Overexposure Sensory Overload

One of my favorite things about arriving to work at Club X was the absolute red carpet rock star treatment. This treatment wasn’t just reserved for me, it is how everyone who pulls up to the front door for valet parking is treated. There is no better feeling than pulling up to the red carpet, having your door opened for you by a Wicked Weasel bikini clad beauty who extends her hand to assist you getting out, and then turning your keys over to her so she can drive away to park your vehicle. I would experience this only a couple times a week because I would drive my H1 into work, but normally I was riding my Goldwing and I would just park her myself. It doesn’t stop there, that was only the start, because now one has to go through the entrance where one is greeted cheerfully by scantily clad to full nude attendants who grab you by the arm to escort you to be carded and banded. Finally, a lovely assistant will take you into the club and give you the grand tour and eventually seat you in the best seat in the house. Which, in the end, every seat is the absolute best seat. For me this is where my journey would end because I would peel off to my bar to get set up for yet another party.

For first timers this initial experience is very overwhelming because these young ladies have just scratched the surface for what the rest of the night has to offer. I enjoy watching the fresh faces come thru the door because the look on their faces reminds me of the look on my face when I lost my virginity so many years ago. Lets just say they are smiles from ear to ear for most of the night. Since my bar double as a rather large stage the newbies tend to migrate there because they can all be together while they stretch their wings to see what direction they want to go. I get allot of old hats as well because the shows that happen on my bar do not happen anywhere else in the club and some people look forward to what they might see. Of course they are not there to see me, they are sitting here to see the strippers because they know that as the night progresses that the shows on the bar get a little bit dirtier, a little bit nastier, and the strippers tend to really show off their skills while laid out on my bar.

Every once in a while we will get a gentleman at the bar who is easily embarrassed. Normally this would be no big deal but the strippers here exploit the fact that someone is a little taken aback by what he sees. A great example of this would be once when a young man in his early twenties could not maintain eye contact with anyone at all, not even me. He seemed to always have something to look away at, he would find a focal point someplace, and that turned out to be his utter demise. The strippers ganged up on him, they tortured him visually, and they would not let him escape. It started with one stripper that sat on his lap facing him face to face. She began with slow, methodic movements which were little less than a slow grind on his lap. I remind you at this point that she is completely nude so the only thing between him and her are his jeans. It only takes a little bit of this activity before she discovers that he has become very excited and very erect, which, in the end, was her goal. She wanted to get him all worked up, she wants to take him to absolute very edge and then as fast as she was on his lap she was leaving his erection to fend for itself. Cruel? Yes. This is an effective ploy by the strippers since they can “handle” the customer as much as they want and how they want but the customer never gets to do the same, nine out of ten times the customer is asked to sit on his own hands, which is a true act of cruelty.

The strippers, the ones who make the most money, have mastered the art of the dry fuck and they know just when to stop. Sometimes, I think as a cruel trick, they take it just a little to far, just to see the mess someone will make in their pants. Why do the strippers try so hard? Money, money, and more money. They know that they can separate you from your money if they can give you something you don’t already have. Which is the point really, the strippers are there to make money and the customers are there to spend money, so it’s like a match made in heaven if you will. Some of my favorite strippers to watch are the ones that are stripping for some supplemental income. They may have another job or they may be a stay at home wife/mother who needs the added income. As soon as they get over being shy the party gets started and they put on the best shows ever. One would be surprised how many strippers are stripping on the side, I know I was surprised. One must ask, are they here for fun, boredom, the money, or a little bit of all three?

An example of a stripper who is here part-time is Rox, she is a CNS (Clinical Nurse Specialist) and has worked at one of the largest hospitals here in Houston for the past 2 years. In our talks it was mentioned that she takes in just shy of $90K, she is the mother of three boys, and has been divorced for the past 3 years. When I asked her why she was here she told me that she has always loved dancing, she has always stayed in shape, and she figured if she could keep up with the college girls that she might be able to make some extra money. Oddly enough, she answered an add in the paper and the rest is strip club history. Asking yourself how old she is yet? I know, but I will never tell. Why? Because its not that important, I will say she is between 28 and 34 and that is all I will say. I will say that the quiet talk around here pegged her as a threat to the other strippers money and they weren’t happy about that fact. She has a little experience in life under her belt which makes her a more well-rounded person, plus, c’mon, she is a freakin nurse! I know, I know, I know, we don’t like to think that our mothers and our professionals in society could possibly be strippers. Say it isn’t so Scorp. I can’t because the reality of it all is that woman have found the golden ticket and realize that in exchange for a little skin exposure they can really clean up at the bank. Lets just say that weeks prior to Christmas 2013 she picked up an extra $8K for shopping. There is no doubt in my mind that she is good at what she does, she always gets my attention, especially when she is on my bar. Just wow.

