Resume Fodder & Resume Reality

It has been my experience over the years that one’s resume is often no more than a list of jobs that one has endured year to date, mine included. Resumes do a decent job of painting a picture without any real details. The proof is in the pudding, it rears it’s ugly head when a person is put to task, when one is asked to prove their knowledge of the process, and to be able to work alone, unattended by a trainer or supervisor. We all know that after all the streamlined bullet points that most of our resume is just sugar coated bullshit. I said most people. Now you’re asking, but where are you going with all of this? Fair enough of a question, I actually have someplace I’m taking y’all. I’m taking y’all to work, my work specifically, where one of my tasks is to train new employees in our department how we do things, our culture, and how to do everything we do in the safest manner possible.

This act of training is very natural for me, it has always been easy for me to teach, from people who don’t have a clue to those who come with a little or allot of experience. So, I have worked at the same place now for almost exactly two years, I have been sent to schools as well as trained by other mechanics. As a mechanic we have a daunting task, we are responsible for the maintenance and repairs on a very broad spectrum, from building (facilities) maintenance to equipment maintenance, and everything little thing in between. I’m forbidden from mentioning the company I work for, but to give your imagination a run for its money, here are a few facts.

It all started in 1962 as a small grocery store in small town by a man with an unfilled vision, and is today the biggest retail chain in the world. From hitting the $1 billion mark for the first time in 1979, it generated more than 482 billion dollars in revenue in 2016. This is more than the total revenue of Apple, Google, Microsoft, Coca-Cola, and Facebook combined! Just so you know, these are the top five most valuable brands in the world. Quite remarkable! In fact, this store brand has more revenue than the total GDP of countries like Poland, Belgium, Thailand, UAE, South Africa, Singapore, Portugal, Qatar, New Zealand, Croatia, Iceland, and Mauritius. Speaking of countries, if this store was a country, it would be the 25th largest economy in the world. A country with only the stores employees alone would also be more populated than 88 countries in the world. Want more?

Wait, did someone mention employees? Well, this store has many, many of them. With more employees than McDonald’s (1.9 million), it is the biggest private employer in the world. In fact, only two organizations have more employees than this store, the US Army and the Chinese Army. You know you are big when you are competing neck and neck with the biggest armies in the world. Which is why it should be no surprise to see that it employs more people than HP, Coca-Cola, PepsiCo, General Motors, Starbucks, Ford, Walt Disney, Amazon, Costco, Microsoft, Apple, Google, Facebook AND American Airlines COMBINED. Phew! All of these companies: ~2,199,000 employees. This store: ~2,300,000 employees.

You might be wondering how is all of this even possible. Well, the answer lies in the fact that Americans spend more than 36 million dollars every single hour at this store. That’s 864 million dollars in just one day. Additionally, more than 200 million customers shop every single week in its various stores. In other words, more people shop at this store every week than the entire population of Germany, United Kingdom, and France combined. Of course, this means that it makes some serious profits. How much, you might ask? No less than $21,000 every single minute. This store can literally buy 30 iPhone 6S every minute, burn them and still be in profit. Most of y’all have probably figured it out by now who I work for, but I’m still not saying. However, I don’t actually work in a store, I work in the logistics part, not the retail part. I work in one of thousands of the distribution warehouses that receive and distribute groceries to only a handful, 70 or so stores, in the logistical web of stores seen world wide. Many of the details I listed above were in our latest issue of our monthly magazine. I can’t actually give them full on credit without giving away the name of the company.

