Random Callers Are The Best

Over the past week I have been getting phone calls on my cell phone, no big deal since it is the only way you are going to talk to me unless we are face to face. Not only is it my “home phone” number but it is also my work contact phone number. Needless to say, I get allot of phone calls from numbers I don’t know personally, and since it is used for work I usually answer all calls. In the rare occasion I choose to ignore your call then it is for one of two reasons, either I’m busy or you have an out of state number. Typically I’m not hiding from phone calls, you know, like bill collectors, in that regard I seem to have lucked out. Anyway, usually, unless you are my employer, and you don’t leave me a voicemail, I’m not going to return your call. You called me, leave a fucking message about what you were calling for or I consider it not too damn important. I’m just saying. 99% of the time people call, don’t leave a message, but then text me, which is even better. So, this Houston number keeps calling, so finally last night answered it, my gift since in the 11 times they called me they left no message, well I say no message, they would let it go to voicemail just long enough for them to hang up after silence, giving me a voicemail icon to go check only to hear NOTHING. When I answered the call I also recorded the call, the following is a transcribed text version of what was said.

Me: Hello

Caller: (crickets)

Me: Hello

Caller: (more crickets)

Me: HELLO MOTHERFUCKERS HELLO!

Caller: Excuse me?

Me: Look motherfucker, you keep calling me, what’s on your mind?

Caller: Please wait…….. (places me on hold)

Me: Really? Call me, put me on hold, and make me listen to Kenny G? You fucking suck balls!

Me: (2 minutes into it) Hello?

Caller: (after I was on hold 6 minute) Is this Mr. Scorpion? (used my real name)

Me: Yes. Why?

Caller: Can you verify your mailing address?

Me: No. Why?

Caller: We need to verify who you are. Address please?

Me: No, I need to verify who you are. What company are you calling from?

Caller: Sir, before we can continue this conversation we need to verify your identity. Can we proceed with your address, street number first?

Me: No, we cannot. You tell me who you are and what you want or you can go fuck yourself.

Caller: Sir, we are trying to identify you are the person we have in our records.

Me: Well, what do your records say? If you get it right I will tell you, deal?

Caller: Sir, it doesn’t work this way. Address?

Me: Well, ok, thanks for calling, we’re fucking done here.

Caller: Please hold……..

Me: What the fuck! (I ended the call)

Within 30 seconds my phone is ringing once again, same number.

Me: What in the fuck do you want?

Caller: My name is Ann, I understand we are having problems identifying you so we can move forward.

Me: What in the fuck are you talking about? Who are you Ann?

Ann: I’m the manager here, you were speaking with Rebecca earlier, she mentioned there is a problem with you cooperating with the identification protocol and I have taken over to assist in the process.

Me: Why in the fuck are you calling me, repeatedly all week, twice a day, every day, never leaving a message? Can you tell me, is this part of your fucked up protocol?

Ann: Sir, look, we are a company hired by Ford Motor Company to gather information about the individuals purchasing experience.

Me: I didn’t buy anything from Ford.

Ann: Our records show you recently purchased a 2014 Ford Mustang, is that information correct?

Me: Yes, but I bought it from a Kia dealership, it is a used Mustang.

Ann: Yes sir, we understand that you didn’t purchase it directly from a Ford dealership, however your purchase records are forwarded to Ford for many purposes like factory warranty and statistical reasons.

Me: Ok, why all the cloak and dagger bullshit, why not identify yourselves first, then ask me questions?

Ann: If you would so kind to verify your address for me sir? We show you live at the following address (she tells it to me). Is this information correct?

Me: Yes, it is correct.

Ann: Your phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx?

Me: Isn’t that the number y’all keep dialing?

Ann: Yes sir. (followed by a dramatic pause)

Me: Are we done?

Ann: No sir, we have been trying to talk with you to see how you are liking your new car.

Me: I like it fine. Anything else?

Ann: Is this your first Ford purchase?

Me: No

Ann: (after a long pause) If you don’t mind, would you like to share what other Fords you have purchased in the past?

Me: Look, I’m in the middle of cooking dinner for my family and myself, is this really necessary? Yes, guilty, I like Ford, Ford is great, if I was a woman then this Ford Mustang would make my pussy all dripping wet.