Another example of a person looking for a second income who has a decent job already is Kat, she is a 2nd year associate lawyer at a medium size law firm here in Houston that employs around 300 lawyers, making an annual $125K. She is here for fun. She and I have talked allot because she has been and probably always will be the shyest stripper I have ever met. It seems like every time she hits the stage is her very first time. We get along tho, we have similar music tastes, in fact I pick out her songs when I’m working because she knows they will be fast and hard-hitting, just like her. Kat is in her late 20s and demands your attention when she is on the dance floor. If she can’t get your attention on the dance floor or by giving you a lap dance then you just might have issues. Sad thing is she knows she is rockin hot, sad thing is she knows that when she catches your eye that she owns you. Allot of the strippers have this attitude but only Kat and a handful of others are actually capable of making you fall under their trance. Beware the stare of the Kat!

But Scorp, we don’t care about who and why the strippers are there. We come to a full nude strip bar to see titties, ass, and pussies everywhere. Why do we need to know all the rest of this shit. I’ll tell you why, it’s because not everyone understands that these strippers are more than a piece of meat hanging in the market window for y’all to imagine fucking. Each one of them has a story and fortunately I have the opportunity to hear some of their stories. But, I agree, people come to a strip club for three basic reasons, they want to get drunk, they want to get drunk while watching full nude strippers do things their wives and girlfriends would never do, and they come to the strip club to leave their problems behind them and just have a great time. Nobody walks into a strip bar on accident, it is a clear & conscious choice usually made with a little advance planning.

For those of y’all new to The Sting Of the Scorpion y’all are probably feeling just a wee bit left out. My recommendation to you is to look to the right and locate the “Category Listing” for this blog and click “Scorpion Sting’s Bartender Stories” for past stories. Unfortunately the list is rather short, like 18 selections, because early in 2013 Google decided to kill my Blogger account which was home to one of my blogs called “Bartender: Untold Stories“. Unfortunately I was only able to save a few of the stories and have been writing new ones as time progresses. I think there are a few more in “The Dead Blog Archives” as well. Anyway, check those out and read up on why and how I have been able to tell these fantastic stories and look forward to many more. I have only begun to delve into my little black book for great interviews and stories.

Incompatible Software Malfunctioning IT

As the workplace becomes increasingly mobile, the federal government is opting for devices other than BlackBerrys. The Obama Administration announced a Digital Government Strategy for federal employees to access workplace networks from mobile devices without compromising privacy and security concerns. In accordance with this strategy, the Department of Homeland Security, Department of Defense, and National Institute of Standards and Technology developed a baseline of standard security requirements for mobile computing and a framework design to reference in designing security and privacy protections. This would allow federal employees to use a range of popular brand devices without compromising government networks and leaking information, and even allow some offices to implement a bring-your-own-device policy instead of on government-issued devices.

Technology insiders applauded the government’s decision to develop the mobile technology to permit federal employees to work remotely. A survey of federal managers and federal workers found that each employee would add an additional seven hours each week in productivity, amounting to $14,000 in productivity gains. Of those federal workers who already have mobile device access, they spend a weekly average of nine additional hours on top of their full-time work schedules checking in to their workplace networks. Almost half of these workers report working more efficiently outside the office.

The Department of Agriculture forked over $20 million to several companies for MDM integration which is now one year behind schedule and malfunctioning. Perhaps if the USDA hired one of the companies approved by the GSA for mobile management solutions, then the USDA would not be having these rollout problems. Or maybe if the USDA required a demonstration of the bidding companies’ capabilities for MDM integration in the USDA’s network, then USDA employees would now be using their own iPhones and Android to access their workplace servers. Instead, the USDA paid three contractors $20 million.

Testing before handing over taxpayers’ money would have shown that one contractor’s software is not compatible with part of the USDA’s network security infrastructure. Eight months after the MDM system was supposed to have completed a 30-day, 3,000 phone test phase, this test phase has been pushed back, and the USDA is still just testing one component of the contractor’s incompatible software to determine whether the software will be used or abandoned. According to the USDA’s Request for Proposal, the agency already supported more than 3,000 mobile devices before the $20 million project and hoped to expand the number of mobile devices to more than 100,000 over the next few years. As of late July, only 1,370 devices were on the USDA’s MDM system.

