Is A Deal With Satan Very Practical?

Wait! Before we start reading and thinking thoughts for yourselves, let me take a few moments to explain. I was reminded of this post, which I wrote some six years ago in response to some Christian heckling and badgering I was being abused with and with what I was being accused of. It became personal, real personal because at the time I operated using my real identity, something I no longer choose to do. What was what I was being accused of? Since I don’t align myself with Christianity, Atheism, or any form of religion in my life, I must just be a straightup Satan worshipper who was put here on planet dirt to walk eternally without rest while I rape, pillage, and steal, to include soul snatching. I found out after the fact that it was a senior member of a local Catholic church trying to make a point with his flock of sheeple, nothing personal of course. Well, the very last post that I wrote on my angelfire blog and the introductory post when I started at blogspot is the one you will eventually read below because I just wanted to share.

Why bring it back from the dead know? Excellent question. Earlier today, while I was sitting at the bank pleading my case for a line if credit cash advance I was asked to fill out and sign many forms, guaranteeing repayment in a timely manner or they would be forced to close on title and deed which would be securing the loan. After reading the fine print and the print in bold, I chose to cancel the deal, which pissed off the banker because I wasted her precious time. It was at that moment I recalled this post about cutting deals with Satan and couldn’t wait to see if I could retrieve it from angelfire. So, no loan in exchange for my soul today, maybe I can pimp myself out, I’d fuck me for a couple of bucks for sure. But enough about me, enjoy the rest of the post, just remember it was written for fun, to spark a laugh, and to get people to think about what is actually important in their lives. Let this be the prime example of what can happen when, as a Catholic student, you are forced to read, memorize, and recite all things Christian and biblical because you can regurgitate it at will many years later with little to no effort at all. If y’all are ready, let’s proceed. By the way, the graphic at the end of the post, remains today the most “clicked” picture I have ever posted out of all three blogs. Do you dare click it? Do you roll the dice? I wonder what happens when you do. Happy reading.

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C’mon, do it! Everybody’s doing it.

Welcome to the Sell Your Soul To Satan Online Portal. One of the most delightful facets of the internet is it’s commercial aspect, which allows consumers and vendors to easily link up in cyberspace to form any kind of desirable transaction. Previously, selling one’s soul to Satan has been a ridiculously inconvenient process, fraught with all varieties of difficulty. Now, with online vending, we are able to swiftly provide premium services to that lucky mortal seeking diabolic servitude. Today, we are able to provide more for less, due to the ingenious designs of our infernal president and CEO, Satan himself.

In past decades, merely trying to sell one’s soul was a prickly deal. Firstly, the complex technical knowledge of sorcery sufficient to elicit the attention of Satan has been so forbidding, that anyone capable of summoning Satan had very little need to actually do so, being able to obtain virtually everything else via dark magic. Secondly, pacts formed with, (unbeknownst to the mortal in question), unlicensed demonic tempters, often resulted in highly unsatisfactory pacts by both mortal and infernal standards. Thirdly, even demonic tempters licensed for seduction and glamour by Satan took a heavy cut out of the profit of the operation. So little was left over for Satan himself, that the miracles being offered became progressively flimsier, until finally it took three entire souls and a goat sacrifice to afford a night of sex with the celebrity of your choice. Fourthly, in this age of numerous contagious blood diseases, it was considered a potential violation of contract if for some reason an individual became ill by a chance contact with an infernal pact. Red ink was used very briefly, but it was deemed wise to let go of some traditions in order to capitalize on a rapidly expanding and forward-looking marketplace. Lastly, one can buy and sell anything on the internet for the right price.

These problems are no longer, because with online vending, Satan has cut out the middle entity and deals with you directly a few clicks of a mouse.

Damn good!

