Smoked Wild Turkey For Thanksgiving 2013

Y’all can consider this to be part two to Our Family Thanksgiving Tradition which was published on 25 November 2013. I provide the link only if y’all need to catch up, refresh, or both. Whichever y’all decide to do, just hurry up, we have allot to discuss. When I left off last time I mentioned that we dressed out our wild turkey and set it to soak in a magic recipe. But, before I give y’all those details so y’all might try it out some day for yourselves, y’all must make sure you have one very specific item, and that is a 5 gallon bucket with a tight sealing lid. I prefer to get mine from Home Depot because, to date, they have yet to ever, and I mean ever, fail me for having a leak proof tight lid. But, y’all make that call when I’m not looking. Also, for the meat haters who love to hate it when I write about meat I just want you to know, specifically you, yes, a wild turkey was harmed (killed) to complete this recipe. There, I said it, now get over yourselves and either turn tail and leave or read on. Now, wash the 5 gallon bucket and lid real well, scrub it good. When it is clean and dry place it on a chair and make sure it isn’t going to fall off of it. Place one dressed wild turkey in the bucket, neck up and tail down. Pour two 750ml bottles of Wild Turkey into the bucket with the turkey. Y’all can use the basic run of the mill Wild Turkey if you please, I had a case of Rare Breed leftover from a party when I worked at the club, so I used it, well, two bottles of it anyway.

Open two large cans of whole berry cranberry sauce and pour those in as well. Wash 4 good sized oranges and slice them into 1/4″ thick slices leaving the peels on. Take all of the slices and slice them in half then put them in the bucket. Wash and cut 1 each red, yellow, and green bell pepper. Put those in the bucket now. Wash and cut 4 jalapeno peppers and place those in the bucket. I also added 1/4 cub Tabasco Sauce, 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce,  1 cup (packed) brown sugar, and 1/2 cup (finely chopped) mint leaves. Whatever space remains in the bucked fill with cool water until the liquid level is about 1 1/2″ from the top. Securely put the lid on and I mean make sure it’s on tight or you will have a mess to clean up. Carefully remove the handle from the bucket and set it aside for now. Lay the bucket on the floor on it’s side and roll it back and forth until you think everything has blended well. As tempting as it may be do not, under any circumstances, take that lid off until you are ready to smoke it. Now, I happen to have a refrigerator that I have taken the bottom shelf out of so my bucket fits just fine, you’ll have to see what works for you as it needs to sit this way for a few days. Mine sat like this for 96 hours (4 days).

After you get your smoker up to temperature it will be time for the turkey. I began my fire with red oak until the smoker would maintain about 500F, then I added some hickory and mesquite which had been soaking in a bigger bucket for a few days that was filled with water. When you are ready for the turkey just pry the lid off the bucket, reach in there barehanded, grab the turkey, and slap it on the smoker. Do not discard the remaining contents in the bucket, some of it will get smoked and some of it will be used in a bit. The remaining contents need to be strained so all of the liquid is removed. One can also “dip” everything out as well. Split the solids in to equal portions. Take one portion and put it in a blender or food processor and puree the snot out it. If it is really thick, add a little Coke. It should come out the consistency of ketchup. Set that mixture back in the fridge. The remaining portion can be placed on a cookie sheet, covered with something, and placed into the fridge. Those will be put on the smoker when there is only about 2 hours remaining. Now, do not open your smoker to look at the turkey because it is doing just fine without you looking at letting the heat and smoke out. Mine cooked for 12 hours. At the 6 hour mark I took the puree mixture and slathered it all over the turkey. Close the smoker. Discard all remaining puree.

Now that you have around 2 hours remaining of cook time, put that cookie sheet of peppers and orange slices on the smoker uncovered. They will be removed when you remove the turkey from the smoker. When the time is up, carefully remove your smoked turkey. Use “hot gloves” so you can grab the whole turkey and keep it together. Place the turkey on your selected platter, leave uncovered, and let it “rest” for around 1 hour. The peppers and oranges can be used as garnish, ground up and put into something, or just eaten, the choice is yours. We cut ours up and make a salsa concoction out of it. Your turkey will slice very easily and should have a deep smoke ring as well as a nice crust on the outside. Now has come the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Making a turkey this way is time consuming and requires quite a bit of patience. Unfortunately there are no short cuts if you want it to come out right. I hope everyone enjoyed this information provided here today. Feel free to share it with family and friends. The more people smoking means the more opportunities there are to explore the best ways to come up with great creations.