Surely, given the failure of the MDM integration at the USDA, other federal agencies would restrain themselves from awarding millions in taxpayer dollars to these contractors without first testing their product? Think again. One of these three contractors was awarded $212.1 million in government contracts just in 2013. The contractor with the incompatible software has several multi-million dollar government contracts with the CIA, NSA, FBI, DHS, and the Air Force. Instead of pouring millions of dollars to fix “glitches,” taxpayers would prefer their money go towards testing new technologies first to prevent such rollout problems.

Information found for this “Your Tax Dollars @ Work” post was done by using a Google search. Information compiled from multiple public websites & media outlets.

Turn Them On, Leave Them On

At 6.6 million square feet the Pentagon is often billed by the military as “the world’s largest low-rise office building.” The massive amount of square footage in this building alone translates to miles of hallway space alone, but it is dwarfed by the amount of federal property that sits unused every year. If underutilized federal buildings were converted into Pentagons, you could line up 68 of them end-to-end and just barely have enough room.

Many of these buildings, if not severely underutilized, sit empty but still require the normal upkeep that goes along with running a fully functional building. In 2010, GAO found several buildings that were not only empty, but were set for demolition and yet were maintained at taxpayer expense. One such building owned by the Veterans Affairs Administration cost $20,000 a year to operate. A warehouse owned by the General Services sat completely empty from 2008 through 2011, during which time the agency spent nearly $2 million on it.

Each year, the government spends at least $1.5 billion maintaining properties that it no longer needs. A radioactive property and a property with a collapsed roof are just two examples of government property in serious disrepair. How does GSA rate these rundown buildings? Excellent condition of course!

Information found for this “Your Tax Dollars @ Work” post was done by using a Google search. Information compiled from multiple public websites & media outlets.

Speaking Of Googling It……….

One federal agency is charging other offices and taxpayers to provide government reports that are largely available free of charge on the Internet. It is essentially the “let me Google that for you” office of the federal government. Home to more than three million records, the Department of Commerce’s National Technical Information Service (NTIS) collects “government-funded scientific, technical, engineering, and business-related information” and reports and sells them to other federal agencies. Only it turns out most of what it sells can also be found for free on the Internet with little effort. Established more than 60 years ago, NTIS is a vestige of the pre-Internet era when a lot of the reports the agency collects were not widely available; however, as times have changed agency has not.

Required by law to be largely self-sustaining, NTIS charges other federal agencies to access its collection of reports. However, a November 2012 review of the office by GAO uncovered that about three-quarters of the reports in the NTIS archives were available from other public sources. Specifically, GAO estimated that approximately 621,917, or about 74 percent, of the 841,502 reports were readily available from one of the other four publicly available sources GAO searched. The GAO explains, that the source that most often had the reports GAO was searching for was located at Google. In addition, reports could be found on the website of the issuing federal department, the Government Printing Office’s website, or USA.gov.

Yet, federal departments continue to send taxpayer dollars to NTIS for reports they could get for free with a simple web search. NTIS notes that one of its best-sellers is the Armed Forces Recipe Service, available on CD-ROM for $79. However, the Armed Forces Recipe Service recipe index is also available online and can be downloaded for free directly from the Quartermaster Corps Website. Further, a recipe index that offers 1,700 convenient recipes for groups of 100 that can be easily adjusted up or down, likely falls outside the scope of technical, scientific, and engineering reports the office should be collecting.

Another report sold by NTIS is the 2009 Public Health Service Food Code produced by the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), which is available for $69. Alternatively, the report is available for free on the Food and Drug Administration’s website. Moreover, GAO found much of the work outdated because NTIS has focused largely on growing its repertoire of older reports. Specifically, NTIS added approximately 841,500 reports to its repository during fiscal years 1990 through 2011, and approximately 62 percent of these had publication dates of 2000 or earlier. While the office worked to accumulate reports older than those dated 2000, GAO reports that only 21 percent of the reports distributed from 2001 to 2011 were dated older than 1989. Meanwhile, nearly 100 percent of the reports from 2009-2011 were distributed. However, these are also the most likely to be available online elsewhere.

More than 12 years ago, GAO issued two different reports explaining NTIS would need to soon reconsider its function and fee-based model, as the Internet made of the reports it sold available for free. Shuttering the NTIS entirely was first suggested in 1999, by the Clinton administration’s Secretary of Commerce William Daley, who contended declining sales revenues soon would not be sufficient to recover all of NTIS’ operating costs. The Secretary attributed this decline to other agencies’ practice of making their research results available to the public for free through the Web.

