The Bane Of My Fucking Existence


Fall is in the air, and that means, once again, it’s that time of year when nothing is fucking safe from being pumpkinized. This year, the endless flurry of pumpkin-spice-flavored goods and seems to have gotten way the fuck out of hand. The popularity of Starbucks’ autumnally emblematic Pumpkin Spice Latte has ushered in an anything-goes mentality among marketing strategists, leaving grocery stores, restaurants, and retailers no choice but to pollute shelves and menus with pumpkin spiced bullshit that is truly boggling to the imagination.

But whether you like pumpkin or you’re simply addicted to corn syrup and pumpkin pie spice seems beside the point; there are certain things that are just better off free from the pumpkin tyranny. Seemingly everything gets sprinkled with a dose of the mysterious fall spice concoction so that it tastes just like a melted Yankee candle. Here is a collection of some of the stranger manifestations of the pumpkin craze being seen this season. Stock up while these last, because it’s only a matter of time before all the candy canes and “holiday spice” products take over.

01. Chobani Pumpkin Spice Yogurt
02. Planter’s Pumpkin Spice Almonds
03. Thomas’ Pumpkin Spice English Muffins
04. Green Mountain Coffee Pumpkin Spice K-Cups
05. Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms
06. Wrigley’s Extra Pumpkin spice gum
07. Lifeway Pumpkin Spice Kefir
08. Hershey’s Pumpkin Spice Kisses
09. Nonni’s Pumpkin Spice Biscotti
10. Eggo Pumpkin Spice Waffles
11. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Spice Milano cookies
12. Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar
13. Pumpkin Spice Quaker Instant Oatmeal
14. Ghirardelli Pumpkin Spice Caramel Squares
15. Nestlé Toll House Pumpkin Spice Morsels
16. Philadelphia Pumpkin Spice Cream Cheese
17. Pumpkin Spice Kahlua
18. Bailey’s Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer
19. Jet-Puffed Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows
20. Blue Diamond Pumpkin Spice Almonds
21. Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread
22. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
23. Williams-Sonoma Spiced Pumpkin Seed Brittle
24. Republic of Tea Pumpkin Spice Black Tea
25. Siggi’s Pumpkin & Spice Skyr
26. Kashi Crunchy Pumpkin Spice Flax Granola Bars
27. Thomas’s Pumpkin Spice Bagels
28. Coffee-Mate Pumpkin Spice Creamer
29. Cedar’s Pumpkin Spice Hummus
30. So Delicious Dairy Free Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk
31. Keebler Pumpkin Spice Fudge Stripes Cookies
32. Cosmos Creations Pumpkin Spice Popcorn
33. Pillsbury Pumpkin Spice Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls
34. Hostess Pumpkin Spice Cup Cakes
35. Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats
36. JIF Pumpkin Pie Spice Peanut Butter Whipped Spread
37. Pumpkin Spice Peeps
38. Boom Chicka Pop Pumpkin Spice Kettle Corn
39. Nestle Toll House Pumpkin Spice Cookie Dough
40. Pumpkin Spice Pringles
41. Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding
42. Pumpkin Spice Four Loko
43. Pumpkin Spice Country Crock Butter
44. Burnett’s Pumpkin Spice Vodka
45. Corsair Pumpkin Spice Moonshine
46. Silk Pumpkin Spice Soy Milk
47. Belvita Pumpkin Spice Cookies
48. Nature’s Promise Pumpkin Spice Chicken Sausage
49. Creative Snacks Co. Pumpkin Spice Yogurt Pretzels
50. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte

As y’all can see y’all are some fucked up individuals if anything on this list looks appetizing. If y’all haven’t figured it out yet, I’m not a fan of pumpkin spiced anything! Use to be that I couldn’t wait for homemade pumpkin pie, but now the fucking smell gives me the dry heaves, thanks pumpkin spiced crazy ass motherfuckers for ruining a very fond childhood memory. Let this be just one additional reason I really hate fucking Starbucks! Those of y’all thinking this is a big list haven’t even seen the worst of this shit because I didn’t even include restaurant menu items or other retail goods. In the end, fuck pumpkin spice and all of you crazy motherfuckers who crave it like little crack addicts.

If This Flag Offends You…..


I was born and raised an American as many can claim. Many people flock to America illegally to live the American Dream that only the illegals can live. Coming from far and wide from countries all over the planet people come to America because America is Safe, America hands out everything at American’s expense, America is the Land of Opportunity, America is Great – The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

Yet, in many subdivisions, in towns across America, on the sides of houses across America and on T-shirts, The American Flag offends these immigrants that arrive to America illegally to live here on a daily basis.

The American Flag Offends Them!

