Being of sound mind and memory, I do hereby publish this as my last will and testament.
First, although my surviving spouse will need all the financial help possible, I give my surviving wife only half of my possessions and I give my remaining half to my loving children.
Second, I appoint my surviving spouse as guardian of our children, but as a safeguard, despite utmost confidence in my spouse’s judgement, I require that a report be given to the probate court each and every year and an accounting rendering how, why, and where money was spent for proper care of the children.
- (A) As a further safegaurd, despite my utmost confidence in my spouse’s integrity, I direct that the necessary time and money be spent to obtain a performance bond to guarantee to the probate court that proper judgement will be excercised in handling, investing, and spending the children’s money.
- (B) As a final safeguard, despite my desire to free my surviving spouse from undue burdens and potential harassments, when our children become of legal age, I give them the right to demmand and recieve a complete accounting of all financial actions taken with their money.
Third, Should my spouse re-marry and subsequently die having made no will, the new spouse shall be entitled to one half of everything my spouse possessed. Should my children need some of this share for food, clothes, or other support, the new spouse may simply, and quite legally, refuse to spend any of it on their behalf.
- (A) At death, the second spouse shall also have sole right to decide who is to get his share, my children may be legally excluded.
Fourth, should my spouse pre-decease me or die while any of our children are minors, I do not wish to excercise my right to nominate the guardian of our children. Rather, I direct my relatives and friends to get together and argue about it. If they fail to agree on a guardian, I direct the probate court to make the selection. If the court decides to appoint a complete stranger, that will be fine with me.
Fifth, under existing law, there are certain ways to lower the ammount of federal taxes on my estate payable at my death. Although my spouse and children could put this tax savings to good use, I would rather give the money to the Internal Revenue Service.
I witness whereof, I have set my hand to this Last Will and Testament.
A note to my readers. I hope that you could tell that this is not a legal document of any sorts, and should not be taken seriously, it was designed as a parody to demonstate the perils of not having a will. If I have got you to think about your own will, I have done my part, wills are a very important part of life and even our death.
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