These Future Adults Are Our Future

I was going to just post a this picture and move on but I was reminded of a cold hard fact, our fragile future is in the hands of these fucking kids. Sure, we joke now, but I have a feeling we’re in for a very rude awakening when these fucking clowns and others just like them are in charge. I would like to thank the internet, in general, for providing a quick and easy previewing tool for people of all ages to use to share their special moments. No waiting around these days for the skeleton to fall from the closet, we get instant satisfaction. More often than not parents are dropping the fucking ball in the parenting department and the rest of us will soon be reaping the rewards of all that fucking hard work. So, here’s a sign of their future, you should be fucking pleased and proud instead of the ass beating you truly deserve. This picture is a prime example of why certain people should never breed, ever.

The Hunt For The Perfect Sports Car

So, the hunt for the perfect sports car was not an idea of my own, oh no, its much deeper than that, because this isn’t my little itch. In fact, when my wife announced to me a month or so ago that she was having a need for speed, I was a little shocked to say the very least, because my wife, not unlike me, for the most part, drives the speed limit, her……… usually below it for some strange reason. This all begins with a long talk between us, you know the kind, “Honey, we need to talk…”. I was thinking if there been anything that I should be worried about, but after 5 seconds I decided I was clean. She began by reminding me that on  or around our anniversary at the end of March this year I mentioned to her that she needed a newer car because the time was coming that her poor Suzuki was about to have some serious cash thrown at it for brakes, some engine work, and some serious electronic issues, nothing that would lead to a better sales return on the vehicle later. She told me then that she didn’t want another small suv, it needed to be something different. The conversation, I thought, had been dismissed and forgotten. Way wrong answer! The following weekend she announces that she no longer wants to drive a “mommy car” since all of the kids are grown now, well, with the exception of my son who will be 14 in August. Her justifications didn’t end there, she states I have a big suv for the family so we don’t need two suvs any longer, so she wants a Camaro. WTF? How in the hell did a Camaro get into the whole equation!!!!!!

I’ll tell y’all exactly how, she wanted a sports car, a slick modern sports car, one for us to tour around in without kids, go places in, and for her to drive the whole three miles to work and then back. Sounds legit, right? So, she agreed, she’s getting a Camaro, yes, she agreed to it. She spent an enormous amount of time, investing many hours finding the perfect Camaro. When she located a handful of Camaros to look for, we set off a few Saturdays ago to go “shopping”. And no, there were no other options, she wanted a Camaro, period. We went to the first place, our local Chevrolet dealer, had discussions with the sales person, and finally we headed for contestant #1. In front of us sat a decked out white exterior, black leather interior, shiny rims, V6, 2014 Camaro. Because, that’s why, this is what she shopped so diligently for. First of all, it was hard to get into a car that is mere inches from off the ground for a person with jacked up knees. Have I ever mentioned I’m 6’7″? Anyway, I was chose to drive it because I’m the man. What a dumb ass reason to be chosen to test drive a car. After getting in, setting the mirrors, and so for I began the drive, just me and my wife, out for a “spin” First of all, I was very disappointed in the car overall because it has mega blind spots, a squatty cabin area, and it accelerated like a bicycle built for two. WTF Chevy! Anyway, the whole ride was me biting my tongue because this is what she wanted, I wasn’t going to rain on her parade. Fortunately, she announced that she wasn’t going to get a Camaro after all, she said she could see “it” in my face from the moment I had to get down on my hands and knees to get into the car, all the way over the whole drive, and again trying to get out of the damn thing. Believe me, the car is slick looking, I’ll give it points for that. A car of that nature needs more than a pussy V6 in my opinion.

On our way out a shiny red 2014 Mustang Coupe caught her eye. We stop to check it out, which it was sharp as well, reminds me of the ’65 Mustang Fastback. Maybe its just me. So, we ask to test drive it, we are ablidged, and away we go. I had the complete opposite reaction to this car, and not knowing so at the time, I was beginning to like it, allot. This V6 did not disappoint, not in any regards, not in any way at all. Upon our return, we got to talking about the color, about the packages (have I ever mentioned my wife is a Google abuser?) Plus, we had driven by other dealerships, at about 105, and she claims she spotted some other cars she wants to check out. On this list was including a 2015 Dodge Challenger SXT, a bit out of my price range, but what the hell, why not. For you techy car types out there, yes this the one that has the 6.2L Supercharged V8 tucked under the hood. We were not allowed to drive this one by ourselves though. OMFG! Daddy likes! I was allowed to drive it like I stole it too, I signed a waiver prior stating my insurance would pay for it if I wrecked it and or pay any tickets I might get. I called my insurance, I was told sure, we cover it all, have fun. Fun? I will only say that yes, it hauls some serious ass, no I didn’t get a ticket, yes it was a 49 minute test drive, no I didn’t wreck it, yes I think I made my wife and the 20 year old salesman wet themselves a little. I’m just saying……… However, it was challenging getting in and out of this car as well, but I could make do. I will own a Challenger SRT Hellcat when they hit Houston, I started saving my pennies on that day.