A great deal of misconception needs to be dealt with, as financial and spiritual dealings with Satan have gotten an undeserved bad rap. We suspect Christian infiltration at the highest levels. Firstly; temporarily laid off though he is, Satan is an Archangel and as such is totally incapable of lying. Secondly; Satan is largely responsible for the expulsion from Eden, which though fairly inconvenient for our distant ancestors, has since paved the way for our entire textile and fashion industries, among others. Thirdly; Satan did Fall because of the sin of Pride, and as such he is proud to serve you with unblemished professionalism and zeal. Fourthly; Satan understands the meaning of commitment, as he has continually provided his services and his institutions, with incomparable reliability for an ongoing two billion years. Few others have such impressive credentials.

Damned if you do.

Satan, being something of an expert in all of the reasonably well known vices, and well versed in the generalities of the more obscure ones, can provide your strangest fantasies at your merest whim. Nevertheless, tradition being what it is, one must be legally bound to Satan before the downpour of goodies begins. Over the years, a fairly straightforward (read: no fine print!) introductory pact has been developed to get one going down the road to happiness, fulfillment and eternal damnation, right away.

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Introductory Pact

I relinquish the ownership of my immortal soul into the keeping of Satan, the Master of Evil Demons, Commander of all Ungodly Forces and Unclean Spirits, Inventor of the Sin, Eater of Souls, and Chief Torturer of all dead Heathens and Damned Christians. I furthermore give to him and his subservient creatures the rights and privileges and freedoms entitled to me by the Creator of the Universe, whose name I flout. I understand fully that I will live as a creature of sin and an artist of villainy and corruption in this world, and become a slave of evil in the next; property of the diabolic in both. I shall spurn and debase all things worthy and pure, and I shall make ruin my cause and calling. I shall indulge in joyous cruelties from the pettiest to the most maleficent. I swear that I shall curse the names of all the angels of the host of heaven; and with the aid of my Liege, they shall hear me and be tormented thereby. I shall endeveor to commit all kinds of sin and crimes against the Enemy-who-yet-rules, succeed and blacken the soul of the earth. I am a blasphemy. I am one accursed. I am among the host of the damned.

This Pact, binds me to the Eternal Darkness that is Satan in a manner as irrevocable as his fall into the realms of perdition. There, with my new master, I shall remain in torment and unforgiven until the end of the world.

In return for this sacrifice and for my denial of all that is good and redeeming, I will possess money in substantial quantities, the fulfillment of all of my lusts, and the destruction and degradation of all that opposes my whims. I shall overcome with blackness, succeed in monstrosity, vindicate all scorn, by breaking the Whole. In return for the additional corruption of other people, for every one damned and dead that I am responsible for directly, I shall have my life prolonged in health for another two years and a day.

I fully understand the consequences of the signing of this most unholy pact; I proceed willfully, cognizant of my coming privileges and debts. I furthermore promise to fulfill my debt punctually and without resistance, nor will I pray nor plead for my soul in any way, nor attempt to have others plead in my behalf. I confirm this in this covenant more tightly knit than the bonds of life and death. May the Prince of Darkness take pleasure in my gift and my betrayal, and use such to spread his reign further throughout the phenomenal world by annihilating the spiritual.

Optional Packages:

Satan takes great pleasure in serving his customers the most tempting delights imaginable. Though much is included in the Standard Pact, some customers will want something uncommon and specific. After all, not everyone can be President of the United States at the same time and this particular items does need to be regulated for the maintenence of good relationships with other merchants and corporations. Satan keeps a database of people in line for some of these privileged options, and provides them for individuals who have proven valuable, loyal customers.

Other packages are available to current customers merely for the asking, as the Beast (an affectionate term for our CEO we bandy about down here) is generous and loves giving perks to his minions. We find that his bestowal of perks, particularly those which extend the customers’ capacity to sin more emphatically and with greater pride, strengthens the client-vendor relationship in unparalleled ways.