Ok, now back to my role. Fortunately for me, I learned my department and it’s role very fast. Fortunately for me, I came into this mechanic’s position bringing years of mechanical experience and knowledge, the results of not having a resume full of fluff, fodder, or bullshit. And if the truth must be told, being a jack of most trades has served me well here because there are many days I have to dip into my resources of experiences to solve problems. But wait, there’s more. It was all a trap, almost like being given a lengthy rope to see if I could hang myself. Actually, becoming the trainer did come with extra money hourly and a little prestige since I’m not just another drone mechanic, I actually have a purpose and people depend on me to do my job to a higher standard. Plus, I really do like and appreciate all the daily challenges. Plus, training keeps my own skills sharp and many times I learn a little more. I never know who I will train or what their personal skillset actually contains. I’m not part of the interview process, but my words speak loudly when I have to do the person’s training review close to the end of a person’s initial 90 day period. Fortunately for me, my words, in a company this size, have merit and do determine if a person will continue in the new career he or she has chosen. A fortunate aspect of who I am and how my personality works is that I can spot bullshit a mile away and read a person in a way that interpretation is not necessarily needed. Luckily for me, the human brain has done most of the work for me because one is either mechanically inclined or one is not mechanically inclined. There is no in between and there is no fudging any of that. Remember, I NEVER see the resume that was used nor was I part of the interview process which got a person hired, I get the person cold. I suppose one could say it’s like a blind date, if it goes well for him or her, we get to move forward.

I will discuss, briefly, the latest candidate, and then let y’all get back to your lives. Sam is 32, the mother of 3 girls, recently divorced, muscle car enthusiast, and out in the workforce for the very first time ever in her life. She came in the shop this past weekend looking like an 80’s Guess Jeans poster girl and my first impression was that I’m screwed, not getting screwed by her, but the girly girly smells real nice types don’t usually like to get grease under their nails. My initial impressions were squashed real fast and I must admit I was more than a little shocked. Task one with Sam was to identify why a fully automatic shrink wrap machine was inoperable. I noticed when we arrived at the machine that it had stopped abruptly in a strange position, generally meaning something broke or seized. By the time I mentioned we need to get out the 16 foot ladder (weighing in at 135 lbs, in my opinion weighing more than her by 15 to 20 lbs) she already had it set up and was climbing to the top. She proceeded to request I hand her a flashlight, a 9/16″ open end wrench, and the 6″ crescent wrench. I’m, okay Sam. After a few minutes of silence except for a little grunting, she explained she had identified the problem, the shaft from the main drive motor which drives the rotation gearbox has either has broken into three pieces. I was also informed that we need to go back to the shop for additional tools and the parts to complete the repair. Due diligence states I have to do my own assessment and inspection, which by the look on her face, was insulting. Not my intention, just protocol.

Needless to say, I merely had to show her access procedures, where to find stuff, how to use our hand held computer, and that it was time for break. By the end of our three day weekend (42 hours) I found myself to not only be amazed but also very respectful to the fact that no matter how the package is wrapped that there is always a surprise inside. We did have time to talk, she explained she’s from a family with 8 boys and she was the baby. She had gotten pregnant in high school and married shortly after graduation to the father. She ended her dream of going to college to become a better mechanic because she liked being a wife and mother. Her ex and her were into restoring and building hot rods, an expensive hobby which is one reason they divorced, the other reason was in an argument about money (which she was not earning) that resulted in him punching her in the mouth in front of their 3 children. In her eyes they were now done.

Anyway, after getting to know Sam I realized she was going to make our team better, and even though there is 11 more weeks of training, I don’t see any problems. Wait, unless of course she doesn’t like the cold, because then she’s screwed because we spend allot of time in the -30 degree freezers. But we will find out that next weekend.

When Cursed With Seeing Everything

My son will be the first person to say I have a very, very, low tolerance for any degree or variable of bullshit. He will even go as far as saying I have a very active BS Meter (bullshitometer) which is represented by my left eyebrow. The higher the eyebrow goes represents the depth I believe of the bullshit. He, for one, chooses to step far away if both of my eyebrows get active. Why am I going into this at this point? There are a few reasons that have caught my own attention here the last few days and now that I have had time to reflect a bit, I would like to share.