Now, I feel inclined to add some things for the meat haters and the anti-alcohol people. First, this isn’t the only way to make a turkey, it is however, my personal way, one that works for me. First, a note about alcohol content in the meat. Since the meat is smoked at a temperature well over 172F (the boiling point of alcohol) for pretty close to 12 hours the remaining alcohol contained in the meat is way less than 5% if any at all. You will be, however, left with all the flavor that the Wild Turkey provides when used in smoking. Don’t believe me, just look it up and the answer will be revealed to you. As mentioned, yes, a turkey was killed, in fact it was killed by my 12 y/o son using a compound bow. You may not think so, but bow hunting has become a lost art with very few in the next generation being taught the skills and techniques. It’s a way of life in my family, we are not city folks, we live in the outskirts of society where being able to provide meat for the table is a gift not a curse. I’m sorry that so many people are against killing animals to eat because it makes it hard for people like myself and my family to enjoy a passion which we have all grown up loving. Unfortunately, you bastards attacked me when I published a post about the hunt, and unfortunately some of y’all will feel inclined to bitch at me and lecture me once again. Well, make sure what you say is worth a shit so I have something worthy of writing about, because if it’s not than you’ve just wasted both of our time. I’m not writing here to offend anybody, I’m just writing about a big aspect of my life, hunting and smoking meats. I hope everyone who celebrated Thanksgiving had a safe holiday and had an enjoyable time, I know we did. Until Next time, remember to eat it every day.

Our Family Thanksgiving Tradition

For as long as I can remember I have went hunting on the weekend before Thanksgiving in an attempt to provide one, if not more, turkeys to prepare for our Thanksgiving feast. Even before I was hunting myself, I was tagging along, learning from my father, my grandfather, and my uncles. I was very excited when I turned 12 because  it was finally my time to join in on the hunt with my family. As the years passed on the tradition was carried on with my own children, it started with my oldest daughter (23 y/o now), my middle daughter (17 y/o now), and most recently with my 12 y/o son. He has accompanied me for many years and after turning 12 this summer he knew it was going to be his turn to bring home a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. My family has a “secret” spot where we bow hunt for turkey. I was entrusted with the location years ago and 3 years ago the ownership of the land was transferred to me when my uncle passed away. This is one location friends never get to go, this is one place that is for family members only, and that tradition has been in place since the 30s and I don’t see it changing on my watch. For the last few years my son has been practicing his bow hunting skills and proved himself recently during bow hunting season when he had a very clean kill of a 10 point whitetail buck from 35 yards at ground level. A technically challenging shot for seasoned bow hunters. Lets just say he nailed it after a long road of education, patience, and dedication.

The first part of the hunt always starts a few weeks before the season actually opens up. We set up stalks to see where the turkey are running so we can calculate the best places for us to set up later. As I stated before, we have been bow hunting this land for many, many years, and for the most part the turkey pass through the same spots by the river year after year, so that is where we start, year after year. There is no need to bait or place decoys because they have a healthy population in this area and a relatively easy to find if you actually know where to look. Granted, there have been seasons so stricken with drought that there were no turkeys, but they always come back sooner or later. My son has mastered the art of the stalk, he has mastered the art of taking pictures in the wild, flagging trees, and mapping out locations with and without using a gps. He like to spend time in the woods without a weapon as well, he likes the connection, and he appreciates that mother nature is willing to provide a great bounty to see that our family eats all year long. He learned early on that in our family we do not buy meat from the store, we hunt, and we provide 95% of the meat that is eaten by our family.

This year, with my work schedule, the rest of my family went out opening weekend and have not returned because they hit their limits already. But, my son and my daughters have yet to go, until yesterday. The way it all ended up working out is my son and I drove out to our location late Saturday afternoon. With just enough daylight left we had time to set up our tent, get a campfire going, and get some food prepared. It was an anxious night for my son, I don’t think he slept at all because he was so excited, he has been waiting a very long time to be able to be the one who brings home the turkey we will eventually eat for Thanksgiving. With the exception that it was 40 degrees overnight, I slept just fine. At 4am I start feeling the jabs from my son, with a dad, dad, dad, dad. Is it time to get up? Is it time yet? Dad, dad, dad, dad. In the distance we could already hear the songs of the turkeys, it was time to get up, eat real quick, and disappear into the woods. At first light we were surprised to see many large turkeys feeding at the edge of the trees. It was very hard to move through the trees and brush because the leaf litter was very crunchy. As we came closer we started getting into the wet litter so we would arrive undetected. We were in place for about 30 minutes when my son was ready to take his first shot. Deep breath, release, breath again. He had made the perfect shot, the turkey dropped immediately. It was the perfect textbook shot from 30 yards. He quickly ran to his bird, assessed his breathing, there was none, so we knew he was dead. My son kneeled by the turkey, put his hand under his limp body, and offered a prayer. “Lord, thank you for this beautiful turkey as this turkey will feed my family and provide happiness for everyone. We thank you for providing this turkey, in your name we pray, amen”. It took me a moment, I was a bit choked up, as I wiped the tears from my eyes I realized my son understood his connection with the land, the animals, and mother nature. It was a beautiful moment to witness.