According to GAO, the decline in revenue for its products continues to call into question whether NTIS’s basic statutory function of acting as a self-financing repository and disseminator of scientific and technical information is still viable. As the actual “let me Google that for you” website explains, this is for all of those people who find it more convenient to bother you with their question than Google it for themselves. But when NTIS is doing the Googling, the search response comes with a price tag for taxpayers. Federal agencies pay NTIS millions of dollars each year to provide government reports that are available for free online and can be found with a simple Google search. They need to start paying me because I Google everything!

Information found for this “Your Tax Dollars @ Work” post was done by using a Google search. Information compiled from multiple public websites & media outlets.

What Is Your Idea Of Quality?

Is there a true difference if something is made in the USA versus if something is made in China? Anyone that has handled a product made in China and compared it to something made in the USA knows the difference. Why can’t Chinese products usually compare in quality to those products made in the USA? Does it matter what you spend your hard earned money on? Do we live in a world where the term “disposable” has become everything we buy? Do we not buy anything for long term anymore? Is the price of something a considerable factor knowing you will have to replace it more often?

This post is purely observational as my nieces (3 & 4) were visiting last night and they both had a small toy they were playing with. One of the trucks was about a year old and was bought at a dollar store. The other truck was a metal Tonka truck that was mine from the 70s and was given to the 4 y/o because she saw it and would not take no for an answer.  Both trucks were worn, beat up, but still their favorite toy of the moment for the choices available. The one from the dollar store was missing all of its parts and basically could only be called a truck simply because I saw it when it was brand new. That old Tonka truck (40+ years old) was still going strong, it still had all of its parts, and I know when she is done with it I will once again put it up on the shelf. Where as the truck from the dollar store with end up in the trash. The old Tonka truck has been through me, all three of my kids, and now my young nieces. I have no doubt it will remain the survivor.

I suppose this is my point. Sometimes the quality you get is based on where the product was made. If you would have asked me when I was 5 if I thought the shiny new truck I was playing with would one day, 40 years later, be displayed on a shelf I would have told you “only if it can survive 100,000,000 more jumps off the roof of the shed into the sand box pit”. As time goes on I find that relics of the past are harder to come by because our past is being swallowed by the future. As technology moves forward kids don’t want trucks anymore. I would say my parents got their money’s worth back in the day.

Did You Get Your Twitter Stock?

Under normal circumstances I cannot be considered a stock trader or stock investor. However, my dad approached me and asked if I wanted to go in 1/2 with him on one hundred shares of the brand spanking new Twitter stock. I took the bait eventhough I had seen that when Facebook and LinkedIn went public they didn’t do so hot at first. He set it up to buy 100 shares at the first open opportunity, he ended up getting in @ $28,90 each. I looked this morning and it closed @ $44.90 last night. I hope this is the trend, but I expect that it will fall before it levels out overall. Anyway, I was just curious if anyone of y’all got in on the stock on opening day or not. If so, and if you don’t mind, how much did you buy at what price. Thanks for sharing.

Cash Won’t Pay For Your Surgery

Paying for my surgery actually started out Friday 13 September 2013 at the surgeon’s office. I kind of had a feeling that the surgery was going to happen so I came prepared for the worse case scenario. In the event that he wanted to push forward with surgery I would be needing to pay my insurance deductible at his office. The inevitable happened and when I was checking out after my appointment I was given a packet for a pre-op assessment to make sure I was able to have surgery. The girl at the front desk printed out my balance due and asked how I wanted to take care of it. I was a bit sticker shocked because the balance due was $1,108.76 and I was set back just a bit. I reach for my wallet, set it on the counter, and proceeded to count out 12 one hundred-dollar bills. When I went to hand it to her she explained they do not take cash. Well, this was an awkward moment. I explained that I will go to the bank and deposit the cash into my checking account therefore being able to use my debit card to make the payment. It was agreed and she set my paperwork to the side. I went to the bank and did my bidding only to return back to the doctor’s office to make my payment. Finally I am called up to the window and started the process once again. After a bit I’m paid up and have a zero dollar balance. Afterwords I went to my family practice for my pre-op appointment, gave blood to the vampire, had my 12 point ekg, and discussed everything with the doctor. All is well, they printed everything for me, and I headed back to the surgeon’s office to give them the paperwork to expedite the process. They will just have to wait for the blood results which they should get in today.