There has been meetings, at schools, towns, subdivisions and every possible place across America of these illegal immigrants with their own beliefs and religions, which is fine, stating that their American neighbor who happens to be a veteran is flying the American Flag on their house and it needs to be taken down, because it offends them. Our public schools no longer allow American Flag T-shirts to be worn during Cinco de Mayo where I live because it is politically incorrect and is offensive? Am I still in America?

America was founded on Immigration, America is a melting pot of people from many lands. America is now the place to be when they flee their homelands for one reason or ten.

I don’t care if they have a different religion or dress different than I do, they are people like I am, however, they came to our country remember? They came here and don’t have to live by our laws, by our rules, and we are told we must change our ways so they aren’t offended, remember?

Certainly if it was the other way around I would have to learn another language and abide by the rules of another country if I moved to another country. So, what is the difference in moving to America? Has America become so lax in trying to appease everyone that does not belong here legally the Government forgets who America really is?

I’ll hang my American Flag, wear my American Flag T-shirt and paint my house red, white and blue if I want to. I am an American and proud of it. People who flock here by the thousands to get away from their oppression should be happy they are here and start abiding by America’s rules.

When our ancestors came here, they were so glad to be free. They worked hard, and did what they needed to, to become citizens. They started businesses, had their children, and they served in our armed forces. Now when someone comes here, they may not work, because they get so many free things. They never had it so good. Now they have time to look for trouble, and do not appreciate what they have, as they didn’t have to work for it. When things are just given to us, not only do we not appreciate those things, we don’t especially care about the giver, either. In this case, the U.S. and it’s citizens. Everyone loses.

We are hurting ourselves as a culture because there’s strength in diversity. If we all just water down our beliefs to the point where no one ever gets offended then what will those beliefs really be worth? The flag of the United States of America belongs on every building, balcony, and yard in this country. It belongs EVERYWHERE. It belongs to US, the people of the United States. Anyone who believes it is offensive should turn around, hop on a bus, plane or boat to return to their country and stay there.

The Stars and Stripes belongs to each of us: We The People. It is OURS; it is not for the foreigners who are offended by its presence. If we must defend it now against those who hate the sight of the freedom it represents, then so be it. From the first stitches of the first flag to the flag we have today, it remains a symbol of liberty and makes a powerful statement. We cannot allow the offenses of a few to kill the rights of the many.

Kate, 42, Widow USMC, Mother of three, McAllen Texas (via email 18 Oct 2014)

After reading Kate’s email this afternoon I realized that I’m not the only one pissed off at the way this country is being fucking ripped apart. I have curbed my opinions for along time here on this blog and I’m done with all the heavy petting, its time to fuck. Y’all are fucking right I have some anger issues when it comes to the America hating fucks who are offended by all things American but won’t go home. What’s your fucking point? I’m 46 years old, an Air Force disabled veteran, and I’ve seen a allot of bullshit in my life so far. I’m watching the absolute decline of The United States of America and I’m really worried for the outcome of our country. My three children and my granddaughter will be paying the price long after I’m dead, and so will your children and grandchildren. Think on that one for just a bit. I’m watching America commit collective suicide by twice electing a clearly unqualified, foreign born, anti-American joke to the highest office in the land. I’m watching people pour across our borders openly and to a welcoming government. I’ve watched politicians of both parties who are paid to destroy this country every single fucking day. Immigrants used to want to assimilate, now they demand that we respect their beliefs while they take a shit on our beliefs, our traditions, and our country. If the American flag offends you then why are you even in this country? Doesn’t your country give away all the great free shit?

If you’re an immigrant to America and want to live in this country learn to speak English. That’s what immigrants used to do. My German and Scandinavian ancestors had to do it why can’t immigrants today do it? If you think this country sucks and your country is so great, why are you still fucking here? This is The United States of America, where we fly the Stars & Stripes, you left your country and now you want our country to be like your country, fuck no and fuck you, now just go home.

And to you pieces of shit sheeple “Americans” who tolerate this bullshit and say we need to be “more tolerant” and “all cultures are equal” can pucker up and kiss my motherfucking ass. What the fuck is tolerant about being offended by Americans and the American flag? You’re right, not one fucking thing.

And you fucktards in the main stream media propaganda arm of the democratic party who have turned a blind eye to what the government is doing to this country should be ashamed for even thinking you are patriotic Americans. But how well you fucking sleep at night under the protection of the flag of our nation you hate so much. Where is your outrage as our government tears up the Constitution and uses it as toilet paper? When the obituary is written for this country within the next 50 years, you fuckheads should be named as the cause of her death. You allowed a foreign born person to be elected to the highest office in the land all because you wanted the first black president so you could have the fucking ratings on your network. How’s that shit working out for you? Sleep well bitches, you’re welcome.

I will say it’s a sad state of affairs when we have so many people who live in this grand land of opportunity, this wonderful country, who hate and despise everything American. Its real fucking sad indeed. Now you America haters can kiss my ass, at least I know when I go to sleep tonight it will be with a clear conscience.