Alas, the day concluded at dusk, we drove some great cars and some crap cars, and one or two really bad ass cars, but we didn’t buy anything, my wife hasn’t made up he mind, so, I figure I’m either safe or screwed at this point, I didn’t try to make it about me, but hey, I was the chosen one to test drive all these cars, why the hell not have a little fun while doing it. As the week passes my wife gets more and more depressed, one by one each one of her “choices” were being sold. It was a rough week for both of us, I had to sleep with her. Early this last Saturday morning I woke her but up early because I did a little hunting the night before and I think I found a suitable substitute for all the ones she saw before that are now distant memories rolling down some highway with someone else behind the wheel. Too dramatic? We ended up out in the sticks, Conroe Texas, where I called ahead to make sure this sweet Mustang was still available. When we pulled into the lot her eyes lit up like a twelve year old girl getting the all new Easy Bake over, it was beautiful seeing her all lit up like that. After a nice test drive, it was time to deal, we have a budget that cannot be deviated from for no reason, not even a penny. Needless to say, they hit the budget, actually below it, which makes me very happy, and my wife got her 2014 Ford Mustang V6 Coupe, so she is still as giggly as a twelve year old girl. Which, in the end is what it is all about, I love seeing my wife so happy she cant contain herself. What’s the old adage, “if mommas’ happy……… everyone is happy”? It’s true, y’all know it and I know it. But, wait, did I get a new car? Not yet, that day will come, not any time soon I’m sure, but it will come one day. Meanwhile I can have fun in her little beast in disguise. She even told me she will “let” me drive it. I think I will “let” her give my son and I curbside service for the ZZ Top concert this coming Saturday. If I cant be a rock star maybe I can just arrive like a wannabe! I will be sure to follow up on the concert sometime next week. And, as well, if we have any adventures in the Mustang that deem worthy of sharing, I will try to remember to write about it all.

Fences Make Me A Great Neighbor

Not the way you remember hearing the old saying? It’s my twist because it makes more sense to me, plus I could really give a shit if I have good neighbors or not. Mine know I don’t want them in or around my yard. For the newbies reading here today, my house sits on 11.93 acres of land somewhere way outside the city of Houston. Now, we live in what’s called an “acreage neighborhood” where all the homes sit on a few acres. Just so happens that when I bought my “lot” that I bought the two lots available to the left and the one lot available to the right. Why? Because I wanted my neighbors to have to put some work into it when they would choose to be nosey. After almost 10 years I would say the experimental theory has been a success because I barely know my neighbors, just the damn way I like it. Within the almost 12 acres there is a roughly 4 acre pond which was dug so I could build up where my house would be built, as well as level out what would become my yard. Also, there is 3ish acres of a densely wooded area which butts up to a feeder creek off of the San Jacinto river. Everything else is mowed as my yard and has a wooden fence around it.

Well, after the storm last night I found a tree had fallen on a section of my wooden fence way in the backyard. This explained why the breaker for the electric circuit had been tripped. Yes, it’s a partially electrified fence. Why? To keep the criiters, varmints, and the neighbors dogs from digging under the fence and getting into my yard. Don’t worry, out in this area its only putting out about 2000 volts. But, the tree seems to have damaged the line by completing the circuit, hence tripping the breaker. At least the mystery is solved, I figured I would find a dead animal of sorts out in the back, not a tree on the fence. Since I located this so late in the afternoon all I really felt like doing was exactly what I did, take a picture of it, well, actually about a dozen. Why? I needed them to show to the insurance company to show the damage. The adjustor will be out Monday morning to make a report so I can’t touch it until afterwards. If it were endangering life or property then I can, but its just a fence so I was told to wait. Waiting is not something I am good at, especially when there is so much work to do. Meanwhile, the neighbor on that side figured out I was back there and decided he wanted to have a 30 minute chat about absolutely nothing, in fact I don’t even remember as I sit here writing this.

When I tell my wife what had happened and what went on with the insurance she went off on one of her tangents and wants me to look into having the tree removed by someone and the fence repaired by someone. She didn’t ask when I would be taking care of it, she wanted to know when someone else was going to do it. There will be nobody else doing any of it because I want to do it. Plus, I have the kids to help me out, so it will be fine. On top of that, I finally got my favorite tool on the planet running again after it died on me back in March, I thought it was really dead, but it runs like a screaming chainsaw banshee now. So I’m good to go. Y’all were aware that every man has his favorite tool? My dad’s is a 50 year old flathead screwdriver, my son’s is an old roofing hammer, mine is, well, mine is the fine machine pictured below, its probably the most useful and versatile tool I have ever owned. Next week I put it to the test, next week I will see if bringing it back to life was worth it, next week the chips will fly. Fuck calling a tree removal company, fuck someone else fixing my fence, I will do it my way. My wife knows this already, she was just trying to be cute and see if she could ruffle a few feathers. The adventure never ends in our marriage, but that is life as well, shit happens, we could cry about it or take care of it. Some of us know the right answer, the others call a tree removal company.