Well, yesterday was my hospital registration appointment. At this appointment we discussed my surgery, discussed my insurance, and what I could and couldn’t do the morning of the surgery. Then I was asked to wait back out in the waiting room of the surgery center. After about 20 minutes I was called back to the lady doing the insurance who informs me that  I needed to take care of my balance at this point. Balance? How do I have a balance of anything since I haven’t done anything and neither have they. The she explained that yes my deductible had been met, however my co-insurance payment needed to be paid in advance for the hospital since I have an 80%/20% split coverage. Meaning the first 80% is covered and the 20% is due from me. Apparently the hospital gets theirs in advance nowadays, who knew. She presented me with my balance due, $786.46 is what they needed me to pay at that point in time. I presented her with cash, $800.00, and she replied that they don’t accept cash payments over $100.00. Back to the bank I went to make another deposit. I returned to make the payment and was given my zero balance receipt.

The whole “we don’t accept cash” thing really blows my mind because they won’t accept check either. Not everyone has credit cards or debit cards for their checking account. Then what? What do those people do. I try to use my debit bank card as little as possible since I like to pay in cash. We keep enough money in our checking account to pay bills, which 99% of those are paid on-line using my Wells Fargo bill pay options. My wife and I have direct deposit because that is the only option our employers give to us. I usually go down and withdraw what will not be needed for bills. I sock most of it away, call it my personal savings account which is always available to me for whatever I need it to be available for. I can only imagine what bills will come in after my surgery and after the insurance claims. So far I’m close to $1800.00 into it and my surgery hasn’t even happened yet because it is tomorrow. I have been trying to understand for a long time why businesses don’t accept cash, they want it on a card or financed and I hate both of those options. I have discussed before about myself and the cash options in life and it would appear that hospitals and surgeons are no different that car dealerships or other places that require heavily on financing. Piss on all that because I don’t need to pay the extra costs when I can pay for something upfront. Why? Because then it is mine and I don’t “owe” anyone anything down the road. I have been debt (credit card, mortgage, car payments, ect) for about 7 years now and I love every minute of it.

I guess I wrote this little post because the last week or so has really humored me. Everyone wants money to be paid to them but they don’t accept cash. Isn’t cash dollars our currency still? I don’t think our currency is made out of plastic yet. One day maybe, but as I look in my wallet I see cash and my driver’s license. The only other plastic in there are my insurance cards and bank card. I don’t want that to change. Yes, as I am told, times have changed. Eventhough, shouldn’t I still be able to make purchases with cold hard green cash? You would be surprised to how many times that answer is a stone cold no. I know one thing for sure, I will never give money to credit card companies or finance companies ever again. Sure, never seems like a pretty definite term, and I mean it. But, as a realist all I can actually say is I will do my absolute damnedest to never be owned by a credit card company or finance company. Why? Because I don’t want to live my life that way, nobody should have to. But, free now and pay out of your ass at a later time seems very appealing to so many people. I used to be one of them.

(both pictures borrowed from the internet using keyword searches)

Moving Madness Multiplied

I like to think that I’m real easy-going most of the time. In person, people know that I usually have no problem helping out someone when asked. People know I have certain equipment and that I usually work pretty cheap. With that being said, a few weeks ago I was asked by my wife to contact her pastor so I could sit down with him because he had a “favor” to ask of me. At first I was in shock because she had the absolute brass balls to come to me with something he wants. You see, the pastor and I have a little history of bad blood. In other words, I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire. Get the connection. I don’t like him or what he stands for. However, money is money if there is money involved. She told me that they would “rent” my time and the use of my dually and my 48′ box trailer. Rent me? apparently my time and equipment is worth money now, who knew. Perhaps I could chat with the jackass and see what he has in mind. The whole meeting was real uncomfortable for me because, in no fewer words, I despise him as a human being. The meeting was short and involved the details, which were pretty sketchy if you ask me. Anyway, I needed to be in place at the church by no later that 6 a.m. on Saturday 14 September 2013 with my truck and trailer and should be done somewhere around 3 p.m. that same day. I was pre-paid the entire “rental fee” as it was listed on his receipt I signed and noted as “other church services” at the bottom. What was I paid? I was paid $1,500.00 for my services. Which, after doing a little research was real cheap since most rentals of the same caliber, like a 48′ box truck, had a $1,5000.00 deposit, $495.00 per day rental, $1.09 per mile, and the cost of the amount of fuel used. So, I was real cheap in comparison. He never asked me what I wanted to charge, he just told me what he needed and what he was willing to pay, take it or leave it. I should have left it right on the table. I shouldn’t have just returned his call and told him to kiss my ass and never looked back. But, for some reason, my wife gets involved and she asked me nicely. Her, I respect her opinion.

