This Is Exactly What Happens When


Someone sneaks up behind someone trying to be quiet so they don’t get startled while operating a table saw. This picture was taken roughly 4 hours ago after 30 minutes of a great bleed. So what happened? Well, I was trimming a piece of oak that is being used on a cabinet project, on my table saw. My family knows not to interrupt me when power tools are in operations. Just come in, sit down, and wait til I am done. However, this morning, my wife, who was on her way to work, chose to stand behind me and peek at what I was doing. Well, you know the creepy feeling you get when you sense a presence behind you? Mine kicked into hyperdrive to say the very least. When I jumped slightly, the tip of my thumb grazed the blade. Yes, I am lucky I didn’t lose a finger.

So, now I turn to my wife as I turn off the saw, unaware I cut my thumb yet, as my wife has a very horrified look in her face because its squirting blood all over the floor. She just pointed, she was in shock, all she could do is just point while she stood there with her mouth wide open. I grabbed a towel and wrapped my thumb in it, unaware of what was going on, just wanted to get pressure on it to stop the bleeding. At this point my wife, very apologetic like, tells me she is very sorry, and she just knew I was about to come completely unglued because she broke a very important shop safety rule. Did I? Nope. She said she was just looking at what I was doing and didn’t want any saw dust in her, so she stood behind me quietly. After a few minutes I took a peak, I already knew it wasn’t that bad, in fact it didn’t actually hurt, just had a weird tingling feeling. But, it was still dripping blood pretty heavy. I gave my wife a kiss and sent her to work. Once the bleeding stopped, as y’all can see, it just took a very small chunk out of the tip.

The only reason I can guess I bled so much is because my blood pressure medication has a blood thinner in it. Who knows. I do know that it is my texting/typing thumb and it has a numbish feeling I noticed as I am pecking away right now. My wife has called a dozen or so times today, checking in on me, apologing repeatedly, telling me she will never make the same mistake ever again. Just chock this one up in the shit happens category because that is just what it is. It could have been worse so I am just thankful it was just a graze. Anyway, just wanted to share my little funny ha ha y’all and let you see that all it takes is a slight distraction for all hell to break loose. Y’all are now free to carry on with your day.

All About Our Short San Antonio Vacation


As I sit out on my porch tapping away on my phone right now I feel as if I am writing an essay for grade school English class. Why? Partly because I will be summarizing what we did while visiting San Antonio Texas this past week. For those playing at home, y’all might recall that the destination was a surprise to my family, they knew we were going somewhere, they just didn’t know where that somewhere was going to be. Were they surprised? Pleasantly I believe. Why San Antonio? I had a few reasons, all personal, but I knew that everyone would have a great deal of fun as well. The hotel was the first surprise, it helps to have a family member high up on the food chain in Marriott, because we had a penthouse suite (two rooms connected), which to the average person would be paying $2600.00 per night, I got it for $9.56 a night plus taxes, including underground parking. So, when we pulled up to the Rivercenter Marriott I understandably got a few confused faces pointing at me.

After checking in, unpacking, and showers, we set out for the Riverwalk to hunt down supper. Luckily, for us at least, we made it into Joes Crab Shack minutes before the storm hit. We are, drank, and talked for close to two hours. By the time we walked out the storm had passed. During dinner I vaguely laid out our plans for the next few days. We walked the Riverwalk, taking in the sights, and just enjoyed each others company. This was all new to my son, last time he was here he wasn’t even walking yet. As well for my daughter’s boyfriend, he has never been to San Antonio before. Those of y’all that have been to the Riverwalk know it can be a little overwhelming the first time, so y’all can just imagine their reactions to things. Once it got pretty late we headed back to the hotel to get some rest.

The next morning, we headed out to the plazas and shops of El Mercado (Market Square) for some more sight seeing, shopping, and a late lunch at Mi Tierra Cafe y Panaderia ( Mi Tierra Restaurant and Bakery), my wife’s favorite place to eat while in San Antonio. This place is huge, it takes time to stop in every single shop as one must do when the misses is along. After a few hours, it was time to eat, the food was awesome as usual. So, after a few hours in Mi Tierra, we continued “shopping” until early evening. Even I found some things (besides t-shirts) that bought, none for me, but my mother, mother in law, and for my sister in law. I will get to all that in a separate post. After getting back to the hotel we finished out the evening with a long swim in the rooftop pool. When we got back to the room there was a message waiting for me in my cell phone from a friend who I had called in a favor from. I stepped out of the room so I could call him back, hoping it was not bad news. You see, he works for Six Flags and was was working on some discounts for me since the price tag in five adults for one day at Fiesta Texas is pretty steep. I was very surprised and very happy to hear his news, five adult passes and parking for the whopping pcice of FREE, Nada, zilch, or just plainly, zero dollars and zero cents. Needless to say, I went to bed happy.