Here is a sampler of the most common “freebie” packages:

A Night of Play and Fantasy: Compensating for scheduling constraints of providing movie stars and fashion models as playthings, the demonologists at Inferno Industries have developed a succubus (and incubus) able to accurately simulate the olfactory, visual, auditory, tactile and gustatory sensations of any person living or dead. Now, without the embarassing smalltalk, you can live out your fantasies with famous actors, actresses, models, artists, historical figures, porn stars, fictional characters, and even people from your own life.

Tickets to the Annual International Black Mass and Satanic Orgy: You can be a celebrity guest at the most exclusive and fun party in the world. Movie stars, rock musicians, champions of industry, religious leaders, witches, vampires, and politicians mingle with famous (and fascinating) demons like Astaroth, Baal, Lilith, Belial, Azazel, Marchosias,  Gumby, and Oprah. At midnight, the throats of thirteen virgins from a diversity of third world countries are slit, and the participants disrobe to fornicate amidst oceans of silk pillows and goblets of wine mixed with virgins blood.

Membership to the Secret Vatican Council: Many individuals are still unaware that Satan’s holding corporations have had a major controlling interest in the Vatican bank since 1946; fairly easy to do since Satan can produce pure gold and precious minerals at a breathtaking speed. What even fewer are aware of is that in the race to form a worldwide conspiracy to match the imaginations of pulp horror authors, Satan was shrewd and bought out someone else’s. This was done entirely behind the scenes, as an alteration in the name or logo of the Roman Catholic Church might slightly interfere with customer loyalty, and thus revenues.

The Roman Catholic Church, partially responsible for the dark ages, instigating the mass executions and torture of countless dissenters, fomenting wars of all varieties, and bent on worldwide religious monopoly, is also a highly aggressive financial institution; having allowed the purchasing of indulgences, and both encouraged and coerced hefty donations from the most seriously impovershed peoples of the world. Its tradition of deceit, brutality and corruption goes back for nearly two millennia, making its transition to diabolic managment policies fairly painless. They are a fine addition to our family of companies.

Now, you can help define the fanatical, reactionary and idolatrous ideologies of the oldest theocratic conspiracy in the western world. Membership in the Secret Vatican Council gives you a brand new identity as a high ranking official in the Vatican heirarchy, with vague and easy-to-abuse powers, and a fearsome reputation. Our fostering of the spurious doctrine of the divine buggery has become a great success story, as thousands of previously celibate officials and religious leaders have found Heaven in each other’s body cavities and those of perplexed choirboys. If you are inventive, have a sadistic streak a mile wide, and enjoy costumes, this option may just be for you.

The Power of Mind Control: You too can join the ranks of Svengali, Rasputin, Mesmer, and the Reverend Jim Jones by becoming a master of telepathic mind control. Fun at parties, but most intriguing for soliciting one night stands and commanding enemies to dry hump the third rail on subway tracks, this freebie option is as potent as the imagination of its possessor.

Black Toad Abortifacients: The one true “morning after pill”, Black Toad has been bringing to consumers the most sophisticated and diabolically correct contraception since 803 A.D.! By applying a pair of attractive skin patches one week (or more) after union, you or your female companion will destroy the embryo and send its soul to Hell for transformation into a familiar spirit for aspiring witches.

Always recycle.

Pollution kills vegitation and wildlife, and Satan is ecologically minded; particularly so when it comes to serpents, spiders, apple trees, belladonna, black cats, goats, sharks, fire ants, hornets, locusts, wolverines, wolves, rats, blood flukes, killer bees, leeches, feral dogs, scorpions, and komodo dragons.

So, click the link below (graphic) to get the ball rolling so you can swiftly become everything you ever desired or lusted for. Go ahead, click it now.

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Is The Price Of “Sex” Getting Cheaper?

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I was strangely surprised to see the following message as inline text from a long time information donator to T.S.O.T.S.B. from a long time personal friend of mine. Normally she sends me links, pictures, and/or ideas to pick and choose from once or twice a month. But this time, this time she sent “words” from some place and did not reference a source of any sorts. Meaning, therefore I didn’t have an opportunity to see where all this came from. In the end, she used it to ask me a question about the strip club industry, she wanted to know if the “economy” determines how much money I make as a bartender or how much money a stripper is paid.

