I Think I had This Wine Last Night!

This Is Exactly What Happens When

Someone sneaks up behind someone trying to be quiet so they don’t get startled while operating a table saw. This picture was taken roughly 4 hours ago after 30 minutes of a great bleed. So what happened? Well, I was trimming a piece of oak that is being used on a cabinet project, on my table saw. My family knows not to interrupt me when power tools are in operations. Just come in, sit down, and wait til I am done. However, this morning, my wife, who was on her way to work, chose to stand behind me and peek at what I was doing. Well, you know the creepy feeling you get when you sense a presence behind you? Mine kicked into hyperdrive to say the very least. When I jumped slightly, the tip of my thumb grazed the blade. Yes, I am lucky I didn’t lose a finger.

So, now I turn to my wife as I turn off the saw, unaware I cut my thumb yet, as my wife has a very horrified look in her face because its squirting blood all over the floor. She just pointed, she was in shock, all she could do is just point while she stood there with her mouth wide open. I grabbed a towel and wrapped my thumb in it, unaware of what was going on, just wanted to get pressure on it to stop the bleeding. At this point my wife, very apologetic like, tells me she is very sorry, and she just knew I was about to come completely unglued because she broke a very important shop safety rule. Did I? Nope. She said she was just looking at what I was doing and didn’t want any saw dust in her, so she stood behind me quietly. After a few minutes I took a peak, I already knew it wasn’t that bad, in fact it didn’t actually hurt, just had a weird tingling feeling. But, it was still dripping blood pretty heavy. I gave my wife a kiss and sent her to work. Once the bleeding stopped, as y’all can see, it just took a very small chunk out of the tip.

The only reason I can guess I bled so much is because my blood pressure medication has a blood thinner in it. Who knows. I do know that it is my texting/typing thumb and it has a numbish feeling I noticed as I am pecking away right now. My wife has called a dozen or so times today, checking in on me, apologing repeatedly, telling me she will never make the same mistake ever again. Just chock this one up in the shit happens category because that is just what it is. It could have been worse so I am just thankful it was just a graze. Anyway, just wanted to share my little funny ha ha y’all and let you see that all it takes is a slight distraction for all hell to break loose. Y’all are now free to carry on with your day.

All About Our Short San Antonio Vacation

As I sit out on my porch tapping away on my phone right now I feel as if I am writing an essay for grade school English class. Why? Partly because I will be summarizing what we did while visiting San Antonio Texas this past week. For those playing at home, y’all might recall that the destination was a surprise to my family, they knew we were going somewhere, they just didn’t know where that somewhere was going to be. Were they surprised? Pleasantly I believe. Why San Antonio? I had a few reasons, all personal, but I knew that everyone would have a great deal of fun as well. The hotel was the first surprise, it helps to have a family member high up on the food chain in Marriott, because we had a penthouse suite (two rooms connected), which to the average person would be paying $2600.00 per night, I got it for $9.56 a night plus taxes, including underground parking. So, when we pulled up to the Rivercenter Marriott I understandably got a few confused faces pointing at me.

After checking in, unpacking, and showers, we set out for the Riverwalk to hunt down supper. Luckily, for us at least, we made it into Joes Crab Shack minutes before the storm hit. We are, drank, and talked for close to two hours. By the time we walked out the storm had passed. During dinner I vaguely laid out our plans for the next few days. We walked the Riverwalk, taking in the sights, and just enjoyed each others company. This was all new to my son, last time he was here he wasn’t even walking yet. As well for my daughter’s boyfriend, he has never been to San Antonio before. Those of y’all that have been to the Riverwalk know it can be a little overwhelming the first time, so y’all can just imagine their reactions to things. Once it got pretty late we headed back to the hotel to get some rest.

The next morning, we headed out to the plazas and shops of El Mercado (Market Square) for some more sight seeing, shopping, and a late lunch at Mi Tierra Cafe y Panaderia ( Mi Tierra Restaurant and Bakery), my wife’s favorite place to eat while in San Antonio. This place is huge, it takes time to stop in every single shop as one must do when the misses is along. After a few hours, it was time to eat, the food was awesome as usual. So, after a few hours in Mi Tierra, we continued “shopping” until early evening. Even I found some things (besides t-shirts) that bought, none for me, but my mother, mother in law, and for my sister in law. I will get to all that in a separate post. After getting back to the hotel we finished out the evening with a long swim in the rooftop pool. When we got back to the room there was a message waiting for me in my cell phone from a friend who I had called in a favor from. I stepped out of the room so I could call him back, hoping it was not bad news. You see, he works for Six Flags and was was working on some discounts for me since the price tag in five adults for one day at Fiesta Texas is pretty steep. I was very surprised and very happy to hear his news, five adult passes and parking for the whopping pcice of FREE, Nada, zilch, or just plainly, zero dollars and zero cents. Needless to say, I went to bed happy.