Ann: Sir?

Me: Ann?

Ann: Sir, you caught me a little off guard with your last comment. You are aware we record these conversations for training purposes, correct?

Me: Yes

Ann: If I told you that in our appreciation for speaking with us that I have a paid trip to offer to you, would you be pleased to here about it? All I need to finalize this package is to ask you a few more questions. Can we continue?

Me: So, Ann, the entire purpose to this phone call was to politely tell me that my information was given or sold to your marketing company for other purposes than to see if Ford makes me weak at the knees?

Ann: Sir, I assure you that we received your information legally.

Me: Buuuuuullllllllllllllshit Ann.

Ann: I would like to tell you about your complimentary trip now if that’s ok?

Me: Sure, why not, hurry up, dinner is almost done, you got about 7 minutes.

Ann: Las Vegas or Atlantic City?

Me: Vegas

Ann: I have two first class round trip airline tickets, a rental car voucher for the 7 days you and your spouse will be in Las Vegas, it is good for up to $150.00 per day. Included is a preloaded Visa with $1500.00 for gas and other expenses. You will be staying at the MGM Grand with two free meals for two each day of your stay. You and your spouse will each receive $200.00 in house chips for use in the casino. Any questions?

Me: Yes, I don’t fly.

Ann: Meaning?

Me: I’m not going to fly to Las Vegas. Period. I don’t fly.

Ann: I’m not following you.

Me: Skip the flight, I’ll drive. a rental will be cheaper on y’all any way.

Ann: Please hold…………

Me: Noooooo…….. Fuck……… Bitch……..

Ann: I have checked with the booking agency, those arrangements can be made for you to accommodate your needs. You’ll need to visit our office to pick up your package, the changes can be made at that time. When would you like to pick up your package so I can schedule your appointment?

Me: Saturday is fine.

Ann: Perfect, I will put you down for 8 am, will that work for you?

Me: Sure

Ann: Please be sure to bring two forms of ID for you and your wife to the appointment.

Me: Does my wife need to be present?

Ann: Yes sir.

Me: Can I get the address?

Ann: Actually, we are not allowed to give that information over the phone. Please provide me with your email address. I will send you the information described above, please print to bring with you, and the address to claim address will be included.

Me: Anything else I need to know?

Ann: No sir, we hope you enjoy your new Mustang and your trip to Las Vegas.

Me: So….. we’re done?

Ann: Yes sir, enjoy your dinner. (Call ended)

So, I did get the email as she discussed. But, and its a big fucking but, the address is at the corner of an open field and an abandoned business. First I googled it so I knew where I was going. Unsettled by what shows in google maps, I sent my future son-in-law there this morning on his way to work, he confirmed that there is nothing there except the building being torn down. When I called the number that had been calling me I got no answer, just rings and rings. I have called several times, nobody’s home. Hmmm, seems like the pile of bullshit just keeps getting deeper and deeper. The email came from donotreply@mailmixmail.net and when I emailed it back it just bounced with a server reply that the email is not valid. No shit Sherlock! I also contacted my cell service provider to put in a complaint of the number and I was told it isn’t even a valid number. Fuck it, block it anyway.

What have we learned? Well, after wasting 18 minutes of my life that I will never get back, I have found this is another reason I dislike giving out my phone number or email address to anyone for any reason. Trust me, your information is being sold, traded, or given away whether you consent to it or not. Personally I don’t think it was the Kia dealership doing it on “purpose”, but records of the purchase with my personal information were only given at the dealership at the time of purchase. Who really knows any more, really. I can’t wait until these gigafucks call me back to inform me I missed my fucking “appointment” or to follow up with me. Then it will be time to have fun. I will assume they will not call, but that’s just my opinion. Any of y’all have any good phishing stories? I have a special place in my heart, which is black and cold, for telemarketers and professional phishers. Y’all suck you bunch of troubled fucks! Get a real job, like a third party bill collector or something respectable. With that, I’m done, think I’ll put up a sign “Gone Phishing” and take the weekend off.

Beware Of This Message?