So, anyway, Friday evening my son and I prepped the trailer, meaning we swept it out and made sure all the tires were aired up properly since this trailer has been sitting in the same spot for over a year. Everything checked out which was a relief. We went into town and fueled up the dually then returned and hooked the trailer up. Again, no problems. We were ready to go in the morning. My son and I arrived to the church at 5:30 in the morning. While we waited we ate our breakfast burritos we got on the way, my sons request. At just after 7 in the morning not one person has shown up yet, not one. I called the pastor and my call went straight to voicemail. Seriously. I called my wife, who in turn was on her way to the church to collect my son to go to get his hair cut and do a few errands. She has not heard from the pastor. Promptly at 8 the pastor showed up, parks, and comes to my truck. He asked why I was here so early at the same time I was asking where everyone was. He apologized as he must have “forgotten” to call me, there was a change of plans because a few people couldn’t show up until 8 in the morning. According to him he did tell me when this all developed 2 weeks ago. Thinking back, that would have been the perfect time to just drive away. It was breach of contract on his part. But, I’m a sucker for punishment I don’t deserve, so I stayed. Immediately I was being told to move so I could back up across a sidewalk and across a section of grass, about 30 feet. Doesn’t this idiot know how heavy this truck and trailer are? Come to find out, nobody cared, it will all be okay. Piss on that, I will not pay to get towed out. So, I continue backing up, I hear screeching as the tree branches slide down the sides of the trailer. I’m thinking it just keeps getting better at this point. It made ruts going in I can’t wait to see the ruts when I pull out. Have y’all ever just known that something was going to turn into a great story. I knew that it would be a factoid when I was first told about this crap. Sometimes I can see the future.

Pretty much the entire day I either sat in the a/c in my truck or I would walk around a bit to stretch and see how loaded the trailer was becoming. According to my wife, somebody donated a large sum of money to the administration of the church so the church could update their offices, the two classrooms, and the day care. So, that is what they were loading, all the furniture coming out. I was supposed to take the loaded trailer to a warehouse where the people who bought all the furniture at auction were to unload it. At almost 7 p.m. they finished up. They almost completely had the trailer full and packed pretty well, I was almost impressed. After closing it up one of the men guided me out back into the parking lot. I thought I was stuck coming across the sidewalk, but after the trailer snapped it as it rolled over it everything was smooth getting out. I wonder what will be said about that because I told them it was going to happen, not maybe, but that it would get broken, my opinion was dismissed by the pastor. So, the pastor gives me the address and directions to the warehouse, it was about 30 minutes away. The only thing I can think is I hope they unload it faster than the trailer got loaded. When I arrived to the address I was presented with a rather tight turn into the driveway, it took me a little time to negotiate it but I got it. I went up to the office and explained who I was and I was told that I didn’t have permission to be in here number one and I needed a copy of the manifest or receipt before they would accept it. I was told to hurry up because they closed at 9 p.m. and would not be back until Tuesday. After multiple calls to the good pastor and to my wife I was getting nowhere fast. I was, however, growing more pissed by the minute. At 9 I was asked to remove my truck and trailer from the property. At 9:15 I finally get a call from the pastor who explained he had taken the men and woman who helped him all day out to dinner which is why he couldn’t take my calls. He says he was unaware that I needed paperwork and would talk to his contact about making arrangements. I told him I was going home. When he asked where his stuff was going to be I explained it will be at my house tucked away out of my way. I waited all day Sunday for his call. Finally around 3 I called him and he actually answered the phone. He has been busy all day and has not been able to make arrangements and rushed to get off the phone with me.

Today, being Monday, I still have their stuff inside my trailer which is parked out at my house. At this point I really don’t know when he thinks I will be able to take it to the warehouse. I work, I have a day job that I can’t just up and leave at the drop of a phone call. After Wednesday when I get off work if he has not arranged anything then he will be having to wait until the end of the following week since I have foot surgery scheduled bright and early this Thursday morning. I told my wife I am charging him storage, $150.00 a day and that started Sunday. Snidely, she told me to do what I am comfortable doing and hung up. This has worked out well so far I think. Should be an interesting week. I have a feeling when this is said and done I will never be available to assist these people again. Everytime I do it turns into a complete clusterfuck on their part.

