The Man Behind Colorblind Eyes

This morning I was doing something I rarely like doing myself because there is always a risk of mistakes being made. Typically I try to never attempt to identify colors unless I have someone close to confirm or deny my observations. However, today I about screwed the pooch because I forget I am one impatient son of a bitch. I sit here now, outside my shop, smoking a few cigarettes, reflecting on my mistake. Mistake? What mistake? Well, let’s start from the beginning, that will probably be the easiest for y’all to follow. The other day I fried (cooked off) the circuit board which controlled the propane release actuators for my pit smoker. Meaning, it developed an electrical short which resulted in catching the electronic starter box to burst into flames. As a result, the controls were literally fried. Since I built it originally I decided to start over and make it again. I had a few ideas that would improve its functions by updating the style if relays and timers being used. I had all the parts, all recycled from other things which have been recently scrapped, such as an old deep fryer and thermostat. I had already removed the steel box from the smoker and gutted everything that was charred, which was absolutely everything.

I was supposed to wait til tonite to have my 12 y/o son help me out because he wanted yo learn how to soder circuit boards and make permenant wire connections. But……………. I am an impatient man. I don’t like waiting. Plus, I needed to test out my new design to see if it will work and function. Then tonight I would let him make me a pretty box. So, that was the plan anyway. The layout took about ten minutes, the assembly took about ten minutes, and soldering took about ten minutes. This is a 12 volt system using a deep cycle marine battery. It also required heavier gauged wire to carry the load but also serves as better insulation against the high heat the assembly is exposed to. Time to test. Ready. Set. Go. Press the button. Nothing happened. Its dead to the world. Then I notice the assembly wasn’t grounded so I grab the wire and attached it to my metal table which is earth grounded outside. Take two. Now leaning on the table to view the operation I push the button once again. Then, instant pain. FUCK THAT HURTS! After I stopped jumping around in pure pain, after I could focus my vision again, after I wiped away my tears, I see I use a live wire to ground it all out resulting in an electrical charge being applied to the metal table which I was meaning on with bare skin. Did I mention how bad that fucking hurts?

After some minor wire changes it was retested and now works flawlessly. Later I will tweak the arrangement a little and let it sit until my son gets home from school. Because now I think I will just sit here. Its nice the tingling has stopped or I may have had problems writing all of this down. Its a nice day too, so maybe I will have a swim in the pond, or maybe just sit here in my old blue rocker where its safe.

How Would You Answer This Question?

I would slowly take my Android phone out of my shirt pocket and place it flat in my hand. I would explain that this device gave me access to infinite knowledge that is gathered from every conceivable place on planet Earth. This device allows someone to access almost every conceivable piece of information known to mankind. If this person doesn’t pass out I would ho on to explain that most people who own this or similar devices only use about 1/2% of its full capabilities because 90% of the time it is used to engage others on social media networks. Then we would do a group selfie so I could put it on Facebook. I think then I would show this person my microwave and HDTV. Might even give the person a tour of the Xbox 360 just to blow his mind.

There are many more modern items I could do show and tell with, but we would probably jump in my H1 to head down to the Marble Slab for a bit of ice cream, which I would use my debit card or PayPal to complete the purchase. While we are our ice cream I would answer (if I could without Googling) all of his questions. I can’t even begin to grasp the questions this person might have. Later I would probably have to introduce him to my margarita machine and afterwards we could soak in the hot tub because I am sure he is going to need a moment or three.

Okay, I wrote this post as a jest because I was emailed that question and it really made me think about the simple conveniences we have in 2014 that they did not have back in the 50’s. In all honesty tho, the first thing I would do is show this person my cell phone. If that won’t blow somebody’s mind as a first taste then nothing would. So, here we are at the end of my blog post and I will ask all of y’all what you could show or tell a person who just appears from the 1950’s? Give it some thought and reply below. As always, thanks for stopping by The Sting Of The Scorpion.