Found My Birthday Present


Resembling the artistry of some beautiful alien technology, the new Emperor 1510 workstation from Novelquest has the shape of a bad-ass scorpion. I was looking for something else and stumbled across this bad-ass chair @ dudeIwantthat.com and I have decided that I want it. Obviously I’m still unemployed so anyone wanting to take a hit for the team can feel free to hook me up! All text, information, and pictures were borrowed from the above mentioned website without permission, but damn, I just needed to share it.


The pinnacle of functionality and comfort and it looks like a scorpion! At nearly $6,000, the Emperor 1510 workstation may require a CEO-sized wallet for purchase, but given that owning one may actually make me want to work 120-hour weeks…or at least 20-hour weeks…which would still be 4 times more than the 5-hour weeks I currently log…I’d probably recoup my costs within…I don’t know, someone who’s good at math story problems figure out the specifics. It wouldn’t be very long and the initial investment would be worth it is my point. Because once I had the hybrid chair paid for, I would obviously redirect my efforts to contribute to the rat race to more important endeavors, such as using the Emperor as an aid and prop in becoming the next Dr. Claw.


In addition to its ergonomic design and all-inclusive, compact work space setup, the Emperor 1510 features:

  • A Handmade Canadian Steel Frame. 3/16″ thick steel with a powder coating finish.Monitor Mounts. Allows for the installation of a single monitor of up to 30″, or triple monitor setups of 24″ apiece.
  • Upper & Lower Section Lifting/Lowering Capabilities. Emperor electronics allow users to set their perfect screen and keyboard height combinations, as well as tilt backwards up to 25 degrees to help relieve back pressure. Seat and leg rests also adjust.
  • LED Lighting. Multiple LEDs are positioned on the upper section of the structure to output sufficient lighting without generating a glare across computer monitors.
  • Connectivity. Supports Mac, PC, or game consoles using an assortment of built-in inputs and outputs. Also includes headphone jacks and a port for a second audio source, such as an MP3 player.
  • Sound System. Includes Bose multimedia speakers and under seat Acoustimass for stereo performance. Music, movies, and games play in deep, clear surround sound for you and you alone. Because sharing is for suckers.


Stop Asking Me What Color It Is!


For those of y’all who weren’t aware, I’m color blind, I suffer from deuteranopia (deu-ter-an-opia) (dü-tə-rə-ˈnō-pē-ə) to be more specific. Before I get into this post I want to give y’all some information that may help you in the future when you encounter person who suffers from color blind/ color deficient vision. Deuteranopia:(also called green-blind). In this case the medium wavelength sensitive cones (green) are missing at all. A deuteranope can only distinguish 2 to 3 different hues, whereas somebody with normal vision sees 7 different hues. Don’t forget that y’all also know how to Google things, but this time I helped y’all out. I don’t get angry easy, I don’t hate too many things (the list is real short), but I draw the line seeing the humor asking anyone who is color blind “what color something is” because it isn’t a game for us, period. We live our lives seeing this beautiful world the way we see this beautiful world and that is the end of that.

Now, I was not born color blind that I know of, or at least not completely according to my mother, but when it actually started I couldn’t tell you. I do know I failed my first driver’s license test because I failed to be able to distinguish the colored number hidden within the colored dots. After a trip to the optometrist it was declared that I was “suffering” from deuteranopia. The optometrist mentioned to my mother that it was probably accelerated a great deal due to some head trauma I had a little less than a year before. So, from age 16 on I have learned to trick my mind into seeing things that are not there. Memorization of certain things helps as well. I make do, as we all do, we do it everyday, not because it is a choice, but it is what it is and that is how we are forced to live.


The times I hate most about being color blind is when someone new finds out. Why? It’s simple, because they immediately, and I mean absolutely immediately, begin asking me to tell them what color this thing is or what color do I see for that thing. Enough is enough. Here is the plain and simple truth, I don’t know what colors y’all are seeing in the first place so any comparison I make is pointless. I vowed, after today, to punch the next person in the face with a chair who asks me what color something is because, unlike for that person, it is not a joke to me. Therefore, my gift will be a chair to the face. Lights out bitches! I consider it rude and very insensitive to not take into consideration that it is a condition and not a choice, and it definitely is not a freaking game of red light green light or simon says.

I do get asked how this affects my daily life overall, in a nutshell, and how do I “cope” with it. Well, first, I don’t look at it as a handicap of any sorts, it’s just how my life is. There are challenges I assure you, but when one gets good enough at interpreting the world around himself it becomes much more easy. As an example, take driving into consideration, all signs, signals, and warnings are in color. It blows my wife’s mind still to this day because I can “tell” what “color” the traffic signal is and she doesn’t get out. All traffic lights are either vertical or horizontal, with the colors either top to bottom or left to right, red always being on top or on the left. So, when one is lit up I can tell which one it is and what I need to do, stop, caution, or go. My problem is single flashing signals because who in the hell knows what color they are flashing.

A few other challenges I have are when I cook, things turn a different color when heat is applied. For example, beef and other red meats I need help discerning when they get “browned” 50% of the time. How to overcome this set back? Everything has a time at a temperature when it begins to transition, so I cook by time and smell mostly. Which is why smoking foods is easy for me. Picking out my own clothes can be challenging. My solution? 98% of the clothes that are in my closet are black in some variation. All of my underwear are black. All of my socks are black. All of my boots and shoes are black. Both of my hats, cowboy and baseball, are black. My watch, wallet, belt, and even my wedding ring are black as well. However, I take my wife’s word for it if she tells me a color looks good on me if we are shopping. Colored or white shirts stand out in my closet trust me. So, y’all might ask if I like the color black and my answer is that the color black is easy. One cannot not mis-coordinate the color black, at least not in my world. I do have my fair share of camouflage as well, but that just goes where I live and what my hobbies are.

So, my advice to any one of y’all who feel your curiosity is warranted, justified, or just cute, just remember how a chair to the face will feel because that is how you make me feel. I’m not here on planet dirt to be someone’s parlor game or freak-show. If y’all want shit like that then go visit your local Walmart for fun. Does it suck being color blind? Not for me because I don’t have anything to compare it to. Last reminder. Chair. Face. Last bit before I close. It has been brought to my attention that the colors on my blog are all jacked up and sometimes it is hard to see. I know this, but that isn’t how I see it.