The next morning I got up before everyone so I could go to the business center to print everything out from my email.  This, on the other hand, wasn’t free, cost me $21.89 for the internet time and the pages I printed. But, it was worth it. Right now y’all are thinking I’m a real cheap bastard, and you are almost right, but in my personal defense, I call it being resourceful, I know just a few people who owe me favors, all I was doing is calling those favors in. Plus, in this regard, I was merely looking for a deal or discount, but free is always a better price. So, I get back to the room and get everyone up, dressed, and out the door in an hour, record time if you ask me. After a short drive we arrive at Fiesta Texas, its just before 10 am, but the parking lot is filling up fast. I located a spot up front, parked, and off we went. Generally, this is where I would drop everyone off and leave, but since we are on vacation, I decided it would be best to tag along. Ready! Set! Go! Wait a minute, everyone wants to stay in the group and all I can do is smile. Now, this adventure will also be its own post because allot happened throughout the course of the eleven, yes I said 11, hours we were at the theme park. I will say this much though, I only ride one ride when I come here, and that ride is Superman. However, most of the day it wasn’t running, so I thought I was screwed for sure. Its okay though, I spent the day doing what I do, and that is to be the keeper of everyone’s things while they ride. Between people watching I also caught the odd catnap here and there. Superman did eventually open and I did ride it, like 10 times in a row if my count is right. At the end of the day we were all pretty much toast, exhausted, and ready for some sleep.

Friday morning came fairly fast, more site seeing on the agenda, we were heading out to see the Alamo, a personal favorite historical destination of mine. I have visited the Alamo at least 101 times in my life and I never grow tired of it. This will be my sons 2nd time here, and the boyfriends first time, so I figured this was going to be interesting to say the very least. This will be explained in depth in another post as allot happened on our visit this time. After the tour, we all met up again to walk the streets, do all the Ripley’s things, and let everyone do their final souvenir shopping. We closed the day out by having dinner at The Magic Time Machine where Captain Jack Sparrow was our waiter. A night nobody will soon forget. Before heading to our room everyone wanted to walk the Riverwalk once again. I pointed out we needed to get back, it was late, and we has a decent drive ahead of us back to Houston in the morning. I’m such a party pooper. We got up Saturday morning, packed, had breakfast, and headed home. It was a great get away for all of us and a nice break. We all had a blast which was my goal and as a bonus I got to spend some time alone with my wife. I think she liked it too. I will get those other posts out soon enough so just be patient with me.

The Gas Alert: True Love Has A Price

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she would never carry on like that, so he made the supreme sacrifice and he gave up baked beans and shortly after, they got married.

Some months later on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe’ and the odor of baked beens overwhelmed him and since he had several miles to walk, figured that he could work off ant ill effects before he got home. So he stopped and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he putted and putt putted. He putted down one hill and putt-putt-putted up the next and after arriving home felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful suprise for you for dinner tonite”. She blindfolded him and led him to the chairat the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she had returned and went to answer the phone. As soon as she was gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight and let one go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing so he took his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He raised his leg and rrriiippp!!! It sounded like a straight pipe hot rod and smelled so bad he began to gag. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just began to get back to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This one was the prize winner, the windows rattled, the dishes shook and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping his ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, he carried on like this for the next ten to fifteen minutes, farting and then fanning them with his napkin. When the phone farewells indicated the end of his freedom, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and to his surprise, there sat twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a suprise birthday party for him. 

Posted From Scorpion Sting’s Motorola Droid Maxx!

Where Is The Best Friend Line Drawn?

