I Have A Message For One Person

But y’all can read it just as well. I’m not going to yank out my soap box but I am going to say my fucking piece while it is fresh on my mind. Earlier today I was at the mall to get a new pair of shoes. It has been 8 years since I bought the shoes I’m retiring because I buy shit that lasts and I take care of them. Anyway, when it was my turn in line the young lady rang up my total, I pulled out my VA card and cash, then asked her what my new total was. Before she could do anything I hear screaming from behind me from this woman yelling at the clerk telling her that I didn’t deserve the fucking military discount that this baby killer was begging for like a dog wanting fucking scraps. I’ve been called many derogatory names in many different languages in my life but this bitch was seriously pissed off at me. At first I was thrown by her words, after a quick breath I turned to her with this, my favorite movie quote.

“As a military member, I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you don’t want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a person who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said THANK YOU, and went on your way”.

She, of course, stood there with her fucking piehole wide open, at a loss for words I assume, she didn’t have a clue what I just told her. I am not a person who raises his voice or hand to a woman, and in a calm voice I asked if there was going to be anymore stupid fucking shit spilling over her lips. While I stared into her lifeless eyes for a few moments she turned to her five young children and told them they were going to a different store, one that doesn’t support murderers and baby killers. I’m not an emotional man, but when I turned to the clerk I had tears in my eyes, she touched a nerve that I couldn’t control. Wanting to continue my purchase I handed the clerk my cash, she closed it in my hand and said she will not except my money. She voided the transaction and then I watched her as she bagged my box with the shoes just before she handed it to me. She turned her head, I watched her wipe tears away, and she tells me thank you, some of us will always appreciate your sacrifices to our country, we love each and every one of you, we really do.

What do you say? How do you say it? She came around the counter and gave me the most sincere hug I have felt in a long time. I left there smiling, not because I was given shoes, but for the first time ever in person, a perfect stranger openly admitted that she appreciated our military and our services to our nation. That rarely happens in our society and I got to be a part of it, I will remember this day for a long, long time.

Memorial Day 26 May 2014

Our Debt To The

Heroic Men And Valiant

Women In The Service

Of Our Country Can

Never Be Repaid. They

Have Earned Our

Undying Gratitude.

America Will Never

Forget Their Sacrifices.

by: President Harry S. Truman

Oh No! Not The U.S. Air Force!

Reflections Of My Military Past

My son wanted to have a few words with me about my military service so he could do an essay on a relative who has been in the military. Not unlike my on-line life, I don’t talk much about myself personally and how I was affected by different aspects of my time in the United States Air Force. Sure, I talk about places I’ve seen or people I have met but I rarely talk about the uglier side of having served. Even after all the years I still don’t know exactly how to put it into words and make it understandable. I have never chose to block out certain things but I do put them way back in a dark place where they won’t be bothered. These things make me angry, they make me sad, they still confuse me a bit, and I think they will always be uncomfortable for me to talk about to someone face to face. I asked my son if he would let me take the opportunity to just write down some things and he can pick and choose what he feels is useable and appropriate. The following is what I wrote.

“There are things that I just can’t explain. There are things I don’t yet understand. There are still things that I may never try to comprehend. There are things that one can not understand unless they have been a soldier because they have not been touched in the same way. There are things that I have seen and done which were said to be for the country I have served. I was taken, as many were, to be trained to build weapons which are used to destroy man, machine, land, and structure. We were not trained of the aftermath. We were not trained to witness the destruction of our weapons that have functioned flawlessly. We were trained that it is a great day when our weapons function as designed. We were not trained to see or cope with the awful sights of destruction that was accomplished by the weapons we built. We were not trained how to unsee the things we have seen. We were not trained how to not let these sights keep us awake at night.

I have learned to not discuss the wounds I have, some physical, some mental, and some which can’t be explained. There is not training for dealing with life after seeing the weapons I have built function as designed. The wounds of our bodies heal in time but the wounds to the mind have no cure. I have to live with my demons now and for every day until I pass. I have learned to put my hurts behind me. I still feel things that hurt me deep to my core but I have learned that people don’t understand because they have not seen what I have seen. I have found, not by choice, that there are memories which are blocked because I know I don’t want to remember them, I don’t have a need in my life to relive certain aspects of my prior life. I am very proud to have served my country in the United States Air Force and have very deep respect and admiration for anyone who makes the choice to serve in our Nation’s military. I try not to dwell on friends I have lost, those who have paid the price in full, and I know that it is because of we choose to serve that we protect the future of freedom for many generations to come.”

My son copied word for word what I wrote in seclusion into a handwritten two paragraph essay which he was very pleased to turn into his teacher. He informed his mother, with tears in his eyes, that he did not care what grade he would receive because he just was happy to turn in the words of his dad. He walked to me, reached out to me, hugged me with a squeeze I had never felt from anyone, and then he looked up to me with a sad face to say “I’m sorry dad, I love you no matter what”. I didn’t want to let him go, I didn’t want the feeling to ever end. He gave me a new memory that day, a memory of a son’s love for his father, it is unconditional.

Merry Christmas To The U.S. Military