I wish I had a simple answer. Just as well, she was only trying to help me to tie into my “Sex sells everything” experiment I have been doing here and she just wanted to “show” that sex sells sex sometimes. As a bartender in a full nude strip club I tend to see many things the “average” person isn’t even aware is going on in the first place. To begin with, I see the flow of money, the exchanges that happen casually to “purchase” that special experience. A trend I have seen and heard is that there has became a new meaning to the arts of negotiation because, let’s all face the facts, people want more bang for their buck while paying as little as possible, so hard core economics comes into play. Strippers have a bottom line, of course, but they have the skills to never have to accept bottom dollar for anything they have to offer, they will not sell themselves short for any reason since they are there to separate customers from as much of their money as possible.

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“They keep talking about recovery, but for many folks, work doesn’t pay what it used to. According to a recent report, Manhattan and Los Angeles counties lead America in falling wages. In the counties which contain Dallas, Phoenix, and Chicago, workers are also seeing their paycheck shrink. We can add sex workers to the list of people dealing with falling income.

Th Economist examined over 190,000 profiles of female sex workers on websites that feature customer reviews. Based on that data, which covered 84 cities and 12 countries (with the majority of workers in the United States), an interesting trend was revealed: the price of an hour with a female sex worker has been plunging. The average cost nationwide in 2014 is $260, down from $340 back in 2006.

What’s going on? What a sex worker charges depends on many things, including what types of services are involved, the location, and the physical attributes of the worker. Sex workers who conform to Western standards of beauty can charge more. Blondes get a premium, as do those with slim (but not too skinny) bodies and ample breasts. Getting fake boobs can really pay off in sex work: “For those not naturally well endowed, breast implants may make economic sense: going from flat-chested to a D-cup increases hourly rates by approximately $40, meaning that at a typical price of $3,700, surgery could pay for itself after around 90 hours.”

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Other ways sex workers can charge more is to provide niche services like having sex with two men at once, or providing S&M role-playing. Big-city sex workers in places like New York, Houston, Los Angeles, and London can charge more, too.

According to the Economist, the reason behind the drop in price is partly the 2007-’08 financial crisis. Other factors, like the migration of poorer sex workers into richer areas can also cause a drop in prices. This trend has been happening in Europe since the European Union expanded to include poorer eastern European countries, which has sent workers across borders. A 2013 article in Time magazine noted that Germany had become the “Cut-Rate Prostitution Capital of the World,” with thousands of brothels and “hundreds of thousands of prostitutes,” many from places like Romania and Bulgaria, dealing with intense competition and pushed-down prices. (Prostitution became legal in Germany in 2002.) In Berlin, oral sex from an Eastern European sex worker can reportedly be had for as little as $13.

The Internet is to blame, too, as more people are selling sex online. Because it’s easier and more discreet to sell sex online, women who in the past may have avoided such work are signing up. “More attractive and better-educated women, whose marital and job prospects are therefore better, are more likely to consider sex work easily if it is arranged online,” notes the report. Technology increases the efficiency and speed of matching client to sex worker: there are even apps which allow customers to filter sex workers according to specifications like breast size, age or height. A new German app even promises that you can order a sex worker the way you would order an Uber car, using GPS to connect client to worker.

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But changing attitudes toward sex work in our society are also part of this trend. The stricter a society is about casual and adulterous sex, the more sex work will be in demand. The acceptance of premarital sex and divorce mean that men are less likely to be driven to sex workers because they can’t get their sexual needs met anywhere else.

It’s a bummer to be a sex worker when prices are falling. But interestingly, it looks like incomes may not have fallen as steeply as the decline in prices would suggest, because sex workers have been able to cut expenses.”