Greetings Scorpion Sting –

I hope you can use this story somewhere on your blog. I have been wanting to send you my story for sometime now, pretty much since I stumbled onto your blog a few long months ago. Mine is a lifetime story which I will tell in a short version because it all cumulates into one weekend which has changed my life personally forever. I will start with the two gorgeous women in the pictures I sent you. We, the three of us, have been friends since we were thrown together to play in diapers at daycare. We are all three generally the same age, all birthdays are in the same month, August, and we all just recently turned 21 at one giant birthday party out in the country by a local lake. I will use our nicknames we have always went by as I describe who we are to you. The blonde has always been known as Thing One and the brunette as Thing Two, and as you may be thinking, that leaves me as The Cat (as in The Cat In The Hat). Why? As toddlers we would get into mischievous troubles and since I was the boy in the madness I was always blamed somehow for orchestrating it all. We would continue to be this threesome throughout our school years, except our mischievous nature grew much more intense. Especially in high school where Thing One and Two decided to really blossom. They would get both wanted and unwanted attention from quite a few of the high school boys. We grew up like brothers and sisters for the most part. All of doing our own stuff but always being involved in each others stuff. It was a weird relationship I never realized was that way until we got older. All I can tell you is this, we did most everything together because we were always together. In fact, we all started working at the same place right out of high school up until just recently for me as I have quit, we’ll get to that.

Now, for the purpose of this story to you and your readers, our 21st birthday party. Thing Two’s parents have been in the process of clearing some land at a local lake so they could build their retirement home since all of their children are out and on their own. They wanted to downsize but still have the room for everyone to get together. Since there was now access to the lake they thought it was the perfect place for is to gather for the birthday party with all of our friends. Now, I have seen them in bikinis before, I have seen them naked their entire lives, hell when we were younger we bathed together, but when they came slinking out of the tent together on that fateful day my jaw absolutely dropped to the dirt. I was experiencing rushes of blood allover my body that I have never felt before with Thing One and Thing Two. As the day drew on we all drank way to much and many things got out of hand, things were said that maybe should have never been said out loud, much less even thought of. As day turned into night my lust for them grew in intensity and finally the awkwardness broke for all three of us. I was standing alone watching them dance, shake, and party for some time now, finally it took its toll. These two slinked over to me and pointed down to my shorts and asked if that was for them. Embarrassed, I tried to walk away in silence but they grabbed my arms and told me we needed to have a serious talk about what was happening. Talk? There was nothing to say. After a bit of embarrassment I was escorted by them out to have a seat by the raging campfire. While we sat there drinking, eating s’mores, and cussing like sailors I noticed they were acting differently, they were full on flirting with me in front of everyone there. It increased in intensity once they began touching me places in ways that, until that day, never considered, but was enjoying it more than I tried to let on. Before long the party would break up and everybody except us three left. We laid out a they laid out a blanket in front of the logs we had been sitting on around the fire and had a seat where I was instructed to follow suit. Sitting between them now, I was being bombarded with questions, mostly they wanted to know how many times before I watched them in the shadows with an erection. Then, out of the wild blue came the confession from them that changed our friendship forever. They explained that for years they have been attracted to me me but always felt I didn’t feel the same way so they never acted on their feelings. What? I was in total disbelief. To this day I do not believe it went down the way it did. It wasn’t possible.

Then Thing Two said she had a plan and announced to me how things were about to happen. I could not believe my ears and certainly was not believing my eyes. First they both helped me stand where one pulled my shirt off and the other pulled my shorts off. I was harder than I had ever been in my entire life, it was almost painful. They sat me down, kissing on me as I sat, and then told me to get ready. Before my eyes they began stripping each other, caressing each other, and kissing each other all over their bodies. I could not believe what I was witnessing. After what seemed a lifetime they came over to me, slid me down so I was laying on my back. I was to told to close my eyes because we we going to play a game now. Then I felt something being wrapped around my head, I was being blind folded. Then, in the came of the night, I felt the warmth and wetness of one of them sliding down my erection. After a few up and down deep glides I was asked who I thought it was, Thing One or Thing Two. I don’t know, how in the fuck am I supposed to know. Then, I was released from her clutches and I felt the tender warmth of a tongue licking away all of the juices left behind. Again, I was asked, who did I think it was. Again, I have no idea in the world. As great as this should be I am becoming very frustrated with both of them. Then it began, in silence one mounted me again, this was the other one, I could tell. Just as soon as she began motioning up and down the other decided to sit on my face and grind until I gave in and enjoyed both rides. They would switch back and forth, each time it got more violent and more aggressive. Before long I was ready, somehow they knew, the both quickly jumped off and began to suck me, I could feel both mouths, both sets of teeth, band north of the hands. Then, with out warning I exploded, it was like a volcano you see erupting on TV, I just kept going for what seemed to be an eternity. Moments later my blindfold was removed and when I got them into focus I saw that both of them had been covered in the eruption. I giggled at first and then they asked, in unison, if it was worth the wait. Well, fuck yeah. Except I didn’t know I was waiting form this day to come. After a quick dip in the lake to clean up we all returned to the fire to get dressed. The sun was coming up, and I can see now why Thing Two’s  parents chose this spot, it is beautiful.