The next morning I got up before everyone so I could go to the business center to print everything out from my email.  This, on the other hand, wasn’t free, cost me $21.89 for the internet time and the pages I printed. But, it was worth it. Right now y’all are thinking I’m a real cheap bastard, and you are almost right, but in my personal defense, I call it being resourceful, I know just a few people who owe me favors, all I was doing is calling those favors in. Plus, in this regard, I was merely looking for a deal or discount, but free is always a better price. So, I get back to the room and get everyone up, dressed, and out the door in an hour, record time if you ask me. After a short drive we arrive at Fiesta Texas, its just before 10 am, but the parking lot is filling up fast. I located a spot up front, parked, and off we went. Generally, this is where I would drop everyone off and leave, but since we are on vacation, I decided it would be best to tag along. Ready! Set! Go! Wait a minute, everyone wants to stay in the group and all I can do is smile. Now, this adventure will also be its own post because allot happened throughout the course of the eleven, yes I said 11, hours we were at the theme park. I will say this much though, I only ride one ride when I come here, and that ride is Superman. However, most of the day it wasn’t running, so I thought I was screwed for sure. Its okay though, I spent the day doing what I do, and that is to be the keeper of everyone’s things while they ride. Between people watching I also caught the odd catnap here and there. Superman did eventually open and I did ride it, like 10 times in a row if my count is right. At the end of the day we were all pretty much toast, exhausted, and ready for some sleep.

Friday morning came fairly fast, more site seeing on the agenda, we were heading out to see the Alamo, a personal favorite historical destination of mine. I have visited the Alamo at least 101 times in my life and I never grow tired of it. This will be my sons 2nd time here, and the boyfriends first time, so I figured this was going to be interesting to say the very least. This will be explained in depth in another post as allot happened on our visit this time. After the tour, we all met up again to walk the streets, do all the Ripley’s things, and let everyone do their final souvenir shopping. We closed the day out by having dinner at The Magic Time Machine where Captain Jack Sparrow was our waiter. A night nobody will soon forget. Before heading to our room everyone wanted to walk the Riverwalk once again. I pointed out we needed to get back, it was late, and we has a decent drive ahead of us back to Houston in the morning. I’m such a party pooper. We got up Saturday morning, packed, had breakfast, and headed home. It was a great get away for all of us and a nice break. We all had a blast which was my goal and as a bonus I got to spend some time alone with my wife. I think she liked it too. I will get those other posts out soon enough so just be patient with me.

The Gas Alert: True Love Has A Price


Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she would never carry on like that, so he made the supreme sacrifice and he gave up baked beans and shortly after, they got married.

Some months later on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe’ and the odor of baked beens overwhelmed him and since he had several miles to walk, figured that he could work off ant ill effects before he got home. So he stopped and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he putted and putt putted. He putted down one hill and putt-putt-putted up the next and after arriving home felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful suprise for you for dinner tonite”. She blindfolded him and led him to the chairat the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she had returned and went to answer the phone. As soon as she was gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight and let one go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing so he took his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He raised his leg and rrriiippp!!! It sounded like a straight pipe hot rod and smelled so bad he began to gag. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just began to get back to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This one was the prize winner, the windows rattled, the dishes shook and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping his ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, he carried on like this for the next ten to fifteen minutes, farting and then fanning them with his napkin. When the phone farewells indicated the end of his freedom, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and to his surprise, there sat twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a suprise birthday party for him. 

Posted From Scorpion Sting’s Motorola Droid Maxx!

Where Is The Best Friend Line Drawn?

Greetings Scorpion Sting –

I hope you can use this story somewhere on your blog. I have been wanting to send you my story for sometime now, pretty much since I stumbled onto your blog a few long months ago. Mine is a lifetime story which I will tell in a short version because it all cumulates into one weekend which has changed my life personally forever. I will start with the two gorgeous women in the pictures I sent you. We, the three of us, have been friends since we were thrown together to play in diapers at daycare. We are all three generally the same age, all birthdays are in the same month, August, and we all just recently turned 21 at one giant birthday party out in the country by a local lake. I will use our nicknames we have always went by as I describe who we are to you. The blonde has always been known as Thing One and the brunette as Thing Two, and as you may be thinking, that leaves me as The Cat (as in The Cat In The Hat). Why? As toddlers we would get into mischievous troubles and since I was the boy in the madness I was always blamed somehow for orchestrating it all. We would continue to be this threesome throughout our school years, except our mischievous nature grew much more intense. Especially in high school where Thing One and Two decided to really blossom. They would get both wanted and unwanted attention from quite a few of the high school boys. We grew up like brothers and sisters for the most part. All of doing our own stuff but always being involved in each others stuff. It was a weird relationship I never realized was that way until we got older. All I can tell you is this, we did most everything together because we were always together. In fact, we all started working at the same place right out of high school up until just recently for me as I have quit, we’ll get to that.