Selling You A Fantasy

I would like to take the time to introduce the purpose of this post and how it was inspired. Many of y’all know me through Blogcatalog and know that I worked as a bartender in a huge high end full nude strip club here in Houston. Most of y’all might also know I used to chronicle my life and the life of customers, patrons, the pizza delivery guy, and the strippers on a dedicated blog before Google gobbled it up making it disappear forever. However, luckily for me, I had my little black notebook that I would use to right down most of my observations and conversations while I worked. Anyway, a member @ Blogcatalog posted a thread asking “What is the point of strip clubs?” and I told him that I would create a post on my blog that might better explain things based on my own personal experience and through what I learned from many others. So, in more ways than one, this post is dedicated to DM. I hope it may shed some light on understanding the different “angles” that are created by each and every person who walks through the doors of a strip club. Then again, as much as I ramble on it just might make things as clear as mud. The hard part for me is where to begin to try to answer his question. I have to remember that in reality the actual “point” cannot be defined because each individual has their own opinion. So, keep in mind a simple fact while reading  today, everything you will read is just that, my opinion and the opinions of others. Turn back now (after you look at the pictures of course) if the subjects of stripping, alcohol, nudity, strippers, adult language, adult content, money, religion, naked girls, drinking, and many more I’m sure. If you are still here then sit back and enjoy the show.

 

I’m going to start it off simple. The purpose of a strip club is to sell you a fantasy, plain, simple, and to put it bluntly. During the process of selling you this fantasy your money will be separated from your wallet as quickly as possible. As a newbie in a strip club your money will go fast and your time at the strip club will be short. You will leave with a smile on your face but you will experience confusion wondering how you spent so much money so damn fast. Where did all your money go? Good question. I can break down where it all went for you. If you came to my club then you spent it like I will explain. First, you paid the valet who was wearing a barely there itsy bitsy tiny bikini to park your car, then you tipped her to take “special” care of your ride. Second, you paid the admission to the greeter who most likely was completely nude. Her nudity distracted you and you probably paid a higher admission because you didn’t ask any questions about the price or any of the packages. Then, one of these nude ladies escorted you to a table. She held you tightly, you had your arm around her, y’all talked and laughed as she gave you a tour of the facility, then she seats you in a great spot, she then leans in to give you a very tight hug and a kiss on the cheek or forehead, and then at that point you feel obligated to tip her for everything she has just done for you. Third, you are approached by a stunning waitress wearing only an apron and high heels who asks you for your drink order. You give her your order and she walks away in a way that you can’t stop watching as she heads to see me at the bar. When she returns with your drink she will place it on the table in a truly seductive fashion. She will tell you an oddball price with forces you to pull out the bigger bills. When she makes change and places it onto the table you will pick most of it up and place it on her tray for the fabulous service you have just experienced and hope she remembers you. So far you have interacted with four women, none who are strippers, and you have dropped no less than a $100 bill. Don’t worry about that, we have six ATM’s in the building and the bartender can advance cash on your personal or company credit card, for a fee of course.

After you have visited the ATM you sit back down and you are ready to go. You’re amped up about seeing some of the most beautiful women on the entire planet naked and just mere inches from your nose. You just might think you have your best game face on but every single person in the club knows one of your reasons for being here and they use that to your disadvantage with a vengeance. The top reason for coming to a full nude strip bar is to see full nude strippers, end of discussion. It’s the undeniable fact in this entire discussion. What you may not know is that since the moment you walked in you have been “stalked” by at least one of the strippers. She is going to keep an eye on you and see what you are up to. When she approaches you she has “sized” you up and she is ready to wheel and deal. She doesn’t want your time, your conversation, or to drink with you, she want to mentally fuck you into an absolute frenzy so she can separate you from as much money as she can in the shortest amount of time. She is a salesperson, she will up-sale everything she has to offer. She bundles, she discounts, and she bargains. The whole time the price to spend time with her is steadily increasing. What started as a $25 lap dance is now a $150 private dance in a secluded area where everything can be just a little more provocative and exciting. You paid in advance before y’all ever left the table. During your two song lap dance you will be tempted to tip her but will be told to hold on to your wad until everything is over. Lucky for you there are “grab bars” on the sides of the chairs where you are instructed to keep your hands at all times. She also informs you that under no circumstances, no matter what she does in front of you or to you, that you are to remain seated and keeps those hands down to your side. She has one goal, she is going to get you so sexually excited that you will be in a love drunk bliss by the time it is all over. You aren’t her first and you damn sure won’t be her last. When she is done you are sweating, you have the biggest hard on you have ever experienced so far in life, and she made sure to leave her “wetness” everywhere she touched on your body. After you catch your breath you are deciding how much to tip her for her over-the-top performance. You probably just doubled the original price. No worries tho, because she just fucked you harder through your clothes than you could have ever experienced flesh to flesh. She then returns you to your table and slithers away into the darkness. How many times will this happen with this stay at the club? You would be very surprised.

