Kick The Tires & Light The Fires

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I would like to say that I’ve been itching to get back here to The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog, but there would only be about 3% truth in that statement, and I would like for everyone to know that my year or so vacation has been just that, without one single withdrawal symptom to count. I know some of y’all are asking how could I not miss blogging about whatever crossed my mind at a given moment of a given day, and I would say it was actually easier to walk away from than I first thought because I was pretty addicted to doing as I pleased how I wanted to and when I wanted to. So, with that being said let’s kick the tires and light the fires. Yes, I will probably still misspell words, use improper grammar, cuss allot, and give my unwanted opinions. And no, I will not be announcing any kind of fucking format changes, I like the fringe too much to charge ahead changing shit that doesn’t need changing. I do, however, want to thank everyone for visiting over the past months, when I was posting I averaged 1200+ visitors a day and when I stopped that dropped to an average of 800+ visitors. Come to find out older material was still being re-blogged and commented on, people were still using links from other blogs and searching the world-wide web to find this blog. I would have to guess that 90% or better of the searched terms landed y’all here by accident because I tag the shit out of my posts and have something like 30,000+ tags in the cloud. Before I get started I would like to reach out to thank everyone who has continued to email me, text me, comment here, or just flat-out call me. It has been a constant reminder that I have left y’all hanging, that I abandoned my blog along with friends and followers, and that even though I may have been finished with one part that I wasn’t even close to being done yet.

Which is where we begin, deciding whether one is finished or one is done. I see your face already, giving me the looks of a disappointed parent before even giving me a chance to explain. But some of y’all already know the difference, some of y’all even use it on a daily basis, but the rest of y’all may think you’re learning something new, only to find out that it has a purpose in life. Most things I teach my children are lessons taught to me over the years, of course I’ve had the luxury of picking and choosing what works for me, but I have a nice collection of “tools” in this weathered shed that have come in handy over the years. The best example of all of this nonsense we call living out our lives is knowing without fail if I am finished or if I am done. While i find it super simple, I will explain. Imagine if you will, for those who can, that you picked up a great book to read, a thick book with many chapters, a book which will probably take weeks if not months to get to the end. You’ve set aside a few hours to read and decide at the end of the first chapter that you need a break. Now ask yourself, are you finished or are you done. For those playing along, you are merely finished for the time being. To be done one needs to make it to the end, signifying being done. Being finished or done applies to everything, yes I said everything, from conversations and conflicts, from getting dressed to showering, from going on a trip to doing your daily routine, it applies everywhere. Just think how much simpler life would be if everyone on the planet applied being finished or being done to everything they do. It simplifies my life to say the very least.

Is is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that it really has been an entire year. A year without blogging? A year without any social media? My calendar says it’s true, so it must be true, right? Getting back into gear has proven to be rather challenging to say the very least about the matter. Anyway, I think the vacation has done me well, as well as well can be, it’s been a crazy busy year with many twisted turns, some expected and some real surprises.

Before I get into the past year let’s look at the present, today is a great day to discuss. So, it appears my blogcatalog account is still up but I can’t get into because I don’t have the password so I’m trying to get it resolved or reset. Same goes for Twitter and Google+, I can see the pages but can’t get logged in. As far as Facebook and the Facebook fan page, same scenario, with the exception that they want me to update my information with proof of photo identification to show I’m a real human or something to that extent. Personally, I say piss on it all because in reality it was the chore up updating social media which was one of my biggest problems, leaving me very out of focus doing my blog. For what I ask? To promote something that nobody cares about, that’s the answer we’re going for. I knew since day one that this blog was merely one in billions or more. So, my decision has been made, if I’m to give this shit a go again then it’s going to be on my terms alone. I’m taking it back to basics, taking it back to my boring ass life and lifestyle, and writing about the shit that matters to me personally and what might be in or around my life.

Now, as I mentioned above, many people have continued to email and text me and for some reason it has convinced me to try again. I know, I’m trying to figure out what it is that they or y’all are missing, but thanks for the encouragement and the poking and prodding and general enthusiasm, I really do appreciate it, so we can see how it goes. I guess the next thing to do is bring everyone up to speed and then I will get into some really deep shit in coming posts.