I Don’t Usually Judge Other Parents

Another Life, Another Time

I generally get a handful of texts and e-mails every week from people I worked with at Club X. Usually just to let me known whats been happening and what will be happening. I suppose it is done to “keep me in the loop” even though I have been out of that loop for quite some time now. I generally do not reply to 99% because there usually isn’t anything for me to say. Now, I have two people, one stripper and one waitress, that I do keep up with and talk to regularly because we all became decent friends over the years I worked there. What makes them special you might ask? I will make a long story short, because it actually took me a few months to figure out what was going on. In the beginning I thought there was just the waitress who also was a stripper on her off nights. She would talk to me like normal regardless of what shoes she was wearing that night. Then, out of the blue, after a couple of months, she was on the dance floor stripping and at the same exact time she was waitressing. I thought I had lost my damn mind at first and then they both came over to the bar I was working and sat down, the both smiled while they just sat there looking at me. Yes, now I know, they are twin sisters. There had always been the two of them and few, if anybody, knew about it. Most people in the club thought the same thing I did. Anyway, a friendship grew and developed and now they keep in contact with me quite a bit.

This morning I get an e-mail from them asking me if I miss being a bartender there. They also known I was laid off and wanted to known why I just don’t come back. Do I miss being a bartender there? Not really. I do miss the money but I have said this all before now. I’m sure I could go back to bartending and it would be a decent paycheck, but I walked away when I did for some very specific reasons, first and foremost it was because I was done working nights and second is the hours I worked. It was a freaking part time job yet I worked 50-60 hours a week while having a day job doing 40 hours a week. You do the math, I was tired, more like exhausted, no walked around like a freaking zombie most days. So, I gave up bartending at the strip club, with that I have up about $100k a year, so yes, it has been missed. However, after doing that for 5 years, I socked away a nice start to a retirement, which, so far, we haven’t had to dip into, as of yet. I think it would take something very drastic to get me to go back permanently. Not that time is not now. I liked it after I quite, I see my family now and we have relationships now, something we could not have when I was working nights. I won’t bore y’all with the issues that job caused with my wife. I will say that it wasn’t for the reasons y’all might be thinking, it was simpler, it was because I was never home to spend time with her, ever, and it had a tremendous impact on our marriage. I will leave it there.

I do miss the people, I do miss bartending, and yes, I even miss being surrounded by hundreds of totally nude woman every day. The scenery was always nice. But, back in the real world is where I belong. Perhaps if I was single it would be different. One never knows. As always, the sisters like to include pictures of themselves at work, and to date the one shown here today has been the only one I have been able to share. I wonder, daily, where my life is going, and with often reminders of the past I see that wherever it is that I am supposed to be going is probably I’m the direction I am already headed. I am happier now that I have been in so many years. That’s what we should be, right, happy in our life? Personally, I think that is the answer.

The Time Is Now

Taking the time to do something right now seems to be more of a luxury than a necessity. I can’t speak for everyone but that is how it usually is for me personally. There are times I truly don’t have time and there are times where I don’t feel like making the time. I am sure many of us treat “time” in the same fashion. Recently I noticed that I was getting into a very bad habit which I chose to correct before it did any substantial damage that I couldn’t reverse. I consider myself to be pretty self reliant capable of making the big boy decisions when I need and following through with the things I begin. I look to others to be able to do the exact same thing, without question and without excuses. However, I must admit that being unemployed has changed my perspective on my day to day events because now I have the time that once eluded me for so many years. Time to do what? Good question. When I was young, having too much time on my hands would prove to be a very negative thing because I could easily find trouble. Somewhere in time I out grew that and started to cherish a little free time. Move forward many years to the present and I definitely know that having the time just to breathe is very valuable. I know time will not stand still for me, I may stand still but everything around me moves at the speed of light, and I do not like that feeling. So, I have been up to some different things. Like what?