 

Feeling thirsty you flag down your waitress and make another order. This time you order more than a single drink because the glasses won’t be full for long. You repeat this many times during which time you spend intervals of time at one or more of the 22 stages tipping a variety of the nude strippers in hopes that you will catch the eye of one of them and she will find you at your table waiting. You don’t wait too long before a trickle of strippers descends upon you at your table. Every single one is looking for the quickest deal they can flip so they can move on to the next person. You have made your choice, it’s like picking meat at a market. She has the body style, hair, personality, and so forth you are looking for at that very moment based on the choices in front of you. Y’all will sit and talk about a variety of things, mostly the conversation will be directed to talk about you. She will tell you to explain your deepest darkest fantasy. She might ask you to imagine if the two of you were having sex and explain what each of you would be doing. She is going to get you all worked up and then keep you all worked up from this point forward. She will, because she is “bored”, give you a couple of free lap dances, nothing too dirty or extreme, nothing like the private dances, but just enough to make you want more so you will be willing to spend more. It’s a game. You don’t know it’s a game tho, you think this is all real when in reality she is just selling you an illusion, a fantasy, and letting you live on a little borrowed time that you are renting from her.

As you wind down you realize it’s time to leave and get back into your life which is in the real world, a world beyond the doors of the club. You will pay me a visit at the bar to thank me for keeping the drinks going to you and your table all night. You will drop me a tip for all my “troubles” and you head to the exit. You will encounter a few strippers before you get to the doors who will try to convince you to stay but you are determined to leave. The valet has changed guard a few times so you will give your ticket to a new girl, one who you believe is even sexier than the first one you encountered. She arrives in your ride, slowly opens the door where she slowly exposes her long legs and she might, just might, give you your final sneak peek for the night. You tip her too of course, she seats you in your car, helps you with your seatbelt making sure she touches you everywhere you would hope she would, she will give you a peck on the cheek, she will shut your door for you, and away you will drive. Why do they go through all of this for someone departing the club and property? It’s super simple. Now you are already arranging in your head when you will be coming back for your next experience in receiving a mind blowing fantasy.

 

As you drive away you will still be in a haze of a daze. You smell the perfume, the sweat, the scent, and other juices that flowed in the evening from a variety of the strippers you spent time with. Not to worry, this was done on purpose. Your mind will now play the memory game that will be directed by each and everything you can smell. It will become real intense. the further you drive away from the club you are making the decision based on the choices, go home or go back. You continue to drive further away, regretting each mile as you go until you are finally home. What’s waiting for you at home? Your life? You will shower, slowly washing away the scents, you watch the suds go down the drain. At that very moment you begin to realize that it was all real, it wasn’t a dream, but for now it is over. You fall asleep remembering your fresh memories but they are starting to fade already. You may try to dream about your favorite stripper but you are so tired you cannot even concentrate, the night is finally over. When you wake up, maybe to go to work, to go to school, or just going out to run errands, you have a harder time remembering anything from the night before. You really don’t like this feeling so it bums you out most of the day. As each day passes that one night becomes a more distant memory and gets to the point where it fades away altogether. Your next time to the club will also happen based on a trigger, that might be something someone says, a scent you smell, a you see a person who reminds you of a stripper that night or so you will think. The process has the potential to start all over again, then again, and so forth.

 

Now, I realize that this scenario isn’t everyone’s experience. But, I used this approach because it was something I saw every night. It’s called lust. It’s called fantasy. People, in general have neither lust or fantasy in their everyday life, they suffer from a shortage of it and sometime it needs to be fed. There is no definite answer to what the point of a strip club actually may be. I do know this little fact, if there wasn’t a demand for strip clubs then they would crumble into dust and blow away in the winds. While working at a club that comfortably sat 900 patrons and worked that maximum limit every night of the week I can personally say that I think the demand is actually growing. Strip clubs have evolved over the years, they went from being a strip joint to a strip bar to strip clubs to gentlemen’s clubs. They tend to market themselves really well and place themselves in areas which are considered to be safer and cleaner. Yes, I know, not everywhere. And, yes, I know the scenario in this post is not always the case because not every club/bar/joint is the absolute same. It’s a business which thrives on there being a demand for what they supply or provide. Most of the strippers that were there when I was there had 6 figure incomes that they were reporting to the IRS and my job didn’t pay too shabby either. A stripper will sell you a fantasy for a pretty penny and walk away leaving you wanting more. It’s an art. They are some of the best salespeople you will ever meet in your life. Face it, most men and women want to see the opposite (sometimes the same) sex in the buff and are willing to pay for it. In the age of technology that we live in today people want face time for their money.

 

A note for clarification. The pictures used here today were borrowed from the internet through a Google search. The pictures are assumed royalty free and free to use for non-commercial purposes. If there are any questions, comments, or concerns then one can e-mail Scorpion Sting or feel free to leave it all in the comments section below. Now we are done.