We can start with Tuesday when I received a call in reference to a job I applied for online. I always have tried to check out company details prior to applying to get a better grasp of what they do overall, to include checking the BBB (Better Business Bureau) for complaints and kudos. This particular job was for a delivery driver who delivers custom architectural wood designs to a variety of builders and customers alike. Sounded interesting so I applied on Monday afternoon, along with about 50 other places. So, Tuesday’s call was a welcome surprise for me. The call came from a “staffing agency”, no surprise there, most places use them to select employee candidates, but not recognizing the number, I let it go to voicemail. After listening to it I called them back. They began by wanting to give zero information, just a time and place to meet for an interview. I asked about three things not mentioned prior, wages, hours, and position requirements. I was told that the information would be covered extensively in the interview. The interview was yesterday, in a Starbucks, about thirty minutes from my house.

First of all, I was just given an address, so I went to that address, this is when I found out it was a fucking Starbucks. I was instructed to text a number provided to me when I arrived and to wait outside the entrance. Very cloak and dagger, the bullshit flags were already flying by the time I got there, but I went anyway. I was met at the door by a stunning brunette, mid 30s, dressed very business like but very sexy like as well, very distracting if you ask me. Overkill on her part, but pleasant on the eyes in my opinion. She offered to buy me a coffee of my choice, of course my choice seemed disappointing to her, because I ordered an ice water, a $5.34 cup of ice water to be exact. And y’all wonder why I hate Starbucks. We sit, she slides her chair towards me, she opens her folder, and immediately starts talking. After a few minutes I sensed that this was way fucked up, she was trying to sell me an investment opportunity in an insurance company to become a licensed broker. When I finally stopped her from talking and quite literally asked her what in the fuck she was trying to pull, she began to explain, somewhat, and vaguely. Seems “Ms. Rice” was part of a recruiting team who screens candidates based on resumes that come into their office for alternative positions other than what they applied for as a gesture of good faith when the position applied for has been filled already.

Needless to say, we were done, way done, what a cunt, what a fucking scam. Sadly, two of my other applications were done through that same staffing company, at least now I know. So, pissed, disappointed, pissed, and now very disillusioned, I get back into my H1 and go home. When I pull into the driveway I get a call from the staffing agency which went to voicemail, explaining they are sorry things didn’t work out in the interview earlier and hope “we” have better luck in the future. WTF? In the future? There isn’t a fucking future with them. That takes big balls in my opinion, bigger balls than I have for sure. I need to send them a go fuck yourselves bouquet of dead weeds so they understand just how appreciative I am that they wasted my fucking morning all to hell and back. On the plus side, the stunning stripper wannabe who bought me the water reminded me that sometimes wolves wear wolves clothing to catch their prey, note to self indeed. What did I learn? One, that my bullshitometer works just fine and I should have listened to it from the get go. Two, this is about the tenth or twelfth time that someone contacted me for school loans, grants, insurance, government assistance, and other crap when all I want is a job, not more bullshit grief. And three, anyone who chooses to meet up at a Starbucks for anything already has a few screws loose and shouldn’t be trusted.

I forget what else I was going to mention, so I will conclude this post with a message. My true curse is I don’t trust people, but people are my biggest curiosity, and because of that I subconsciously always scrutinize everything, calling bullshit when it truly is bullshit. Don’t get me wrong though, there are some truly amazing people on the planet who can’t be washed over by the truly amazing liars the walk beside. Anyway, I’m still looking for a job, so I better get back to the hunt. Thanks for stopping by.

Starbucks Regular Obviously

A Very Interesting Way To Do Math

Is the United States still “viewed” as a world superpower?