Nothing was really said while we cleaned up so we could leave. The drive back to drop them off bat their apartment was creepy quiet. We said our goodbyes and mentioned we would see each other on Monday for work. I never showed up to work. I have not returned calls or texts. I haven’t been answering the door either. After about a month I broke down and went over to their place. I wanted to talk and I was told there wasn’t anything to say, things will be as they always have been, we will all three be and remain absolute best friends forever. What happened did because it needed to happen I was told, I can live with that.

A note from Scorpion Sting. As moderator of the content on this bog this is normally where I would add my own commentary but I have made the choice to just leave this one be. I will ask tho, where does the best friend line get drawn?

Go Ahead Ladies, Surprise Him!

Posted From The Sting Of The Scorpion’s Android.

It’s Okay To Turn Off The Wi-Fi

Misleading Misunderstandings

When We See The Light Under The Door

When we see the light under the door it peeks our curiosity to the point where we have to accept the consequences and just open it. What if we have our hand on the knob but can’t bring ourselves to turn it, for fear of what’s on the other side? The fear of the unknown can be far worse than the thought of seeing everything is as we left it. Sometimes though, even though we may be really afraid, all we need to do is open the door just a bit and let the light come flooding out. It’s certainly not as frightening as throwing the door wide open and finding out there could be anything behind that door! But just a crack isn’t so daunting and the light it lets out enables us to see so much more than when the door was closed. In fact, we may be amazed at how much light is coming through that very small gap. Once we’ve opened the door very slightly, our eyes adjust to the new light level and then we may be able to open the door even more. We forget how daunting it was just to walk up to it and how much energy it took to put our hand on the knob. But now it is open and this is where we begin the story of husband coming home after being deployed to a far away land only to find that all of his fears are coming true and are in front of him.

The husband frequently wondered what went on behind the closed bedroom door when he was away for long periods of time. After he had some years in the Air Force under his belt he had heard of many disappointing returns that were less than the anticipated celebration. He always comforted himself with the knowledge that his wife loves him enough not to be caught off guard by loneliness. That only happens in other marriages; in those marriages where there are already underlying problems and the love has began to fade. The husband always made it a point to remain committed in his marriage and walked away from situations which might be considered compromising. The husband did this faithfully without question every day he walked out the door of their house. He was always comfortable knowing that his wife would be there to greet him with love each time he returned. As time rushes by and he began to be separated from his wife more, he finds himself consumed with fear that maybe his time has finally come to be the one who is disappointed when opening the door.

The husband had seen many things in his life, from the gruesome to the absolutely beautiful, but nothing prepared him for what he was about to witness. This time when he saw the light under the door he could hear noises, he could hear voices, and he was hearing sounds of a struggle. The husband did what came naturally, he whipped the door open with such power that it was hard to keep it from embedding itself into the wall behind it. He saw two people on the bed in the master bedroom, both frozen in a test of time to see who would move first. The husband wishes what he was seeing was not so, but when he blinked and re-opened his eyes what was happening became even clearer. He stood at the door waiting for something, anything, to help him make sense of the scene in front of him. But there was nothing, the moment was frozen in time, the faces were almost expressionless in their disbelief. The husband reached for the door handle and then pulled the door closed. He needed a few moments to clear his mind because he was in the process of making some decisions that will change his life forever.

Now that the husband had opened the door he saw firsthand that things were not at all normal. Now he can’t imagine seeing anything different and now he is having a hard time trying remember how he was feeling before he opened it. Is he mad. Is he sad. Is he sorry. Is he crushed. Is he calm. Is he in pain. He is mad, the emotion he feels is pure anger. The husband waited patiently sitting in his chair in the living room for the door to open again. In his own mind he had waited an eternity and was willing to risk opening the door again. As he arose from his chair the door swiftly opened up. Following the door opening came two bodies, one he was familiar with and one that he wanted to kill. In reality, he had it in his mind that they were both moments away from taken their last breathes on planet Earth. But wait, his wife is choosing to speak, she tells the husband she can explain. He thinks to himself a question with a grin on his face, how can this cunt explain why she was just caught with another sitting on her chest with her legs spread wide with his dick in her mouth? This should be good. Now he wonders why he opened the door in the first place.

