I came into this world kicking, screaming, and covered in someone else’s blood. I have absolutely no problem going out that way as well. I know, I know, what a ray of fucking sunshine I am. I can’t help it sometimes. Sometimes things just need to be said and then they need to be dealt with accordingly. Seems that lately, in the real world, I have been doing nothing but defending myself. For a bit I felt cornered, and for a bit I was ready to come out at all costs. Is it fair to say I feel I need to defend my sanity against all who wish to try to stomp it out.
First of all, I’m fucking tired of doctors. I’m not a fucking pin cushion. I’m not a fucking guinea pig. I pay for doctors to diagnose me and to keep me well. All the practice shit should have been done in med school and not right now using trial and error on patients. I don’t consider myself to be fragile, but enough is a fucking enough. I told my wife I’m done with doctors for now. I’m fed up with all the bullshit and all the fucking run around involved. Get new doctors you say? Fuck that I say. I’m not interested in finding one to tell me what I want to hear, I’m just looking for someone to take into consideration that I am a human being and not a damn lab rat.
Speaking of which, some people from the church my wife and kids attend decided to come over this weekend. The conversation came to why I haven’t been the van driver and when can I start back. When? Never. The back stabbers run deep in that church. I’m an outsider and not accepted because I won’t be brainwashed into their sheeple ways. I’ve seen the dark side and I didn’t like what I saw at all. The only reason that my wife and children keep going to church there is because we have come to an understanding which is I will not be a part of any of it at any time, period. But this didn’t stop these cackling bitches and it was like my wife was afraid to say something, anything. I understand, she wants to have her place with these people and doesn’t want to make waves. But, it would have been nice for her just to say I wasn’t interested so everyone could move on.
Somehow I have become the asshole blacksheep in my family. I have always felt like I was on the outer rim of acceptance because as I get older it is just how it “feels”. I don’t understand it tho, I don’t understand it one fucking bit. I’m the one that is involved in my parents life, I put my life on hold to help them when ever it is asked of me and sometimes when it isn’t, I just volunteer. This bothers my sisters, one older and one younger, because the “scorecard” is not balanced. I help out with my parents when they are too busy which makes them look like selfish bitches. However, I seem to be too busy to help them out. Shit happens. For my parents 35th wedding anniversary back in January I sent them on a all expense paid trip to Las Vegas. I kept it a secret from everyone and surprised them when I took them out to dinner, which my sisters were not invited. All I got from them was bullshit because I didn’t ask them to go in on it one thirds which made me a selfish asshole. My idea, my planning, my money, my treat.
Lets talk about my self centered sisters. My older sister is two years older than me. Her and her husband live north of Fort Worth in a $790,000.00 house they had custom built a few years ago. Together they take home over $300,000.00 a year, drive expensive cars, have expensive toys, and send their girls to private school. All she does is bitch about how “broke” they are and how they can’t ever afford shit, how their credit card bill are all high, and so on and so on. Maybe a few money management classes would do them some good. But, being lowly me I have no opinion on how they should spend or save their money. So, piss on them. With her, I might talk with her once a year. I haven’t seen her physically in about three years. She thinks I’m mad at her for something so she makes even littler effort in anything that fucking involves us. Good, the less drama the better off I am.
On to my baby sister, fifteen years younger than I, and still treated as the baby. I get allot of grief from her because I take the opportunity to be in my parents life. She claims to be too busy as her excuse. I get very tired of her fucking pissing and moaning all of the time. She becomes the fingernails going down the chalkboard and then she becomes irritating and annoying. I’ve been blunt with her and told her I don’t care, but she says I’m her big brother so dealing with her is one of my many duties and obligations to this family. Really? I have fear she has become a lost cause. Her and her husband make about $50,000.00 a year and do nothing but bitch about money. At least I can see one thing about her, I know she has the balls to say shit to my face instead of being just a backstabbing gossiper.
I would like to say that I’m just fed up with the people in my life (outside my house) because they push, pull, and stab. Why? Because I let them? I’m done with the drama and the bullshit. I used to care and over the years I have seen that fade in to oblivion. I don’t want to even care any longer. I don’t want to feel bad because I don’t fucking care any longer. The older I get the less bullshit I can tolerate on a daily basis.
Sadly, my blog gets the abuse which in the end means all of y’all get the abuse. I used to enjoy writing here because it was an outlet to air things out that I was thinking. It’s slowly turning into a monster which attracts people who only want to be a negative influence. Before y’all get all offended, I’m not talking about everyone, because for the most part this blog has great people hanging around it. I have “met” some cool people through visitors and visiting other blogs. I have also seems to gained a group of shitheads who just want me to cease to exist. I don’t know if that is fucking metaphorically or if that is really what they wish would happen to me. I have really been wondering why I “write” any more. So, I think I will take a break from writing, maybe a day, a week, a month, or just forever. I will probably keep on posting pictures and quotes because those are fun and don’t take much effort on my part. I will probably continue reading the other blogs I read regularly, liking and commenting as needed, but I think I’m done sharing my own for a while. One never knows, that could change by the end of the day.
I guess I should apologize for being disappointed in shit in general. It’s not y’all’s fault I get fed up with all the bullshit and such. If followers want to un-follow because the writing will slow or end altogether for now then I will completely understand. I just want loyal followers to know that this isn’t personal towards y’all. We aren’t breaking up. As always, one can contact me on the blog anywhere y’all please or directly at firstname.lastname@example.org to send an e-mail. I’ll get out of my “funk” sooner or later, I just wanted to explain why things will be slowing up for the most part here while I get my shit together.