Now, for the purpose of this story to you and your readers, our 21st birthday party. Thing Two’s parents have been in the process of clearing some land at a local lake so they could build their retirement home since all of their children are out and on their own. They wanted to downsize but still have the room for everyone to get together. Since there was now access to the lake they thought it was the perfect place for is to gather for the birthday party with all of our friends. Now, I have seen them in bikinis before, I have seen them naked their entire lives, hell when we were younger we bathed together, but when they came slinking out of the tent together on that fateful day my jaw absolutely dropped to the dirt. I was experiencing rushes of blood allover my body that I have never felt before with Thing One and Thing Two. As the day drew on we all drank way to much and many things got out of hand, things were said that maybe should have never been said out loud, much less even thought of. As day turned into night my lust for them grew in intensity and finally the awkwardness broke for all three of us. I was standing alone watching them dance, shake, and party for some time now, finally it took its toll. These two slinked over to me and pointed down to my shorts and asked if that was for them. Embarrassed, I tried to walk away in silence but they grabbed my arms and told me we needed to have a serious talk about what was happening. Talk? There was nothing to say. After a bit of embarrassment I was escorted by them out to have a seat by the raging campfire. While we sat there drinking, eating s’mores, and cussing like sailors I noticed they were acting differently, they were full on flirting with me in front of everyone there. It increased in intensity once they began touching me places in ways that, until that day, never considered, but was enjoying it more than I tried to let on. Before long the party would break up and everybody except us three left. We laid out a they laid out a blanket in front of the logs we had been sitting on around the fire and had a seat where I was instructed to follow suit. Sitting between them now, I was being bombarded with questions, mostly they wanted to know how many times before I watched them in the shadows with an erection. Then, out of the wild blue came the confession from them that changed our friendship forever. They explained that for years they have been attracted to me me but always felt I didn’t feel the same way so they never acted on their feelings. What? I was in total disbelief. To this day I do not believe it went down the way it did. It wasn’t possible.

Then Thing Two said she had a plan and announced to me how things were about to happen. I could not believe my ears and certainly was not believing my eyes. First they both helped me stand where one pulled my shirt off and the other pulled my shorts off. I was harder than I had ever been in my entire life, it was almost painful. They sat me down, kissing on me as I sat, and then told me to get ready. Before my eyes they began stripping each other, caressing each other, and kissing each other all over their bodies. I could not believe what I was witnessing. After what seemed a lifetime they came over to me, slid me down so I was laying on my back. I was to told to close my eyes because we we going to play a game now. Then I felt something being wrapped around my head, I was being blind folded. Then, in the came of the night, I felt the warmth and wetness of one of them sliding down my erection. After a few up and down deep glides I was asked who I thought it was, Thing One or Thing Two. I don’t know, how in the fuck am I supposed to know. Then, I was released from her clutches and I felt the tender warmth of a tongue licking away all of the juices left behind. Again, I was asked, who did I think it was. Again, I have no idea in the world. As great as this should be I am becoming very frustrated with both of them. Then it began, in silence one mounted me again, this was the other one, I could tell. Just as soon as she began motioning up and down the other decided to sit on my face and grind until I gave in and enjoyed both rides. They would switch back and forth, each time it got more violent and more aggressive. Before long I was ready, somehow they knew, the both quickly jumped off and began to suck me, I could feel both mouths, both sets of teeth, band north of the hands. Then, with out warning I exploded, it was like a volcano you see erupting on TV, I just kept going for what seemed to be an eternity. Moments later my blindfold was removed and when I got them into focus I saw that both of them had been covered in the eruption. I giggled at first and then they asked, in unison, if it was worth the wait. Well, fuck yeah. Except I didn’t know I was waiting form this day to come. After a quick dip in the lake to clean up we all returned to the fire to get dressed. The sun was coming up, and I can see now why Thing Two’s  parents chose this spot, it is beautiful.

Nothing was really said while we cleaned up so we could leave. The drive back to drop them off bat their apartment was creepy quiet. We said our goodbyes and mentioned we would see each other on Monday for work. I never showed up to work. I have not returned calls or texts. I haven’t been answering the door either. After about a month I broke down and went over to their place. I wanted to talk and I was told there wasn’t anything to say, things will be as they always have been, we will all three be and remain absolute best friends forever. What happened did because it needed to happen I was told, I can live with that.

A note from Scorpion Sting. As moderator of the content on this bog this is normally where I would add my own commentary but I have made the choice to just leave this one be. I will ask tho, where does the best friend line get drawn?