Why do people say “Everything is bigger in Texas”? I have lived in Texas for most of my life, all but the first five years of it, and I can’t ever remember saying “Everything is bigger in Texas” as an answer, a statement, a comment, or even in general conversation. So why do people say it? In fact, I can’t recall hearing other Texans saying Everything is bigger in Texas. Why? Just because we don’t say it, ever. When people visit Texas they feel the need to express their disbelief in something by referring back to the whole Everything is bigger in Texas phrasing. Again, I must ask why? We can explore some more on that in a little bit, but first I must get into what brings us together right now.
I happened to go to the local autoparts store here close to where I work to get a tail light bulb for my Nissan Pathfinder. I parked to go in and this woman was walking up as well. I held the door open for her out of politeness, that is just the way I am. She looked up at me and exclaimed, “Everything really is bigger in Texas isn’t it”. If you say so. She asked how tall I was so I replied back with the fact that I’m 6’8″ tall. She looked at my boots (size 16) and looked me straight in the crotch. She walked away mumbling something about shoe size. Now come on, who does this to people? Disturbed as I was I was there to actually get something, not check out the scenery as some were doing. Light bulb in hand and waiting to check out when this woman asks the clerk if she agreed “that some things are bigger in Texas than others” while she eyeballed my crotch again. I should have offered to let them touch it!
I paid, then I left, bewildered. I waited in the parking lot because I wanted to see where in the hell this woman who is 50ish was from. To my surprise, I found out that she was lost, she had Vermont license plates on her Tahoe. She was smart, she had the attendant come out and replace her headlight bulb for her. Vermont? She was a long ways from home. Now, granted, around here we see our fair share of foreign license plates from all over the United States, Mexico, Central & South America, as well as the odd Canadian. No telling their business here, visiting, vacation, got smart and went ahead and moved here. Who knows.
Getting back to the whole bigger in Texas thing. I have noticed, witnessed, and been told things like this before. As I have family living up north we do travel to visit them on occasion. We always drive so people always notice the Texas license plates. But wait, what if I was from New Jersey or somewhere? Then what would people say? Y’all think about that a while. My challenge to Y’all is to tell me why you think people refer to “Everything is bigger in Texas” as a comment when they see someone/something from Texas that is above average in size. I’m curious as hell. I have Googled this question and the answers are funnier than most things I read. Makes me wonder who exactly writes these in depth reviews on what they know about Texas. Anyway, I found humor in my little encounter with the woman from Vermont and wanted to share for humors sake.
The Texas mud flap girl and the Everything is Bigger in Texas pictures were both acquired via a Google image search. The images do not belong to me or The Sting Of The Scorpion and were borrowed, used, and placed assuming they were royalty free. Meaning? If they belong to YOU and you don’t want me to use them just e-mail me with your proof and I will swiftly remove them. Otherwise just remember y’all are visiting The Sting Of The Scorpion …………… because everything else just bites!
As soon as I was seated she was explaining to me to sit back, relax, and use the vibrating massage chair at my leisure. Ok, now I know why women come here. I can see how women like sitting in these chairs, the vibrations and massaging balls hit ALL the right spots. That’s right ladies, I know the secret now, I have infiltrated, observed, and concluded. Y’all are very naughty, here I thought this was going to be an innocent experience. No wonder they charge so much. They know they are hitting all the right spots which turn y’all to jelly and they keep hearing yes, yes, yes, since y’all have a hard time keeping it all under wraps. Ok, enough with the analysis, back to why I am here. Other than the chair being nice, the woman handling my feet is pretty rough. Now, being a diabetic, I take excellent care of my feet. I keep them lotioned, I keep my nails trimmed just at the right length so I don’t get in-grown toenails, and so forth. Plus, I never knew I was so ticklish, someone should have warned me, I am a pedicure virgin here. Which reminds me. As the woman began the soaking process of my feet she was going on and on about how big my feet were and they didn’t exactly fit in the little tub the right way. My daughter immediately started giving me the “look” for me to tell her what the woman had said. Following etiquette of the other ladies at the salon, I pulled out my cell phone and began texting my daughter, who I remind you was sitting right next to me. It was kind of awkward for me, I am used to talking to those who are in my immediate vicinity.
So, we are laid back, relaxed, and suprisingly this salon is noisy as hell. I was trying to pay attention to three diiferent conversations to see if I could relate anything being said to either one of us, or towards others in the chair as well. I watched the woman go after these lady’s feet with grand furver, it reminded me of a farrier who must use brute force to contort and hold the foot he is about to shoe. Those nail clippers, similar to the one I own, are chopping away, toenails flying everywhere, I was kind of worried that I might get an eye taken out or something. As I said, I take care of my feet very well, I have heard way too many horror stories. In the end, I got lotioned, she did push all my cuticles back and applied the antibiotic gel which stops the bleading and keeps one from getting infected. She really had nothing to do, she looked like she was struggling a bit because my feet being well off and thrown her way off. So, in Korean, she begins commenting to the other woman at my daughter’s feet about how I didnt need to be here because nothing was being done. Then there was quite a bit of jibberish about how this was a nice break for her. Then the woman at my daughter’s feet began talking about how short my daughter is and how tall I am. She was talking about how large my feet were compared to my daughter’s feet, but her’s were dry and crack and mine were pretty. I was kinda grinning listening, I get the nudge from my daughter so I began texting her. Before long I was done, my woman had nothing to do, so she dry my feet and slid my shoes back onto my feet for me. However, she decided to stay and “help” the woman with my daughter. The talked about how she must be spoiled because she is in here every 2-3 weeks and always spends alot of money. They chit chatted back and forth while they painted on the perfect shade of red. There was nothing special being said, just frivalous talk about weekend plans, about their kids, and how the one woman needs to make an appointment for her back pains.
We are all set now, they slide on my daughter’s flip flops and stick her under the dryer. I was told, kind of rudely I might add, to get out of my chair and go sit at the front of the salon to wait for my daughter. It was in her tone that it was rude in my opinion. Who knows, it was probably just me, I don’t like being bossed around or rushed when I am doing the paying. Soon enough my daughter emerges to the front. She pulled out her wallet and presented a hundred dollar bill to the cashier. She rang us up, gave my daughter the change and reciept, and then pointed us towards the door. My daughter went to both of our woman and gave them their tips. I had told my daughter to tell them both “Komawoyo”, which is thank you in Korean. I thought they were both going to pass out. Quietly one turned to the other and told her my daughter spoke Korean and they both began to blush a bit. Then they let her have it, my daughter had no clue what they were saying so I approached to help out. I told them, in English, they should be careful when talking in the native tongue because they never know who may understand them. For reference, I told her thank you for saying I had pretty feet and I really didn’t think my daughter was spoiled since she spends the money she earns. Almost instantly both woman got up, turned, and headed into the back room. I have found, with past experiences, this tactic works better when I speak to them in their native tongue, but my spoken Korean is all but broken to the extent I have no real clue as to what I am saying anyway. Better to just tell them I understood and move on.
After we got home my daughter explained everything to my wife. It was funny to watch, those two gossiping to the extent it began sounding like two old hens in the yard just chewing the fat. My wife told my daughter that I was always full of surprises. Which she knows, since we spend allot of time people watching when we are out and about. I suppose the moral to this entire story is that you never know if the person beside you understands what is being said. I have found that people use their native tongue to speak bad about others when needed. I work with many bi-lingual people, Spanish speaking people, and when I am around I hear what they say and understand most of it. One day I will pop off and explain something to them when the moment arrises. But the, my work kids aren’t really worth my effort other then messing with their heads a bit.