Fucking People Make It Complicated

The first question I fucking have is why do fucking people make it complicated? It’s easy to not fuck up the food you cook, it’s easy as hell if you just pay fucking attention. Y’all know I spend a great deal of time reading other people’s blogs. Y’all know I usually don’t fucking comment because people have said I drop too many fucking f-bombs. Probably some truth in there some where I’m sure. I visit a few handfuls of what I will call cooking lifestyle blogs, they range from gourmet to trashcan grilling and most things in between. I noticed a fucking trend I really don’t fucking like, across the board, but I saved my bitching and moaning for my own fucking blog because, well, that’s how I fucking am. If y’all have taken the time to read my last post you’ll see I demonstrated the right way to pan sear a fucking steak, but it goes deeper than that, much much deeper. I had read a few posts about doing a fucking gourmet pan seared steak. I must ask, what in the fuck are you people trying to do to me? Putting all this bullshit on your meat and you’ll never fucking taste the meat, just your bullshit. So, I got to thinking, eventhough I can be considered nothing more than an average cook who learned to cook by standing next to real humans, I still know that one needs practice. Food is judged by it’s fucking taste morons, even if it looks like a pile of shit, if it tastes good I’m going to eat it. But it seems like everyone is in some kind of fucking cooking competition, got to Tweet that shit, got to Pin that shit, and even Share that shit. Looks can be very deceiving, anyone can polish a turd for a fucking picture, but will you eat it?

Okay, I’ll agree there are many fantastic cooks out in the world, and your food is making people fat and happy. But, who are these motherfuckers who watch the cable food channels and surf the internet who all of a sudden are culinary experts? Y’all know who I’m talking about, we all have them in our families and lives, hell I’m probably pissing one of them off right now. With two big cooking holidays coming up fast we all know there are those people’s food we won’t fucking touch because it fucking sucks. Why? Because they can’t cook that’s why! Oh, but they try, right? Wrong! Copying something from Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, or wherever the fuck else does NOT make you a fucking cook, really it doesn’t. But does this stop them from posting on their blogs? No. Does this stop them from inflicting their unimaginable culinary disasters on friends and family? No. If you can’t cook just own the shit out of that, you can never fake fucking steak, never.

So, what am I doing here? I’m trying to tug at your heart strings in hopes that one day soon we will be rid of the wannabe cooks. I pride myself self on the fact that I cook what I know how to cook, I grill in a way that food is edible, and I smoke meats in ways that will make you want to dry hump my leg with excitement. However, I’m a down home simple ingredients kind of cook. I do NOT bury the flavor of what I’m cooking in other bullshit, I’m simple in my methods. I have taught an ex-wife to cook, my wife to cook (in different ways, she’s a bad ass cook already), and all three of my kids to cook. Why? Because if we’re going to eat we might as well fucking enjoy the way it tastes. Right or wrong? But, my soon to be married 19 year old daughter has been exploring the cooking shows and scouring the internet for recipes to try. She can’t figure out why she doesn’t like the way the food tastes. My answer? You need to fucking practice, practice allot, make changes, own that shit until you can do it blindfolded, without the recipe card, and where it comes out delicious every single time. Me, I don’t have any recipes written down anywhere, but I do try to accurately share proportions when prompted, but I doubt it’s ever exact. An example, search my blog for details, I make what I call Diablo Scorpion Chili on a regular basis because my wife, her friends at work, and family can’t ever get enough of this high heat colon cleansing chili. It has been made the same way since I dreamed that shit up some 25 years ago to enter into a chili cook off. Not to brag, but best in heat, best in flavor, and best appearance tells me it might be good, don’t change a fucking thing.