We packed up to head back to camp where we loaded the ATVs on the trailer, packed the tent, diluted the ashes of the fire, and put the turkey in the cooler in preparation for our travels home. Sunday night we dressed the 23lb turkey and set it to soak in a secret recipe of Wild Turkey, cranberry sauce, sliced oranges, a variety of mild peppers and seasoning, and just a pinch of my secret ingredient. This turkey will rest in this mixture in the refrigerator until late Wednesday night when he will be removed to join the others on my pit smoker for their 12 hour journey into smoked tenderness and bliss. Until then, this post will close.

Worms Are For Pussies

Back in the early 90s I had the rare opportunity to live in northern Japan while serving in the United States Air Force. I had considered myself, in the beginning, a decent drinker. Jack Daniels, Wild Turkey, Jim Beam, Jose Cuervo, and Crown Royal were all my friends whom I knew very well by the time I turned 19. I have a hidden talent that I used to my advantage to win many bets and make a fair amount of money in the process. I have no gag reflex at all and I can breath thru my nose while chugging whatever I am chugging eliminating the need to stop for a breath in the middle. I was born with the talent and honed it in to a fine art by the time I was a teenager. I can remember the first time I drank an entire bottle of Monte Elban Mezcal in front of a group of college kids at a party, worm and all. The looks on their dazzled faces was priceless, but I remember collecting some $300.00 from all the non-believers. Unfortunately, one can never do it in front of the same crowd twice and make any money because nobody wants to take the bet. Lucky for me I got to continue drinking in my style after joining the Air Force since the AMMO careerfield is kinda known for it’s drunken rowdiness all the time. We never needed a reason to drink other than we weren’t working. It didn’t hurt that I could get alcohol for the same price as soda while overseas. Before I get going to far on this post let me explain the picture above. A friend picked this scorpion alcohol up from a street vendor in downtown Misawa. Essentially it is cheap moonshine (riceshine) that is unregulated, unmonitored, and very unsafe to drink from the rumors I heard. Basically the moonshine serves as formaldehyde to the corps inside the bottle which begins to rot as soon as the liquid is poured onto it which poisons the entire contents of the bottle. They say that you have to have big gold plated brass balls to even considering drinking it. You see my bottle still intact even after some 20 years. It goes great sitting up with my shot glass collection.

Over the years I have amassed a sorted collection of things involving scorpions or Scorpio. No reason other than it is a personal fascination of mine personally. There are many things to explore when exploring all things scorpion. The scorpion truly is the most wicked and most understood creature on the planet. Say the word scorpion and people back up and give the oh shit face because fear of the unknown. I used to make a drink called The Scorpion while I was still bartending, a fun mix of gin, dark rum, 151 rum, light rum, vodka, grenadine, orange juice, pineapple juice, pineapple chunks, lemon juice and cherries, and ice. Toss it all into a blender, pour into a tall glass, add an umbrella, and you have The Scorpion. At home, however, it gets a little more adventurous. I have mentioned in the past that I am a huge fan of Mezcal, preferably Scorpion Mezcal Joven since instead of a meal worm at the bottom you get an actual scorpion. On top of that this particular Mezcal is good for doing Scorpion Shots which are not for the casual drinker. My wife finds it amazing that I put the time and effort into finding or creating new ways to be unusual. I think I take that as as a compliment. She thought she would be slick a few years back and buy some 12 Signs Scorpio Pinot Noir. I am not a wine drinker like she is but neither of us actually enjoyed it at all. The bottle was cool so we rinsed it out and on the shelf it went. Goes to show you that some things are indeed a bad idea and that was one f them to say the very least.

When you graduate into different proteins in your shots you will be reminded why worms are for pussies and not the serious drinker. This shot isn’t just for anyone, you have to have a stomach for the Mezcal as well as the scorpion treat that is waiting in the shot glass for you. You would be surprised, I can find these great shot sized scorpions at a local health food place for a rather cheap price. Just remember, it’s just protein and don’t eat the stinger. This is the shot that separates the boys from the men or the sane from the insane or the pussies from the adventurous. This shot isn’t unlike life in the way that it’s full of surprises you won’t soon forget. I look way back into my teenage years and wonder where I would have been if I knew then what I know now about alcohol. Good thing for me, over the years, I have just been able to keep it all just for fun. I have had to learn that just because someone says to drink it doesn’t mean I actually need to drink it. I always will remember the street vendors selling their “whatever” in a bottle and trying to sell it all off as an aphrodisiac or cure all. Certain things just look better on the shelf and serve better to tell a story rather than be consumed. But, I have a standing bet for any brave soul out there. I have $500.00 with your name on it if you chug my bottle of vintage scorpion alcohol. My rules to collect are simple, consume the entire contents of the bottle including the scorpion, no puking it up, no passing out, no trips to the hospital, and no dying. If, after 24 hours your are still in one piece then you can collect your prize.