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How Being Under-Qualified Saved Me

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Normally I wouldn’t be especially satisfied with being told that I’m under-qualified for a specific job position. However, having the lack of one specific qualification saved me from moving somewhere I really didn’t want to live. Now that I have the definitive answer let me start from the beginning of how this all came about. Before I get to far ahead of myself let me explain the above photograph. It was taken earlier this year by my cousin who lives outside of Bismarck, North Dakota and sent to my mother (his aunt by marriage) to illustrate what a great winter they were having. My mother thought it humorous to show me the photo since I spend 98% of the year in shorts and flip flops. Anyway, back to the story. Seems in my family circle news of me being laid off has expanded out to extended family as well. Well, my cousin, who has lived in and around Bismarck his entire life, works for a company there that manufacturers diesel powered recreational vehicles (RVs), buses, and large specialty vehicles. Anyway, he had a position open and wanted to give me an opportunity to fill it for him.

Our first telephone conversation was short and to the point, he needed my resume. Now, that’s convenient because I had recently updated my resume. After a few days he called me for an impromptu telephone interview. Seems I offered everything he was looking for with one exception, I don’t have any over the counter sales experience. It would appear that being a bartender isn’t considered actual sales experience. Who knew. Unfortunately, this minor detail is a major deal breaker. In many ways I’m not disappointed in the decision, in other ways, financially speaking, it was a let down. I mean, I just let an $80,000.00 a year job slip through my fingertips as well as a company sponsored relocation. So, in that regard it sucks a bit. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to live that far north, because I’m really not a fan of the cold weather or snow.

In review, I would have had to uproot my family, lease out my home & property, and go live in a place that is known for its harsh winter environment. What in the fuck was I smoking! I imagine, if things would have turned out different, that we would have moved. But, I think I would have regretted leaving Texas. Plus, those damn yankees talk funny, it would have been like moving to a foreign country or something. Personally, I think the right thing happened, maybe for the wrong reasons, but I can live with that.

Postal Customer Fucktard

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We all know I do allot on eBay either buying or selling which involves me making a trip to the local post office at least once a week to mail out packages. This post office has had the same business hours for as long as I can remember but that never seems to please the impatient I’ll tempered big mouths who make the choice to be a bitchy fucktard. Y’all know her, she is the one pacing in line like a nervous first time mother cat. Each moment that passes one can hear her claws digging into the flooring through her flip flops. Why? Because in eyes, in her tiny little mind, her time is more valuable than anyone else’s time. Fuck you, cunt, wait in line like the rest of us peons. According to the clock on the wall it was 8:58 when the steel roll up door started moving, signaling to us in line that the postal employees were about to begin with the first customers in line. This morning there were two lines, the one I was four deep in that the people were buying something or shipping something and the other line which was for picking up packages and bulk mail which is where the twitchy big mouth bitch was standing, she was sixth in her line. She saw a problem, three people doing the outbound line and nobody tending to her line. The USPS employee closest to her was now hearing about it. Every single person in the post office could see and hear this very polite employee trying to get the lady to just push the button for the service bell. The bitch wouldn’t have nothing to do with it, yelling now, annoyed for some stupid reason, she demanded the employee’s name and to have her supervisor appear at once or “the shit was going to hit the fan” because she doesn’t have time to speak with somebody so low on the totem pole.