But I do more, I even share with pictures here on occasion, people actually write to me thanking me because it all tasted as described. Why? Because I don’t do all the bullshit, basic is the best flavoring. Anyway, my question still remains, why do people try to “fake it” on the internet? People try their recipes I’m sure, as I have, and most times I’m not impressed. I’m no expert when it comes to cooking, but I don’t get complaints either. My fucking wish I have for people learning to cook or wanting to learn something new is to spend time with other humans, whether it is family or friends, and be shown in person how to make a recipe work. Let’s face it, if it looks pretty but tastes like shit then you have failed. My family knows I don’t mind eating the ugly mistakes if they taste great. Our daily food consumption should be eating simple meals, inexpensive meals, and meals we want to eat. I like to try new things too, but some science experiments are best left to the experts and that for fucking sure is not me. So the next time you get a wild hair up your ass, try making something new, posting it online, just make sure it fucking tastes awesome. If not, its pretty hard to fuck up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just keep that in mind. I hope we all learned something today, if so there is hope for us humans, if not we’re all fucking doomed.

Do “You” Think Animals Have A Face?

I use the word “you” as a practical way of asking the question because “we” really doesn’t apply in this particular case. Before we begin, eventhough many of you will become offended, it isn’t my actual intent when opening this subject up for a real discussion. I’m not looking to sway any opinions as everyone has their own opinions for their own reasons. I write about this topic today because it has become somewhat of a sore spot with me because of some emails and comments I have received over the last week. Seems people have dug and found newer reasons to give me grief for the way I live my life personally. Through out this post I want y’all to keep referring to the picture at the top of the post. Yes, I understand that only about 2%-3% of the visitors to this blog actually read what has been written, I have learned to accept that fact. Even fewer comment which is why I often refer to my blog as monologuing instead of interactive. With that being said I should probably begin to say what I want to say.

Do “you” think animals have a face was the title to this post because I am curious as to what makes a person say that animals have a face. As you might be able to tell, I don’t think that way. Many times I have looked for the written word of any animal who thinks it has a face or an account where an animal was documented stating it had a face. You know I will always come up very empty handed, no matter what. Having a face is a human thing, we humans tell ourselves and other humans we have a face and maybe even what it looks like here and there. I personally know people who associate animals with having faces and I have asked them why as well. Some people have conditioned themselves into this association for one reason or many reasons. No, I do not try to understand the reasons why and one could say I am real closed minded on the subject. I find it a very bizarre behavior when people refer to animals as having a face.

So, where am I going with this post? Well, I have been getting a borage of comments/emails about how wrong I am for hunting and how wrong I am for being a gun owner. Two opinions I respect and appreciate but also disagree with as well. My reasons are neither your business nor your concern. I don’t need to justify nor defend hunting or owning guns and I will not. I do with my life what I do with my life. I’m not here to have an argument with anyone. I will pass on free advice which can be applied to almost anything in life. If you don’t like it then don’t do it, don’t be around it, and don’t have it in your personal life. But, back to thinking animals have faces and how I am an evil bastard for killing them, cooking them, and consuming then. Since that is what has been said. I won’t be sorry that I am a meat eater, I won’t be sorry I own guns, and I won’t be sorry for hunting. Most of all I will not be sorry if you are offended because of any of it. When I hunt it is to put food on the table and not for a trophy. People who know me in person know this fact and some people who visit here insert their assumptions based on their feelings but not what has been written.

People have faces. Plants and animals do not have faces. I am an omnivore, I enjoy eating bother plants and animals. I refer y’all to the picture at the top now, is it a picture of a human, an animal, or a plant. Since I am the only one who 100% knows then you have to 100% rely on what I know. If you choose not to rely on my words then you will guess and assume you know the answer. My point is simple, y’all want to associate known human elements into to what should be rational thoughts, but pieces of the puzzle are missing. What to do? Indeed. Just remember something for me, guilt doesn’t work because I have nothing to feel guilty about, except for the raspberry filled pastry I had for breakfast, since it is in the forbidden list and off limits to a diabetic like me. I guess my goal is to die happy and not pissed at the world because everyone has a different opinion.

When ten people nicely ask about the picture I will reveal to y’all the truth and the answer.

How Does One Cook Ox Penis?