Well, I recall mentioning that I became a “minister” so I could fulfill the request of my oldest daughter to officiate her wedding up in South Dakota. And, last summer I did exactly that. In all, the ceremony was easy, it was the whole marrying off my daughter that proved to be the challenge. It was an eventful trip to say the very least, but that will be the next post, because we had the wedding, but we also had a very life altering medical emergency with my wife as well. Just know everyone is well now. So, speaking of marriage ceremonies, something I figured I would not be doing again until probably my son’s marriage if that would be what they wanted, but I found out that plan had quite a few holes in it as it would happen. Therefore, to date, not counting my daughter’s wedding, I’ve officiated 6 other marriages and 3 same sex marriages (female to female). Not that the kinds of marriage ceremonies actually matter, but there are still a few of y’all out there that have the idea that I’m anti-gay, a racist, anti-religion, and against so much other shit. All I can say is live your life as you see fit. Anyway, all the weddings mentioned approached me personally through word of mouth. This is not why i was ordained, but I considered everything and moved forward. Let’s just say I was given the opportunity to witness the other sides of people as they prepared for the big day. We’ll discuss more later in regards to weddings, trust me.

So, a quick review. I’m still married, just celebrated 18 years last month. I’m still working at the same place doing the same thing on the same shift, more to come on that topic too. I’ve just started parent taught driver’s education with my soon to be 16 y/o son. We, as a family, as a whole, are just living life one day at a time. In one of the next posts I will elaborate on my medical health.

But I think for now this can end as a post since I actually do know how boring I really am. So, I guess this is my way of saying that upon my return I don’t really care if the haters have their big girl panties on or not. My opinions have not changed much, if any, there are still too many fucktards out roaming around out of control that I come in to contact with more often than not. With that being said, remember boys and girls to eat it every day.

Retired Resort Employee Explains

I can personally relate to the information that, if you so choose to do so, you’ll read in a few moments. I have traveled a bit in my life, either professionally or personally, and I have always had questions about how “friendly” the resort staff really is and why it is that way. I will use our last vacation to Florida to visit Disney World where we stayed in a Disney resort. Lets just say the behavior of certain staff member was a little strange, although appreciated. I’ll tell y’all what, I will make my next post about that vacation adventure. I wrote allot about it in the past, but never explored this aspect of it all. It was happening all around us as well as to us, read the next post and you’ll understand better.

Anyway, this email comes in to me to explain the sexual side of everyday resorts. It was mentioned that he worked at the same resort for 20 years, starting out at 16, and has since retired from the tourist industry. I won’t ruin it for him, I’ll let him tell it as it was emailed to me. All I ask is that you think long and hard about all your past resort vacations and probably what to look for on your next resort vacation.

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Greeting Mr. Scorpion~

I would like to share things about resorts and the people who work there as well as the people who stay at them. I worked at the same one since I was 16 and now 20 years later I have fully retired. Resort guests are the absolute reason I retired, the tips, other money, and the sex made my tenure there very appreciated. So, let’s explain why shall we.

Your daughters, your girlfriends, your fiancées, your wives, and other members of staff ALL tend to pay with sex. Resort workers put up serious weekly numbers. Exotic beaches trigger single women from around the globe slut’s instincts. If she arrives alone its almost too easy. If she arrives with a partner it takes shockingly little effort to get her separated, naked, and on her back. Not to worry, the men have the same opportunities as the women, but most men are usually looking for it anyway, resort workers just make it easy.

Resort pay typically ranges from poor to abysmal so access to a continual stream of cute guests is seen as a crucial benefit if indeed not the main one. This arrangement is fully condoned by management; resorts know they can get away with lower salaries if workers are “wifey-ing up” and happy about their overall working conditions.

All guests, male or female, are for our benefit. During activities and excursions I have guests introduce themselves to each other with names and backgrounds. Innocent questions like hometown and favorite Disney movie are interspersed with more ulterior ones like stop light color (relationship status), celebrity crush (mate preference) and tattoo ownership (slut indicator). We use this information to more efficiently select targets. Kickball, volleyball, red rover and something called “the beach game” turn X-rated quickly. We’ll make up rules that may seem spontaneous but rest assured they aren’t—they’re designed to get women naked and fucking in the shortest time possible.

I know one particularly well-endowed co-worker who had an effective tactic with couples and large groups. First, he would take them out on the boat to play a few drinking games. After the women were sufficiently inebriated he would institute a clothing-off policy in order to continue playing. Since the men were out on a boat with nowhere to go they had little choice but to play along or be deemed pussies by the rest of the boat. They would stand around timidly with their comparatively small penises while the women swooned over his massive member. One or more women would always come find him later that night.