While the husband stared through the couple he apologized for what was going to happen next as a consequence of the mistakes they have made. The husband produced his pistol, up until this point only destroying paper targets, his Desert Eagle was his favorite, he imagined the holes it would make in his new targets. He imagined the mess he would have to clean up after words. He imagined a quiet place in the desert where every creature there would devour every last bit of the evidence. The husband commanded that the couple kneel before him and beg him for his forgiveness. They both kneeled in silence of words but the crying was deafening even though it was but a whimper. At this point the husband announced his unfaithful wife that from this day forward she will only be referred to as a cunt. With that being said he put the pistol to the head of his wife. He sat there, remembering their wedding vows, thinking how it will be til death do us part. He pulled the trigger, click. He watched as she pissed herself knowing that the gun was not loaded. In one backhanded swing he struck the head of her lover. Her lover now is on his side, unconscious, bleeding, not moving or crying any longer.

Soon enough the base Security Police arrived. unsure what happened, the Security Police separated the husband from the situation and removed him from the house. The husband watched as the ambulance came to take care of the wounded lover. The husband knew his marriage was over the moment he saw the cunt fawning all over her lover, assuring him that her asshole husband was going to pay for what happened here tonight. Fuck it, the chips have fallen. The husband spent the next ninety days in the county jail under the charges of domestic abuse. He was also charged, by the Air Force, with assault and battery of an Officer. All charges were later dropped and removed from record by request of the Officer. How nice. Within a few months the husband and wife were no more, the only evidence the husband had of his failed marriage was the devout love from his young daughter. The husband was awarded full custody of his daughter as the courts believed the mother to be a bit unstable.

Moral of the story? Be careful how bad you “need” to open closed doors. Be prepared for whatever is behind the closed door. Finally, never kill anything in rage, not even a cheating cunt of a wife. Why ruin your own life because of someone else’s stupidity? If you haven’t guessed yet, this story is my own. At first the gun was loaded, I had every intent of putting them out of my misery, then I gently removed the clip and placed it in my pocket, these few moments assured me that I might go to jail that night but I will not go to prison for the rest of my life. The reason for me telling this story was because I have touched the subject off and on of my ex, I thought it was time everyone knew why she gets referred to as the cunt.

World Wide Photo Challenge # 1

Welcome to the first World Wide Photo Challenge. For this challenge you need to take a picture of yourself with the one thing you can’t live without. If you have multiple things you can’t live without then you will need to take multiple pictures. After you send in your pictures they will be inserted into this post and added the Pinterest board World Wide Photo Contest. Of course, the post and it’s contents will be repeated shared, as it is updated, on Blogcatalog, Facebook, and Google+. For those of y’all that contribute, I will provide you with the link to share wherever it is you share things. Also, with every contribution to the post I will put up a link to your blog (unless you don’t want me to) to drive a little traffic your way.

I only have three rules for this challenge.

• #1 Photos of you and “The One Thing You Can’t Live Without” is the subject of this challenge.
• #2 Photos must be at least NC-17 if you want me to share them with the world. If you are unsure, just send them in and I will sort them out.
• #3 Each photo needs to have a short description, your name, and the place taken. Include more information if you want.

As it was explained to me already in the last 24 hours, mostly adults will be playing along here, in which case photos would go straight to my Pintrest board and referenced here, otherwise the photos will just be held, enjoyed, but not posted. Keep in mind that The Sting Of The Scorpion is considered “an open to all ages, races, religions, and so forth and so on blog” and I would like to keep that in tact.

At the end of this challenge the your pictures will be judged and a over-all winner will be chosen. I have not secured any prizes as of yet, but I’m working on it, and will announce it at a later date if it is going to happen. What you get for sure is your name up in lights on my blog and all the above places mentioned and the knowledge that all the effort you personally put into your photo(s) was well worth the effort. So, e-mail all your great photos into thestingofthescorpion@gmail.com .

Our first challenger is Melody Kia. Find more things from her @ Melodrama.

Kris Landt (Me and the only thing I can’t live without (hint: “it” is an element). )
See Kris (aka helenafortissima)   @ Channeling Hippocrates

One thing I can’t live without…my dogs! On the left (looking at the photo) is Roscoe, who went to the Rainbow Bridge a few months ago at age 14 but always in my heart. On the right is Coco, looking around for squirrels to chase! Photo taken in my front yard. JerseyLil (Madilyn). See more @ JerseyLil’s 2 Cents