I really find it interesting listening to the people around me, different media outlets, and on different forums because everybody seems to have an opinion about not having an opinion. Here’s mine. Eventhough we have the most feared military ever known to mankind we have a government which operates like a freaking barrel of monkeys. We rely on jackasses to make decisions for our country that are heard and seen worldwide. Yet, we the people only worry about what the new flavor of coffee will be at Starbucks. We trust the elitist group of Fucktards with the operations of our country when they should be the last damn people on the planet to be given the keys to the country. As citizens of the United States of America why do we sit back everyday and just watch as we get our asses handed to us? Personally, when it comes to politics and politicians, I could really give a flying fuck simply because most of them were elected to do a job yet choose not to do it everyday as their personal way of not doing business as usual. We have stood for this for way too many years. People are finally pulling their collective heads out of their asses and realizing that there is nothing left, there is no hope, and if we recover what will be left standing will not be what was promised. I have been accused of disliking our President on more than one occasion because I think that everyone in that office should be held accountable for their actions, their words, and the ability to make the best decisions for this country. Am I wrong for wanting our President to be responsible? When the politicians can play well together it is the American people who get punished. Why? We didn’t fuck things up. We didn’t write checks that can’t be cashed. Do the politicians listen to the masses, listen to the people who put them in power, or give a shit how their stupidity reflects on us as a country? The answer is a big fat fucking NO. But they sure worry about their fucking legacy though. Here’s my legacy. I get up every morning to go to work to provide an income for my family, to provide healthcare for my family, to put a roof over our heads, and to put food on our table. I pay my bills with the money I earned and I stay well within a very balanced budget. My children will remember me for being a good father who looked out for their best interests first. I don’t want to die and my wife and kids be stuck with a big fat bill. On the other side of the court we get to constantly see and hear how our government is broken, how we as a country are broke, and how the politicians have their heads so far up in the clouds that they really don’t care about any of us. Why do I need to pay for what another jackhole politician fucks up? Why does one single American need to bear the responsibilities of politicians because those politicians can’t and won’t do their damn jobs? Why? I will tell you why. Too many Americans have just thrown up their hands in disgust, they waive the white flag signaling their surrender, and accept that they will be a slave to the very government which was democratically elected to protect them. Do you feel protected? Do you feel secure? Me either. I wake up every morning amazed that the Stars and Stripes still wave and our fucking country wasn’t given away overnight in some dark backroom deal. I can’t even watch television any longer because the only thing that is ever on is the stupidity of the day provided by our fantastic politicians. But they are elite, they don’t have the same rules as us, they don’t have the same laws as us, and they know it. I think that any law or bill that is passed for the American people should affect the all American people straight across the board. The elite should not be able to opt out or waivered out or able to buy their way out. What is good for me should be good enough for politicians, Congress, the Senate, and even Mr. President. If it is good enough to be a part of my life than it should be good enough to be a part of their lives as well. But, we know better. We know that they get choices we as the American people don’t have. It has zero to do with party affiliation because they have the blank checks written out by force from the American people. Well, piss off, I would like to close my checkbook from this point forward. I just want them to do their fucking jobs, worry about the American people first, and start being responsible for their actions. Is that too much to ask? I still say that one day I will wake up and there won’t be an America any longer. It won’t be my fault. But I will get blamed and you will get blamed for any and all of their fractured failures. Why can’t we point our finger and tell them to their face that we think they are doing an absolutely fucking lousy job running our country? I think we know that they don’t care. I think we know that they are beyond taking what the American people want into consideration. I didn’t fuck this country up! I think when the government wants to cut back it should start with their paychecks. Perhaps if we talk to their wallets they would better understand the rest of us. If these politicians, the President and Congress included, were working in the factories of America they would be fired. When you don’t do your job in the real world you get fired. You are punished for fucking up. You are held responsible for your actions. Unfortunately over the years the elite politicians have a protocol which allows them to do their absolute worst work in the best interests of the American people and still have a job the next day. Must be nice not to have to give a fuck about anything and still get a fat paycheck every week. Personally, I have to give a fuck, I have to care, because if I don’t then I can’t pay my bills, can’t feed my family, and would have to find us a nice box to cozy up into out in the vacant lot somewhere. Not the politicians, they don’t have our rules, they don’t have our resolve for doing the right thing whether anyone is looking or not. Here’s to you, the fucking politicians, you are fired. And, because you fucked over our country for so many years you have been stripped of your fucking titles and status, you have been stripped of your retirement packages and your lifetime elitist healthcare. Now you are fucked so just move on, better yet, go ahead and get the hell out of the country which you so desperately have tried to destroy. I’ll hold the door for you, just get to walking. Don’t look back because we don’t want you back, we want you gone. Does anyone actually think that any of them care that there is at least one person, me, pissed because they choose not to do their fucking jobs? Yes, I know, they could care less. Fuck them all. I extend that same sentiment which they extend to me. Just shut the fuck up, suck up your whining pride, wipe your noses, and fix everything that you have fucked up. Everyone says they agree that shit is broken, stop trying to swing deals and just fix it, period.