As mentioned previously the financial component of our compensation is rarely much above poverty wages thus rendering us childishly appreciative for laughably meager sums. I still remember my first tip: two friendly Canadian guys handed me the equivalent of 5 dollars after a guest activity. I proceeded to introduce them to every cute girl in the hotel until they clicked with some hotties. I had the bartender send them free bottom shelf shots at the first lull in conversation. They didn’t sleep alone for the rest of their stay.

Bartenders write ad nauseam about the wisdom of taking care of servers; I would argue resort staff are a better allocation of resources because it takes a much smaller sum to impress and our ability to enable a bang is better (we have a more fun and intimate relationship with guests and we’re free to wander the resort to introduce people and take groups up to rooms, secluded balconies, staff quarters, etc.).

We can ruin your vacation in any number of ways. This is sound advice for all customer-employee interactions but nowhere else have I experienced such a profound influence over customer experience. If you are a dickhead I can make sure you won’t get laid. If you are an entitled little princess I will go out of my way to make you feel unwanted and humiliated. This can range from the morally neutral (unfavorable seating/pairings during meals and activities) to the morally wrong (subtly letting it be known to the other guests that you are a creep) to the technically illegal (fighting you when I am drunk enough to not be held responsible).

Because pay is so low, management has little weight to reprimand its workers so more often than not complaints will fall on deaf ears. By accepting the unusual payment arrangement management has acquiesced a degree of authority over worker-guest interactions. Unless what I do is blatant, unambiguous and against the rules, management will most likely turn a blind eye to my behavior. They’d rather keep me hidden until you leave and let me continue unhindered then find and train a new employee. Because 99% of customers leave satisfied this is a deal they are more than happy to accept.

I can only speak for employees typically in positions like hotel reception, surf instructors, tour guides, and housekeepers. The guests are the reason we’re here. People at beach resorts are unsurprisingly a congenial lot and it’s impossible to dislike such a pleasant demographic. I’ve helped many hundreds of cool guests get laid, both guys and girls. In my estimate 90% of guests are great, 9% are neutral and maybe 1% are assholes. It’s only that 1% that would ever get detrimental treatment.

Sharks. Dolphins. Boppers. Cherries. Obviously many professions use code to describe customers: car salesmen have “tire-kickers” (non-serious buyers) and flight attendants have “spinners” (people who can’t find their seats), but due to close customer proximity and our relative youthfulness it’s more prevalent in this profession than others. It would be useless to explain actual terms because they vary from place to place but if you happen to overhear a worker speaking cryptically pay attention. It’s really not hard to decipher and you will benefit from their seasoned assessment. Also useful for locations: “nowhere,” “the dungeon,” “the bat cave.” If you know where we’re talking about then you will know where the party will be.

We get to meet large numbers of women from all over the world and develop fairly accurate mosaics of slutiness based on where she’s from and where she chooses to travel. There are a few combinations that consistently produce rates at  the high end of the bell curve:

American women studying abroad (bonus points for those who choose South America) Southeast Asian girls who choose tourist hotspots (Bangkok, Phuket, Bali, Boracay) American women who frequent the Caribbean.

It should come as no surprise that America is ground zero for whores and sluts who vacation with a constant wetspot in their g-string, and it becomes easy to see why Caribbean guys are so laid back—they have a never-ending supply of rich white girls flying down for sex. Side note: I only know one girl who studied abroad in Africa and she was almost a school-wide joke for the amount of dick she took. With such a small sample I can’t draw conclusions but if you have wider experience with this demographic please get in touch, I’m curious if my suspicions are true.

Planeloads of cute little jaw-dropping sluts from all over the world arrive weekly during the season and if you only speak English you are at a major disadvantage. Being American is not impressive in any way to many foreigners and is in fact often detrimental. Europeans, Asians and South Americans have seen too many of our drunken frat boys and whoring, slutty co-eds to have any respect for us just off the bat. That is until you tell them about the drink specials and ask them how their flight was in their own language. Then suddenly the table of pouty, teenage dreamboats straight off the plane from Madrid is at your full attention. Your value has just increased tenfold and eight eager little smiles greet you whenever you walk up to them. Virginities will be taken before the trip home.

The model quality Prada-toting 18-year-olds from Paris open up her legs pretty wide after you drop some French and wine knowledge on her. And by open up I mean they open it all for the taking. You now are in control of every orifice she claimed to own. If I could do college all over again I would opt for the highest-level language courses available and switch out my electives for a second language.