As fate would have it, I’m next to be called up, lucky me I get the poor employee who was getting all the verbal abuse, which is funny because she is still behind one person. In reality, both lines were actually moving quite swiftly in my opinion as it was only 5 minutes after 9 now. I was mailing 7 small flat rate boxes to 7 different states so mine might take a few minutes. Then the hitch is next in her line. The first thing out of mouth was that she had a big problem with the black woman with a mouth that won’t quit. The black woman being the employee assisting me at the moment. When he wouldn’t repremand the other employee on the spot she started in on her once again. Verbal abuse, racial slurs, postal innuendos, and even took a jab at her weight. Meanwhile, with a rather large smile, she continued to process my packages, only 2 more to go. Then, out of the blue, my bullshitometer had peaked and I found myself turning to the loud mouth bitch and asking her sternly if she “wouldn’t mind shutting her fucking pie hole for the remainder of my timenim the post office” and then it was on. Here we go, fist fight in the post office! Blah blah blah blah was all I heard at that moment, she demanded my name and that I be thrown out because of how I spoke to her. When she was denied by me and the supervisor, she informed us she was calling the police. A quiet voice a few people back in line spoke up and said “don’t bother, I called them a few minutes ago when you kept on verbally attacking everyone”. For thirty seconds she was silent and then was on her phone talking to husband I assume yelling and cussimg loudly so everyone could hear and brought up that I verbally abused her. Well, now I am done at the window, and I turn to leave, stopping briefly in front of her, and told her while I took her phone out of her freshly manicured claws ” that she was done here, right now, she needed to get the fuck out of everyone’s face and out of the post office before I was forced to assist her”.

She left, I watched her get into her little Mercedes convertible and speed away. I handed her phone to the supervisor and apologized for my own behavior. I left my name and number in case it was needed for later. He reached out and shook my hand and told me he is damn glad that her performance, both audio and visual in color, had been recorded for review. Then I left as well because my business was complete at the post office. Did the police ever show up? Not while I was there. Did she retrieve her cell phone from the post office supervisor? I don’t know and really don’t care. Why do dumb cunts act like the world revolves around them? How anal can one person really be? I really don’t like people like her because she is a bitch just to be a bitch. In reality, I should have kept my mouth shut because I probably could have gotten in some deep shit, but I didn’t, and to tell y’all the truth I really don’t regret it at all. There was no point in what she was doing, what she was saying, or how she was treating the innocent postal employee. The deep dark side of me hopes she had a terrible accident after she left. Which is wrong, I know. I do, however, wish those two women to meet once again somewhere else because I promise you the postal employee can take her in no time flat.

This is a perfect example of why I don’t go out in public much, stupid fucktards really irritate me for some reason. The older I get the harder it has become to self police and keep my big trap shut when needed. Some people just suck, and like this lady, she has made it in to a fine art. There is no reason possible to need to treat people the way we all saw. It is a want, it is a desire, and she wants the attention to focus on her. I have pity for her husband and kids if she has any. I bet their life is just one fuckednup bundle of blissful madness. So, writing this helped me work through my morning. I was a little pissed earlier today but now that I am done writing about it I feel much better. I have said it in the past, this blog is my therapy, because talking out loud to myself has always proved to only scare the people who see it. Lesson of the day, don’t be a royal bitch just because you can, make the choice to keep your mouth closed occasionally. Most of all, treat people like you want to be treated. That’s it, I solved my own puzzle, she must get spoken to as she speaks to others, perhaps at home, so she just let’s whoever the next unlucky person be the point of all of the anger. Also, this is why I am not a therapist, because I wouldn’t be able to refrain from keeping my mouth shut to the whiny self centered fucktards on the planet. Oh well, I will just keep on being unemployed for now, seems to be working wondrous for my nerves and keeping my blood pressure down low. Anyway, thanks for dropping by and giving my ol’ blog an look see, I really appeciate everyone who visits.

Scorpion Sting @ eBay

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I have mentioned in the past that I buy and sell on line quite a bit. I have been getting back into the swing of things using eBay once again. It never hurts to check in from time to time to see if I might be selling something you want or hunting for something you have that you are selling. I don’t really have a specific genre that peaks my interests so everyday is a roll of the dice. Click the picture or copy and paste http://www.eBay.com/usr/scorpionz_stinger or contact me directly and I will point you in the right direction.

One might see me “advertising” what I am selling here with a little more information, more pictures, to get the word out about it. I have had great success with eBay and I don’t see that trend changing anytime soon. Good luck when bidding. Remember, I only accept payments through PayPal and I only ship USPS Priority. I look forward to sharing and hope our paths cross once or three times on eBay.