Sometimes……………Life Gives You A Flat Tire

The last thing I thought I would be doing this morning was changing a flat tire. I guess that is why it is such a surprise because one doesn’t expect it to happen. Well, it may always be in the back of our minds but we hope that it never happens. I would have to assume that most drivers aren’t thinking about it directly. Any way, while I was getting dressed to go to physical therapy this morning I get a panic phone call from my wife who is kind of hysterical. After getting her to take a few breathes she was able to calmly tell me she has a flat tire. I asked if she was off the road and in a safe place so she doesn’t get hit. She answered by telling me that she got the flat when she pulled into Starbucks to get a coffee. Which is ironic in a way because six months or so ago she got a flat at the exact same place doing the exact same thing. I should send Starbucks my bills. She tells me that she has not called USAA Roadside Assistance because I am much closer. Which, is a very true statement, I was less than five minutes away, if that. So, I finished dressing and headed over to change the tire. When I arrived I was surprised to see she had parked in a space pretty much out of the way. Luckily for me there were two spots on the her left side so I just parked in the middle of them to give myself some room to work since it was her driver’s side front tire which got the flat. Now, I don’t claim to be as fast as a NASCAR pit crew, in fact I am just the opposite, I like to do the task at a speed which is comfortable to me. I have learned that if a person rushes then they usually forget to do something or put something back. Since this is the second flat on her car and the last time was not too long ago I was familiar with where everything was and the whole drill.

As I was getting the spare tire from the rear of the car, she has one that is on the back with a plastic protective cover, this man walked by and asked if I had a flat. I turned to him and said “nope, just checking out if this was a spare tire or not”. He gave me a snotty ass look and walked away. My wife gave me the “WHY” look and I told her he asked a stupid  question. So, I continue to go about getting the spare off and getting the jack and tools out to get started. After I loosened the lug nuts I began to jack the car up. To the side of me I hear “hey……you know you are in two spaces?’ I turned to her and told her “yes, I do know I am in two spaces, thanks for noticing” and then I turned back to jacking the car up. Before driving off she said “well, now I have to find a different spot farther away and surely it will make me late. I hope you happy!” Happy? Indeed. Your happiness is why I am here changing this tire. I mean, what a bitch. Don’t worry that I am here changing a flat. After a few minutes this 20’s something girl wearing a Starbucks shirt walks up to me to ask me how much longer I will be because she is getting complaints because I am parked across two spots and they have very limited spaces to begin with. The she asked if I knew what time of the morning it is and how busy they are. I’ve about had it. I looked at her and told her “That when I was done with my fucking picnic I would be sure to leave” and she turned to walk away. She mumbled some shit about her calling the cops. Okay, call the cops, why do I care. I carried on to remove the other tire and get the spare on. After I got it on I pulled the jack and went to the back of the car to put the flat in the spare tire’s spot. By now, I’m sweaty and my hands are dirty. I told my wife to wait for me because I was going inside to get washed up.