Not every resort is like this but the crazier ones certainly are. If you haven’t worked in one I would recommend you give it a try for a season. Also, I wouldn’t advise guys to allow their girlfriends to go to these places alone. If you do accompany her, don’t go to bed early if she’s staying up because odds are she is having her cage rattled a few times.

—- Rolando

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Next time you go to a resort somewhere in the world pay attention to the people around you, especially the employees of the resort. They just might be trying to tell you something and you might even like it. This is a fun game for me no matter where I’m at, people watching gets better the older I get. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this tiny inside peek from one of thousands of resort employees. Having a few friends in the cruise ship industry I need to get ahold of them and ask them if the same things are going on, which I can be very positive it is. So, that’s it for now, get busy and plan your next resort vacation, remember me because you know we want to hear about your adventures and see all your great pictures.

Spring Break In South Dakota

I was very excited when planning this particular spring break vacation since it would be the first time since all of my kids were very young that we would be all together for a vacation. Why pick South Dakota for spring break? Excellent question. The answer is actually pretty simple, my oldest daughter could not afford to go anywhere so we decided to go be tourists in South Dakota so we could all be together once again. I have deep roots in South Dakota to say the very least. We will get into that later and in other posts as well since that is very interlaced in our vacation because itnwasnt just a vacation it was also a trip down memory lane for me as well. First and foremost our trip was to see our one and only granddaughter. If it hadn’t been for Skype and cell phones I very well would have missed the first 2 1/2 years of her life since the last time I saw her in person was the day of her birth.

So, every vacation begins with the trip, and since I don’t fly, we drive, everywhere. Speaking of which, a brief note, the odometer in my 2005 Nissan Pathfinder flipped 100k on our drive back into town. Anyhow, we left late in the afternoon on Friday 07 March 2014 to begin our 1345 mile trek to our hotel in Deadwood South Dakota. With a gas stops, restroom breaks, and eating breakfast in York Nebraska, we made it in just shy of 24 hours. Yes we drove straight through and yes I drove most of it myself. Since I am not a great passenger I don’t sleep in a moving car. But, a rest from the wheel for 1-2 hours is just as recharching for me personally. Watching the weather the days prior we knew it was going to be a chilly drive as we were headed into a cold front. But, nothing prepares one for 7 degrees with 40 mph winds when getting gas at 3 in the morning. That shit will wake your ass up in a hurry. Surprisingly, the weather at our destination was quite nice and real similar to what we left behind in Texas, minus the 87% humidity. Although, in my opinion, the weather went down hill from that point forward. All and all it was a pleasant drive up there and luckily, we were very lucky, there were no incidents. I will get into it more but the wife and I thought we would have time to gamble a bit (something we rarely do) since the Fairfield Inn was connected to Cadillac Jack’s Casino. Little did we know until checking in that we would get $25.00 per adult per day in Cadillac Cash to spend at the casino. And the room, it was a steal for us, we got upgraded to a $729.99 per night suite and still only had to pay the obligatory contracted $9.00 per night. Yes, we have friends (family) in the Marriot hotel business so it makes traveling great for us. So, moving on…….

After checking in we went to visit my daughter so we could all get something hot to eat for a late dinner. Have I ever mentioned that I was looking forward to my first hello hug from my granddaughter? It was way better than I could have ever imagined it to be. It was wonderful and I really didn’t want to let her go. But I did, I shared, didn’t want to, but I did it anyway. We ate, we colored, we talked, we planned,new reminissed, and the we said goodbyenfornthe night. I personally didn’t want it to end but when the baby says its time then its time. Since my daughter was working Sunday most of the day we decided to make it a “rest day”, stay close to the hotel, and just do a little sight seeing in Deadwood. See, one of the pitfalls of this room was that I this 45 minutes from my daughters house. We woke up late, around 9 or so, got showered, and grabbed the local map to do a little sight seeing. First stop was Mt. Moriah Cematary where Wild Bill and Calamatty Jane are buried. After which I showed everyone where Wild Bill was killed. I know the history of this area real well so I got to play tour guide most of the trip. Now, I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, because we did come to a touristy spot in the “off season”, but the amount of things and places that were “closed for the season to reopen mid-May” became a personal joke for our family on this vacation.

