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Those of y’all who were regulars or even know me in real life already know that I find it quite sad that I have to be responsible for Other People’s Children while I am at work. Having 3 children of my own of various ages and a young grand daughter I would like to say I have a little experience raising children. I see, in life in general, that many parents don’t take the time to teach their children how to act in the real world or when they have a job. I know I cannot be the only person alive that has witnessed young adults in the workplace who need a babysitter to help them get through the entire day. I work with 3 such people and quite frankly wonder how they even wake up in the morning. I have seen over time that none of them seem to have an alarm clock because none of them have been to work on time at 8 a.m. since the day they were hired. Two of them are even married. Now, these 3 grown ass men range in age between 22 and 26 so I know they are old enough to know better. Stupid me, I am proven wrong on a daily basis by at least one if not all three of them. I have to wonder how they survive the complexities of daily life since they barely know how to tie their own shoes. No, I do not jest. Two of them will tell you they wear boots simply because they can never get their shoes to stayed tied more than a duration of a couple of hours at a time. I don’t think the other one even knows what laces are, he has big boy velcro strap shoes. Collectively these three boys are referred to as my “work kids” to pretty much everyone I know and will listen to me bitch about them. You see, I don’t complain about my job, I really don’t, I have that perfect job. I do, daily, complain about my work kids since I should not have to raise three grown men at work and hold their hands so they can function the 9 hours a day they are there. Sadly, I am their co-worker, not boss, not manager, not supervisor, not their superior in any way, just their co-worker. In my bosses defense, they have washed their hands of them long ago, they are just fixtures in the workplace that are tolerated because the bosses feel too sorry for them to fire their sorry asses. Even the threat of me quitting doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. I get “it was nice working with you” or “its been nice knowing you” or “hope you find work soon after you leave”. There is zero gratitude and no love lost in this workplace. I am convinced one day I will be proven wrong and these three boys will start earning their 43K a year, that day was definitely not today I assure you.

I have to get on them like my own kids everyday, ten plus times a day or more sometimes. I know that they really cannot be as stupid and lazy as I get to see of them at work, it can’t be true because nobody can really be this stupid. Since obliterating my shoulder a few weeks ago I have found myself needing their assistance on a very regular basis, you see in my position I move many heavy boxes each day and I can’t right now, hell I can barely pull my own pants up to be honest. Unlike the kids I do not have a complete day where it doesn’t matter if I accomplish something or not, I have responsibilities to people outside our department who depend on me to do my job well and in a timely manner. A task that has been hard over the last few weeks since I have to go to their hiding spots and “bribe” them out to actually work. When I say bribe it usually is chocolate from my secret stash. Just don’t tell these boneheads its sugar free or I will have a war on my hands. Don’t worry, they can’t read so I don’t have to be afraid I let the cat out of the bag just now. Their mere existence burdens me, I often wonder why I am being punished and why they are sucking up all my oxygen in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, I just wish somebody else would take a turn raising them because I am tired of them. Does that make me a bad human? I know I should care but I really don’t, I have done my time for whatever crime against nature I committed and I am ready for them to move on.  But they just keep coming back everyday. Reminds me of buying a scratch off lottery card and not winning, same thing happens every day, I am not the winner and they keep showing up at work for their free paycheck. Not that it matters, but I was just remembering and having a chuckle about all three of them coming back after voting for President, each for the second time in their life, because politics are the one thing they take serious I guess. Give me a freaking break! I don’t think they voted, they didn’t even have the special “I Voted” sticker, plus, I think they think I believe we could vote at the taco shack up the street. How can a dumbass vote that can’t tie his own shoes?

I have set ways at work, they are my ways and are not subject to debate, ever. Why? Because my ways keep everyone, including the children, safe and employed. There is specific ways to do a variety of things. If someones needs parts, there is a request form for those parts. If some thing needs to be shipped or received, there are procedures for that. If someone has a task to do that is work related, there is most like an instruction for that procedure. I had a rather large role in the production and implementation of our guidelines, procedures, and the instructions because I have experience in that role. I am a firm believer in continuity at work because it makes my life at work that much easier. Of course, the children have their own way of doing things, which in turn means I butt heads with the kids all the time. I am the asshole at work because I think they should have to contribute to the success of our department and company to in turn get a big fat paycheck. In more ways than one it is my rules they get to play with or they don’t get to play. Often they will go to my boss to cry that I am treating them unfair by making them follow the procedures. Boohoo………….I make him follow the same damn rules. I can’t afford to lose my job because of the arrogance of somebody else’s children. If I had my way I would line each one of their parents up in a row facing away from me while they grab their ankles while I shove my size 16 steel toe shoe (with shoestrings I have to tie) straight up their asses for doing such a shitty job raising their children. Sadly in the United States we have to have a license to drive, a license to have guns, business licenses, and so forth, but any fucktard can have kids with no prerequisite whatsoever. Reminds me of a western themed parody to madness, Have Penis…….. Will Travel. And, 2 out of the three are following in their parent’s footsteps, having 3 and 4 children respectively. Both of the boys are receiving food stamps and supplemental income because their wives won’t or can’t work for one reason or excuse of another. The third one, he’s all messed up, I think he might be too stupid to know how to make children of his own. My dad once told me that we need to promote fornication amongst the stupid so they will breed themselves out of evolutionary existence. It doesn’t work tho, I know many people who shouldn’t breed under any circumstance yet they are humping like bunnies. I don’t feel sorry for the children they would birth because you have little choice in who your parents will be, I feel sorry for each sucker who gets stuck in the position of adult babysitter like myself. Since it is the weekend now I get a small break from my bastard work children, but Monday will be here all too fast. I wonder what way these freaks will dream up to screw with me next week. No, not really, I think their dumb shit just happens by accident and at random, you know, like breathing. Until next time………….