Homeowner’s Association Form Letter

So, yesterday I walked the close to 1/4 mile trek out to collect my mail from the mailbox located out at the end of my driveway. Normally I would take the golf cart but I was feeling froggy and just decided to walk. I don’t usually “sort” my mail out here in the street but there was allot of crap that I was going to put in the recycle bin since it had not been collected yet. As I am flipping through it all I see a letter addressed to “Resident” with my address printed below it. It is a letter from our beloved homeowner’s association. Might be important so I went ahead and opened it. After reading it through the first time I was left asking “what the fuck?” and need to read it again before I got pissed all the way. After A quick review I can see that they are talking of my location, it has the correct block, lot, plot, and section. The address on the envelope belongs to me, so it must be my property being spoke of. The jist of the form letter is to inform me (property owner) that a complaint has been filed suggesting I am burning “trash” items too close to the street which is too close to neighboring houses. The date sited was 22 days ago. Too close to my neighbors? My nearest neighbor’s house is over 650 yards away. The letter continues to outline the “offense” by stating that I was burning tires and other accelerant fuels. Wait just a damn minute here. First I don’t burn anywhere except the rear of my almost ten acres of property. Second, I don’t burn tires or use gas or diesel to set such fires. The letter has me at a loss.

As I am walking back to the house to go make a phone call because they have assessed a $350.00 fine for the incident, I notice, which makes me remember, I did have a fire in my front yard about three weeks ago. The scorch marks are still visible as I walk by. I wonder if this could be what they are referring to in the letter. I haven’t written about this yet here so y’all are probably scratching your heads wondering what has happened. I guess this is a good place to put in what happened and the I will figure out why there was a complaint. In a way I guess an outsider could say it was a trash fire in my front yard but if a person was paying attention they would of seen it was my riding lawn mower that had actually burst into flames. Man, I loved that old mower too, I was sad to see it go out in a blaze of glory like it did. What happened? I was mowing in the yard in front of my house pretty close to my driveway when a giant puff of black smoke blew out of the front of the engine cowel. I jumped off and flipped it open and when I did it burst into open flames. I was able to dowse the flames with the garden hose but it was too late. As I stood there watching it smolder a bit I secretly was hearing TAPS being played off in the distance. It was almost a tearful moment for me, but I held it back. It truly was a spectacular show but at the same time I didn’t like seeing my old friend roast its own marshmallows.

In review of the complaints in the letter I can see why they would say I was burning tires and using an accelerant because the tires did catch fire and the fuel line did melt and feed the fire. But hold on, this means that my incident was visible to someone somewhere. So I stood in the spot and looked around 360 degrees to see if I could figure out who the bastard was that assumed I was burning trash in my front yard. Well, there is only one house in my view and that is straight across the street. That old bastard has the eyes of a hawk then because its a good 200 yards from the street in front of his house. And it only burned for 10-12 minutes anyways. I’m so confused. Anyway, I will deal with him later, I have bigger fish to fry. I went in the house and called the secretary of the homeowner’s association to discuss the complaint and the fine I was not ever going to pay. I invited him out to check out the burned out carcas and I was declined a visit. I was told to go to their website and print out a form which I could use to defend myself. Once filled out I am to mail it to them with supporting information and/or pictures if available to justify my case. I was also reminded to enclose a check or money order with my form so I could pay the fine. Ummm, fuck you, there will be no check or money order enclosed you goofy bastards. I filled out the form and enclosed some nice glossy pictures with my explanation of what occurred. When I was done I sent my son down to throw it in the mail box for pick up today. This is why I detest having neighbors.

This whole thing has served as a good reminder. Since my other rider (the back up) isn’t in that great of shape and isn’t exactly dependable, I think I will get dressed and go mower shopping. I wonder what I will come home with. Have y’all seen the commercials for all the different riding mowers lately? Maybe they have been the “sign” I have been looking for and just haven’t realized it. I better make sure the trash fire I have going currently is out before I go because I would hate for some snooper to say I left it unattended. If I get a new toy I will be sure to show y’all so don’t worry.