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So, let me give y’all a rundown of what we did or attempted to do each day. Now, for me the closures were no big deal since I have seen all of these things many times before. Deadwood was just that, dead. The casinos were open, some gift shops were open, but things like the Adam’s House, the wineries, and the majority of the tourist like gift shops were closed. We went to Mt. Rushmore, a national landmark, and 90% of the trail was closed. One could walk down under the noses but no further and had to turn around the way we came. We also drove through Keystone, figuring Mt. Rushmore was a bust, and all but one store was closed, not even a restaurant of any kind was open. No, there was not a contingent back up plan, who expects a national landmark and park to be closed. We also attempted to visit Custer State Park, the main route (the paved road) was closed off, diverting drivers off onto the back maintenance roads. On top of that, the buffalo we did see were mere specs when viewed through high powered binoculars. Now, that was disappointing. Then, we went to the biggest tourist trap in South Dakota, Wall Drug. Of course, the “Backyard” where all the really cool stuff hides, was closed.

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There was excitement however, one night we were at my daughter’s house where I cooked them a nice meal, well all of us, and when we left to go to the hotel it was only raining, but in the mountains it was snowing like a sonofabith,nso much that overnight we got over 8″, which is allot for this Texas boy. But, that is where experience pays off for me so it wasn’t as hairy as one might be thinking. The way luck was having it we decided to go for a drive to see ifnincould find the house in Black hawk that my parents finished building the summer of 1968 and where I lived until I was 6 when we moved to Texas. The answer is yes, I did find it, but that is a post in itself. On the way out of town, to return to Houston, we had plans to spend the night in Sioux Falls, my oldest daughter joined us because vacation wasn’t over quite yet. For the first time ever, all of my kids will see where my dad is buried, none of them have ever been there, and my son has always wanted to see his namesake. This will be a post of its own as well, just know it was the highlight of the entire trip. Since we had to leave via Mitchell South Dakota and my daughter had to drive through it to get back to Rapid City, we decided to visit the world’s only Corn Palace, surprise, open for business as well as everything else in the little town. We also took a short side drive to see the house my grandparents built in the 40’s and it is also where both of them are buried.

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Then that was it, the hardest part came, saying goodbye to everyone. That part sucked worse than I could have possibly ever imagined, to put it mildly. Afterwords we did indeed begin the trek home, a long quiet trip that consisted of me driving while drowning out my sorrows with music playing to the max in my headphones. The snow, wind, ice, and rain made sure I stayed awake for the entire trip. Other than that, it too was uneventful. So, there is my spring break vacation to South Dakota in a nutshell. Stick around in the very near future because I have many expanded stories to tell that were merely mentioned today.

DOJ Flies The Friendly Skies

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The Department of Justice is wasting money on air travel costs through a poorly designed travel website and by failing to discourage the overuse of travel agents, according to the agency’s inspector general. Excessive fees ($626,250) for Justice Department (DOJ) employees to speak with live travel agents instead of booking online. A September 2013 inspector general report on travel spending by DOJ employees found they too often turned to live travel agents instead of using the agency’s e-travel website, GetThere. DOJ travel was administered by a contractor, CWTSatoTravel (CWT), which provided both the online website as well as live booking services over the phone. Each time an employee booked airline travel on the website, the contractor would receive a fee of $6.49, while the cost of each booking completed over the phone would cost DOJ nearly five times more, or $31.

In 2010, the agency began to reach out more aggressively to employees in the hope of ensuring flights were booked online 75 percent of the time. However, by June 2013, DOJ employees were using the online portal for only 60 percent of their flights. Since the agency purchases an average of 167,000 airline tickets annually, the cost of using live agents instead of the website amounted to $626,250. This is not the first time DOJ was called out for excessive air travel costs. A February 2013 report by the Government Accountability Office showed that a culture of excessive travel spending started at the top. The report found that from 2007 through 2011, the three individuals who served as Attorney General took 659 “nonmission flights using DOJ aircraft at a total cost of $11.4 million.

Even if employees used the website it would have resulted in any savings for the agency, and in fact may have cost more. Design flaws in how flights were displayed often failed to show employees the cheapest flights, or if they did provided confusing information to suggest they were not allowed to choose them. The problem stemmed from the execution of a government-wide program called “City Pairs,” which negotiates the price of any flight purchased by the federal government between 500 cities. While employees are encouraged to look for the City Pair flight, which does not change over the course of a year, they are required also to look for cheaper flights should they come available. DOJ’s website, GetThere, would display non-”City Pair” flights as “out of policy” even though it was, in fact, agency policy to look at all flights. As a result, employees would often choose the higher-priced flight, of course.

Information found for this “Your Tax Dollars @ Work” post was done by using a Google search. Information compiled from multiple public websites & media outlets.