We have lived in our 3400 square foot house since the day it was finished being built close to ten years ago. It is a house that I designed personally years before with high hopes that one day I could live in it with my family. The one thing I never considered was taking better care of all the woodwork that I wanted. There is not one single piece of painted wood in the interior of this house. Everything was stained and sealed with a high gloss clear coat. I made an observation a few weeks ago which alarmed me a bit to say the very least. I was asked to dust, a task I have never done in this house because it is a chore split between my children still living at home. I never considered it to be a monumental task before attempting it myself. Before you hand me a tissue to wipe me tears just know that I do maintain, once a week all of the wood and tile floors. Did I mention there isn’t a stitch of carpet in the entire house? Besides, I was asked to dust the stuff that out of reach therefore out of sight. Example, the whole house is done with crown molding in every room including the pantries and all closets. It took some time cleaning all of that because I don’t think any of it has ever been touched since it was installed. I saw some sun damage to many pieces that get direct sunlight so I carefully removed them, taking them to my shop to be refinished. Once I was done I replaced each of the 46 pieces of crown molding in its original spot in the house. In between finishing the molding I continued cleaning. Once all the wood was cleaned, a task that took me a few days, about 30 hours total, I cleaned all of the 14 ceiling fans since their dust was standing out to me. I did take special time in the kitchen because oils from cooking tend to build up where one least suspects. And then, all of a sudden, I was done, it was over. After inspecting my work I decided to make me a big glass of ice water and have a rest in the hot tub outside. This was drained and cleaned last week so I was ready for a soak.

I think since I did not mention starting and/or finishing the cleaning to my wife she assumed it hadn’t been done yet. Yesterday she asked me ifni was going ton take care of it before this weekend. I am sure I had a bewildered look on my face after she asked. I explained, simply, that it was already done. She had a somewhat embarrassed look on her face when she said she didn’t know because I didn’t say anything. I explained I didn’t think there was anything to say. But that is the way things are, some are too busy to see their immediate surroundings unless something stands out irregularly. After a tour we sat at the bar in the kitchen where I showed her my “to-do” list and asked if there was anything she wanted to add. I got a grin and was told that it looks like I had it under control. She mentioned it would be nice if I did laundry as she giggled, reminding me that she would be damned if she would let a color-blind man anywhere near the laundry. Smart choice. So, anyway, when I woke up this morning and realized that my list was complete with the exception of “chores” around the house. It felt good knowing I took the time and accomplished what I had set out to do. As I sit here in my shop writing this I look around wondering when this place became such a wreck. Its on the list now. I will probably be working on the shop for a few days and when I am done it will be ready for the next project. No idea what it will be but since I have the time now it will probably be something off of that list. I have always wanted my own smokehouse out by the pond at the edge of the trees so maybe I will start that. I have allot of old oak planks I took from a barn demolition so I should be able to do it almost expense free. A project like this might be waiting another month or so until my son get about for the summer from school since he likes doing these kinds of things with me. He wants to learn “everything” I know so he can one day have a cool hobby too. He is great to work with and his brain is like a sponge. Usually it is shown or tell him once and that’s all it takes. So, always take time to take time because you never known when you might have the time once again.

A Ghost From Easter’s Past

I have often wondered what happens to things one hides in their yard for a variety of reasons over the years that never get found. Specifically, Easter comes to mind, not only because Easter just happened but also because while hiding Easter eggs for my 3 and 5 y/o nieces I found a little piece of yard history. Many moon ago I can remember hiding a certain tractor for my son when he was quite a bit younger. There is no doubt that he had found it because from that day forward he would ride it evverywhere, including inside the house when nobody was looking. Then, as years pass, interests change, and he used it less and less. Then, it disappears but nobody really cares or misses it. This weekend all of that changed.

After loading and counting the 347 plastic eggs of various shapes and colors, my son and I set off into the yard to hide them for my nieces. Now that my own children are “too old” to hunt eggs, they typically help hide the eggs and escort the young ones around helping them in their search. As we moved around the yard placing eggs here and there we made a strange discovery where the grass hits the woods. Indeed, we had found the long lost tractor which I never knew was lost in the first place. Oddly, it was like finding an old friend. Who knows how long its been out there but both of my nieces claim they never saw it before and my son didn’t even remember leaving it out there.

How did the hunt go? It was fantastic. My two nieces tear-assing through the yard in their matching white dresses did not disappoint, they found both of the muddy spots where they stopped off to make pies. This didn’t bother me at all but their mother was a different story. Did you know I single handedly ruined their dresses that they had year to take one picture in for memories sake. Boo hoo, its just mud. After the hunt we made a grave discovery, 6 of the plastic eggs are missing in action. After a quick survey before the sun began to set we were only able to locate 2 of them. Oh well, I will probably come across them when I now or clean up the yard, and if not I might find them next year. I must have found a few real sweet spots in the yard or they are so damn obvious that they are actually in plain sight somewhere. Who knows. Better yet, who cares. In the end, my nieces used the old dirty tractor to tote their cache around the yard until their mother decided fun time was over. All in all I consider the day a success, we ate well, had fun, and there were no trips to the emergency room. Makes me wonder when little girls were expected not to play in the mud. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

It’s Okay To Turn Off The Wi-Fi

Poor Little Guy

Give Your Kids Everlasting Memories