Why Didn’t I Move To Hawaii

Ever dream of escaping it all and owning a dream home on a remote island paradise? Didn’t think you could afford it? Think again. There is now a U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) home loan program here to help you. Created to assist those with low and moderate incomes in rural areas obtain safe and sanitary dwellings, the program has expanded to cover “mortgages for millionaires” and homes in suburban and urban areas, as well as seaside resort communities. This year more than 100 individuals or families received loan guarantees for $500,000 or more from the U.S. Department of Agriculture to purchase a residence in Hawaii. If these new homeowners later cannot afford their new homes, it’s no problem; the federal government will protect the banks from losses by repaying 90 percent of the loans.

These and thousands of other loan guarantees were issued this year by the USDA Rural Housing Service (RHS) Section 502 loan programs. The Section 502 guarantee program and Section 502 direct loan program provide loans to low and moderate income individuals for the purchase of modest housing in a rural area. The programs had authority to guarantee $24 billion in privately sourced loans and make $900 million in new direct loans for FY2013. There is no down payment requirement for the loans, no maximum purchase price, and—according to USDA—the government is required to serve all borrowers who meet eligibility requirements and seek to purchase homes in eligible areas. And despite the name of the program, it serves more than just rural areas. An independent analysis found that, today, the program covers nearly the entire U.S. land mass. That has helped turn the program into one of the sweetest deals available.

The program issued nearly 166,000 loan guarantees in FY 2013 and more than 100 of those were for amounts greater than, or equal to $500,000. Nearly all of these half-a-million dollar home loans were in Hawaii. Many of the most scenic parts of Hawaii, including Maui and Kauai, are eligible areas for USDA rural loan assistance. Maui has been selected as the top island in the world for 20 consecutive years in the annual Condé Nast Traveler Readers’ Choice Awards. Providing a combination of tropical ambience and American comforts, this island paradise offers an abundance of activities offered, from whale-watching to nature hikes to watersports with unending natural beauty. The entire island of Kauai, described as “a little slice of heaven, is considered rural by USDA.

Since property values in Hawaii exceed the national average, buying a home there may seem to be out of reach for most, but everyone from risky borrowers to the wealthy are benefitting from this USDA loan program. The USDA rural housing program’s income guidelines are generous, notes a senior loan officer in Hawaii. Likewise for those with more modest incomes, the Federal Government will reimburse up to 90 percent of the original loan amount to the lender if a borrower defaults on a loan. Thousands of borrowers do foreclose every year, costing the federal government hundreds of millions of dollars, and the number and cost have skyrocketed over the past five years. In 2008, the program had 3,369 foreclosures costing in $103 million in loss claims paid. By 2011, there were 18,808 foreclosures costing $295 million. Last year, the program paid $496 million in loss claims, according to the USDA Office of Inspector General. If trends continue, this loss will have exceeded half-billion dollars in 2013.

The department acknowledges default rates vary throughout the year and during 2012, the delinquency rate for loans 30 or more days past due ranged from 7.65 percent to 10.44 percent. By comparison, the delinquency rate in a typical housing market is around 3 percent. While designed to operate off of loan fees, the program’s delinquency rates make a taxpayer bailout more likely according to experts who predict it’s likely the program isn’t covering its costs and will probably require taxpayer funding. While USDA was putting taxpayers on the hook for generous and increasingly risky loan guarantees, housing assistance to low-income individuals across the country, including in Hawaii, was being cut. In March, USDA threatened the elimination of rental assistance for more than 10,000 very low income rural residents, generally elderly, disabled, and single female households. In July the Department notified hundreds of borrowers that their contracts would be cut off before the end of FY 2013, 90 including a housing unit for disabled elderly in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii.

And while USDA is quick to threaten assistance for the poor, elderly and disabled, the Inspector General found the Rural Development program did not identify and review loss claims from loans with questionable eligibility prior to payment, resulting in millions of dollars in improper payments. Before USDA kicks out low income elderly and disabled from rural housing, the department should first discontinue its risky loan practices that are costing nearly half-a-billion dollars a year in loss claims. This really has me wondering why I didn’t move to Hawaii.

Information found for this “Your Tax Dollars @ Work” post was done by using a Google search. Information compiled from multiple public websites & media outlets.