I would like to talk about this message, it’s anatomy, and why I find humor in bullshit like this. First question that comes to my mind is why should I give a fuck to begin with. But then I remember that I read an article a few months back that listed out all the international statistics, based on reports supposedly, about theft, fraud, and identity theft. The article sited examples of what to look for in an email if you can’t immediately figure out that your being phished for personal information. This email was sent to me last week, I’m just now getting to it by the way, so I decided to write a little bit about these kinds of emails, the people that send them, and of course the people that reply with their personal information.

Number one flag for me is I know for a fact of personal experience that when you are named in a will being read publicly or privately you’re notified by certified mail. Number two flag is not many of us have someone in the hierarchy of the family tree who will leave monies to you upon their death. OK, it’s not likely in my own personal family tree, but maybe yours is different. Flag number three is that greed is part of being human. Anyway, you get the jist of what I’m saying.

For fun I like to play a game, I like googling every bit of the information and read what others have had to say, to see if the people’s name are actually prior identity theft victims, complaints about the emails used, and so in and so forth. Since I have already played the game, which was very twisted to say the very least, I thought I would let readers play and find their own answers. Kind of like a treasure hunt but resulting in what seems to be a wild goose chase. You don’t need to reply your findings, but I would like to know your personal opinion on these types of emails.

Why Did I Get This Ad As Spam?

“THE BLACK FLAG means that there is no accountability. A fight to the end. THE BLACK FLAG is the symbol of the struggle against tyranny, to been trotted out by the oppressed against the oppressors throughout history. Today we hoist THE BLACK FLAG. “This will be my flag” we will fight against the corrupt politicians, of whatever party they may be.”

The above is a rough translation of the message about the black flag provided by a co-worker of Mexican heritage, fluent in both Spanish and English. He then provided me further information from a Facebook page to help explain it to me. “The black flag has the opposite meaning of the white flag, which is to surrender, the black flag represents disobedience and rebellion amongst the oppressed. It is the anti-flag, represents not belonging to  internationalism that denies any limits, symbolizes the denial of all ideology, philosophy, religion, tradition in it’s name enslave or seeks to enslave the human. The black flag represents equality and above all freedom for all races and people”. Now, that was also written in Spanish so he translated it for me as well. In the end, as it was explained to me, this is a movement to collectively stand together and fight corrupt government. When I asked what government he referred to, he said the government of the United States, as well as a world-wide movement to bring equality to all humans.

The entire conversation has left me a little confused and equally disturbed. Why? Because someone spammed a post of mine recently and this is way off the topic and subject matter. It goes right back to other things I’ve written about spammers, they don’t care about anything except their message. Yes, I reported it as spam. When I clicked the representative link associated with the comment I was redirected some 60+ times before the server here at work had enough and just denied further access to it, shutting it down for me. When I did the same on my phone I had the same results, it opened 50+ browsers fast before the antipiracy and anti-phishing protection just turned my phone off for my own safety. So, where am I going with all of this? It’s simple, it’s beyond the spamming comment, it’s beyond the black flag, but it reminds me how much some people lack in courtesy. What did he/she expect, that I would jump on the black flag band wagon with my bells and whistles to spread the word? Why would I? Did he/she expect I would do a post about the black flag, that I would take time to involve others to fulfill my own curiosities? Probably not. But, this is what I do, according to my haters out there, exploit the innocence of an innocent comment and twist it around into something that is slanted and call it worthy of writing about, and do a little bitching and moaning.

I see the opposite. He is your free space, call it a rent free real estate deal, you don’t owe me shit, but this is the only time it will be talked about here. Take it or leave it, I could care less. I wrote about it because the translation intrigued me enough to do so. I don’t endorse the movement or condemn the movement, it’s just an interesting subject to write about.