When I went into Starbucks I asked where the restroom was. I had it explained to me that the restrooms were for paying customers. At this point in time it was everything I could muster up not to come unglued on this bitch. Instead, I turned and went back out to the cars. I told my wife to follow me to the gas station so I could air up her spare. When we were done we both drove off, her to go to work and me to go to physical therapy. The whole drive I thought about this little tire changing episode and how much I actually hate the Starbucks Zombies. I understand having a habit since I smoke, but damn you don’t want to get in between a junkie and his coffee fix. Overall, I laugh at it all because it is pathetic that people flock to this mecca of coffee and don’t want any delays. Delays? I remind everyone I’m in a “boot” because I have to fractures in my left ankle, my whole life is a freaking delay because of it. Want to know what humors me the most? Not only did the people talk to me or bitch at me as well as drive by real slow gawking at what I was doing in “their” Starbucks parking lot, but not one damn person asked if I needed or wanted any help. I would have declined the help because I have zero problems changing a damn tire, but damn, nobody even asked. Is their fucking coffee that important that they can’t be human to another person without taking offense. Screw it all. What is done is done. As far as I am concerned it is all over. I just wanted to let y’all know I lost a little bit more faith in my fellow human beings today. I wake up every morning hoping my overall opinion of mankind will change for the better on that day and then bullshit attitudes like the ones I experienced today slap me in the face to tell me that kindness and thinking beyond yourself is too much to ask.

As a small housekeeping note, the pictures, graphics, and artwork were snatched from the internet using a Google search on the subject matter. I have no idea who they belong to so I can’t give credit. I am, however, grateful that they were available for download or else this post would be pretty boring to look at. Plus, it proves my theory and others in the world see the same thing I do when looking a Starbucks Zombie dead in the eye.

Says It ALL!!

What Is The Fascination With Starbucks?

Yeah, you heard me, someone out there in the world needs to explain the fascination people have with Starbucks Coffee. I really don’t understand it, really I don’t. I watch these jitterheads cram into the little store or into the line for the drive thru, everyone so impatient and can’t wait to get their fix. I drive by 6, yes, I said 6, Starbucks on my way to work in the morning, and I am only going 9 miles to get there. These jitterheads will practically run someone off the road to get over in the proper lane to hold up traffic. I always ask myself, why they can’t get in the right lane before it is time to turn. Yet, as I pass all 6 of these places, I witness the same careless driving behavior. What’s worse is when they are leaving, now that they have their crack-in-a-cup (yeah, you heard me) they have a even harder time paying attention to traffic. Now they need to exit the place, now they need to cross 4 lanes of traffic.

Don’t they know that right up the street less than half a mile, there is one on that side of the street. They drive right past it. I have seen so many wrecks around Starbucks from people trying to get in or get out.Now, I must admit, my darling wife whom I adore and love, has a Starbucks addiction. Luckily, when we go to work, she goes the complete opposite direction. That direction she only has 3 options to stop. When we are out running around together and she says lets stop at Starbucks and get a “blah blah blah with a blah blah blah” and my mind freezes up and I stop listening because as soon as I heard Starbucks the trigger goes off to start blocking out the brainwashing. We go thru the drive thru, its fun for her to look at the entire menu and say she would like this or that but always orders the same cinnamon coffee she always gets. And then we get to the window and they rob you.

Speaking of getting robbed at Starbucks, my wife got what she thinks is the coolest thing next to Starbucks coffee, a Starbucks app for her Droid. Really? She goes on explaining….”blah blah blah yum blah”. One can use the app to make their purchase at over 6,800 different location and at over 1,000 Target store locations. Wow, I feel my brain melting just because I know this garbage. Then, I asked the ultimate question. Being it is based on a re-loadable rewards card which is re-loaded at about $100.00 a pop from our checking account and the app is not password protected, what will happen when she loses her Droid? Does someone else get to rob me then also? I am still waiting for an answer. The answer is yes. I did a little reading and thieves target patrons exiting Starbucks, stealing only their smart-phones. I think the whole thing is just insane, but who am I to judge, I don’t have a Starbucks addiction.

So. What is it? What draws people in to Starbucks and then sucks their wallet dry? Status? Addiction? The fancy cups with names I still can’t pronounce? To promote coffee envy? I have had the coffee, so I know that is not the draw. Just thought I would ask because my wife does not have a an answer I am able to wrap my head around and comprehend. I have asked the people I work with also, same distorted answers. Can’t I just accept that the answer is because its Starbucks? I refuse to accept that as reality.