Phishing With SPAM

Uncc < AaronSmith@stussy.jp>	Sat, Aug 10, 2013 at 7:11 PM
Reply-To: firstcontact001@rocketmail.com
The United Nations Headquarters, New York   United Nations Compensation Unit, In Affiliation with World Bank Our Ref: U.N/WBO/042UK/2012.     Congratulations Beneficiary,   How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family? You may not understand why this mail came to you. We have been having a meeting for the past 7 months which just ended  few days ago with the secretary to the UNITED NATIONS. This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS in Affiliation with  WORLD BANK have agreed to compensate them with the sum of USD $1 Million Dollars.     This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed  due to Government problems etc. We found your name in the list of those who are to benefit from these compensation exercise and that is why we are contacting you, this have been  agreed upon and have been signed. You are advised to contact Aaron Smith of our paying center in Africa, as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for  your Cheque/ International Bank Draft of USD $1 Million Dollars.   This fund is in form of a Bank Draft for security purpose ok? So he will send it to you and you can clear it in any bank of your choice. Therefore, you should send him your full  Name and telephone number your correct mailing address where you want him to send the Draft to you. Contact Aaron Smith of MAGNUM PLC PAYMENT CENTER with your payment  code:ST/DPI/829 immediately for your Cheque at the given address below:   DIRECTOR IN CHARGE:Aaron Smith E-MAIL:dispatchofficedl17@zing.vn TELEPHONE+2347042698777   I apologize on behalf of my organization for any delay you might have encountered in receiving your fund in the past. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear  from you as soon as you cash your Bank Draft. Making the world a better place.   You are required to contact the above person and furnish him with the following of your information that will be required to avoid any mistakes:-   1. Your Full name:   2. Your Country:   3. Contact Address:   4. Telephone Number:   5. Fax Number:   6. Marital Status:   7. Occupation:   8. Sex:   9. Age:   Congratulations, and I look forward to hear from you as soon as you confirm your payment making the world a better place.   Regards,   Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon   http://www.un.org/sg/

 

The reason for this post today is to celebrate the 2000th time this particular e-mail from this particular person has been sent to my Scorpion Sting e-mail since 14 March 2013. Incredible right? But that’s not all folks, collectively my blogs have got this as a spam comment 483 times. Why? Why indeed. I have flagged this message as spam so many times I think Google is tired of hearing about it from me. On the plus side, at least where my e-mail is concerned, it always goes straight to the spam folder. I just thought these statistics were pretty amazing as they happened in under 6 months. I wanted to share it because it follows a real basic format that I know we all see on a regular basis so I wanted to take the opportunity and break it’s contents down and discuss them individually a bit.

 

But first I want to share what I found when I was poking around into Google’s suspicious or unwanted mail policies. The page states that “Gmail has an automated system which helps detect spam by identifying viruses and suspicious messages, finding patterns across messages, and learning from what Gmail users you commonly mark as spam”. The filter is generally split into six different categories, “Phishing Scams”, “Messages From An Unconfirmed Sender”, “Messages You Sent To Spam”, “Similarity To Other Suspicious Messages”, “Administrator-Set Policies”, and “Message Content Is Empty”. The information used and collected is to protect from potentially dangerous or fraudulent messages and helps to better understand and detect them in the future.

 

This particular e-mail and ones that are similar to it always leave me with the same basic questions. First of all when I do a Google search for “U.N/WBO/042UK/2012” every single result returned is for scam alert blogs, forums, or websites. My personal favorite is called very simply Fake Letters because it has am increasingly large number of these fake letters for the public’s reading pleasure. The website has a very simple definition of a 419 Scam which I will borrow and place here for your convenience.

 

“What is a 419 Scam?

 

The scammers usually contact you by email or letter and offer you a share in a large sum of money that they want to transfer out of their country. They may tell you about money trapped in central banks during civil wars or coups, often in countries currently in the news. Or they may tell you about massive inheritances that are difficult to access because of government restrictions or taxes in the scammer’s country.

 

Scammers ask you to pay money or give them your bank account details to help them transfer the money. You are then asked to pay fees, charges or taxes to help release or transfer the money out of the country through your bank. These ‘fees’ may even start out as quite small amounts. If paid, the scammer make up new fees that require payment before you can receive your ‘reward’. They will keep making up these excuses until they think they have got all the money they can out of you. You will never be sent the money that was promised.”

Now, I always hear how people hate scammers and spammers, but rarely ever hear what they do about it or with it. Personally, even though this is the first time I have actually published one of the e-mails, I do basically the same things I have mentioned, to include a Google search to see what others might be saying about it. For me personally it is a pain in the ass because the hit my blogs and I have to remove them on a regular basis. But, they are entertaining to read none the less.

 

Which leads me to ask all of y’all, what do you do with your spam?

 

As a reminder, the listed e-mail was sent to me. The two pictures were acquired through a Google picture search using the search term “spam”.